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Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons

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1. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-10-13 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-10-13 Pub. Date: 2017-10-13
Image Number: 164055
Caption: Reading for the upcoming Harvey Weinstein Biopic. Ok, Mr. President, just be yourself. Harvey script.
     
2. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-04-01 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-04-01 Pub. Date: 2017-04-01
Image Number: 156638
Caption: A Reminder to All Who Think Baseball Can Only be Played by Millionaires. You can Actually Play Baseball Yourself With Some Friends. It's Quite a Lot of Fun.
     
3. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-25 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 156369
Caption: Form 1040. Department of the Treasury. Internal Revenue Service. U.S. Individual Income Tax Return. 2016. OMB No. 1545-0074. IRS Use only - Keep your greasy fingers off this space. For the year Jan. 1 - Dec. 31, 2016 (And thank God THAT's over!). 2016 ending. 20. See separate instructions. Your Name (Phonetic Spelling). Your Name Used on Dating Service (Attach Recent Photograph). Your Social Security Number. Your gang or mob name (Ex: Louise Pepperoniface, etc) Your Travel Name (Do Not Use Mohammed). Your Other Social Security Number. Address of Your House Before Foreclosure. Crappy apt. you moved to. Bass Ale! How about a cold one right now? (adv.) City, State or Exit from Jersey Turnpike (if you have foreign address, go there and wait for instructions.) Presidential Election Campaign. Checking Here Will Not Make a Damn Bit of Difference. You. Whatshername. Instructions: Drop Dead. Except for Canada, Canada still OK. Eh? Filing Status. Or Fling Status. (It is later than you think.) 1. Single (in the Republican sense of the word). 2. Married Filing Jointly (include all arguments). 3. Married Filing Separately (include sex of partner if you remember). 4. Head of Household (are you the person who sits with head in hands and wonders how you are going to feed all these mistakes, er dependents?) Enter names of dependents. Write small. 5. Qualifying widower. Enter golf handicap. Exemptions. See Publication EXX "Exemption to Exemptions to Exemptions". If more than four exemptions, or if some exemptions have four legs check here. 6a. Yourself. (That's right, you, stupid. If you are not yourself, who did you claim to be?). b. Spouse (or anyone who thinks they should be) (That's a funny word. "spouse") c. Dependents: 1 First name. Nom de plume or AKAs. Phonetic Social Security Number. Last known address? Does this dependent follow instructions? (See instructions). Boxes checked. No. of children who had live-in girlfriends/boyfriends. Had their divorced spouses living with you. You asked to leave but they had no place to go. Add numbers on lines above. (OK to use fingers). d. Total number of exemptions claimed (Round up to nearest 3/5's). Income. Attach forms here. Attach a couple of Andy J's while you're at it, to speed processing. Your ad here! Read by millions! Contact IRS Media. Helpful Hint. We are not going to give you any helpful hints. 7 Wages, salaries, tips, bottle deposits, bribes, free lunches, coins found in couch cushions. 8a Taxable interest. Attach Schedule B. If you don't understand, go to plan B. b. Tax-exempt interest. Much more interesting, isn't it? 9a Ordinary dividends. Nothing special, just Joe the Dividend. b Qualified dividends. Big Whoop. Trump's Rich Friends. 10. Taxable Refunds. Bank error in your favor. Pass GO, collect 200. 11. Alimony received (if that bum ever paid up). 12. Business Income or (loss). Use Schedule EZ come, EZ go. 13. Capital gain of (loss). Include your share of the national debt. 14. Other gains or (losses). Check box if you are just making stuff up. 15a. IRA distributions. b. Amount you had with Lehman. 16a. Pensions and annuities. b Amount with State of Illinois. 17. Rental real estate, royalties, partnerships (Use Schedule X to report missing partner). 18. Farm Income or (loss), Attach Schedule F (Do not include the funny farm). 19. Unemployment compensation (Amazing isn't it? You get taxed on this, too). 20a. Social Security benefits b. Taxable amount. 21. Other Income. (Bake sales, washing cars, baby-sitting, bingo games, don't hide anything). 22. This is your total income. Unless you are General Electric. If so write zero. Adjusted Gross Income. Remember you can file this form electronically, using your computer, and really mess things up. 23 Educator expenses (Spankings, noogies, butt-kicking). 24 Certain business expenses that you as a mere nobody have no business knowing about. Just keep moving. 25 Health savings account deduction. (May make you sick.) 26 Moving expenses. (See instructions). 27 Instruction tax. 28 Self-employment tax. 29 Self-enjoyment tax. 30 Penalty for early withdrawal (One-half of self-enjoyment tax). 31a Alimony paid. Rat out spouse's SSAN. 32 USSR tax (Useless Social Security Recipients). 33 Student loan interest (Do not include English majors). 34 Lack of interest in being a student. 35. Add up lines one to a million, divide by twice the total sum of your weight in Chinese running shoes. If greater than one-half of total something, go forth and multiply. 36. This is your adjusted gross income (Adjusted? We mean disgusted.) Now we can go to page two, tra-la. Last thought: Any money or thing of worth laying around? Better send it in. Just in case. Hey, you never know. Cat. No. 11320B. Form 1040 (2016).
     
4. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-06-28 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-06-28 Pub. Date: 2016-06-28
Image Number: 146010
Caption: With Justice Scalia in Hell. Daily Cinder Damnation Information. Cinder. Supremes Block Texas Abortion Law. Look at that! I'm not gone six months and they've already screwed things up. You should have taken better care you yourself.
     
5. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-02-09 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-02-09 Pub. Date: 2016-02-09
Image Number: 139113
Caption: Bill is Doin' His Best in South Carolina. Suth Ca'linuh. Now remember, Mr. Clinton is a real true feminist Yes, mama. Ah won't fergit Howdy there, mister. Well, howdy there, yourself, sweet thang. Want t'meet the ol' lady, I mean the next president of the United States?
     
6. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-05-25 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-05-25 Pub. Date: 2015-05-25
Image Number: 128858
Caption: Defense Secretary Ashton Carter (No Military Experience Himself) Yells at the Iraqis. Get up and fight, you cowards! Have you lost the will to get yourselves killed? Don't they know this is an election year?
     
7. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-05-03 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-05-03 Pub. Date: 2015-05-03
Image Number: 127346
Caption: Everyone So Excited about New Royal Baby. Naturally we have her down for the best schools and we'll be especially sure that she gets the best care ... Nothing is too good for her. As a parent yourself you must understand.
     
8. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-05-03 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-05-03 Pub. Date: 2015-05-03
Image Number: 128848
Caption: Everyone So Excited About New Royal Baby. Naturally we have her down for the best schools and we'll be especially sure that she gets the best care nothing is too good for her. As a parent yourself you must understand
     
9. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-01-22 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-01-22 Pub. Date: 2015-01-22
Image Number: 122628
Caption: Koch brothers explain to Senator Cruz what money is for. And your job is to be so crazy and cruel that you make other candidates acceptable. Just be yourself.
     
10. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-09-05 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-09-05 Pub. Date: 2014-09-05
Image Number: 116341
Caption: France Won't Deliver Carrier They Are Building for Russia. Oh la la, m'sieuer le Putin, You 'ave been a bad boy, and so m'sieur, you cannot 'ave thees boat to play weeth So you must just play weeth yourself RF. Mister Bubble.
     
11. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-11-18 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-11-18 Pub. Date: 2013-11-18
Image Number: 104195
Caption: The Annotated Cheney Family Thanksgiving 2013. Heather Poe, also known as the one responsible for all this mess who beguiled Mary Cheney into a life of sin and depredation (in some states) recently revealed to be related distantly to whatshisname Edgar Allen and possibly a black cat.* Lynn Cheney (the mother) seen here preparing the dinner. Known for political opinions to the right of Eva Braun, but now really too old to care any more. Liz Cheney, candidate for the US Senate under the misguided notion that the people in Wyoming are stupid and not paying attention. She has told them forty thousand times that she is a Wyoming person who sleeps with her horse. But they think she is from Washington D.C. because she is. I (heart) Wyoming. Vote for another CHENEY or go ______ yourself. Dick Cheney, federally insured heart patient, seen here self-medicating with his secret wife Scooter Libby. George W. Bush, former vice-president of the United States (correction - President of the United States) (well, you know) and family friend, invited for dinner, but restricted to pretzels, and silence. Mary Cheney, a happily married (she says) woman who seems bent on running her sister's campaign for the US Senate. *for the love of God, Montressor!
     
12. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-06-09 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-06-09 Pub. Date: 2013-06-09
Image Number: 98095
Caption: USPS. A Message from the Post Office. If you send an email or make a phone call, the government knows it. The CIA knows it. The NSA knows it. The Department of Defense knows it. The FBI knows it. They share the information with other government agencies ... Even Federal Express and DHL and UPS keep records of where their letters are sent. On the other hand ... ... If you send a first class letter ... Nobody knows anything. You can keep it or copy it or destroy it yourself. In complete privacy. So ... That'll be forty-six cents, please.
     
13. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-01-03 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-01-03 Pub. Date: 2013-01-03
Image Number: 91918
Caption: Putin invites Gerard Depardieu to move to Russia just in time for Orthodox Christmas. Now ... you orphans should be ashamed of yourselves. The great Depardieu wants to move here and you, you ungrateful brats, want to leave? Liberte Egalite Moi!
     
14. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-11-25 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-11-25 Pub. Date: 2012-11-25
Image Number: 90494
Caption: Students Saving Money by Taking More Courses Online. What! You think you can learn all by yourselves? What about the rich traditions of academia? Titles and degrees and funny hats? What about my book which I wrote especially for my class for everyone to buy? What about deans and chancellors and presidents and departments and trustees and tenure and sabbaticals and research grants and graduate assistants? What about football and cheerleading and fraternities and sororities and spring vacations and semesters abroad and getting drunk and acting stupid and changing majors and avoiding life? What about debt? What kind of Americans are you?
     
15. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-09-18 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-09-18 Pub. Date: 2012-09-18
Image Number: 87679
Caption: Naughty Magazines Smuggled into the UK form France and Italy. Well, I don't know wot anyone expects, Christ, the French, and the Eye-talians! Completely degenerate. Not like us. Oooh Stop hoggin' that repulsive disgusting publication. Say no more. I blame the government. Oi! Closer. So that's Wills there, issit? On the right? Can we have a look back here? I wonder wot my mum would say ... No you can't! My god! We have to protect women from yourselfs!
     
16. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-08-06 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-08-06 Pub. Date: 2012-08-06
Image Number: 85513
Caption: Dirty harry Reid. Mitt paid no taxes. I know what you're thinkin' You're wonderin' if I really got an informant who has seen your taxes. To tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I've kinda lost track myself So, you gotta ask yourself, do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?
     
17. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-06-20 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-06-20 Pub. Date: 2012-06-20
Image Number: 82818
Caption: In debate practice, John Kerry Plays the Part of Mitt Romney. Think of yourself as a rich, slightly phony, good-looking guy fired by blind ambition with a history of political failure.
     
18. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-01-25 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-01-25 Pub. Date: 2012-01-25
Image Number: 75898
Caption: Predictions from Your Financial Cable Station. We're back! I'm Fluffy Hairdew talking to Les Bushwah of Wall Street. Good to be here. Les, as we look forward to 212, how can our viewers make tons of money simply by picking up clues from just watching tv? Well, Fluffy, that should be easy. A piece of cake. Great! Sure, see the trick in making money in Wall Street is to buy at a low price and then later ... when the price goes up you sell it and keep the difference. Wow, Les, that is just amazing. So, to re-cap, the thing is to buy at a lower price than you finally sell it for. You catch on quick. Hee-hee. That's why I'm on financial television! Among other reasons. Ha-ha! Well, you're sweet. But to review for our viewers, they want to buy low and then sell after the stock goes up. Exactly! And what should they do if the stock doesn't go up ... What? Well, that's all we have time for ... I want to thank my guest ... Well, you can shoot yourself. You can jump out the window ... Look! Wow. Yes!
     
19. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2010-07-13 yourself 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2010-07-13 Pub. Date: 2010-07-13
Image Number: 50491
Caption: Having Trouble Getting a Call Through with Your New IPHONE 4? Well, you can try holding it out in front of you with two fingers. Hello, ma? Or holding it over your head with your hand on your heart. Ma! Can you hear me? Or holding it near and open window. Can you hear me now? Of holding it over your heart with your hand over your head. How about now? Or wrapping it in duct tape. Wait a minutes, ma ... Or wrapping yourself in duct tape ... Hello? Or, if all else fails, and the call absolutely has to get there ... Ma? It's me. You need anything? Milk, butter, eggs? Telephone. Watson! Come here, I want you. AGB.
     
Result page:     (19 images)