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Rudy Park

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81. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-14 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-14 Pub. Date: 2016-07-14
Image Number: 145831
Caption: Attention all parents of small toddlers … There's a brand new Youtube channel you'll definitely want to show your kids. It features funny reviews of toys, video games and apps. It stars a handsome, charming man dressed in huge glasses, a big floppy hat, and a bright yellow tuxedo. No self-promotion in my cafe unless I get a 98% cut. I am totally not unaffiliated with this brilliant performer.
     
82. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-10 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-10 Pub. Date: 2016-07-10
Image Number: 144704
Caption: According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions.
     
83. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-07 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-07 Pub. Date: 2016-06-07
Image Number: 144238
Caption: Everything in life is a stepping stone to something better, little buddy. I know exactly what you mean, Randy. It's like when I first played Nintendo's Duck Hunt.
     
84. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-17 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-17 Pub. Date: 2016-05-17
Image Number: 143351
Caption: We found three sort-of earth-size planets around a nearby star. Do you think any of them have video games? I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an XBox controller. Proof of video games would change everything. I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy. Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species.
     
85. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-14 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-14 Pub. Date: 2016-05-14
Image Number: 143044
Caption: You're gonna love this, little buddy. What? The company that makes the "Call of Duty" game licensed my life story. The game will be just like a first-person shooter … only instead of search-and-kill ops … your missions consist of charming your way through life and avoiding serious romantic entanglements.
     
86. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-05-06 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-05-06 Pub. Date: 2016-05-06
Image Number: 142740
Caption: Wanna come over and watch the big game? No can do, little buddy. Baseball is a gentleman's sport where they tap a tiny ball and then trot around. I don't consider any game a "big game" unless there's a chance one player could accidentally squeeze another player's spine out of his nose like toothpaste from a tube. Beach volleyball is also watchable. I was actually talking about the new "Pac-Man Vs. Superman" X-Box game.
     
87. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-04-21 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-04-21 Pub. Date: 2016-04-21
Image Number: 142133
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 4am, minion. I'm hoping it's good news, boss. I notice you haven't supported the café on Kickstarter yet. I work here. You're supposed to pay me, not the other way around. I saw something interesting on YouTube the other day: A robot that walks, performs manual labor, never complains, never sleeps, never calls in sick ... Kickstarter accepts all major forms of payment. Very bad man.
     
88. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-04-15 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-04-15 Pub. Date: 2016-04-15
Image Number: 141818
Caption: What was Rudy like as a child, Mort? He was a very adventurous young man. Every time I visited, he would tell me about his exploits. About how he climbed mountains with some other child named Q-bert … He'd tell me about how he'd spend hours and hours collecting coins with his friends Mario and Luigi ... who just put the Joker back in Arkham Asylum? This guy!! I don't know what that means, but it sounds very strenuous.
     
89. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-04-10 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-04-10 Pub. Date: 2016-04-10
Image Number: 140929
Caption: The fad herald cometh. I've been meaning to ask him it's too late to grow a lumberjack beard. Hear ye, hear ye. The following is OUT: The last vestiges of civility in politics. The following are now IN: Name-calling, tantrum-throwing, and comparing … um ... hand sizes during debates. Also IN: Bullying, mocking, threatening, kicking, beating, stomping and other assorted hallmarks of authoritarian movements. Also in: Taking selfies while getting bullied, mocked, threatened, kicked, beaten or stomped, and uploading then to Youtube. Uploading them to Facebook is out. I disagree with that. Stop him!!! I'd like to punch him in the face.
     
90. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-20 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-20 Pub. Date: 2016-03-20
Image Number: 139970
Caption: What can I get you? I'll have a mocha, a scone, and an explanation of Beyonce's "Formation" video. Ok. Would you like that for here or to go? Here would be good. Ok. Last month, Beyonce released a music video that expressed pride in her black heritage. Pride in black culture, pride in black physical features, pride even in the Black Panther movement. The reason this is ok is, for centuries, mainstream culture has been telling black people to be ashamed of all that. They've been told to straighten their hair, talk differently, and even lighten their skin if they want to look "professional." When the world tells you to be ashamed of who you are, it's ok to say "No, I'm proud of it." That'll be $14.95. Can I also get a side of explaining why it's important that scientists finally discovered gravity waves?
     
91. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-07 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-07 Pub. Date: 2016-03-07
Image Number: 140197
Caption: Where would you spend your honeymoon? Skyrim, no contest. First, my lady and I would climb the 1,000 snow-covered steps to the summit of the mountain overlooking High Hrothgar … where we'd witness the distant castle glowing silver and blue in the light of the sunrise ... as several planets hover in the morning sky. Please tell me you're not talking about some place in a video game. I'd have chosen the rolling fields of Mulgore, but that's got too many bloodthirsty orcs.
     
92. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-03 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-03 Pub. Date: 2016-03-03
Image Number: 139845
Caption: Guess what else I found on Youtube, Randy? Evidence Vladimir Putin is an immortal. There are two photos of soldiers who look exactly like Putin, taken in 1941 and way back in 1920. Exactly like him. Could be they're related. The notion of "genetics" is a huge conspiracy by the immortals. I found that out on Youtube.
     
93. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-12 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-12 Pub. Date: 2016-02-12
Image Number: 138887
Caption: I hope Bernie Sanders wins. We've never had a president like him. We've had cool presidents, awkward presidents, dignified presidents, goofy presidents … but we've never had a curmudgeonly president. How do you know? John Adams looked pretty curmudgeonly. Presidents who were around before film or tv don't count. For all we know, they never even really existed. HOJ. We really should have our own political talk show. Theodore Roosevelt was a little bit curmudgeonly.
     
94. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-06 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-06 Pub. Date: 2016-01-06
Image Number: 137446
Caption: Isn't it amazing how fast public opinion changed? Just a few years ago, most people were clearly against it. Now most people are FOR it. Please tell me you're not talking about how people seem more interested in Playstation than Xbox. This. Changed Everything.
     
95. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-16 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-16 Pub. Date: 2015-11-16
Image Number: 135388
Caption: What're you doing for Thanksgiving, little buddy? Having a huge party. It'll be full of turkey, cranberry sauce, wine, eggnog, football, and friends and family who love me dearly. Oh, good. I was afraid you'd be alone all day playing video games. "Turkey Slaughter VI" is no ordinary game. You're coming to my place.
     
96. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-02 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-02 Pub. Date: 2015-11-02
Image Number: 134797
Caption: Did you see the "Star Wars" trailer? O … M … G!!! I'm avoiding it like the plague, little buddy. I saw the prequels. I won't get fooled again. You don't know what you're missing! This trailer is like fifty times more exciting and satisfying than all three prequels combined! In fact, I've just posted my own cut of the movie on YouTube. I just copied and pasted the trailer 90 times in Final Cut, so it repeats for two hours. It's already got 7 million views. George Lucas must need a hug right now.
     
97. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-28 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-28 Pub. Date: 2015-10-28
Image Number: 134465
Caption: How come you never take any of my ideas seriously? I'm a marketing genius. I have a long track record of attracting business in both the residential and commercial sectors. What? When? Where? I've generated hundreds of billions of simoleans in the last 24 years. Wait ... Are you taking about Sim City"? Everything I touch turns to solid gold!
     
98. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-24 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-24 Pub. Date: 2015-08-24
Image Number: 131657
Caption: Not cool, little buddy. Not cool. What're you talking about? Someone on Facebook posted a video of themselves making out with a ham sandwich … and you "liked" it. What? How did you know that?! We're Facebook friends. Every time you "like" something, it shows up in my newsfeed. But I thought you could only see my "like" if you've watched the video too. No ... No, I don't think so.
     
99. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-15 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-15 Pub. Date: 2015-08-15
Image Number: 131014
Caption: This just in: A sheriff's deputy in Kentucky is being sued over a video posted on Youtube … of him handcuffing a crying third-grader's biceps behind his back in a position most of us may consider torture. The child hadn't committed any crime, but he had displayed symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder and PTSD. Breaking news!!!!! Maybe the police ARE a tad out of control. Some say the child brought it on himself by having a disability.
     
100. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-13 video 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-13 Pub. Date: 2015-08-13
Image Number: 131012
Caption: Ask Sadie™ Dear Sadie, What do you think about what's going on with Planned Parenthood: How they were caught on tape talking about money they get for selling fetal tissue? Please tell me you're as outraged about it as I am.* - Bernard from Brea. *Actual reader question. I am. I'm especially outraged that the scientists are using the tissue to research treatments for horrible diseases. In my day, if you got a horrible disease, you died. And you were glad to do it. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
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