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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-31 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-31 Pub. Date: 2018-05-31
Image Number: 171960
Caption: Archeologists found a set of 9.7-million-year-old teeth in Germany that might belong to a primitive relative of early man. Totally unrelated question: Are you missing any teeth, Sadie. That's funny. Speaking of which, there are many ways a person could lose teeth. Threats of violence aren't funny in 2018. That's like a rule. A good pummeling never hurt anyone.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-02 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-02 Pub. Date: 2018-05-02
Image Number: 171060
Caption: Did you clear all the homeless people out of the alley, minion? You were serious? They're people, not leaves. I can't just sweep them all away, boss. Housing is getting unaffordable. It's not their fault. Hmm … you may have a point, minion. They're a sign of the times. They lend the cafe authenticity. There must be a way to monetize them. Survey the customers. See how much they'd pay to take selfies with authentic 21st century Americans in the background. Very bad man.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-26 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-26 Pub. Date: 2018-04-26
Image Number: 170878
Caption: What do you mean you want me to vote illegally this November? I'm registered. Yes … but Ernesto isn't. Ernesto Mumumba Chang Yurchenkovitz is an illegal immigrant who tunneled his way across the Atlantic to vote for tax-raising liberal café regulators. Report to the alley at two a.m. Someone who's definitely not me will leave you a big fake mustache, a Yo Soy Ernesto t-shirt, and an ISIS membership card. When you're caught voting, public sentiment will swing our way. You have some never asking me to do this after refusing to let me take a potty break. Stop whining. My inside man at ICE will make sure you're probably not deported.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-17 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-17 Pub. Date: 2018-04-17
Image Number: 170593
Caption: Can I ask you something man-to-man? Shoot. Let's say person A developed a crush on person B, who happens to be less productive. Let's say person A then conducted a study that concluded there's a 78.9% chance that such a crush leads to dating, then to cohabitation, and finally to person B becoming a a drain on person A's resources. Hypothetically, what's the best way to get person B to compensate person A for the time I ... he ... spent conducting the study? Very bad man.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-08 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-08 Pub. Date: 2018-04-08
Image Number: 169775
Caption: Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard his computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he'd discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said Things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up ... there's a way out. His loss is a moral and intellectual void that'll never be filled. Well that's depressing ... and ... now I'm ok.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-05 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-05 Pub. Date: 2018-04-05
Image Number: 170207
Caption: Remington is filing for bankruptcy. They're going away. No they're not. The gun manufacturer is just filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy. It'll let them stay in business and weasel out of paying their creditors at the same time. Lots of businesses do it, all the time. It's the American way. Maybe I'll declare chapter 11 so I can weasel out too. Don't be foolish, the American way is for corporate citizens, not citizen-citizens.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-30 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-30 Pub. Date: 2018-03-30
Image Number: 169901
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Donald Rump. In other words, we'll be discussing the childish way people mangle the names of politicians with whom they disagree. Such as Barack O-Blame-A, Ronald Raygun, George W. Tush, Shrillery Clinton, Jimmy Farter, Gerald Bored, Herbert Loser, Cow Pen Coolidge ... and one from great-grandma Cohen's day ... Abraham Stinkin'.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-29 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-29 Pub. Date: 2018-03-29
Image Number: 169900
Caption: Guess what else I found on Youtube, Randy? Evidence Vladimir Putin is an immortal. There are two photos of soldiers who look exactly like Putin, taken in 1941 and way back in 1920. Exactly like him. Could be they're related. The notion of genetics is a huge conspiracy by the immortals. I found that out on Youtube.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-23 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-23 Pub. Date: 2018-03-23
Image Number: 169642
Caption: What's your question for Ask Sadie? What's the most humane way to get squirrels out of my garden? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time one of my ancestors had a similar question. Ironically, she was a spunky flying-squirrel-like creature who prayed to the great acorn to do something about the triceratops that kept stomping her magnolias. My advice: Go great-acorn on those squirrels!!! Did that really happen? It's family lore! I don't question it!
