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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-03 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-03 Pub. Date: 2017-10-03
Image Number: 163371
Caption: I wonder why people didn't seem to care as much about the devastation in Puerto Rico as they did about Houston. You serious, bruh? How old you is, six? Seven? Is you even potty trained yet? Or was you asleep the last two years when the country elected a white supremacist for president? It's not always about race. Sometimes it's just about laziness. Five. I think you five.
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-14 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-14 Pub. Date: 2017-09-14
Image Number: 162600
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old sitcoms they're bringing back? "Full House" … "Will & Grace" … "Roseanne" … "Gilmore Girls" … How come nobody's talking about bringing back "227" … "A Different World" ... "Living Single" ... "Family Matters" ... "Moesha" ... "The Cosby Show" ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Wait, wait ... scratch "The Cosby Show."
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-07 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-07 Pub. Date: 2017-08-07
Image Number: 161291
Caption: Seven Years Ago. Can you believe they're ramming Obamacare through with no votes from Republicans and only a year of hearings and stuff? Horrible leadership!!! Two Weeks Ago. Can you believe they're ramming Trumpcare through with no votes from Democrats and no hearings or anything? Amazing leadership!!! Color-blinded. What? MAGA.
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-31 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-31 Pub. Date: 2017-07-31
Image Number: 161030
Caption: Dick, I stepped out for two minutes to find a spoon, and when I returned, my chicken soup smelled a lot like Ex-Lax. The laxative. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Anyway, if, for any reason, you're unable to give that big presentation today, I could totally step in for you. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. I didn't eat it. You look thirsty. Let me bring you some tea.
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-15 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-15 Pub. Date: 2017-06-15
Image Number: 159154
Caption: Clyde picks up Lemont's son Lionel from daycare. How do I make Brixton not be a buller? Hold on … lemme call your daddy … It's ringin'. Day care. Hello? Yo, Big L, some bully beefin' wit' little man. What you want me to tell 'im to do? The plane crashed at the North Pole! We were rescued by insurgent elves but now they're holding us hostage until the dictator Santa Clause agrees to a ceasefire and two weeks' paid vacation! Send help! got it. Later, bruh. Boop. Your daddy want you to shout a lot of nonsense so the bully think you crazy. I happen to concur.
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-28 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-28 Pub. Date: 2017-05-28
Image Number: 157865
Caption: Sometimes I think you don't really like my mother. When I told you she's coming to stay with us for a month … you didn't say anything for five whole seconds. And then all you said was "ok." It would've been nice if you'd been enthusiastic and happy, and talked about all the fun things we'll do with her, and about how grateful you are she wants to spend time with us. I just don't relish the thought have having two people in our house who judge my every word. There you go with the five seconds again. You're such a jerk. Being single is underrated.
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-27 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-27 Pub. Date: 2017-04-27
Image Number: 157287
Caption: Clyde, if something ever happens to me … Don’t worry, bruh. I'll take you kid an' raise him up for you. I'll teach him all he need to know about life. He'll be the baddest two-year-old on the block. Ain't nobody gonna mess with him. I'll also teach him erethang you woulda taught him: I'll make him watch Star Track an' Doctor Boo an' some @#$% like that. Long as he ain't a snitch, we'll be cool. I was just going to say "call Susan."
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-13 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-13 Pub. Date: 2017-04-13
Image Number: 156721
Caption: You been grabbing your chest an' your jaw all day, Big L. What that be about? Nothing. It doesn't hurt. Didn't ask if it hurt, bruh. Oh. Of course not. Anyway, did you see that dumb Pepsi commercial? The one with Kendall Jenner, where they acted like class and racial tensions can be cured by a cans of soda? Stop tryin' to change the subject. You prolly 'bout to have a heart attack. No I'm not. I'm only mumblety-two years old.
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-08 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-08 Pub. Date: 2017-04-08
Image Number: 156470
Caption: It's been two years. I still can't believe Jon Stewart quit "The Daily Show." Why not? Ain't you never quit no job? Yes … wait, no. Wait, that's a double negative. Maybe even a triple. I don’t know how to answer that. You open your mouth an let wind come out. For an intelligent dude there an awful lot you ain't be knowin'.
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-25 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-25 Pub. Date: 2017-02-25
Image Number: 154806
Caption: That astronomer Neil Degrasse Tyson admitted he was wrong about those deflated footballs the Patriots used two years ago. That's proof that the so-called "global warming" thing is a big fat hoax. You're saying that if someone's wrong about one thing. They must have been wrong about anything they've ever said? Hypothetically. I wouldn't know, since I've never been wrong. The Jungle.
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-19 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-19 Pub. Date: 2017-01-19
Image Number: 153407
Caption: If a person's lucky, they'll have two, maybe three moments in life that defy explanation. Moments so magical they make you believe in destiny. It happened with Vancouver that night. She leaned back. She pulled me close … and in that ephemeral moment just before our lips united at last ... there was electricity. Literally. It was real. We felt it. We saw it. We knew in that moment it was because we were meant for one another. Actually, it was because you'd just walked over her carpet and had built up a static charge. Zip it, Neil Degrasse Tyson, this is MY story.
