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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-20 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-20 Pub. Date: 2020-01-20
Image Number: 181364
Caption: In 2003, the White House had spent an entire year cherry-picking intelligence and lying to get their war. After 17 years of continuous war, all it takes to start a war is a president saying believe me. Yeh, but the President changed his mind about It, right? So it's all good. The bar being lowered this much is not all good. you still talking?
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-10 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-10 Pub. Date: 2020-01-10
Image Number: 181116
Caption: We might not be able to travel to other stars ever, Susan. Because of what Anton Petrov calls the wall of fire. What's that? A year ago, Voyager II left our solar system, passing out of the heliosphere, which is a bubble made of plasma that encases the whole solar system. Voyager II discovered the plasma gets up around 89,000 degrees ... Yeah, but ... is that Fahrenheit or Celsius? Interstellar colonists will need a lot of sunscreen.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-07 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-07 Pub. Date: 2020-01-07
Image Number: 181113
Caption: Governor Newsom sure came down on you for that article you wrote about Mayor Pete's fancy wine cave fundraisers. Yeah. He said There are literally hundreds of Democrats that have been in that same cave … which was a good point. So I wrote a new article called When everyone is corrupt, then no one is corrupt. Hate the game, not the player, Lemont. Aphorisms are just 2% less lazy than memes, Susan. I hit dog will holler. Stop that.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-21 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-21 Pub. Date: 2019-12-21
Image Number: 180860
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. Yeah, how come you haven't said Merry Christmas yet? Oh, that's because I was hoping to provoke everyone who's upset about the so-called War on Christmas to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don't think Christmas is just another chance to play victim can open their gifts in peace. You're welcome, America. Why haven't you played Jingle Bells yet?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-12 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-12 Pub. Date: 2019-12-12
Image Number: 180768
Caption: 1982. What do you want to be when you grow up, Lemont? I want to be a factory worker. Then I could wear overalls and join a union and live in a big house in a small town and win the heart of a pretty girl. Papa says I'm a pretty girl. Yeah, but your dad's not rich and snobby and he'd probably approve of me. Life doesn't have to be like the movies. I just think it'd be cool to be the boy from the wrong side of the tracks to someone.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-02 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-02 Pub. Date: 2019-12-02
Image Number: 180641
Caption: You remember when Generation X was a big deal, Susan? Good times. Yeah. We had a good run. From break dancing all the way through the Macarena. What are you getting at? The Macarena, Susan. It ended the reign of our entire generation. In one fell swoop, we descended into irrelevance ... and we deserved to. If you want me to stop doing it at parties, just come out and say so.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-01 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-01 Pub. Date: 2019-12-01
Image Number: 180584
Caption: I saw that article you wrote about how California should do a public takeover of that PG&E utility company … just because they seem to keep starting massive wildfires. And to stop that they keep turning off power for millions of people. Yeah. The state's publicly-owned utilities like SMUD and Silicon Valley Power don't seem to get themselves into these predicaments. Maybe that's because they don't spend their money on lobbyists, fancy dinners, huge salaries, or dividend payments. Yeah, but Venezuela. Um ... What? That's the universally recognized trump card for any conversation. So declared by the International Association of Weaselly Arguments. I don't recognize their authority. Venezuela.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-08 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-08 Pub. Date: 2019-11-08
Image Number: 180282
Caption: Even after all these years, Momma still won't tell me who my father is. All I know is, she met him when she was a waitress at a casino in Vegans, back in the seventies. I feel like she owes it to me to tell me. Your mom gave you life, raised you all by herself, worked from sunup to sundown to give you everything you needed ... Yeah, she really does owe you something. Glad you agree.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-18 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-18 Pub. Date: 2019-10-18
Image Number: 179918
Caption: What do you mean We should never try to contact aliens? You used to be all for that sort of thing. Yeah, but … you know that UFO the Pentagon admitted was spotted by the USS Nimitz? The one that darted off at unimaginable speeds and angles when our jets tried to intercept it? Joe Rogan interviewed the pilot. One of the viewers in the comments wrote This is exactly how a cat would describe the red dot. You can't let some random internet guy's post change your whole worldview, Lemont. Mister Fusion seems very wise.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-10 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-10 Pub. Date: 2019-10-10
Image Number: 179807
Caption: Lately I've been thinking about quitting the agency and starting a Folklorico dance group. Say what? Remember how much I loved being in Ensables Ballet Folklorico back in college? Yeah. I was really good at it, too. And I don't think I've ever felt as happy as I did on stage. Maybe this is just your midlife crisis talking. Mumblety - three is NOT midlife anymore!!! If you say so.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-07 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-07 Pub. Date: 2019-10-07
