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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-13 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160919
Caption: Hi momma … What do you mean you've been deported? … Yes, yes, I do know about your love for bean pie. What's that have to do with … Really? ICE raided Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack? … But why would they think you weren't a citizen? … So what if you didn't have ID! This is Ameri -- They did what? They asked you questions to make you prove you're a citizen? ... What questions? ... I see. Listen, momma, when armed goons handcuff you and demand that you tell them who the president it, I don't care what your politics are, you don't answer "Donald Duck." ... Yes, momma, I do see the similarities. But the time for political satire is before they come for you. Not during. Yes, I am flossing regular -- Momma, let me call a lawyer -- Yes, I know, but Cousin Pookie is a divorce attorney. No, it's not the same --
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-29 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-29 Pub. Date: 2017-07-29
Image Number: 160762
Caption: Hello, you've reached Concast Cable's reconnection department. To answer your question, yes, we can reconnect the tv service you canceled for an additional $85/month. What are you talking about? I didn't ask you any questions. And you called me. Yes, we can be there tomorrow between 8-5. You people are getting desperate. Do not lean on door.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-26 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-26 Pub. Date: 2017-07-26
Image Number: 160759
Caption: Wait … did you say someone is bullying my song? Yeh, but I took care of that while you was gone. I taught little bruh to man up an' overcome it exactly the way you did back when we was kids an' a bully was clownin' you. You taught him to stand toe-to-toe with the bully, look him in the eye, and deliver a stirring speech that won his respect? What? That ain't even close to what happened. Well that's how I remember it. You also 'member Sinbad playing a genie ins some '90s movie, but that ain't never happened neither. Yes it did!!!
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-19 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-19 Pub. Date: 2017-07-19
Image Number: 160503
Caption: So … what do your lovers call you? Lover. He calls me "Vancouver." I call him "Candorville." He's so cute. And so hot. He's sensitive, and confident, and charming. And vulnerable, like a wounded condor. No man's ever gotten me like he does. Oh, gosh. Look at me. I've been talking about Lemont all night. Check? Susan? It's Lemont. Oh, fine. You? ... Oh, that's good. Listen, I just accused Vancouver of cheating on me, and confronted her with the video you sent me. Didn't you say you watched the video? ... No? ... Oh. ... You sure? ... Oh. ... Yes, of course I watched it first. I'm not a complete idiot.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-30 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-30 Pub. Date: 2017-06-30
Image Number: 159712
Caption: Meanwhile, in Candorville … " … and the aria turned, smiled sweetly, and stepped off the cliff." The Last Book Store. Meet the author! Thank you, thank you so much. Any questions. I've got a question, miss. Lysurgus Cup. The Willow Chronicles. Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Wow! Clap! Clap clap clap. How hungry are you? I knew a French place around the corner. Wanna get out of here? Yes. I mean NO. I mean, I'm working here. And I've got a man. Lemont. And I AM hungry though. And no! I'll be outside on the Harley.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-27 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-27 Pub. Date: 2017-06-27
Image Number: 159709
Caption: That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-08 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-08 Pub. Date: 2017-06-08
Image Number: 158828
Caption: Sir, we're not going to be flying over the North Pole. But isn't that the fastest way to Russia? Yes, but as you may know, the North Pole is a totalitarian dictatorship embroiled in a bloody civil war between state forces and elfin rebels. I don't follow the news. Anyway, my ticket says we transfer to a connecting flight there. Didn't you guys already know about this war? That's not why we're avoiding it. Santa International just melted. @#$% global warming.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-13 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-13 Pub. Date: 2017-05-13
Image Number: 157812
Caption: That's your tenth cup of coffee, Susan. Maybe you should slow down. Or at least use decaf. Did you know that too much coffee causes insomnia, increased heart rate, anxiety, puking … I'm just looking out for you, Ms. Garcia. Susan. You think I'm hogging all the coffee. No, of course not ... Yes, I do. I do think that.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-08 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-08 Pub. Date: 2017-04-08
Image Number: 156470
Caption: It's been two years. I still can't believe Jon Stewart quit "The Daily Show." Why not? Ain't you never quit no job? Yes … wait, no. Wait, that's a double negative. Maybe even a triple. I don’t know how to answer that. You open your mouth an let wind come out. For an intelligent dude there an awful lot you ain't be knowin'.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-16 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-16 Pub. Date: 2017-02-16
Image Number: 154535
