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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-12 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-12 Pub. Date: 2017-10-12
Image Number: 163643
Caption: All right, you may tell me about your internet startup idea. It's revolutionary. You know how the only way to tell if you stink is to sniff your armpit? Continue … and you know how embarrassing it is when people you know catch you sniffing your own armpit? Continue ... and you know how apps like "Uber" let you summon total strangers to drive by and provide you a service? Stop right there.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-19 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-19 Pub. Date: 2017-09-19
Image Number: 162861
Caption: Armstrong, did you know that the Milky Way and Adromeda galaxies may already be colliding, billions of years early? A ginormous field of ionized hydrogen that gives birth to stars surrounds each galaxy like a halo. Andromeda's halo may have already caught up to ours. Ah, but of course. Andromeda has drawn first blood with a pre-emptive hostile takeover bid. Reminds me of that time I took over little Alice Chang's lemonade stand while she was napping. Very bad man.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-18 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-18 Pub. Date: 2017-09-18
Image Number: 162860
Caption: I'm panicking. You know how the Andromeda galaxy is supposed to collide with our Milky Way in billions of years? What are you talking about, little buddy? I just learned that there's an awful lot of ionized hydrogen from Andromeda's halo that's already touching the ionized hydrogen from our galaxy's halo. I'm not following. It's like when you're in your 30s and your hand brushes against a girl's had for the very first time. HOJ. I see. Why didn't you just say ... wait ... your thirties? ... and you panic because you're still years away from being ready.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-30 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-30 Pub. Date: 2017-08-30
Image Number: 162101
Caption: No, I've never sued anyone for libel or slander. In my day, we did it the old-fashioned way. How's that? The year was 1950. Ethel Koch accused me of rummaging through her purse. I ruined my reputation, and I as banned from the ladies club. I responded as any lady would do at the time. I told McCarthy she was a Commie and he hounded her for five years. Had you gone through her purse? That's beside the point.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-13 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160983
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? There's a guy from Immigration and Customs Enforcement out front, boss. Oh, that. ICE said someone would stop by to thank me for tipping them off to all the illegals who were hanging out at Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack. What? Why would you do that? Because I'm a patriot. In times like this, every patriot must do his duty. If we have good reason to suspect a bean pie shack is a gathering place for people who shouldn't be here, it's our solemn duty to report it, so it'll get shut down. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with how you've been looking for ways to boost our bean pie sales, would it? Coincidence. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, minion. Oh, and go tell ICE I have another tip for them. Very bad man.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-09 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161299
Caption: I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column? I don't know, I only read the first sentence.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-07 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-07 Pub. Date: 2017-08-07
Image Number: 161297
Caption: Boss? It's way past the 1st of the month and I still haven't received my paycheck. That's because the state requires that I pay you monthly, but it's not specific about whose month. Haven't you ever heard of gravitational time dilation? Time passes more slowly for an observer who's closer to a significant gravitational mass than it does for an observer who's farther away. Because I'm closer to my massive bank account than you are, one month for me is two months for you. I want my check by the end of today in me-time.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-25 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-25 Pub. Date: 2017-07-25
Image Number: 160764
Caption: I hear they think they finally identified the wreckage of Amelia Earhart's plane. Finally! I took them long enough! I planted that fake wreckage way back in 1937! And it wasn't easy! In '37, the tiny atoll of Nikumaroro was hard to reach. I had to take two rafts and a bus. You, uh ... You don't believe her ... do you? Almost. Definitely not.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-12 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-12 Pub. Date: 2017-07-12
Image Number: 160227
Caption: You need to settle down, Randy. Take it from someone who spent most of his life as a jet-setting playboy. Ok … who? Are you going to introduce me to him? You've already met him! I'll have you know that I broke my first heart way back in nineteen and twenty-nine when I was a newsie in Brooklyn. Adelaide was an older lass of 16, so ours was a forbidden love. After we finally held hands, the commitment was just too much, so I skipped town and joined the circus. I think you did the right thing, Mort. I've left a long trail of broken hearts, from Brooklyn, to Shady Acres.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-18 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-18 Pub. Date: 2017-06-18
Image Number: 158722
Caption: I forgot my phone at the hotel. How do I get to the planetarium? That depends on how much it's worth to you. What? What do you mean? Do you want the long way or the short way? Do you want the safe way through the cobblestone paths of Lily Pad Meadow … or do you want the treacherous way over the frigid Reaper Mountain Pass? Do you seriously expect me to pay for directions? Is that a serious question? This is America, where we have an obligation to turn a profit on every interaction, unless we're donating to charity for a tax write-off. Unless you're a 501-3c I have to charge you. It's in the Constitution. I only have $5 on me. I'll print out the treacherous directions for you. For an extra $1 I'll make sure it avoids most of the rabid grizzly squirrels.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-16 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-16 Pub. Date: 2017-06-16
