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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-21 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-21 Pub. Date: 2018-01-21
Image Number: 166923
Caption: I got sucked into an argument with my Uncle Elroy again. Dr. Noodle. He send me a dozen article from dailynutjob.com about how George Soros is behind all the conspiracy theories about George Soros. I couldn't help it … I finally wrote back, saying "Why?? Why would he do that??" He replied "Because George Soros is trying to make people who buy into George Soros conspiracy theories look bad." Oh my. Then he sent me article after article about how Antifa spies were getting white supremacist haircuts and pretending to be white supremacists, and saying evil white supremacist things. I couldn't help it ... I finally wrote back, saying "Why?? Why would they do that??" I thought we agreed you'd meditate whenever you had the urge to ask that question. He said "because they're trying to make white supremacists look bad."
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-17 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-17 Pub. Date: 2018-01-17
Image Number: 167357
Caption: I'm not in love with my girlfriend anymore. How do I fix that? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice 50¢. Here what you do, bruh: Pretend she ain't your girlfriend. Pretend she the hot single women you first noticed. You mean try to look at her with fresh eyes again? I meant go see other women ... but that could work too. (Originally published on 2015-12-30)
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-14 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-14 Pub. Date: 2018-01-14
Image Number: 166587
Caption: I was walking along the sidewalk minding my own business … Dr Noodle … when a cop stopped me and ticketed me for walking without a driver's license. Then he took me to jail and held me there for seven hours. May lawyer found out he's done this before, almost always to black pedestrians. I tried really hard to understand why he does that. I thought "maybe he's just incompetent. Maybe he's emasculated at home so he overcompensates at work. Maybe he was trained to do this and so it's not his fault. Maybe the Mandela Effect is real and he came from an alternate universe where walking without a driver's license actually is illegal. People often go to great lengths to avoid noticing this particular elephant in the room. I'm told it's awfully rude to accuse people who do racist things of being racist.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-01 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-01 Pub. Date: 2018-01-01
Image Number: 166779
Caption: I published my new book, Clyde. It's all about how I met my girlfriend and how Trump became president. It's called "Canada or Bust!" … Available right now from my website, from Amazon, and from a bookstore near you. Bruh … is we havin' a conversation, or is you tryna sell me somethin'? I would never try to sell my own friends something Clyde. That'd be tacky. Is that your book right there in your hands with the title pointed at my face?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-19 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-19 Pub. Date: 2017-12-19
Image Number: 166284
Caption: I went out with this book agent last week and told him some stories about work. Then he tried to get me to write a novel based on it. Awesome! I've written three, you know. If you need any advice, just come to me. I could walk you through it. Share my expertise. Writing a novel is a long, hard process. Takes about six months to a year. I'll guide you through it, 'cause you're my best friends and I love you. I finished it last week. I hate you with a passion.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-10 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-10 Pub. Date: 2017-12-10
Image Number: 165352
Caption: I've been racking my brain trying to think of every interaction I've ever had with a woman. Dr. Noodle. I mean, when I was in my twenties, I did what guys in their twenties often did: I hit on women. Lots of them. We used to think that if a lady wasn’t interested, we just weren't trying hard enough. There were books about how to be more clever. How to be a pickup artist. There were times at the club when I was dancing with a lady, thought I had a shot, and went in for a kiss. Sometimes they didn't even know they were into me until I kissed them. But then they kissed back. Other times, they pushed me off and that was that ... or so I thought. Now, at any moment, some random woman could come forward and ruin my life. Well, lets start by acknowledging it's a healthy thing for society that men are learning what it's like to live in fear, for a change. Doesn't feel healthy.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-03 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-03 Pub. Date: 2017-12-03
Image Number: 165351
Caption: Every time a cop shoots a black man, someone tries to change the subject by saying "yeah but … black-on-black crime is a much bigger problem." Let's imagine they did that for everything. Let's do this. "Taxes are too high." Yeh but … you rent cost a lot more, so whachoo whinin' 'bout? "Politicians don't listen to us." Yeh, but ... men don't truly listen to women in they relationships. Deal widdat first, if you serious about people bein' heard. "The city should fix all these potholes." Yeh but ... erytime a big meteor hit us, it make craters bigger'n all the potholes combined. How I'm supposed to take you serious about them potholes when I ain't never heard you say nothin' about them in asteroid craters? Good game, Clyde.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-23 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-23 Pub. Date: 2017-11-23
Image Number: 165150
Caption: All right, Sherry, let's meet up after and I'll help you bury it. Pardon me … couldn't help but overhear … It's unnecessary to add "up" after "meet." … And it's as strange as saying "let's dance up," or "let's sleep up." For that matter, what's with people who say "eat up"? Are you trying to catch a beat-down? "Down"? See how arbitrary it is?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-13 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-13 Pub. Date: 2017-11-13
Image Number: 164870
Caption: The ultra right wing's frantic warnings saved this country from an ANTIFA apocalypse back on November 4th. (Sigh) No, they didn't. ANTIFA was going to try and overthrow the Trump government by violently taking over every street corner in America. (Sigh) No. They weren't. Right. That's 'cause they must've found out we were on to them. I personally showed up with my rifles just in case they tried anything, and that's why none of them tried anything. We stopped it. You're welcome. You didn't stop anyth -- ... They were never going to overthr -- (Sigh) ... Oh, never mind. Show some respect, you're talking to a veteran of November the fourth.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-06 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-06 Pub. Date: 2017-11-06