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-18 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-18 Pub. Date: 2018-03-18
Image Number: 169018
Caption: The James Webb telescope is going to change everything. How so, cretinous oaf? It's going to let us see much farther into deep space than ever before. And the farther we see, the further back in time we're seeing. Do you understand what this means, Sadie? I don't have all day. Get to the point dweeb! It means we'll see the earliest stars and galaxies there ever were. We may even see all the way back to the Big Bang itself. We'll finally know for certain whether it was you. Busted. That singularity had it coming.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-08 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-08 Pub. Date: 2018-03-08
Image Number: 169198
Caption: Donald Trump said he'd have run into that school shooting without a gun to stop it. I'm way ahead of you, Randy. I've already developed a first-person shooter based on the Call of Duty engine. You play Trump, all decked out in his usual black suit and red power tie. Video-game Trump has to personally take out all of America's enemies. He's armed with nothing but his uncouth tweets. Game has a bug, though. As soon as it starts, video-game Trump keeps getting deferments because of bone spurs. Call of deferments has a ring to it.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-05 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-05 Pub. Date: 2018-03-05
Image Number: 169195
Caption: Hey, little buddy. Did you know that men often confuse a heart attack with a bout of constipation. Go away, Randy! That's why so many men who croak from heart attacks are found in the loo. Go away! The first responders are on their way. I haven't been in here that long!
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-01 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-01 Pub. Date: 2018-03-01
Image Number: 168936
Caption: If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body. That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000. Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he's concerned about his mortality. You answer should have been nothing. That alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy. I think I'd rather wait for the 7000-S. Stop it.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-27 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-27 Pub. Date: 2018-02-27
Image Number: 168934
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm tired of holding my girlfriend's purse while she's shopping. How do I get out of doing that? Simple. Lose her purse. But wouldn't she be mad at me? I'd be in the dog house! Dog house is just the codependent man's way of saying man cave.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-21 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-21 Pub. Date: 2017-12-21
Image Number: 166298
Caption: You've reached Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you? I met this really awesome lady. I think about her daily. And I know she's thinking about me. But she told me she's also thinking about some other guy. What's the best way to not mind her thinking about him, while still enjoying the thought that she's thinking about me? You'll be fine if you think to yourself the other guy is nothing but a fleeting thought she's thinking of. You think?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-28 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-28 Pub. Date: 2017-11-28
Image Number: 165441
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: "Comeuppance." Specifically, we'll talk about how the tables have finally turned on men who've preyed on women for generations. It reminds me of the last time there was such a dramatic reversal of the social order. The place: France. The year: 1789. Great-great-great-great-great-grandma Sadie had just invented the guillotine. Ironically, she'd invented it as a new way to cut cake.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-09 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-09 Pub. Date: 2017-11-09
Image Number: 164676
Caption: What's the best way to avoid getting stuck in a serious relationship? Little buddy … Aren't you putting the cart before the horse? You haven't even had a date in … what it it, two years? … Which means I'm due for an extra-clingy relationship any day now. Well ... I suppose that is in keeping with Randy's postulate #498 ... The cling-i-tude of a relationship is directly proportional to the amount of time it takes to get into it. Is there any formula for avoiding that? Maybe if I carry the one?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-28 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-28 Pub. Date: 2017-10-28
Image Number: 164164
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Batfan" in Dallas, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. My girlfriend is refusing to go see "Justice League" because she things Marvel's take on the genre is the only way to do it. How do I get her to be more open-minded and tolerant? You don't! Just become less open-minded yourself. You can't change other people, you can only seek vengeance upon them. Um ... Do you happen to have Doctor Phil's number?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-12 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-12 Pub. Date: 2017-10-12
Image Number: 163643
Caption: All right, you may tell me about your internet startup idea. It's revolutionary. You know how the only way to tell if you stink is to sniff your armpit? Continue … and you know how embarrassing it is when people you know catch you sniffing your own armpit? Continue ... and you know how apps like "Uber" let you summon total strangers to drive by and provide you a service? Stop right there.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-19 way 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-19 Pub. Date: 2017-09-19
Image Number: 162861
Caption: Armstrong, did you know that the Milky Way and Adromeda galaxies may already be colliding, billions of years early? A ginormous field of ionized hydrogen that gives birth to stars surrounds each galaxy like a halo. Andromeda's halo may have already caught up to ours. Ah, but of course. Andromeda has drawn first blood with a pre-emptive hostile takeover bid. Reminds me of that time I took over little Alice Chang's lemonade stand while she was napping. Very bad man.
     
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