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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-11 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163630
Caption: Bruh, you gotta stop writing about "Star Track Discovery." Don't nobody like it. Get over it. "Trek." And it's a great show! It's just a vocal minority online that keep coming up with ridiculous reasons to hate it. They decided long before they ever saw it was gonna be horrible, and now they just don't want to be wrong. It's textbook case of confirmation bias! I knew you wasn't gonna make no sense, an' I was right.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-09 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-09 Pub. Date: 2017-10-09
Image Number: 163628
Caption: I was part of the press pool covering the president's visit to Puerto Rico. I covered the whole thing. The part where he gave his own response an A+ … the part where he threw supplies as if they were prizes at desperate survivors … the part where he told Puerto Ricans they were costing us a lot of money ... the part where he said it wasn't a "real" catastrophe like Hurricane Katrina ... the part where he said that finger the crowd used must be the Puerto Rican equivalent of a "thumbs-up" ... How come the article you wrote about it was called "Nailed It."?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-30 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-30 Pub. Date: 2017-09-30
Image Number: 163102
Caption: Dear Lemon Brown: Unfortunately, we at Equifax must inform you that hackers breached our security weeks ago. Your social security number, address, credit history, and pants size may have been compromised. It appears the only personal information of yours that wasn't compromised was your signature. To sign up for our credit monitoring service, please sign here.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-20 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162850
Caption: All children go through a crisis when they first realize their parents aren't perfect. Tell me about it. Dr. Noodle. After Lionel calmed down, I convinced him I wasn't purposely trying to kill the neighbor by selling him a microwave that might cause cancer ... or at least I thought I did. That night, flashing lights and a siren woke me from a deep slumber. I looked out the window ad say the police and the coroner were at the neighbor's apartment. It's a good idea to hide the phone for the duration of the crisis. Scribble scrib - Lionel later told be he'd called anonymously, using the name "Daniel Tiger," so I wouldn't get locked up. He's so smart.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-15 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-15 Pub. Date: 2017-08-15
Image Number: 161532
Caption: Guess what? My iPhone 7 just started slowing down. Just a month or so before the iPhone 8 comes out. Remember when my iPhone 6 started slowing down? That was just about a month or so before the iphone 7 came out. You know … Apple lawyers can hear erethang you sayin' through Siri, bruh. *I am not necessarily implying any trickery or intentional wrongdoing on the part of Apple. I wasn't never here.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-09 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-09 Pub. Date: 2017-07-09
Image Number: 159502
Caption: It's hard to debunk the whole "fake news" thing when so-called "journalists" keep lying, or keep not correcting their "mistakes" take Joy-Ann Reid, for instance. Who she? She has a show on MSNBC. The other week, after that former Bernie-supporter shot at those congressmen ... somebody tweeted "too soon to mention Bernie owes his entire political career to the NRA? Particularly his support of assault rifles his R opponent decried?" "Journalist" Joy-Ann Reid retweeted that, adding "I hope we have the maturity as a country to confront facts like this at the same time we're thinking of victims and keeping level heads." But it wasn't a fact. Sanders opposed assault rifles. The NRA backed him in that one race to punish the Republican who'd just changed his position on assault rifles. A Vermont gun store owner said at the time, "At least [Bernie's] consistent" with his opposition to semi-automatic rifles. A simple Google search would've told her that, apparently Joy-Ann Reid doesn't even Joy-Ann read. This whole thing was so you could say that joke, wasn't it.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-17 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-17 Pub. Date: 2017-05-17
Image Number: 158078
Caption: I had a dream last night, Clyde. Want to hear about it? Not sure. Last time you told me 'bout one of your dreams, it was some sci-fi nonsense 'bout you travelin' back in time to save Abraham Lincoln. This one wasn't about time travel, it was about how Trump keeps firing everyone who says they have info on his Russia scandal. Well ... ok. Go. A woman named Harbinger traveled through time and across the multiverse to collect a team of awesome journalists who could uncover the truth. Stop.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-11 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-11 Pub. Date: 2017-04-11
Image Number: 156719
Caption: What was in that burrito you made? It's giving me serious heartburn. Whachoomean, dawg? Ain't nothin' in there I don't always put in there. That's a double negative. Are you saying there wasn't anything unusual in there, or are you saying there was? That questions don't make no sense. Now you're just messing with me.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-11 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-11 Pub. Date: 2017-03-11
Image Number: 155384
Caption: I'm sick of my wife being such a jerk. Take the other day: She was working, and I reached over her to grab something. I accidentally knocked over her cup, spilling coffee all over her, her keyboard, her desk, and her treadmill. She yelled "Aaagh! What the -- " really loudly and acted like it was a big deal. Did you apologize? I would have, but her yelling like that was inconsiderate. So I told her off. Coffee wasn't even hot. What was her problem?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-25 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-25 Pub. Date: 2017-01-25
Image Number: 153703