Image Number: 179804
Caption: I read your article about how the POTUS was caught extorting Ukraine to dig up dirt on his political rival. He did not! And he did, but so what? It's not a crime! And it's a crime, but so what? And everyone does it! And no they don't, but so what? Historically speaking, when half a country gets trained to say But so what? to everything ... That never ends well. Yeah ... but so what?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-25 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-25 Pub. Date: 2019-08-25
Image Number: 179092
Caption: How was your day, Lemont? Horrible. I gave a speech to a high school assembly about the importance of journalism. Halfway through, I realized almost nobody was paying attention. They were all staring at their laps. Turns out most of them were on their phones. Square drones, yeah ... weird/ Seriously? Were you on your phone just now? Of course not. I don't know what you mean by Were you on your phone just now. How about a web search for it?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-11 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-11 Pub. Date: 2019-08-11
Image Number: 178906
Caption: I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. How so I know you're you? Today's special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. Pardon? The real Uncle Mort always orders espresso. But a month ago, just for laughs, I took a picture of him with Faceapp, that app that show what you'll look like decades older. Then we discovered the app's fine print says you're granting the Russians who made it permission to use your photos for any reason. How do I know you're not a Russian spy surgically altered to look like Uncle Mort? (Words indicating Russian language). I mean, Don't be paranoid. Yeah ... Yeah I guess you're right.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-21 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-21 Pub. Date: 2019-07-21
Image Number: 178558
Caption: Did you know the New Yorker posts all its memees on Twitter and on its site? Memes? Yeah, you know, memes. Where they take an image and put a caption over it. The combination of image and caption makes it funny. My generation invented meme culture. I think you're describing cartoons. The other day, I came across a video of Harvard professor Cornell West dancing with his students. HOJ. He was really good at it. It was cute watching a Boomer try to co-opt my generation's movement culture. I do with the New Yorker and Cornell West would bne more original, though. Millennials are an interesting bunch. Was that snark, Boomer? Keep that up and I'll make sure you get ratioed on Twitter.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-16 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-16 Pub. Date: 2019-06-16
Image Number: 178092
Caption: Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are all confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout, they're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions. Those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't so bad. Just tell them you were being sarcastic. Ok. Oh no! Now they're saying I'm being defensive and must have something to hide! Say the media took you our of context. Ok. Oh no!
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-10 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-10 Pub. Date: 2019-06-10
Image Number: 178020
Caption: … So I said Yeah, I self-publish my own books. You know why? … Because it's not 1950 anymore. By self-publishing I keep all the profits. And since most people buy online, I can sell just as many books as a traditional publisher … So stop mocking for it. Bruh ... that was no way to talk to your momma.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-06 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-06 Pub. Date: 2019-06-06
Image Number: 177955
Caption: I heard about how the police raided your home office, took your computers an' whatnot. Yeah. I wrote an article about police abuse of power based info a source leaked to me. You never shoulda did that, bruh. What was you thinking? I was thinking this was America. That's fake news.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-18 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-18 Pub. Date: 2019-05-18
Image Number: 177625
Caption: Have you seen Avengers? Yeah, I saw that Socialist propaganda. What? Men in tights who thought they could make everything great with the snap of a finger. The world moved on when 3.5 billion people vanished. That means if they came back, they'd all be unemployed. Not everything has to be political. I turned to the stranger next to me said How are they going to pay for that?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-08 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-08 Pub. Date: 2019-05-08
Image Number: 177530
Caption: So … today was the day Toddlerville Day Care taught your son what to do if an active shooter hunted them in the potty? Yeah. The kids took turns standing on toilet seats and scrunching down so the shooter can't see their feet or head. What're they going to have to teach them next, how to escape through a window after they break it with a ... whachoomacallit? Safety hammer. Lionel wanted the Paw Patrol safety hammer, but they gave him the Kermit one, so he's pretty upset. Stop. I can't take any more.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-01 yeah 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-01 Pub. Date: 2019-05-01
Image Number: 177385
Caption: So what if you didn't win some big award, Lemont. You're very accomplished. I am? Yeah. You've worked so long and hard at what you love to do that you haven't even noticed. You've turned your passion into a career. There's no better award than that. Thieves can turn their passion into a career, Susan. It's nothing special. Dios mio.
     
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