Image Number: 164649
Caption: The president's chief of staff, General John Kelly, was right: the Civil War happened 'cause the country did not compromise. Say what? Maybe they should've tried … oh, I don't know … splitting the difference and saying black people were worth 3/5ths of a person. Or maybe they should've admitted a slave state for every new free state admitted or maybe Lincoln should've just offered to limit slavery's expansion instead of ending it. Or maybe they should've passed some sort of "Fugitive Slave Act." I hate "Sarcasm Monday"! I'm glad the White House is filled with people who really know your history.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-02 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-02 Pub. Date: 2017-10-02
Image Number: 163370
Caption: Thank god the GOP has given up trying to take health care away from millions of people. No they haven't. Trying-to-repeal-Obamacare has become a tradition, like celebrating-holidays-by-not-thinking-about-why-we-have-a-day-off-and-just-barbecuing has become a tradition. I've stocked up on hot dog buns and beer for the next repeal day. You-not-letting-me-enjoy-the-moment has become a tradition.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-28 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-28 Pub. Date: 2017-09-28
Image Number: 163100
Caption: … So anyway, I had to fire an art director, a copywriter, a designer, a production artist and our web designer because of that donkey incident. That's too bad. But you did the right thing … you made the tough decision … "Always do what's best for the donkey," that's my motto. You know, I can tell when you haven't really been listening. What? I was totally listening! Then tell me what happened with the donkey. It's too atrocious for words. Nice try.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-20 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162850
Caption: All children go through a crisis when they first realize their parents aren't perfect. Tell me about it. Dr. Noodle. After Lionel calmed down, I convinced him I wasn't purposely trying to kill the neighbor by selling him a microwave that might cause cancer ... or at least I thought I did. That night, flashing lights and a siren woke me from a deep slumber. I looked out the window ad say the police and the coroner were at the neighbor's apartment. It's a good idea to hide the phone for the duration of the crisis. Scribble scrib - Lionel later told be he'd called anonymously, using the name "Daniel Tiger," so I wouldn't get locked up. He's so smart.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-19 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-19 Pub. Date: 2017-09-19
Image Number: 162849
Caption: When my little boy got home from day care and found out I'd sold the microwave, he started sobbing. Dr. Noodle. He asked who bought it. I said "a neighbor." He whimpered and blubbered "But I don't want the neighbor to have it! I want us to have it!" M.A ... I tried to make him feel better by telling him it's best not to have one anyway, because all microwaves leak radiation and that can cause cancer ... and that's when your son accused you of trying to murder your neighbor? I never realized how horrible a person I was until my son started asking questions.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-14 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-14 Pub. Date: 2017-09-14
Image Number: 162600
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old sitcoms they're bringing back? "Full House" … "Will & Grace" … "Roseanne" … "Gilmore Girls" … How come nobody's talking about bringing back "227" … "A Different World" ... "Living Single" ... "Family Matters" ... "Moesha" ... "The Cosby Show" ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Wait, wait ... scratch "The Cosby Show."
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-09 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-09 Pub. Date: 2017-09-09
Image Number: 162347
Caption: My son keeps loading 'The Cosby Show' on Hulu. What fo'? Cosby ain't never been funny. He always been boring as @#$% an' I ain't never liked him. Cosby ain't nothin' now, Cosby ain't never been nothin', and I always thought he was creepy. People always try to go back and pretend they were right about someone all along. He ain't never made me laugh. Not even once!
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-31 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-31 Pub. Date: 2017-08-31
Image Number: 162090
Caption: I got into a Twitter feud wit @joanwalsh. @davidshuster asked her and @joyannreid to apologize for using the term "alt left." I backed him up. When they and @govhowarddean used the term against progressives, they helped validate it. And that helps @realdonaldtrump neutralize the toxicity of the term "alt right" ... which makes it harder to fight white supremacy. I think I won. I'm going to give @govhowarddean a piece of my mind too. Are you @trying to @change-the-subject because you're @losing the @argument about @josswhedon's @divorce? It's just @joss. And I'm @changing-the-subject because it's @none-of-our-business.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-17 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161534
Caption: Hello, me, I'm you form the future. I've come back in time to ask you to do a wider variety of activities. Go visit seedy bars in foreign lands and get into misadventures with the locals, become a reality tv star and then run for office. Go live amongst the Aborigines in Australia and when you return, try to smuggle a kangaroo past customs. Anything! Our grandkids are tired of hearing the same five stories over and over again, is that I'm saying. Zzzzz.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-08 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-08 Pub. Date: 2017-07-08
Image Number: 159984
Caption: Will warn you about people who'll try to trip you, for $$$. Tripped? I'll help you up, for $$$.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-07 try to 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-07 Pub. Date: 2017-07-07
Image Number: 159983
Caption: Ok Ace … I'm coming out. I'll stop pushing you away. I promise I won't let my fear or anything else get in the way of whatever it is you wanted to talk about. Marry me. Susan Ometeotl Garcia, will you m … Marry me. Dios mio! That's Lemont's girlfriend! With some other guy! You're trying my patience.
     
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