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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-16 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163915
Caption: So anyway, I went to that flash mob in Charlottesville last week. I showed up ready to do the uptown funk while a guy proposed to his girlfriend. I spent all week practicing my moves in the mirror. I dropped $200 on the glittery tuxedo. But when I got there, I was the only one who started dancing. Wait ... wasn't the flash mob in Charlottesville full of evil neo-Nazis and white supremacists? Do you know how easy it is to confuse "Charlottesville" with "Charlotte"?
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-07 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-07 Pub. Date: 2017-10-07
Image Number: 163387
Caption: The Ask Sadie Show. Actual answers to actual reader questions. Dear Sadie, When you were a teenager, did your parents tell you you were too young to date? How did you deal with that? - Frustrated with Dad. Never! In my day, there were no "teen-agers." You were either big enough to run the machinery, or small enough to be used as a pipe-cleaner in the machinery.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-04 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-04 Pub. Date: 2017-10-04
Image Number: 163384
Caption: I googled your great-great-great-great-grandmother. There's no mention of her at all. You nincompoop. They didn't have Facebook or Tweeter or anything in the 1760s. You have to march your lazy behind into a hall of records and search through the catacombs for a dusty old file. By "file," I mean an actual file folder with supple paper, not a blinky little folder cartoon on a glowy computer screen. (Sigh) ... by "paper," I mean ...
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-01 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-01 Pub. Date: 2017-10-01
Image Number: 162744
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident surly lass answers actual reader questions sent to rudy@rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My husband forgot my birthday. There was no cake, no trip, no party, no nice little gift, no card, no "happy birthday" whispered in my ear … NOTHING. How do I let him know how deeply that hurt me? - Hurt in Harford. Excellent question. It reminds me of the time I hunted down a wild boar in the Serengeti in 1951. Decades earlier, when I was but a young lass, nobody remembered my birthday, or so I thought. that night, dear old Grandmother Cohen surprised me with a loaf of bread topped with a flaming licorice stick. Just as I blew out the licorice, it happened: A young wild boar came out of nowhere, darted across our shack, grabbed my loaf in its slobbery may and escaped into the dark, stormy night. I tracked that boar for twenty years across seven continents before I finally caught him. Speaking of which, it's time for my daily ham sandwich. Anyway, what were we talking about? Ask Sadie, baby!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-26 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-26 Pub. Date: 2017-09-26
Image Number: 163104
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie show. You're on caller. What's your problem? The Orville. Don't get me started. Orville Redenbacher stole his popping-corn recipe from Grandma Cohen. But … "but she stole it from Clarence Hornswaggler descendant of the guy who stole it from the Native Americans," Yeah everyone knows that story; it's fake news. No, I meant "The Orville," that "Star-Trek" type show by Seth McFarlane. What's that have to do with popcorn? Call back when you're not so confused. Next caller!
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-20 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162862
Caption: Sadie, they say the Andromeda galaxy's on a collision course with outs, and it's a lot closer than it was when earth was first created. So what, dorkboy? Is that true? You're the perfect person to ask if it's really gotten closer. Was it even big enough to see in the sky, back in the hadean eon when you were a kid? You should've said "Jurassic era." Nobody know what "hadean eon" is. I give that sad attempt a 2 out of 5. Had they already invented 2 and 5 when you were a kid?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-19 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-19 Pub. Date: 2017-09-19
Image Number: 162861
Caption: Armstrong, did you know that the Milky Way and Adromeda galaxies may already be colliding, billions of years early? A ginormous field of ionized hydrogen that gives birth to stars surrounds each galaxy like a halo. Andromeda's halo may have already caught up to ours. Ah, but of course. Andromeda has drawn first blood with a pre-emptive hostile takeover bid. Reminds me of that time I took over little Alice Chang's lemonade stand while she was napping. Very bad man.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-18 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-18 Pub. Date: 2017-09-18
Image Number: 162860
Caption: I'm panicking. You know how the Andromeda galaxy is supposed to collide with our Milky Way in billions of years? What are you talking about, little buddy? I just learned that there's an awful lot of ionized hydrogen from Andromeda's halo that's already touching the ionized hydrogen from our galaxy's halo. I'm not following. It's like when you're in your 30s and your hand brushes against a girl's had for the very first time. HOJ. I see. Why didn't you just say ... wait ... your thirties? ... and you panic because you're still years away from being ready.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-17 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-17 Pub. Date: 2017-09-17
Image Number: 162203
Caption: My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actually an Alternate Reality Version of Your Girlfriend So it's OK Saturdays." In other words, Saturdays are just fun stories about dumb guys who couldn't get away with dumb things. Viewership spikes to about 15 mil for those. Well ... anyway, like I was saying ... I'm just 87 subscribers away from hitting the 100-subscriber mark. Cool ... Hey, can I feature you on an upcoming "Stop Embarrassing Yourself Sunday"?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-14 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-14 Pub. Date: 2017-09-14
Image Number: 162612
Caption: Rudy, I'm thinking of replacing you with Gunther the illegal immigrant. What?! Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. Relax. I haven't yet made up my mind. I'll give you a chance to underbid him. Gunther says he'll work for $1 a day, from 3am to 11pm. Can you beat that? Yeah. I can turn you in. Tsk tsk ... Gunther would never say something like that.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-08 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-08 Pub. Date: 2017-09-08
Image Number: 162352
Caption: Shoe me the latest news on artificial intelligence. Loading … "For the Love of Benji." What? No. I didn't ask for some dog movie. Cancel. Canceling. Show me news about artificial intelligence. Loading … "Benji's Very Own Christmas Story." No! I want to hear what's going on with A.I.! Loading: "Lassie's Great Adventure."
