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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about wins and winning.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-09 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-09 Pub. Date: 2019-05-09
Image Number: 177531
Caption: Do you understand now why I never want to have kids, Lemont? You hate kids. No, I love them. And I don't want them living in a world where they have to be taught what to do in case of an active shooter. It's not the world, Susan. It's America. You could move to lots of places where school shootings don't happen. Well ... can I move to someplace that won't be affected by climate change? It's ok to admit you just don't like kids.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-02 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-02 Pub. Date: 2019-05-02
Image Number: 177386
Caption: 1982. You won Best Book Report in Mrs. Cass's class. I did what? I overheard her talking to Mr. Barnhouse about it. They're gonna give you a blue ribbon and a cupcake in class tomorrow. Wow. Oh wow! I've never won anything in my whole entire life before. This is awesome! This means everything! I thought you said awards didn't mean anything. That was when I hadn't won any.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-01 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-01 Pub. Date: 2019-05-01
Image Number: 177385
Caption: So what if you didn't win some big award, Lemont. You're very accomplished. I am? Yeah. You've worked so long and hard at what you love to do that you haven't even noticed. You've turned your passion into a career. There's no better award than that. Thieves can turn their passion into a career, Susan. It's nothing special. Dios mio.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-30 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-30 Pub. Date: 2019-04-30
Image Number: 177384
Caption: Guess who won a Pulitzer Prize for his latest album, bruh? Ain't that that prize you been try'na win since we was six? It don't bother you that I won it before you did, do it? Of course not. I'm censored thrilled for you. I couldn't be happier. You censored deserve it, you censored censored! So we cool, then? Of course, why the censored would you ask?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-29 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-29 Pub. Date: 2019-04-29
Image Number: 177383
Caption: Lemont? How come you kept sending me straight to voicemail all weekend? It wasn't 'cause they're announcing the Pulitzer Prize winners today and I thought they might call the winners over the weekend. I wasn't hoping to win or anything. I already know I'm a good writer. I don't need external validation. You're the worst liar in the world. Is there an award for that?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-14 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-14 Pub. Date: 2019-04-14
Image Number: 177112
Caption: I'm only 5,000 donors short. What? What're you talking about, Clyde? Did you know the Democratic party changed they debate rules, bruh? All a brother need is to be at 1% in the polls, have 65,000 unique donors, an' 200 unique donors per state from at least 20 states. An' did you know there ain't no law at all against changin' your legal name to Bernie Sanderz and settin' up a donate to Bernie Sanderz website? Also, ain't no law against sayin' Buy my new album on iTunes in answer to ever debate question. I've got a strange feeling of deja vu about this. Don't worry. I'm sure I won't actually win.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-05 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-05 Pub. Date: 2019-04-05
Image Number: 177046
Caption: Looks like the President's finally going to destroy Obamacare. Millions would lose their insurance. Millions more would be thrown of Medicaid. Tens of thousands will die because they won't be covered anymore. On the bright side, I'll be able to tell all my old "pre-existing conditions" jokes again. They do say laughter keep you healthy.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-25 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-25 Pub. Date: 2019-01-25
Image Number: 175944
Caption: 1984. Momma says she really likes Gary Hart. She says he's got new ideas, but she won't vote for him. Why not? She says the only thing that matters is picking whoever can beat Reagan. And the party seems to think that only Mondale can beat Reagan. I hope she's wrong. If Mondale clobbers Reagan, the next eight years are going to be rotten. Why, Lemont? You can't rhyme as many funny things with Monday as you can with Reagan.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-04 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-04 Pub. Date: 2019-01-04
Image Number: 175660
Caption: What're you doing here, Mort? What do you mean? Shouldn't you be in DC right now? The new Congress was sworn in yesterday. I don't follow. You're missing … wait … you do know you won your election, right? I what my what? You mean that actually happened? It wasn't an Imodium-induced hallucination? The Blue Wave Congress is a motley crew.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-28 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-28 Pub. Date: 2018-11-28
Image Number: 175156
Caption: You're on The Ask Sadie Show. What's your problem?! I'm conflicted about the year 2050. In 2050, we'll have several technologies that could let us live forever. No one born after around 1970 might ever have to die. Excellent question. It reminds me of the time a narcissistic caller called someone born way before 1970, just to say he won't have to die, but she will. I will find you and take you with me. Might be for the best. If there is an afterlife, I wouldn't want to miss out on it.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-20 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-20 Pub. Date: 2018-11-20
Image Number: 175064
Caption: 1982. Do you ever get claustrophobic, Lemont? What's claustrophobic? I think it's the fear of tight spaces. It's why mama won't fly, or ride the bus, or ride in a car. She walks everywhere. That makes no sense. That should be tight-space-a-phobic. Claustrophobic should mean something else, like a fear of bear claws. Or a fear of Santa Claus. We should make up our own language. What kind of word is language? It should be talkuage.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-11 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-11 Pub. Date: 2018-11-11