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-18 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-18 Pub. Date: 2017-01-18
Image Number: 153406
Caption: Vancouver was nervous, just like me. There we stood, two people who'd Facebooked every day for a year … who earn a living telling stories to millions … yet neither of us could string together a complete sentence. She drew me into her home in absolute silence ... Almost. I could hear out soft footsteps on her carpet. I could hear my own heart beating. I could hear my phone ring. I could hear her say "You gonna get that?" I could hear myself say "It's just a telemarketer." Dios mio.
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-15 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-15 Pub. Date: 2017-01-15
Image Number: 152908
Caption: Hello, you've reached Bung Lee Plumbing. This is Bung. How may I hinder you? Hi Bung. I just got an invoice from you guys for $125 plus a $75 late fee for some work you did in my apartment. But I already tried to pay that bill, two months ago. You guys sent me an invoice that asked me to pay by phone. So I called and gave someone named "Ryan" my Massacard info. He said he'd send me a receipt, but he never did. I just checked with Massacard, and it looks like you guys never ran my card. I'd be happy to give the $125 we agreed upon, but I'm not paying you any late fee. It's not my fault Ryan didn't charge me. Do you have any proof you called and spoke with Ryan? Let me ask you a question: Would this be the first time Ryan screwed up around there? Ok. I'll waive the late fee.
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-13 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-13 Pub. Date: 2017-01-13
Image Number: 153090
Caption: Lemont Brown's "Writer's Credo" page 12. #47: This, I believe: Nothing ends. Every "ending" - even DEATH - is the starting point for an infinite number of stories. #48: This, I believe" The studio that rejected my screenplay for "Casablanca 2" is an idiot.
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-10 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-10 Pub. Date: 2017-01-10
Image Number: 153087
Caption: Too many women feel entitled. I blame every man who calls his little girl a princess. I told my daughter "You ain't no princess! Take off that @#$% tiara! Ain't nobody gonna 'take care of you' but you." Now that's "real talk." A lot of men feel "entitled," too. Not my son. Made him pay me room an' board ever since he was three. Two packs of bubble gum due first of every month.
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-06 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-06 Pub. Date: 2017-01-06
Image Number: 152859
Caption: I feel like a burrito right now, Clyde. You can't have no burrito, Big L. You a single dad raisin' a two-year-old baby. What'll happen to him if you drop dead of a heart attack? Parents who don't take care of theyselves an' don't watch they carbs an minerals an' such is selfish. Whatever. Give me back my burrito, Clyde. Somebody gotta look out for the children.
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-03 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-03 Pub. Date: 2017-01-03
Image Number: 152856
Caption: What do you mean you have to stay at my place for two weeks? I'm an unarmed black man. Seem like police, vigilantes an' bruthas be shootin' unarmed black men once every couple weeks. I just gotta wait till the next one happen, then I'll have another two-week window to talk home. It's like it's open season on unarmed black men ... an' erebody think they Elmer Fudd. Look on the bright side: Plenty of other people get shot too ... That didn't come out right.
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-06 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-06 Pub. Date: 2016-12-06
Image Number: 151814
Caption: It's been a while since I've seen you two. How are you love birds doing? Dr. Noodle. Couples' counseling. Three years ago. Great. Just great. I mean, sure, we were on the verge of breaking up. And sure, the internet is young and hot, and willing to do just about anything I want ... but tv and I have been together forever, so we might as well just stick it out. Oh. So I'm just a habit to you?
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-05 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-05 Pub. Date: 2016-12-05
Image Number: 151813
Caption: What ever happened with you and Sasha? Not a thing. Two years ago. But when she wrote to you on Facebook after 14 years, you were so thrilled. Yeah. We ended up talking all day and all night for months, made plans for the future, designed matching tattoos ... but then it turned out she was married with five kids, so that was that. I heard she's now divorced and living in another state. Are you sure "that was that"? Have you ever wondered what's the best way to change a subject?
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-04 two 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-04 Pub. Date: 2016-12-04
Image Number: 151096
Caption: The other day, somebody in a red Trump hat actually to me to "Go back where you came from, n*****." I'm not surprised. That's been happening a lot. Trump's election encouraged white supremacists everywhere to come out of the shadows. They think it's their day again. Well this ain't Selma, an' I ain't Martin Luther the King. That fool found that out right quick, bruh. This ain't 1965. This here 2016. Fools better know "n*****s" be armed now. Oh god, Clyde! What did you do?! What did you do?! You had a gun?! No, I had an iPhone. I recorded the whole thing. Put it on Youtube. In just two hours, that fool got fired. Oh. Maybe we should all be packing iPhones for the next four years.
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