Caption: You'we gwounded, daddy. Why? You thed a cuth wowd. I did not say a cuss word. Yeth you did! You thed censored I can't believe I owe five censored thouthand dollarth! What did daddy tell you about listening at his door when He's doing his taxes? You're grounded.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-07 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-07 Pub. Date: 2017-01-07
Image Number: 152860
Caption: Hello, wrong number, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Yes, I am absolutely sure I'm not the person you're trying to call. Feel free to call back a third time just in case I've realized I actually AM the person I'm not. Beep.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-27 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-27 Pub. Date: 2016-12-27
Image Number: 152625
Caption: No, momma, I don't think you should get a reverse mortgage. Why? Well, you know Steve Mnuchin, the guy Donald Trump appointed Treasury Secretary? The bank he ran used to convince old people to get reverse mortgages, then they foreclosed on a lot of those houses for the tiniest of reasons. They foreclosed on one home for an unpaid bill of 27 cents. Yes, I know Magnum P.I. said it's not a scam to steal your house. But if they have to SAY that ... (Sigh) ... Yes, momma, I know how you love Magnum P.I.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-27 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-27 Pub. Date: 2016-11-27
Image Number: 150904
Caption: I want you back. I'm nothing without you. I'm miserable, baby. I can't work. I can't sleep. I've been binge eating. I've been so depressed, I haven't brushed my teeth in months. I've put on eighty pounds. I got three cavities. I've developed sleep apnea. My foot tingles all the time, so I may have caught the diabetes. My life is horrible, just horrible! Yes. Yes, that is my best pitch. That's how horrible my life has become without you!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-29 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-29 Pub. Date: 2016-08-29
Image Number: 147919
Caption: Clyde, have you seen the trailer for that new Eddie Murphy movie? Yes, "Magical Negro." I seen it. It's not called "Magical Negro." You mean it ain't about a black character whose only purpose is to use his special insight to aid white characters? It's a true story. So that's different. And it's called "Mr. Church." C-Dog call a movie what it should be called. Wanna go see "Mr. Church" with me? I'd rather go see "Watch Margot Robbie in Hot Pants for Two Hours" again.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-17 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-17 Pub. Date: 2016-08-17
Image Number: 147387
Caption: Hi, momma, how are you? I need to go overseas for a week. Wanna watch your grandson? Oh a cruise? Who with? Aunt Alta Faye? Aunt Laverne? Aunt Julie? Please tell me "the mailman" is a long-lost aunt. Is it possible when I person says, "I'm packing 50 Shades of Gray," she's talking about hats? ... Please say yes.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-05 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-05 Pub. Date: 2016-07-05
Image Number: 145503
Caption: Dick? I want you to send Mr. Fitzhugh a ficus plant for his birthday. What do you mean am I sure that's a good idea? Look, Dick Fink, you're my assistant. Every single time I ask you to do something, you ask if I'm "sure that's a good idea." Enough. That doesn't assist me. Yes, I'm sure it doesn't assist m - just order the stupid plant! Ok ... if you're sure.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-03 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-03 Pub. Date: 2016-07-03
Image Number: 144620
Caption: Whutsis? This is your wake-up call. I know you dreamt of this era ever since you were six, but, let's face it: You're tired of superhero movies. Saywhat now? Your inner child was thrilled, but now he's bored. It's like Disneyland. Asdghmplp. Yes. Remember when you were six ... remember how excited you were at Disneyland at 8am, but howl by 10pm the sight of someone in a Mickey Mouse costume made you feel homicidal? Admit it: If you see one more person in a colorful muscly costume running and jumping, your popcorn is going to taste like misery and tears. Never!!! I'll never tire of zzzzzzzz.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-22 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-22 Pub. Date: 2016-04-22
Image Number: 142116
Caption: Hi, this is Lemont Brown. I'm looking for a good preschool for my son, and you come highly recommended. Yes, he interacts "well" with other kids Yes, he "follows" directions Yes, he's potty "trained." What do you mean you're rejecting my son? Seriously? How could you tell I was using air quotes over the phone? ... Hello? Do not lean on door.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-12 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-12 Pub. Date: 2016-03-12
Image Number: 140183
Caption: Yes it's small, and yes it may smell of tuna but it's a great investment property. I've already got it booked solid the entire month of April on AIRBnB. This end.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-29 yes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-29 Pub. Date: 2016-02-29
Image Number: 139624
Caption: Goodnight, son. I hafta poop. Are you telling daddy the truth? Yeth. That's the third time you've told me that tonight. And every time, you don't poop. You just sit there and ask me to bring you toys. You're stalling for time, son. I'm on to you. Have you ever heard of "The Boy Who Cried Poop"? I hafta poop.
     
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