Caption: 1982. Last night I looked across the alley and saw your light on, but you weren't answering your tin can. I didn't know you called me. Maybe the string wasn't tight enough to receive the call. But I was busy anyway. I was writing to my pen pal. Chuck's been having trouble working up the courage to talk to some little red-haired girl. He was even too timid to try my suggested "pull her hair" ice-breaker. That's my best move. I don't know why you men think us women like that. Try my can again tonight, I'll try to get better reception.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-31 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-31 Pub. Date: 2016-12-31
Image Number: 152629
Caption: 2016 wasn't no joke, bruh. Hundreds of unarmed people shot by police didn't even make the news … Thousands of unarmed people shot by civilians didn't make the news. You know what made the news? Rich people an' racists exploit the fears of average people to seize power. How that news, bruh? That's how it always been, ev'r since the Egyptians invented money. You're totally wrong. It was the Phoenicians.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-23 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-23 Pub. Date: 2016-12-23
Image Number: 152373
Caption: I realized Christmas was a bunch of nonsense when we was kids, Big L. You know why? 'Cause of all the snow. Reindeer in the snow. Pine trees in the snow. Fat Santa in the snow. But Jesus was from the Middle East, dawg. The Middle East where it's hot. That's why I decorate my tree with hummus. There wasn't nary a snowflake in the bible, bruh.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-13 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-13 Pub. Date: 2016-11-13
Image Number: 150252
Caption: Your suggestion didn't work, Susan. Thinking about baseball should have worked. Did you do it right? What do you mean? Did you think of the boring, repetitive parts? I tried. I thought about the batter swinging the bat around in the on-deck circle … the runners going around and around the diamond ... the batters swinging and almost always missing ... but instead of distracting me, it relaxed me. It wasn't boring, Susan. It was rhythmic. Baseball is a Zen-like experience that puts you into a trance. It frees the mind and makes it easier ... not harder ... for your mind to wander where you don't want it to go ... so it didn't stop me from wondering who's going to run for president in 2020. Ok, plan B: Try doing long division in your head.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-25 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-25 Pub. Date: 2016-09-25
Image Number: 148272
Caption: It all started when I considered voting for Donald Trump. He's against illegal immigration. I'm against illegal immigration. So why not? People said that made him racist. But I agree with him, and I know I'm not racist. And if people were wrong to call him "racist" about that, maybe they're wrong to call him racist about everything. I started arguing with my own wife. I said demanding Obama's birth certificate wasn't racist. I said wanting to ban all Muslim immigrants wasn't racist. Trump saying a judge couldn't do his job because he's Mexican-American? I said that wasn't racist. I said the fact he kept retweeting white supremacists wasn't racist. But yesterday ... I caught myself saying "What's so racist about white supremacists anyway?" You're worried that supporting Trump is desensitizing you to racism? No, I just wondered if I can bunk here tonight. My wife kicked me out.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-18 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-18 Pub. Date: 2016-07-18
Image Number: 146139
Caption: Do you still dream, like when we were kids, Clyde? 'Course I do, bruh. Just the other night, I dreamt the police didn't shoot Alston Sterling or Philando Castile. An' I dreamt that racist brotha didn't shoot them cops. I dreamt didn't nobody ever shoot no one. I meant do you ever have weird, fantastical dreams. Wasn't you listening?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-08 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-08 Pub. Date: 2016-07-08
Image Number: 145506
Caption: so then they offered me a raise. But it wasn't as much of a raise as I deserved. That's when I reminded them I've personally brought in 72% of our major clients and that most of those clients have asked to work only with me so they added $50k per year to their offer. I found a $20 bill in my couch the other day.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-21 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-21 Pub. Date: 2016-06-21
Image Number: 144898
Caption: My son slept all night long, Clyde. First time ever. Usually I can't get any uninterrupted sleep because he's always getting up. But last night, he didn't even make a sound So I ended up staying up all night to make sure he wasn't dead.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-18 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-18 Pub. Date: 2016-06-18
Image Number: 144567
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? There's a new Star Trek tv show coming next year. Isn't that a good thing? Star Trek is like a religion to you. Don't you see? When they canceled the first show, I wasn't even born. When they canceled the last show, I was almost thirty. When they cancel this next one, I'll be an old man! So? It happens ... and you, you'll be an old woman, Susan. Never.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-11 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-11 Pub. Date: 2016-06-11
Image Number: 144224
Caption: Hey, mister. What was life like in the olden days? I wouldn't know. I wasn't alive in the "olden days," kid. I'm only mumblety-one years old. Ok. What was life like back in your day? This is still "my day." What was Mr. Walt Disney like in person? He was dea - (sigh) He was a very mustached man.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-29 wasn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-29 Pub. Date: 2016-05-29
Image Number: 143396
Caption: Whachoo think of Hillary Clinton, bruh? I think she's not Donald Trump. George W. Bush was not Donald Trump, either. You know who else wasn't Donald Trump? Herbert Hoover wasn't Donald Trump. The best thing about Trump is, he's helped me realize there've been an awful lot of Americans who haven't appealed to our baser instincts. By comparison, I now respect a lot more people than I used to. And that makes me happy. But whachoo think of Hillary Clinton? Justin Bieber is no Donald Trump.
     
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