Image Number: 174713
Caption: How many people bought your new book, bruh? The Worlds Where They Never Stopped Minorities From Voting? So far it's doing well. I painstakingly went through every single election since ex-slaves won the right to vote … and matched polls and private journals with every recorded instance of voter suppression and every dirty trick from the moment reconstruction ended until today ... Several presidential races, dozens of Senate races, and hundreds of Congressional races would've turned out differently. Our nation's history would've been totally different if minorities were never robbed of their right to vote. It took me eighteen years of research and hard work to piece together alternate histories caused by each changed election outcome. Is there a alternate history where you done told me how many people bought your depressing book? It's doing well.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-23 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-23 Pub. Date: 2018-10-23
Image Number: 174601
Caption: Thousands of Native Americans might not be allowed to vote if they don't have I.D. that shows their street addresses. Ever since they won the right to vote, they were promised they could vote using I.D. that showed their P.O. box, since many live on the reservation and don't have street addresses. The country's never made Native Americans a promise it didn't go on break. So ... it's almost like America made a promise to break every promise it made them. Now's not the time to set up paradoxes, Clyde.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-07 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-07 Pub. Date: 2018-10-07
Image Number: 174190
Caption: House of Java Café. Grand Opening. I come from a long line of warriors. Women from my family have served in all 49 World Wars. There were only two. You don't think the first world war was fought in 1914, do you? Let's take for instance, the so-called Seven Years War ... The year was 1750: My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma Sadie dared a Frenchman to build a house in the British Ohio River Valley ... yadda yadda yadda, all the world's great powers ended up fighting across five different continents. We've served similarly in every world war dating back to the epic struggle between the allied dinosaurs and the axis of invertebrates. Admit it: There've been more than just two world wars. There's no shame in admitting you were wrong. Ok. I was wrong. Loser! He's a loser! The loser admits it! Can't win.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-29 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-29 Pub. Date: 2018-09-29
Image Number: 174196
Caption: Tyrone, for whom did you cast your vote? Anderson Jackson Perot Bradley Dean Sanders Chisolm. I figured that was the only candidate who chould create real change. Of course, Reagan Bush Gore Bush Kerry Clinton Nixon Clinton won, in the end. That one almost always wins. No change is always easier than change. Spare change?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-26 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-26 Pub. Date: 2018-09-26
Image Number: 174193
Caption: Why don't you like kids, Susan? I don't know. Maybe it's just that I don't like double standards. For instance … if a grown person ran from room to room naked, yelling booga-booga over and over again, he'd be locked up. But if a kid does it, it's magically ok? Seriously? 36 years later, you still won't let me live that down? You ruined my whole first holy communion.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-02 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-02 Pub. Date: 2018-09-02
Image Number: 173653
Caption: I read your latest article about the Fermi Paradox. It's the likeliest explanation … We've only been transmitting radio signals for about 100 years, Susan. And since radio waves travel at the speed of light, our radio bubble's only about 200 light years across. Our radio waves have only reaches 15,000 or so stars out of 400 billion. It'll be tends of thousands of years before most of the galaxy ever sees I Love Lucy. There could be 399,999,985,000 stars out there with civilizations broadcasting I Love Splorg or something, and we won't even notice it until the year 201818 ... and if most aliens skipped radio and went straight to internet, we may never, ever know they exist. Is that why your headline was We'll Never See a Splorg Get Trolled on Facesplorg?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-04 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-04 Pub. Date: 2018-08-04
Image Number: 173245
Caption: Tyrone, for whom did you cast your vote? Anderson Jackson Perot Bradley Dean Sanders Chisolm. I figured that was the only candidate who could create real change. Of course, Reagan Bush Gore Bush Kerry Clinton Nixon Clinton won, in the end. That one almost always wins. No change is always easier than change.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-03 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-03 Pub. Date: 2018-07-03
Image Number: 172688
Caption: Sir, why won't you let me fire Dick Fink? He's blackmailing you, isn't he? He's lazy, he's conniving, he's incompetent, he's a disaster. Don't you see, Garcia? I've given you the most precious gift an executive could have: Your very own scapegoat. Dios mio, what's he have on you?! The phrase you're looking for is "thank you."
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-29 win 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-29 Pub. Date: 2018-06-29
Image Number: 172491
Caption: Ms. Garcia, I just want to thank you for trusting me to handle the Ask Sadie Show account. I've been waiting for a chance to prove myself. When I opened your memo this morning, I got right to work on a ten-step action plan. I wasted no time. I promise I won't let you down. I sent you that memo last year, Courtney. Step one is to tell you I disagree with having Kevin Spacey do the voiceover.
     
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