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-06 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-06 Pub. Date: 2017-09-06
Image Number: 162350
Caption: Sadie, you might be able to settle a scientific question. You can not get under my skin, loser. They just cut down a huge Redwood tree. It's got 3,200 rings in it. I'm not even listening. Is it true every ring represents a year? You must know, since you were around when that tree was born. Hey everyone, she says it's true. When I'm don with my meatloaf, let's find out how old you are. Munch mun -
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-27 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161424
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-25 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-25 Pub. Date: 2017-08-25
Image Number: 161810
Caption: Randy, do you think we're going to war with North Korea first or with Venezuela first? Neither one, little buddy. But … President Trump is threatening them both. Yes, but you're forgetting Randy's Axiom #467.1 … "Everything blows over when it's a small man making big threats, asterisk." "Asterisk"? Randy's axiom #467.2: "Those who want to sleep well never ask about the asterisk."
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-22 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-22 Pub. Date: 2017-08-22
Image Number: 161807
Caption: Charlottesville changed everything, Randy. How so, little buddy? It's totally changed how I argue with people online. For the last few years, insults like "beta" and "cuck" and "SJW" and "virtue-signaller" were trending, so I used them all the time. But I just read that racists just like those who rallied in Charlottesville are the ones who invented those terms to control discourse and make opposing bigotry seem lame. It's going to be a lot harder to win debates without making cogent arguments if I can't use those terms anymore. We all have to make sacrifices.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-17 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161546
Caption: A few years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie Show, our resident octogenarian* asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. *(give or take a decade). Dear Sadie, You could try taking a trip to the Sahara Desert. Not only would it be an adventure, but you'd be the perfect person to catalog all the changes it's undergone. After all, you're probably the last person alive who remembers it when it was still a lush, ancient swamp. Happy Crisis, Anderson W. Stockton, CA. If you'd like, I could show you what it felt like when the tectonic plates collided. Advise Sadie at asksadieshow@gmail.com
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-16 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-16 Pub. Date: 2017-08-16
Image Number: 161545
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I met this woman. I fell madly in love with her, but just yesterday, I found out she believes the world is flat … Should I let that break us up? That depends, brother. Would you be happy not knowing whether she was into you because you're a great guy ... or because she thinks you're the mountain-master who pushes mountains up from the ground as she drives toward them, and sucks them back under as she drives away? Did I mention she's hot?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-13 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160983
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? There's a guy from Immigration and Customs Enforcement out front, boss. Oh, that. ICE said someone would stop by to thank me for tipping them off to all the illegals who were hanging out at Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack. What? Why would you do that? Because I'm a patriot. In times like this, every patriot must do his duty. If we have good reason to suspect a bean pie shack is a gathering place for people who shouldn't be here, it's our solemn duty to report it, so it'll get shut down. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with how you've been looking for ways to boost our bean pie sales, would it? Coincidence. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, minion. Oh, and go tell ICE I have another tip for them. Very bad man.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-11 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-11 Pub. Date: 2017-08-11
Image Number: 161301
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? The White House just fired me, and … Excellent question. It reminds me of the year 1950. I was baby-sitting some little snot-nosed four-year-old in Queens, NY. The little orange-haired tyke was pretending his teddy bear, "Rosebud," was his employee. After a while, he got bored and asked me if Rosebud would cry if he stopped playing with him. I said "Who cares?! He's just a toy! He has not feelings! When you're bored of him, just fire him! You don't owe him any loyalty!" I accept no responsibility for anything that may or may not have stemmed from that! Wait ... What? Back up ...
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-06 with 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-06 Pub. Date: 2017-08-06
Image Number: 160628
Caption: Do you remember your first kiss? There was snow on the ground. There was snow everywhere. The grown-ups were all out. My father, Rocky, was out hunting with the other fellas. The scent of willow, or maybe white sage, woke me from my peaceful slumber. I turned to see from whence it came. That's when I saw her, kneeling beside a crackling flame, her eyes and her smile aglow with dancing ribbons of amber light. Our eyes met. I strode toward her. In silence, I sat beside her. I looked deep into her eyes. She looked deeper into mine. She grunted melodically, and I leaned in ... "Grunted"? I lightly brushed my lips against hers, and then pounded my chest to claim her as my own. I meant your first kiss in this life. We donned our lion furs and rode into the snowy night on the back of a mastodon to ask the volcano for permission to get busy, as was our clan's custom.
     
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