Image Number: 159167
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm in love with my brother's wife. What's the best way to ask her out? Posthumously. No, seriously. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. That just may end up being a beautiful five minutes.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-14 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-14 Pub. Date: 2017-06-14
Image Number: 159165
Caption: You're on, caller. What's your problem?! I'm tired of all my liberal friends saying they want to move to Canada. Every four years, when liberals don't vote and lose ground in Congress, liberals say they're moving to Canada, which already has all the stuff they wish we had. Sometimes I think the only way I can make sure I never again hear someone say "I'm moving to Canada," is if I move Canada. "The North American Paradox." That makes me a hypocrite. I'm not sure they allow hypocrites in Canada.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-08 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-08 Pub. Date: 2017-06-08
Image Number: 158834
Caption: Sir, we're not going to be flying over the North Pole. But isn't that the fastest way to Russia? Yes, but as you may know, the North Pole is a totalitarian dictatorship embroiled in a bloody civil war between state forces and elfin rebels. I don't follow the news. Anyway, my ticket says we transfer to a connecting flight there. Didn't you guys already know about this war? That's not why we're avoiding it. Santa International just melted. @#$% global warming.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-01 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-01 Pub. Date: 2017-06-01
Image Number: 158615
Caption: You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you? I'm friends with this girl … She's all I can think about. I treat her way better than the guys she dates, but she doesn't even know I'm alive. Of course she knows you're alive. You're the potted houseplant in the corner of her life. Do you understand what I'm telling you? That it's only a matter of time til it's my turn? You're more like a Venus Flytrap.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-31 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-31 Pub. Date: 2017-05-31
Image Number: 158614
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I'm thinking of moving to Canada. Nothing in this country ever goes my way. We have no national health insurance, no gun control, no high-speed moose network … Go to Canada, then! Who needs you, you whiner? America's national pastime is complaining. If you don't want to stay and enjoy the game, who needs you?! I've never been into sports.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-24 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-24 Pub. Date: 2017-05-24
Image Number: 158354
Caption: We don't suspect you of helping Russia blackmail the president. It's your college roommate, Rudy Park. He's the mole. Ithee. Thn hwcm imn hur? You and I go way back, Lemont. Of all the journalists I've monitored, you're by far my favorite. Mmble. Huh? I said "Untie me and let me go, you fascist, jack-booted thug!" Anyway, you've heard of "Deep Throat," right? Well ... first thing we need to do is come up with a good code name for me.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-15 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-15 Pub. Date: 2017-05-15
Image Number: 158088
Caption: I heard oil companies just discovered huge reservoirs of oil way under the ground, all around our town. But they can't get at it because President Obama declared the whole region a national monument before he left. Why would he do that? Doesn't he know we use oil to make plastic, and that my Playstation is totally made of plastic? What happens of I ever need to buy a fourth Playstation 4? He's endangering my supply just to save a bunch of trees and mountains and waterfalls and endangered bearicorns. Until recently, people thought the bearicorn was a myth, and ... wait, you have three Playstations?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-07 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-07 Pub. Date: 2017-05-07
Image Number: 157127
Caption: I've traveled back through time to warn: The aliens are here. Open Mike Night Presents Future Guy. They hitched rides in on Halley's Comet every time it's near. Living nanites masquerading as technology … depending on the gullibility of you and me. 200,000 years of riding horses and buggies ... and suddenly we're 3-D printing tools and cars and trees? They're everywhere, just biding time to finish their big plan. They're in your phones, your watch, your cars, and they are nearly done. The brain ... the AI ... will arrive ... in 2061. (July 28th to be exact ... that, my crew is a natural fact). I'm warning you this way 'cause it's the only way, you see. For some reason, they get confused by rhymes and poetry. In short, I've come to warn you, evolution's happening. You want your kids to survive it? Teach them how to rap ... pening. That was close. Odd ... my phone lit up for no reason, and then went back to sleep.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-05 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-05 Pub. Date: 2017-05-05
Image Number: 157562
Caption: Boss … Armstrong … I created a "Trump Generator." You input questions, and it outputs random nouns and adverbs strung together with words like "fantastic." I put it online a few days ago, and already it's getting 500,000 visitors per day. I guess what I'm asking is, why do all Trump's answers all of a sudden end with "visit House of Java Cafe, it's tremendous. It's run by a very smart man named Armstrong." I have no idea what you're talking about. By the way, did you know Russian hackers are surprisingly cheap on Craigslist? Very bad man!!!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-27 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-27 Pub. Date: 2017-04-27
Image Number: 157299
Caption: Democracy is dead in Turkey, Randy. What? What are you talking about? The president there just granted himself absolute power in a fraudulent election. You ever wonder if maybe democracy isn't the norm … it's just a blip in history and it's on the way out? I'm hoping it'll soon be replaced with a robust sexyocracy. I was hoping for more of an xboxocracy.
     
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