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Rudy Park

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81. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-29 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-29 Pub. Date: 2015-10-29
Image Number: 134466
Caption: Today, our quest continues for someone who can come up with a solution for dealing with the partisan gridlock in Washington. In my day, we built bunkers ten feet underground and stocked them with tuna fish. We planned to sit out the apocalypse down there, eating tuna on crackers and playing Scrabble. Tomorrow, our quest continues ...
     
82. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-30 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-30 Pub. Date: 2015-09-30
Image Number: 133159
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "man-talk, woman-talk, other-talk." Whatever your gender, it's important to be seen huddling with members of the same gender. Others of that same gender who witness your huddle automatically see you as port of the local branch of you gender's ruling council. The tribal huddle. Learn it. Use it.
     
83. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-09 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-09 Pub. Date: 2015-09-09
Image Number: 132286
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never, ever be applied in the boudoir.
     
84. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-07 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-07 Pub. Date: 2015-09-07
Image Number: 132284
Caption: Boss, remember when you said you'd consider giving me a raise if I were to show initiative? No. I used the café's line of credit to buy ads on a national broadcast. You did what? If the ad increases business, do I get a raise? Maybe. What channel's it on? Fox? NBC? Today's "Ask Sadie Radio Show" is brought to you by the worst excuse for a cafe in America.
     
85. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-28 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-28 Pub. Date: 2015-08-28
Image Number: 131661
Caption: What's that? It's called a "book." It's what normal people read in pursuit of wisdom, education or titillating escapism. It doesn't light up, or beep, or do any of the dumb things you kids today seem to need. That's kind of harsh. No, that's the title of my memoirs. I've been published! ... Care to hear the subtitle?
     
86. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-06 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-06 Pub. Date: 2015-08-06
Image Number: 130661
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: BERNIE SANDERS. Specifically, we'll be asking "What does it mean that this man has never run a negative, personal ad?" Well, I'll tell you … IT MEANS BERNIE SANDERS IS UNAMERICAN! Insinuating that your opponent is a lying, godless, traitorous scumbag is one of the pillars upon which this great nation was founded.
     
87. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-31 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-31 Pub. Date: 2015-07-31
Image Number: 130395
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your question? I'm seeing two men. One's poor but I'm crazy about him. The other feels more like a friend but he's filthy rich. If I could somehow combine the two of them into one man, he's be the perfect man for me. But I can't, so which one should I keep? Grandma Cohen once told me, "If you've got two suitors you wish you could combine into one, that means neither is right for you." But Grandma Cohen never lived to see the wondrous advances in black-market surgery we enjoy today.
     
88. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-11 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-11 Pub. Date: 2015-07-11
Image Number: 129354
Caption: We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking news!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.
     
89. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-06-07 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-06-07 Pub. Date: 2015-06-07
Image Number: 127265
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Hello handsome SADIE, it's Timona here greeting you from Kiev, Ukraine. Yeah we are in great political turmoil right now, but I will let you in on a secret since we are old friends. Now is the best time for to invest in the Ukraine real estate. In 2005, for inspect, a 71 sq. meter abode sold for $7,500 US Dollars. Today it sell for at only $1,100 US Dollars. Lovely school for to nearby, as well as charming Mall within walking distance with has all the conveniences. Keep this amazing opportunity quiet. I only tell YOU because of that time we made that amazing connection. Your friend, Timona. Click here for to house buy. Excellent question. I get letters like this all the time ever since I publicly announced my email address. It reminds me of the time I hired a 17-year-old nerd to track down a spammer's true IP address, name, birthdate, physical address, and bank account number ... and shipped the spammer two tons of manure purchased with his entire life savings. It cost me a vinyl record, a Mountain Dew and a crate of Cheetos, but it was worth it. Ask Sadie a question (but be careful) at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
90. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-31 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-31 Pub. Date: 2015-05-31
Image Number: 126893
Caption: Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. Coming up. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. And can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going. And can you substitute ginseng for the macadamia nut, ostrich swear for the turkey tears, and pumpernickel for the bagel?
     
91. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-25 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-25 Pub. Date: 2015-05-25
Image Number: 127569
Caption: Today we're going to talk about brainless reality tv! The other day I was trying to watch "Price is Right," but some other channel came on. Something called "Basketball Wives: LA." It was nothing but women being catty and hateful and mean-spirited. Anyone who watches that smut is brainless! Especially episode 14, which was the most outrageous of all three seasons.
     
92. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-17 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-17 Pub. Date: 2015-05-17
Image Number: 126205
Caption: We're back, baby! Oh, no. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr. Web. $12.50. I'll have Jell-o. Make that two Jello-os. We're celebrating. The old lady and I are back together again. What? How dare you?! I'm only four months older than you. You're on thin ice, darling. Oh, I'm on thin ice, snookums? Am I the one who invited his freeloading sister to live with us without even a discussion? Am I the one who "accidentally" left the gate open so her husband's beloved dog could run away? ... Dear? You're the one who incessantly rubs all that in my face ... Darling pudding-pie. Make mine for here, but make his to go. No, make mine for here, but make hers to go. Sorry, I'm breaking up with both of you.
     
93. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-05 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-05 Pub. Date: 2015-05-05
Image Number: 126575
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Bruce Jenner. Specifically, we'll be asking why the #$%@ should any of us care whether Bruce wears tighty-whities or frilly-lillies? Mind your own business, America!!! For the next three hours, we'll be talking trash about the people who can't stop talking about Bruce Jenner.
     
94. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-26 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-26 Pub. Date: 2015-04-26
Image Number: 125280
Caption: Today, an installment of our periodic feature: Uncle Mort's Less Than Mainstream Theories™ Of late, there has been a most welcome decline in crime in America. For whatever reason, I now feel comfortable taking a leisurely stroll at night, and I can wear my favorite blue flannel shirt without being shot at by gangsters who mistake me for a Crip. But let me explain what's really going on. THIS IS ALL A CONSPIRACY BY FLANNEL-SHIRT INDUSTRY EXECUTIVES! They've clearly convinced gangs across the country to cut down on the violence in return for some sort of profit-sharing arrangement. The saggy-jean industry is in on this too. A guy in skinny jeans tried to mug me. Couldn't get his own gun out of his pocket. Which also accounts for the falling crime.
     
95. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-08 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-08 Pub. Date: 2015-04-08
Image Number: 125276
Caption: Your face is still hurting? You'd better get that checked. Maybe it'll go away. House of Java.net Cybercafe. True. Or maybe it'll turn into something a lot worse because you didn't get it checked today. It could be nothing, but it could also be nerve damage. Or an infection in your gums. You could lose all your teeth, little buddy. How'd you like to try paying for implants on minimum wage? That sounds awesome. Can they be bionic? "Matter-Eater Lad" was my favorite superhero.
     
96. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-18 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-18 Pub. Date: 2015-02-18
Image Number: 123160
Caption: What was life really like in the Middle Ages, Sadie? A lot like today. There were a tiny handful of filthy rich feudal lords, and a huge mass of poor peasants who were too ignorant to see what was going on. What? No, I didn't really want to learn anything, I was just calling you "old." Let's try that again ... How did the sky over your house look after that asteroid wiped out all the dinosaurs? It looked brown. A lot like today.
     
97. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-02 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-02 Pub. Date: 2015-02-02
Image Number: 122486
Caption: You're all smiles today, little buddy. What's up? The Hololens. What's a "Hololens"? Goggles that project holograms and computer interfaces on top of everyday things. Next time I'm sitting on a crowded bus and someone's rump is right in front of me, I can turn it into a tv screen. Or play solitaire on it. I've been waiting for this tech my whole life. Can I project smiles onto the grouchy?
     
98. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-18 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-18 Pub. Date: 2015-01-18
Image Number: 120915
Caption: It's the Fad Herald. Please say hoverboards are in. Hear ye, today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Totally ignoring that we're now living in the year depicted in the movie "Back to the Future, part 2." Out: Any observation about what's come true: 3D movies, tablet computers, video conferencing, wall-mounted, wide-screen TVs that display multiple channels at once, being consumed by personal electronics and hoverboards. Um ... But I've been waiting 26 years to make those observations. Me too. Same here. And I've been waiting 26 years to mock everyone who does that. I'm not sure you got this one right, Fad Herald. Also out: Questioning what you're told. Oh. Sorry about that.
     
99. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-06 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-06 Pub. Date: 2015-01-06
Image Number: 121146
Caption: You see how empty the cafe is today, Rudy? Yeah. Not a single patron all day. House of Java.net CyberCafe. That's because they're all up the road at Coffee King. I saw them on my way here. Coffee King's lowered its prices and copied your menu. They're selling everything you guys sell, but for half the price. I'm only here out of loyalty. That's very selfless of you. Yeah. Ladies dig selflessness.
     
100. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-14 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-14 Pub. Date: 2014-12-14
Image Number: 119418
Caption: Hello, Rudy. Hi Uncle Mort, what would you like today? How buttered scone; chamomile tea; big, heaping bow of oatmeal. Check, check and check. Also, an explanation of why you didn’t vote in the most important election of your life. Oh come on, Uncle Mort ... I've been voting for decades now. I vote every single time there's a presidential election. That's the one that really matters. All the other elections are for people who need the practice. Wait ... are you saying the presidential elections are the "big leagues" and the midterms are like the minors? DEMOCRACY IS NOT A SPORT!!! I'm no amateur.
     
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