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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-14 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-14 Pub. Date: 2018-08-14
Image Number: 173500
Caption: Wait … You snuck into the wrong refugee internment camp? Seemed so. I was trying to reach Rudy Park and the other survivors of the town that got swallowed by a sinkhole. But it seemed I accidentally snuck into one of the President's baby jails instead. Oh ... so then what happened? Y'know, never in a millions years did I imagine I'd say either of those sentences. Focus.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-08 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-08 Pub. Date: 2018-08-08
Image Number: 173375
Caption: Dick, when you told me the Fitzhugh meeting was changed from the conference room to the laundromat across the street … Were you trying to make me miss the meeting? Of course not, Ms. Garcia. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. It was a simple mix-up. You do not suspect that I'm sabotaging you or that I want your job. Are you trying the Jedi mind trick on me? I may be excused.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-01 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-01 Pub. Date: 2018-08-01
Image Number: 173242
Caption: There you are, Dick. We need to talk. Ok, Ms. Garcia. This morning I asked you to send Mr. Fitzhugh a ficus plant for his birthday. You know what was delivered? A single dead rose. Are you trying to get me fired, Dick Fink? 'Course not. Must've been a mix-up at the florist. The nose said This'll be you soon, old man. Sincerely, Ms. Garcia. That florist is the worst.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-27 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-27 Pub. Date: 2018-07-27
Image Number: 173091
Caption: What are you thinking about, daddy? Life as a refugee, son. If our government ever turned fascist, no journalist would be safe. If I had to take you and flee … would I have any idea where proper checkpoints were to get into Canada? Or would I just head north and try to get in anywhere I could? And how would I feel if they grabbed you and put you in jail and mistreated you because I didn't save our lives properly? Oh. I thought you were thinking about jelly beans.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-26 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-26 Pub. Date: 2018-07-26
Image Number: 173090
Caption: Why do you hafta go to Ruthia, Daddy? Going to Russia's my job, son. You know Bradley'th daddy doethn't go to Ruthia to look for the pwethident. Bradley's daddy isn't a journalist who's trying to find out if the president has defected. What'th Bradley'th daddy'th job? He's a convict. What'th a convict? Someone with a lot of conviction.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-27 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-27 Pub. Date: 2018-06-27
Image Number: 172489
Caption: It's tough to know where to draw the line, as a journalist. I mean, the city won't give me access to the refugee detention facility. So I did the usual … tried to interview people involved with it. I tried the guards … I tried the custodians … I tried the architect to see if I could fit into the air-ducts ... Pretty sure that's crossing a line. He said I could just barely shimmy through if I butter myself up.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-29 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-29 Pub. Date: 2018-05-29
Image Number: 171946
Caption: Hello, you've reached the Secretary of State's office. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? I just checked, and I've been un-registered from the voter rolls. I see. We can fix that. What's your name and address? Lemont Brown. 1739 Sojourner Way, Candorville. Oh, yes Mr. Lemont Brown. It appears you tried to commit voter fraud. You registered at numerous addresses. What?! No I didn't! You're registered as a Leroy Braun over on Peebles Street ... Lamarr Boyd over on Tubman Parkway ... those people aren't me!! So you admit it, Le-Keysha Barnes?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-18 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-18 Pub. Date: 2018-04-18
Image Number: 170576
Caption: I demand the right to fire Dick Fink, sir. He's incompetent, he's a snake, and I'm pretty sure he's the one who put that family of skunks in my desk. I'm still not sure I buy the skunks, Garcia … which reminds me, did you ever complete that course on personal hygiene? Don't change the subject. Dick Fink wants my job, sir. He's been trying to ruin me ... for year. I'm not imagining this. I know ... I sound paranoid. But that's all part of his secret plan. Take the rest of the day off, Garcia. 2002.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-11 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-11 Pub. Date: 2018-04-11
Image Number: 170411
Caption: Maybe you'd understand owning a gun if you were a single female living alone. Wait … are you trying to tell me you own a gun, Susan? Remember how I was walking home six year ago, and a guy stepped out of a dark alley, dragged me into it, and got the better of me? What? Oh my god, I don't remember that at all! That's 'cause it didn't happen. Because I was armed and he ran away. What else could've made him do that? A taser ... pepper spray ... souvenir nunchucks from Panda Express ... the list is endless.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-09 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-09 Pub. Date: 2018-04-09
Image Number: 170409
Caption: In solidarity with those teens who survived the mass shooting, I've decided to stop accepting any NRA ads on my website. That's complicated by the fact they don't run any ads on my site. I thought of advertising my site on their site, so they'd notice me and try to advertise on my site ... and then I could turn them down. Walk away, Lemont. I'm just not sure it's the most ethical way to be ethical.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-26 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-26 Pub. Date: 2018-03-26
