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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about wars and warring.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-18 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-18 Pub. Date: 2017-09-18
Image Number: 162848
Caption: But I can't get rid of it. Momma told me it belonged to my father, and to his father before him. I never knew either of them. Susan, the only family heirloom I have from them are my hat, my antique pocket watch and this. A microwave oven is not a "family heirloom," Lemont. Get rid of it. But Grandpa Brown warmed up his rations with it during the Korean War. It's time, Lemont.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-24 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-24 Pub. Date: 2017-08-24
Image Number: 161803
Caption: Hey Susan, did you get that evite from Clyde? Which one? The evite to his birthday party where he wrote "in lieu of gifts, bring a shovel and wear your work pants"? No. The evite to his housewarming party at his underground bunker? No. I've been ignoring his evites for months now. Ever since Trump won, they've been getting more and more cynical. I'm talking about his evite to watch the upcoming race war on his tv.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-23 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-23 Pub. Date: 2017-08-23
Image Number: 161802
Caption: C-Dog ain't worried 'bout no white supremacists. Why not, Clyde? 'Cause they want a race war. An' the way things going, they just might get it. But you know what? The vast majority of white people won't be on the side. Hm. You've got a point. To win with such small numbers, supremacists would have to take over key positions in government, the courts, an' all the police departments first. That'd never happen. I hate sarcasm.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-19 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-19 Pub. Date: 2017-08-19
Image Number: 161536
Caption: It's estimated the Amazon contains about 100 tribes never contacted by outside civilization. And there are hundreds more uncontacted people in jungles all over the world. They've probably never heard of the black plague, or the Dark Ages, or the Mongol hordes, or World War II, or Donald Trump ... and we've never heard of all the calamities they've survived, either.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-02 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-02 Pub. Date: 2017-07-02
Image Number: 159209
Caption: You ever think maybe the world would've been better off if we'd lost the Revolutionary War? Seriously? You gonna say that right before the Fourth of July? It's just a thought experiment. You scared of thought experiments? C-Dog ain't scared of nothin'. All right. Let's say France never helped us win the revolution. We'd have lost. Britain probably still would've freed the slaves in 1833, so ... No civil war. No backlash to reconstruction, so ... no KKK. France wouldn't have drowned in debt. Their monarchy would've lasted longer, so ... no Napoleon. No Napoleon, no threat uniting German nationalists, so ... no World War I or II ... no Hitler. No Manifest Destiny, so no genocide of Native Americans. The UK wouldn't have turned to the Middle East and Africa to replace its lost holdings, so ... no carving up the Ottoman Empire, no chaos in the Middle East, and no ISIS. Bruh ... if you don't wanna loan me $20 for fireworks, just say so. We'd probably still have black licorice. No getting around that.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-19 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-19 Pub. Date: 2017-06-19
Image Number: 159388
Caption: Breaking news! The White House is urging Russia to intervene in the North Pole's civil war to secure the release of hostages held by elfin rebels. Click … Canadian homeowners are urged to check for bunny holes before mowing their laws, after a gruesome ... Click. After seven male senators in a row interrupted the witness' answers, Senator McCain scolded Sen. Kamala Harris for doing the exact same thing. Click. Gilligaaaan ... the Skipper tooooooo.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-08 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-08 Pub. Date: 2017-06-08
Image Number: 158828
Caption: Sir, we're not going to be flying over the North Pole. But isn't that the fastest way to Russia? Yes, but as you may know, the North Pole is a totalitarian dictatorship embroiled in a bloody civil war between state forces and elfin rebels. I don't follow the news. Anyway, my ticket says we transfer to a connecting flight there. Didn't you guys already know about this war? That's not why we're avoiding it. Santa International just melted. @#$% global warming.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-20 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-20 Pub. Date: 2017-05-20
Image Number: 158081
Caption: Ain't nobody know what they be doin', Big L. What do you mean? Media be talkin' 'bout Russia Russia Russia all day long. But they ain't marketing it right. How come Netflix don't have "Red Dawn" an' "Twins" an' all them other Cold War movies up on they front page right now? None of this is entertainment!!! Whachoo mean? Danny DeVito an' Arnold Schwarzenegger bein' twins is pure entertainment.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-14 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-14 Pub. Date: 2017-05-14
Image Number: 157342
Caption: They got to him. I don't know how, but they got to him. Dr. Noodle. I should've seen it coming, though. After all, a guy who gets all butt-hurt about questions is the White House Spokesman in charge of answering questions. A guy who opposes paid leave and equal pay is in charge of the White House's responses to women's issues. A guy who doesn't believe in climate change is in charge of the EPA. A reputed bigot is in charge of enforcing civil rights. Trump even tried to put a guy whose company violated wage, hour and child labor laws in charge of the Department of Labor. I still don't think we know what Luke Skywalker meant by "it's time for the Jedi to end." I don't like Star Wars now that I know it's set in the Trump White House.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-29 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-29 Pub. Date: 2017-04-29
Image Number: 157289
Caption: 1982. What'll life be like when we're 40? It'll be the 21st century, Susan. We'll have achieved all sorts of things. There won't be any more poverty. Little kids won't have to go hungry. Russia won't be such a poopyhead. The cold war will be over. We'll either all be friends because we're just so tired of being enemies, or we'll all be radioactive mutants. Either way, it'll be really cool. Momma says there won't be any more Vietnams because we learned our lesson ... Whatever that means.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-21 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-21 Pub. Date: 2017-04-21
