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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-03 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-03 Pub. Date: 2017-10-03
Image Number: 163383
Caption: Why do they call it the "chickenpox," Sadie? Funny you should ask, cretin. The year was 1767. Great-great-great-great-grandmother Sadie discovered that smallpox and the "varicella-zoset virus" were not related after all. But as usual, her nemesis, Dr. Heberden, pilfered her research and claimed credit. That's when old Sadie shoved him head-first into his Christmas chicken's rear-end, and the rest was history. The history books leave everything out. Guess where cranberry sauce came from?!
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-01 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-01 Pub. Date: 2017-10-01
Image Number: 162744
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident surly lass answers actual reader questions sent to rudy@rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My husband forgot my birthday. There was no cake, no trip, no party, no nice little gift, no card, no "happy birthday" whispered in my ear … NOTHING. How do I let him know how deeply that hurt me? - Hurt in Harford. Excellent question. It reminds me of the time I hunted down a wild boar in the Serengeti in 1951. Decades earlier, when I was but a young lass, nobody remembered my birthday, or so I thought. that night, dear old Grandmother Cohen surprised me with a loaf of bread topped with a flaming licorice stick. Just as I blew out the licorice, it happened: A young wild boar came out of nowhere, darted across our shack, grabbed my loaf in its slobbery may and escaped into the dark, stormy night. I tracked that boar for twenty years across seven continents before I finally caught him. Speaking of which, it's time for my daily ham sandwich. Anyway, what were we talking about? Ask Sadie, baby!
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-25 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-25 Pub. Date: 2017-09-25
Image Number: 163103
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Hillary Clinton's book, "What Happened." It reminds me of the very first political memoir I ever read. The year was 1921. Warren G. Harding had just pantsed the Democrat James M. Cox. After emerging form the woods, loser Cox was ready to reflect. He traveled by donkey from town to town to hawk his book: "That Which Occurred." When she's gone, all these little details will be lost to history. This is almost as good as her show about Grover Cleveland's third nipple.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-19 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-19 Pub. Date: 2017-09-19
Image Number: 162861
Caption: Armstrong, did you know that the Milky Way and Adromeda galaxies may already be colliding, billions of years early? A ginormous field of ionized hydrogen that gives birth to stars surrounds each galaxy like a halo. Andromeda's halo may have already caught up to ours. Ah, but of course. Andromeda has drawn first blood with a pre-emptive hostile takeover bid. Reminds me of that time I took over little Alice Chang's lemonade stand while she was napping. Very bad man.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-18 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-18 Pub. Date: 2017-09-18
Image Number: 162860
Caption: I'm panicking. You know how the Andromeda galaxy is supposed to collide with our Milky Way in billions of years? What are you talking about, little buddy? I just learned that there's an awful lot of ionized hydrogen from Andromeda's halo that's already touching the ionized hydrogen from our galaxy's halo. I'm not following. It's like when you're in your 30s and your hand brushes against a girl's had for the very first time. HOJ. I see. Why didn't you just say ... wait ... your thirties? ... and you panic because you're still years away from being ready.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-14 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-14 Pub. Date: 2017-09-14
Image Number: 162612
Caption: Rudy, I'm thinking of replacing you with Gunther the illegal immigrant. What?! Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. Relax. I haven't yet made up my mind. I'll give you a chance to underbid him. Gunther says he'll work for $1 a day, from 3am to 11pm. Can you beat that? Yeah. I can turn you in. Tsk tsk ... Gunther would never say something like that.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-10 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-10 Pub. Date: 2017-09-10
Image Number: 161928
Caption: My uncle keeps sending me crazy, paranoid conspiracy theories he hears on Youtube. Dr. Noodle. It all started a few years ago when he sent me an email about how the victims of the Hindenburg crash were all crisis actors. These same victims died on the Titanic! He wrote. Then he told me President Obama was setting up Femur Camps, where he'd be letting the Illuminati harvest our femur bones for voodoo incantations to turn all our frogs into insomniacs. When I asked him why on earth would anyone want to do that? he said I had been brainwashed by the cabal that runs both the fake news and the pepperoni industries. So I replied why would they waste their time brainwashing me? What would they gain from that? Does your uncle have a hobby? Get him to refer uncle!!! $$$$$$$ ... because it's possible that you're his hobby. He said they've brainwashed me into thinking there's nothing to gain from brainwashing me.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-09 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-09 Pub. Date: 2017-09-09
Image Number: 162353
Caption: Forgive me. I have sinned. It's been four years since last I was here. Since then, I've been … doing something. I knew it was wrong, but it was so easy. And no one could possibly know, so … I did it. And I did it without regard to the lives I would ruin. You could always start buying stuff in stores again, instead of online. Couldn't I just tweet two hail Jobses instead. Computer Villa. Customer Service.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-06 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-06 Pub. Date: 2017-09-06
Image Number: 162350
Caption: Sadie, you might be able to settle a scientific question. You can not get under my skin, loser. They just cut down a huge Redwood tree. It's got 3,200 rings in it. I'm not even listening. Is it true every ring represents a year? You must know, since you were around when that tree was born. Hey everyone, she says it's true. When I'm don with my meatloaf, let's find out how old you are. Munch mun -
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-04 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-04 Pub. Date: 2017-09-04
Image Number: 162348