Image Number: 169885
Caption: Hey mister? Who is Stormy Daniels? Um … Stormy Daniels is a … you see what had happened was … Oh, I know: Stormy Daniels is a phrase that means to distract from far more important issues. Is that why when I tried googling it, my mom grabbed my tablet and threw it out the window? Grownups really hate being distracted.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-18 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-18 Pub. Date: 2018-03-18
Image Number: 168967
Caption: Every time there's a huge massacre, the anti-massacre snowflakes try to take away my arsenal. Don't they know what country they're in? This country was founded on guns. The laws that forbid the carrying of arms … disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes ... Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants ... for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man. - Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson never said that. And even if he had, you'd be resting your argument on the opinion of a slave owner. There they go playing the slavery card again. Well, you have to admit, if a guy thinks it's ok to treat people like property, that guy's judgment is suspect. That part of his judgment only applied to back then. The gun part applies to right now and forever ... because reasons. You know what he thought it was ok to do with his slaves?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-17 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-17 Pub. Date: 2018-03-17
Image Number: 169398
Caption: Whachoomean little man with his momma? I thought you had full custody. An' I thought you said she an evil vampire. Lionel's been asking to visit his mom for a while now. I don't want to deny him that, even if the court says I can. Besides, people are different things to different people. Just 'cause she's evil toward me, that doesn't mean she's evil toward him. Didn't you say she once tried to have you assassinated? That was just a misunderstanding.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-10 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-10 Pub. Date: 2018-03-10
Image Number: 169168
Caption: … so he tried to sneak out a note that said please help me, but I caught him. Excuse me … I couldn't help but overhear. A note can't say anything. As awkward as it may sound, the correct word isn't said, it's read. What would you like your tombstones to read? Perfect!
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-07 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-07 Pub. Date: 2018-03-07
Image Number: 169165
Caption: Have you already had any coffee from that pot, Ms. Garcia? Why do you ask, Terry? Oh … no reason. No reason at all. If you've already had some, you may as well have more. It wouldn't make a difference at this point. Are you trying to scare me away form the coffee so you can have it all yourself? It's been an honor working with you, ma'am.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-27 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-27 Pub. Date: 2018-02-27
Image Number: 168928
Caption: I checked my news site's stats, and 98% of my readers these days are form the United States and Canada. It's almost as if the entire rest of the world has decided to stop reading news about the United States. What do you think I could do to get international readers to come back to my site? I mean, short of getting the western world to see us as their leader again. Have you tried showing some leg? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-24 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-24 Pub. Date: 2018-02-24
Image Number: 168665
Caption: Hello, mom, you've reached Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out on a date with a girl other than the one you keep trying to set me up with. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as she's broken my heart and I'm ready to come to my senses.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-22 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-22 Pub. Date: 2018-02-22
Image Number: 168663
Caption: I am come that you may have life and have it abundantly. Be not content to live in a basement studio apartment with cable TV jacked from your neighbor across the alley. You are capable of so much more, my child. Am I capable of gettin' some sleep, bruh? Well, excuse me for trying to grant you a divine revelation. Excused.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-16 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-16 Pub. Date: 2018-02-16
Image Number: 168417
Caption: I can't get over Black Panther, Clyde. Me neither, bruh. I ain't never had to sit next to no dude wearin' nothin' but black body-paint before. I tried spandex, but it still looked too puffy. Bruh … It's not my fault Disney made Black Panther's costume so skintight. Can ... can we not talk 'bout it no more?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-04 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-04 Pub. Date: 2018-02-04
Image Number: 167354
Caption: More than 170 million of us might have radium in our tap water, Clyde. Radium. Do you have any idea what this means? What it mean, Big L? Canada or Bust! It means we may be drinking radioactive water. It could cause all sorts of things: anemia, bone cancer, cataracts, fractured teeth, death ... invisibility, super speed, wings, teleportation, mind-reading, laser eyes, crime-fighting, and a spandex-and-cape fetish. I'm just trying to look on the bright side of living in a country where the White House keeps nominating a person who's known for falsifying data to get around water safety regulations to be head of the White House Council of Environmental Quality. I don't drink nothin' but Pepsi, bruh, so I don't care 'bout none of this. I'm gonna have to start working out if I have to wear spandex.
     
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