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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about voices and voicing.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-04 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-04 Pub. Date: 2019-08-04
Image Number: 178780
Caption: Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. Doctor's orders. I thought you might say that. That's why I brought along my doctor. He can attest that I'm perfectly healthy and can tolerate vast quantities of caffeine. Mortimer Park is perfectly healthy and can tolerate vast quantities of caffeine. His bones are strong, his blood pressure is dandy, and he's got the pancreas of a man half his age. Give my patient a quadruple espresso, stat!!! You're a great ventriloquist, but your aim is lousy.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-20 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-20 Pub. Date: 2019-07-20
Image Number: 178564
Caption: Sadie, how can I convince my husband that a vacation is worth paying for? Excellent question. In my day, vacations were an essential component of a successful marriage. I would get two weeks a year to don a bikini, sit on a tropical beach amidst coconuts and oiled-up cabana boys, and recharge my yelling voice. And he would stay home working and have two weeks to live in dread of my imminent return. It was a win-win situation, really. What were we talking about again? Um ... nothing. Thanks.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-18 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-18 Pub. Date: 2019-02-18
Image Number: 176391
Caption: I don't get annoyed by other people's odd habits. That's good. I mean, take Cheryl, at yoga. She raises her voice at the end of every single sentence as if she's asking a question. Doesn't annoy me at all. And then there's Dale, at work. He always incorrectly uses a semicolon instead of a comma. I never even give it a second thought ... Live and let live, that's my motto. You've counted them, haven't you. He did it 97 times last month alone.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-27 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-27 Pub. Date: 2019-01-27
Image Number: 175735
Caption: Ever since the president announced he'd be pulling troops out of Syria, I've felt like some nefarious entity has put blinders on me. And I only see what they want me to see. Dr. Noodle. I spent all day channel-flipping between MSNBC, Fox and CNN … and reading all the usual newspapers ... and then it hit me ... I didn't read or hear a single voice saying we should not be militarily occupying other people's countries. It's as if the media's entire purpose is to pretend there is no dissenting opinion about our endless wars. Look what happened when Phil Donahue. He had the highest rated show on MSNBC. But as soon as he came out against invading Iraq, he disappeared! Anti-war voices in the media always disappear. That's a bit paran ... Hey ... where'd you ... ?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-13 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-13 Pub. Date: 2018-12-13
Image Number: 175378
Caption: Come on … You can't blame me for losing the Nat King Cole lawsuit. You're the one who sampled his voice without permission for your album. You're the on who begged me to pretend I was a voice actor you'd hired to impersonate Nat King Cole. It wasn't my idea! I tried to lip sync to that testimony you recorded for me using his voice. I really tried! When you lip sync, ain't no sound s'posed to come out your mouth, fool. You ain't s'posed to harmonize with the recording. I got nervous.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-12 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-12 Pub. Date: 2018-12-12
Image Number: 175377
Caption: Member how I watch your boy for you? Well, I need a favor too right quick. You want me to watch your pet pigeon? Nah, bruh … I want you to testify that you a voice actor I hired to sound like Nat King Cole, 'cause Nat King Cole people suing me for sampling him in my album. I'll watch your pigeon. All you gotta do is up sync to the testimony I recorded for you usin' Nat King Cole voice.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-11 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-11 Pub. Date: 2018-12-11
Image Number: 175376
Caption: I just downloaded your Christmas album. Good man. How on earth did you create that obscene rap battle between you and him? I mean, did he actually say those things … or did you hire a voice actor? Computers, bruh. I went through his must an' rearranged vowels an' consonants an' what not. Thank god. I'd hate to think Nat King Cole ever even knew those words. The video was harder to make.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-06 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-06 Pub. Date: 2018-11-06
Image Number: 174821
Caption: Neither party does anything for me. Why should I vote? C-Dog's incredibly bad advice 50¢. The answer simple, bruh: You shouldn't. Your vote is your voice. 'Least it the only voice a politician listen to. Best way to get a politician to listen to you is to now say anything.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-22 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-22 Pub. Date: 2018-08-22
Image Number: 173656
Caption: A voice from somewhere deep in the air duct system told me to be still, and to listen for the cries of a child, for it would lead me to a refugee whose story must be told. So I did. I stilled my mind … and it led me to wonder if I'd paid the gas bill, if I was missing an Amazon delivery, and if that cretin Gary226 had admitted defeat yet in our Facebook argument. Dios mio. Then I stilled my mind again ...
