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Candorville

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Result page:     (12 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-04 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-04 Pub. Date: 2019-08-04
Image Number: 178780
Caption: Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. Doctor's orders. I thought you might say that. That's why I brought along my doctor. He can attest that I'm perfectly healthy and can tolerate vast quantities of caffeine. Mortimer Park is perfectly healthy and can tolerate vast quantities of caffeine. His bones are strong, his blood pressure is dandy, and he's got the pancreas of a man half his age. Give my patient a quadruple espresso, stat!!! You're a great ventriloquist, but your aim is lousy.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-13 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-13 Pub. Date: 2018-07-13
Image Number: 172717
Caption: At the refugee internment camp. I feel for the babies and their asylum-seeking parents. Most fled for their lives, only to have their families ripped apart. And when they're deported, many of those men, women and children will face certain doom. I've never known you to be so compassionate, boss. Most of them couldn't use any vast savings to bribe stooges - I mean, their connections on the city council - to donate a condemned storefront so they could open a new cafe once they're smuggled out of jail. VERY BAD MAN. Times like these make me conscious of my privilege.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-23 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-23 Pub. Date: 2017-08-23
Image Number: 161802
Caption: C-Dog ain't worried 'bout no white supremacists. Why not, Clyde? 'Cause they want a race war. An' the way things going, they just might get it. But you know what? The vast majority of white people won't be on the side. Hm. You've got a point. To win with such small numbers, supremacists would have to take over key positions in government, the courts, an' all the police departments first. That'd never happen. I hate sarcasm.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-21 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-21 Pub. Date: 2017-05-21
Image Number: 157604
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about how the coral reefs have pretty much died off. I mean yeah, a huge variety of fish and other sealife rely on the coral reefs. And yeah, about 500 million people in turn depend on that sealife for food, jobs and recreation. But it's not mankind's fault those sea creatures decided to sponge off the hard work of the polyps that made all the coral. Wait ... what? ... and it's not our fault that 500 million people didn't think ahead and get real jobs instead of sponging off welfare fish. Besides, marine habitats are something better left to private industry. If the fish really want vast expanses of underwater limestone shelters, let them buy it on the free market like the rest of us. Besides, I was just wasting my time with all those snorkeling vacations. I should've been working. You're just trying to make yourself feel better. Newsweak.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-28 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-28 Pub. Date: 2016-02-28
Image Number: 139304
Caption: There's no such thing as aliens. What?! How can you even think such a thing after all we've found? We've found over 1,000 planets! And we've only begun searching. And there's no telling how many moons those planets have. Any of them could be capable of supporting life. That just sounds silly, Lemont. "Silly"?! Do you have any idea how vast the galaxy is? We can't even see half of it! Astronomers have calculated there are almost nine billion stars with earth-size planets in the habitable zones, Susan! Nine BILLION! ... Just in our galaxy alone! What's "silly" is thinking we're all alo -- ... You're just messing with me, aren't you. It's just so easy.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-17 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-17 Pub. Date: 2015-10-17
Image Number: 133797
Caption: Do you think clouds care about the government shutdown? Do you think the sun cares whether we believe we're contributing to climate change? Do you think the Milky Way cares whether we ever stop killing each other? We're all part of a vast cosmos, Susan. If the cosmos doesn't care about the little things, I don't see why I should. I still think you should open that letter the IRS sent you.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-30 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-30 Pub. Date: 2014-03-30
Image Number: 108533
Caption: NASA found 715 new planets, Clyde. That makes about 1,700. But they can only detect planets that orbit the stars at certain angles relative to Earth. Do you have any idea what that means? That you gon' be talkin' for another twenty, twenty-five minutes? It means that for every planet they've detected, there are 1,000 more they can't detect because of the angle of their orbits. That means there are at least 1,700,000 planets up there that are right in our cosmic back yard. Whatever, dawg. Let's go outside. I can't. All of a sudden I feel like a whole lot of people are watching me. I never shoulda stole you that telescope when we was six.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-23 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-23 Pub. Date: 2013-11-23
Image Number: 104087
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out. (Originally published on 2012-04-14).
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-26 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-26 Pub. Date: 2013-10-26
Image Number: 102931
Caption: Do you think the clouds care about the government shutdown? Do you think the sun cares whether we believe we're contributing to climate change? Do you think The Milky Way cares whether we ever stop killing each other? We're all part of a vast cosmos, Susan. If the COSMOS doesn't care about the little things, I don't see why I should. I still think you should open that letter the IRS sent you.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-14 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-14 Pub. Date: 2012-04-14
Image Number: 79199
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-08 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-08 Pub. Date: 2007-06-08
Image Number: 17457
Caption: In the year 75066… Extinct Species Exhibit. Museum. You said an alpha male called "The Bush" led the Democratus Congressorus to extinction. Records are really incomplete. We think they let the unwise "Bush" grow incredibly powerful. In May 2007, The Bush issued orders giving himself vast powers in the event of something called "National Emergency." What is a "National Emergency"? Pretty sure it had something to do with an odd creature called a "Sanjaya."
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-04 vast 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-04 Pub. Date: 2007-06-04
Image Number: 17453
Caption: BRITNEY SPEARS! ALEC BALDWIN! DAVID HASSELHOFF! SIMON COWELL! ANNA NICOLE! President Bush gives himself vast powers in the event he declares a "National Emergency." BRITNEY SPEARS! ALEC BALDWIN! DAVID HASSELHOFF! SIMON COWELL! ANNA NICOLE! Wait. Back up a little? Sorry, time for my nap.
     
Result page:     (12 images)