Image Number: 157016
Caption: Y'know, this world could be a paradise. For the amount of money the world spends on war … We could pay people to leave the rainforests alone. We could feed everyone. We could give everyone health care and an education. We could plant gardens everywhere. The big flower industry would hire armed goons to protect the roses.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-02 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-02 Pub. Date: 2017-04-02
Image Number: 155710
Caption: You realize we've been fighting in Afghanistan for fifteen years now? The war's old enough to get a work permit. The war's old enough to get married in seven states, with parental consent. The Candorville Chronicle. Trump Hotel Mars not cause of NASA … The war's old enough to be held criminally liable for breaking the law. It's old enough to roll its eyes at its parents and think they don't know anything about anything. Dems consider, reject change. The Afghanistan war is old enough to have read Orwell's "1984," in which he wrote "The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous." Wait ... we're still in Afghanistan? The war is old enough to Google that quote and find out Orwell didn't really write that.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-17 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-17 Pub. Date: 2017-02-17
Image Number: 154536
Caption: Son, please go to sleep. Please? Not till you thing me a thong. Lionel, I just sang you a bunch of songs. I sand you "Spock Had a Little Lamb," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Vulcan," "Hush Little Yoda," and "The Wheels on the Tardis." But you thang them in the wong order. Now you hafta thart over.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-22 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-22 Pub. Date: 2017-01-22
Image Number: 152909
Caption: I'm so over 2017. Dr. Noodle. I was looking forward to it, but now it can't end too soon for me. I thought it was going to be like old times. I thought I'd get to see what she could do. With her talent and strength, there was so much she could have accomplished. Instead, we're left with a lot less light and a lot more darkness. Now who's going to save the republic from that spoiled little angry, narcissistic baby-man? I miss Carrie Fisher too. General Leia Organa was our only hope.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-08 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-08 Pub. Date: 2016-11-08
Image Number: 150713
Caption: Exit polls in a couple of key states are showing surprisingly strong support for Donald Trump. American Pub. Let me guess, you're covering the election for the Candorville Post instead of hooking up with the lady you came to Canada to visit. What?! How'd you -- I'm you from an alternate reality where all this already happened. Oh. So ... how'd your election turn out? World War III Vet.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-11 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-11 Pub. Date: 2016-09-11
Image Number: 147720
Caption: Remember that time Donald Trump tried to "reach out to black voters"? Of course. That was just last month. The same day he tried to "reach out," he was asked about his "Make America Great Again" thing. They asked him what period in American history was "great." Trump said the '80s and the Industrial Revolution era, which was in the 1800s. In the '80s, there was that "drug war" that put more black people in jail than white people for havin' basically the same drugs. Plus we had to wear them short gym shorts. No dude should wear shorts that short. Ever. For a couple obvious reasons ... An' if there's one way to reach out to black people, it's to tell us the 1800s was good times. Just to be fair, there's no evidence he actually knows what happened in the 1800s.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-31 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-31 Pub. Date: 2016-08-31
Image Number: 147921
Caption: Not everything is about race, Clyde. You tryin' to tell me Hollywood don't have a "magical Negro" problem? You ain't noticed all the movies where a black character come outta nowhere an' has no purpose at all other than to teach white people how to solve problems? Yeah, but that's not racial. There are plenty of characters of all races who have no purpose other than to teach people lessons. And let's not forget Yoda. Confusing the issue, you are.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-14 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-14 Pub. Date: 2016-08-14
Image Number: 146528
Caption: It all started during the Republican National Convention, night two Dr. Noodle The night they put Hillary Clinton on fake trial. They found her "guilty" of everything from Benghazi to being the servant of the devil. I was just waiting for them to find her guilty of giving the empire the location of the rebel base on that ice planet. I couldn't stand her before, but all of the sudden, I became very pro-Hillary, and felt like I had to see her become president at all costs. It's only natural to want to come to someone's defense when you think they're being treated unfairly. I painted the hair on my Trump bobblehead blond.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-26 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-26 Pub. Date: 2016-07-26
Image Number: 146471
Caption: What'd you think of my article about why our country's waged so many wars? I thought it had a few typos. You wrote "Philistine" instead of "Philippines." You wrote "Manicure Destiny" instead of "Manifest Destiny." And I'm pretty sure "First Barbershop War" is not a thing. I mean what do you think of my point? I think you should stop trying to write articles with your iPhone.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-25 war 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-25 Pub. Date: 2016-07-25
Image Number: 146470
Caption: You know our country has only been around for 240 years. And in that time, we've been involved in 66 wars. That's an average of one war every 3.6 years, Now, I know what you're going to say, a lot of those, like Panama and Grenada, weren't technically "wars." It's not technically a "war" unless it gets a statue. Sorry, I don't think "Sarcasm Monday" will catch on. Who says only government can make up holidays?
     
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