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Hurricanes. We just suffered through the first "once-every-500-years" hurricane since the last "once-every-500-years" hurricane that happened just 12 years ago. My heart goes out to everyone who lost someone or something. And it also goes out to hurricanes like Harvey and Katrina, because this means war. Mother nature picked on the wrong species. Not sure who's worse: Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un, or Sadie Cohen. Wait ... she has a heart?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-03 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-03 Pub. Date: 2017-09-03
Image Number: 161653
Caption: The mummified remains of about 40 Buddhist monks were discovered in China, Mongolia and India. All the mummies were found sitting in the lotus position. Many believe that these monks sat so still, meditated for so long, and slowed their heart rates and body functions so much that they became mummified alive ... and they believe that whether those mummies are 200, 600, or 1,000 years old ... they're still alive. Where'd you hear all that? "Strange Mysteries." It's a Youtube channel. I wrote to them to suggest they do a show on whether playing Xbox for five hours a night is the same things as meditating. I'd hate to accidentally mummify myself. You have been looking a little ashy lately.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-30 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-30 Pub. Date: 2017-08-30
Image Number: 162101
Caption: No, I've never sued anyone for libel or slander. In my day, we did it the old-fashioned way. How's that? The year was 1950. Ethel Koch accused me of rummaging through her purse. I ruined my reputation, and I as banned from the ladies club. I responded as any lady would do at the time. I told McCarthy she was a Commie and he hounded her for five years. Had you gone through her purse? That's beside the point.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-22 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-22 Pub. Date: 2017-08-22
Image Number: 161807
Caption: Charlottesville changed everything, Randy. How so, little buddy? It's totally changed how I argue with people online. For the last few years, insults like "beta" and "cuck" and "SJW" and "virtue-signaller" were trending, so I used them all the time. But I just read that racists just like those who rallied in Charlottesville are the ones who invented those terms to control discourse and make opposing bigotry seem lame. It's going to be a lot harder to win debates without making cogent arguments if I can't use those terms anymore. We all have to make sacrifices.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-20 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-20 Pub. Date: 2017-08-20
Image Number: 161181
Caption: Get outta here I'm busy! Got outta here I'm busy! Open Mike Night Presents Kids 3-5. Watch what you want! Watch what you want! Got my glock, an' my dollars, got my glock and' my dollars! A got seven baby mamas, I got seven baby mamas! All them (censored) on my (censored). All them (censored) on my (censored). Okay, thank you! Lots of talent here tonight, so let's keep it moving. And parents, pay attention to what your three-year-olds are watching. Okay, who's next?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-17 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161546
Caption: A few years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie Show, our resident octogenarian* asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. *(give or take a decade). Dear Sadie, You could try taking a trip to the Sahara Desert. Not only would it be an adventure, but you'd be the perfect person to catalog all the changes it's undergone. After all, you're probably the last person alive who remembers it when it was still a lush, ancient swamp. Happy Crisis, Anderson W. Stockton, CA. If you'd like, I could show you what it felt like when the tectonic plates collided. Advise Sadie at asksadieshow@gmail.com
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-12 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-12 Pub. Date: 2017-08-12
Image Number: 161302
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? Global warming. Stop yer snivelling! You should be grateful! But … No more pretending not to hate your friend's ugly cardigan sweaters. No more lumbago or arthritis acting up every time there's a cold spell. We could walk around in the buff year-round and still be toasty. The benefits are endless! But it's so hot! HOJ.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-11 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-11 Pub. Date: 2017-08-11
Image Number: 161301
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? The White House just fired me, and … Excellent question. It reminds me of the year 1950. I was baby-sitting some little snot-nosed four-year-old in Queens, NY. The little orange-haired tyke was pretending his teddy bear, "Rosebud," was his employee. After a while, he got bored and asked me if Rosebud would cry if he stopped playing with him. I said "Who cares?! He's just a toy! He has not feelings! When you're bored of him, just fire him! You don't owe him any loyalty!" I accept no responsibility for anything that may or may not have stemmed from that! Wait ... What? Back up ...
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-02 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-02 Pub. Date: 2017-08-02
Image Number: 161038
Caption: I'd like to announce the debut of my new manual: "Randy's Guide for Raising an Alpha Child." I'd like to, but I can't. You see, in recent years we've replaced concrete and dirt playgrounds with bouncy rubber. And we've started arresting parents who let their kids explore the world by playing outside on their own. Somehow, it's become illegal to raise an alpha child.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-31 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-31 Pub. Date: 2017-07-31
Image Number: 161036
Caption: Hey boss, it's July 31st. A couple years ago, you said come back July 31, 2017, and we could talk about you giving me a raise. Yes, but that was predicated on the notion that you'd need a raise by now. I see you're still alive. Clearly you haven't starved to death. You smell minty-fresh, so clearly you haven't been forced out into the streets. Karl Marx said it best: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm pretty sure that is not what Marx meant.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-30 year 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-30 Pub. Date: 2017-07-30
Image Number: 160373
Caption: When mom got sick this day lat year, we knew it weren't the flu. Open Mike Night presents MAGA man. We were just glad that we were here: The land of red … white … blue. Where soon she'd be just right as rain, 'cause we were votin' Trump. Make America Great Again. We knew that soon, there'd be no pain, 'cause 'bamacare'd be dumped. We found out what it was. Cancer ... but guess what, folks, she's fine. I knew Trumpcare would be the answer. "MAGA!" ... he weren't lyin'. I'd like to thank Mr. Trump, the Republican part an' nottobama for saving my momma. Dude ... you still have Obamacare. Obamacare saved your momma. Yeah, right. That's fake news, MAGA! Make it stop.
     
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