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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-12 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-12 Pub. Date: 2017-10-12
Image Number: 163631
Caption: You know what else is good? "Matlock." What the … ? What is you … Listen, bruh, don't nobody watch no old corny white-haired country lawyer in 1990s Atlanta … playin' a ukulele in his light gray suit and "findin' the real killer" e'ry week … for someone who doesn't watch the show, you sure know a lot about it. Osmosis. I got all that from osmosis an' you can't prove otherwise.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-30 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-30 Pub. Date: 2017-09-30
Image Number: 163102
Caption: Dear Lemon Brown: Unfortunately, we at Equifax must inform you that hackers breached our security weeks ago. Your social security number, address, credit history, and pants size may have been compromised. It appears the only personal information of yours that wasn't compromised was your signature. To sign up for our credit monitoring service, please sign here.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-14 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-14 Pub. Date: 2017-09-14
Image Number: 162600
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old sitcoms they're bringing back? "Full House" … "Will & Grace" … "Roseanne" … "Gilmore Girls" … How come nobody's talking about bringing back "227" … "A Different World" ... "Living Single" ... "Family Matters" ... "Moesha" ... "The Cosby Show" ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Wait, wait ... scratch "The Cosby Show."
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-13 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-13 Pub. Date: 2017-09-13
Image Number: 162599
Caption: Remember that argument we had a couple weeks ago, Lemont? Well … I forgive you. Forgiveness is a great thing. But do you ever get the feeling some people use "I forgive you" as a torpedo? It's the ultimate sneaky weapon. It can appear magnanimous while at the same time being very condescending. Bless your heart. See?! You're doing it again!!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-07 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-07 Pub. Date: 2017-08-07
Image Number: 161291
Caption: Seven Years Ago. Can you believe they're ramming Obamacare through with no votes from Republicans and only a year of hearings and stuff? Horrible leadership!!! Two Weeks Ago. Can you believe they're ramming Trumpcare through with no votes from Democrats and no hearings or anything? Amazing leadership!!! Color-blinded. What? MAGA.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-09 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-09 Pub. Date: 2017-07-09
Image Number: 159502
Caption: It's hard to debunk the whole "fake news" thing when so-called "journalists" keep lying, or keep not correcting their "mistakes" take Joy-Ann Reid, for instance. Who she? She has a show on MSNBC. The other week, after that former Bernie-supporter shot at those congressmen ... somebody tweeted "too soon to mention Bernie owes his entire political career to the NRA? Particularly his support of assault rifles his R opponent decried?" "Journalist" Joy-Ann Reid retweeted that, adding "I hope we have the maturity as a country to confront facts like this at the same time we're thinking of victims and keeping level heads." But it wasn't a fact. Sanders opposed assault rifles. The NRA backed him in that one race to punish the Republican who'd just changed his position on assault rifles. A Vermont gun store owner said at the time, "At least [Bernie's] consistent" with his opposition to semi-automatic rifles. A simple Google search would've told her that, apparently Joy-Ann Reid doesn't even Joy-Ann read. This whole thing was so you could say that joke, wasn't it.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-06 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-06 Pub. Date: 2017-07-06
Image Number: 159982
Caption: Meanwhile, in Candorville … Susan … I know you've always been allergic to commitment. I know you've bailed on every serious relationship you've ever had … Have not. At four, after a week of playing house with Wilfred, you pretended he didn't even exits. At fourteen, after you and your lifelong friend "Turbo" started dating, you faked amnesia. I don't remember that. I never would've told you about my past if I'd known you were gonna throw it in my face. Come on out. I promise this is nothing commitmenty.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-15 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-15 Pub. Date: 2017-06-15
Image Number: 159154
Caption: Clyde picks up Lemont's son Lionel from daycare. How do I make Brixton not be a buller? Hold on … lemme call your daddy … It's ringin'. Day care. Hello? Yo, Big L, some bully beefin' wit' little man. What you want me to tell 'im to do? The plane crashed at the North Pole! We were rescued by insurgent elves but now they're holding us hostage until the dictator Santa Clause agrees to a ceasefire and two weeks' paid vacation! Send help! got it. Later, bruh. Boop. Your daddy want you to shout a lot of nonsense so the bully think you crazy. I happen to concur.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-15 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-15 Pub. Date: 2017-05-15
Image Number: 158076
Caption: This just in: A week's worth of oil has been found deep beneath Canardville, a suburb of Candorville. Oil companie … click. Photo of the Trump sons, Uday and Qusay, hunting an endangered bearicorn. The elusive half-bear, half-unicorn hybrid was once thought to be a myth, but ... Click. Putin appoints the notorious oligarch Kovarstvo Prestupnik to head up the newly created "Ministry of Blackmailing White House Stooges." Click. Gilligaaaaan, the Skipper tooooo ... the millionaaaaire ... and his wiiiiiiiiife ...