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-09 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-09 Pub. Date: 2018-08-09
Image Number: 173376
Caption: twitter. Sassynic: Jumping jacks … have those ever been considered a real exercise? They seem so … fake to me. They're the breast implants of exercises. Candorville: If a caveman saw all the glowing, blinking devices in my room he'd flip out. I'd hate 2 see what he'd do if he saw my bills for all of them. I don't understand, what's this have to do with you deciding you no longer need counseling? I'm cured! All the voices in my head have been crowded out by all the voices in my phone.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-02 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-02 Pub. Date: 2018-06-02
Image Number: 171950
Caption: I laugh at those who deem it insane when a man talks to himself, Rosencrantz … for we do not perceive reality. Instead, reality is transmitted through our sensory nodes, converted into electrical impulses, and transmitted across our synapses … whereupon our brains piece the impulses together and form an approximation of reality. Don't you see? Every person I've ever spoken with has been just a voice inside my head. Whatever, Tyrone. It's till creepy when you sing yourself to sleep.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-01 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-01 Pub. Date: 2018-06-01
Image Number: 171949
Caption: How's your girlfriend's book tour going, Lemont? It's … wait … Why'd you think quotation marks around girlfriend and book tour? We have no evidence I did that. Yeah we do. I've known you since we were six. I know all your inflections. I guess you do. You're very perceptive. Stop that.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-08 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-08 Pub. Date: 2018-04-08
Image Number: 169718
Caption: Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard this computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he's discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up ... there's a way out. His loss is a moral and intellectual void that'll never be filled. Well that's depressing ... and ... now I'm ok.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-05 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-05 Pub. Date: 2018-04-05
Image Number: 170151
Caption: 1983. You know what would be really cool? If Eddie Murphy was president. Why Eddie Murphy? Because his State of the Union speeches would be hilarious. He could dress in a leather suit, do funny voices, cuss a lot … The only thing standing in his way is that he's an entertainer. And America is too serious to put an entertainer in charge. Ronald Reagan's in charge now. That's different. Momma says he was never all that entertaining.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-18 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-18 Pub. Date: 2017-11-18
Image Number: 164875
Caption: What up witcha girl Siri, bruh? What do you mean? I was mindin' my business, watchin' "Gilligan's Island." All of a sudden cops bust down my door an' demand to know what I done to my "little buddy." The rookie cop kept screamin' "Drop the coconut." Oh yeah. I forgot to mention Apple's Siri sometimes calls the police if it thinks the voices from the tv told it to call 911. I ain't even had no coconut.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-20 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-20 Pub. Date: 2017-03-20
Image Number: 155913
Caption: I got a panicky call from Lionel's mother last night. She wanted to see him right that moment. But I told her Lionel was fast asleep, partly 'cause her tone worried me. She had one of those "I'm an evil vampire and I'm going to take your precious child and perform some ritual incantation that'll turn him into an evil blood-sucking vampire just like me" tones. I'm not sure there's really any "tone" like that, Lemont. That's because you've never kept in touch with an ex.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-07 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-07 Pub. Date: 2017-01-07
Image Number: 152860
Caption: Hello, wrong number, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Yes, I am absolutely sure I'm not the person you're trying to call. Feel free to call back a third time just in case I've realized I actually AM the person I'm not. Beep.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-12 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-12 Pub. Date: 2016-12-12
Image Number: 152110
Caption: Lemont! It's so good to hear your voice! How's Canada? How's your girlfriend? I haven't seen her yet. You know how hectic travel can be. First my plane was late … then I had to work … Then I ran into a bunch of me's from alternate universes who all warned me not to visit my girlfriend. Y'know ... the usual. Dios mio. Get out of your hotel and go see her!
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-31 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-31 Pub. Date: 2016-10-31
Image Number: 150471
Caption: Neither party does anything for me. Why should I vote? C-Dog's incredibly bad advice 50¢. The answer is simple, bruh: You shouldn't. Your vote is your voice. 'Least it the only voice a politician listen to. Best way to get a politician to listen to you is to not say anything.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-19 voice 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-19 Pub. Date: 2016-10-19
Image Number: 149906
Caption: Hello, journalist, you've reached the campaign of Donald Trump. Vancouver International Airport. If you've criticized Mr. Trump in the past, press "one," you overrated, no-talent hack. Taxi queue. If you've showered him with praise, press "two," you decent, talented credit to your profession. Boop. You've pressed "two." Your interview may now commence ... Hello? This is Trump. "One" and "two" are so close together.
     
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