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-28 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-28 Pub. Date: 2017-04-28
Image Number: 157288
Caption: Where've you been, Boo? I haven't seen you in weeks. I understand that you need a lot of "me time," and it's totally cool that you like to do your own thing. But tomorrow's my mom's birthday and I'd like you to go with us to the spa, and then shopping and maybe to the antique fair. I'd love for her to get to know you like I do. There go that noise again.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-24 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-24 Pub. Date: 2017-04-24
Image Number: 157284
Caption: Where Susan be at, bruh? Her phone been busy all week. I don't know, Clyde. But why're you trying to call Susan? You don't like talking on the phone. At least, that's what you always tell me when I call you just to chat. That 'cause you make erethang always 'bout you, bruh. So does Susan. Yeah, but Susan more interesting.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-07 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-07 Pub. Date: 2017-04-07
Image Number: 156469
Caption: Guess who's coming to town, Susan. Turbo! Who? What do you mean, "Who?" Turbo. The guy we used to hand out with, from preschool all the way through college, where you fell in love with him … until you dated him. That lasted like a week before you couldn't stand the sight of him, and then he moved far, far away. That turbo. Doesn't ring a bell. You don't have to wish all your exes to the corn field, you know. I loved that episode.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-28 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-28 Pub. Date: 2017-03-28
Image Number: 156198
Caption: I've been wanting to see "get out" for weeks, Susan. I remember before I had a kid, I was at the movies every week. Now I don't have the time of the energy. I can't remember the last movie I saw that didn't involve a talking fish or a puppet. Reason #28,754 why I'll never have kids. On the other hand, movies won't change your diapers when you're old.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-21 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-21 Pub. Date: 2017-03-21
Image Number: 155914
Caption: The judge gave me full custody of Lionel and gave Roxanne no visitation rights. But I thought it was important for my son to have his mother in his life too. And she is the mother of my son, so I care about her. So I've been taking him to visit her once a week. I'm not sure how to tell her I'm taking Lionel and moving to Canada. Is it even her business, if I have full custody? I never really know how to break sad news to people I care about. Wait ... you're moving to Canada??
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-07 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-07 Pub. Date: 2017-03-07
Image Number: 155380
Caption: Did you see Trump's address to Congress last week? Nah, bruh. Did you catch the "Gilligan's Island" marathon on channel 32 last night? . I don't watch broadcast tv. I only watch Netflix and Hulu. You wanna catch a movie? Watched them all off bittorrent for free already, bruh. You get Kanye new album? I only download songs I like and make my own playlists. Read any good books? C-Dog only read tweets.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-09 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-09 Pub. Date: 2017-02-09
Image Number: 154240
Caption: Thank you, Clyde. I don't know what you mean, bruh. Last year, I asked you to stream "Young Justice" on Netflix, because huge subscriber numbers could resurrect it for another season. You blew me off. But I just went back through your old tweets and saw that a week before they renewed it, you told all you 958,000 followers to watch it. Must've been a type, get outta here. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you did something nice.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-02 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-02 Pub. Date: 2017-02-02
Image Number: 153974
Caption: Dick, I just got an angry call from Mr. Trump. He said I blew off the meeting. Didn't I tell you to reschedule the meeting for next week? If you're responsible for us losing a multi-million dollar account, Dick, you're … I'm not, ma'am. You told me not to reschedule the meeting. In alternate fact, you told me to take the afternoon off instead of making that call. "Alternate fact" is not actually a thing, Dick Fink. It's not my fault you don't watch the news, ma'am.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-23 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-23 Pub. Date: 2017-01-23
Image Number: 153701
Caption: I sense the tides have shifted, Rosencrantz. The pendulum has reversed its swing. A page has been turned. A new character has entered stage left. And nothing will ever, ever be the same. The tale has been sent down a fateful path, which ends either in exaltation or oblivion, we know not which. Oh ... wait ... perchance I just have gas. Served you right for stealing my week-old sandwich.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-16 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-16 Pub. Date: 2017-01-16
Image Number: 153404
Caption: Ok, I'm going to tell you what happened when Vancouver answered her door. Ok, since you asked. She and I … wait, what? What do you mean "since you asked"? I thought you asked how my week was. How did "I'm going to tell you what happened when Vancouver opened her door" sound like "how was your week?" How'd it sound like what? "How was your week?" Well, since you keep asking, I guess I'll tell you ...
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-03 week 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-03 Pub. Date: 2017-01-03
Image Number: 152856
Caption: What do you mean you have to stay at my place for two weeks? I'm an unarmed black man. Seem like police, vigilantes an' bruthas be shootin' unarmed black men once every couple weeks. I just gotta wait till the next one happen, then I'll have another two-week window to talk home. It's like it's open season on unarmed black men ... an' erebody think they Elmer Fudd. Look on the bright side: Plenty of other people get shot too ... That didn't come out right.
     
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