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Candorville

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41. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-07 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-07 Pub. Date: 2015-04-07
Image Number: 125199
Caption: Dick, I stepped out for two minutes to find a spoon, and when I returned, my chicken soup smelled a lot like Ex-Lax. The laxative. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. Anyway, if for ANY reason you're unable to give that big presentation today, I could totally step in for you. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. I didn't eat it. You look thirsty. Let me bring you some tea.
     
42. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-22 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-22 Pub. Date: 2015-01-22
Image Number: 121834
Caption: Out of curiosity, why do you ask if I know where C-Dog was earlier today? $1000 in small, Cheeto-dust covered bills was left at the altar this morning, with a note that said "use this to help victims of gun violence." That doesn't sound like C-Dog. "This definitely ain't from a hardcore G like C-Dog. Sincerely, C-Dog." I know nothing. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-04).
     
43. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-04 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-04 Pub. Date: 2014-11-04
Image Number: 118496
Caption: I tried to vote today, but I didn’t have ID because someone stole my wallet last week. I showed them my temporary driver's license, but that wasn't good enough. I showed them my passport, but it's expired, so that wasn't good enough. So I tried to hire an "illegal" immigrant to vote on my behalf, but it turns out that's not as easy as the voter-ID people say it is.
     
44. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-24 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-24 Pub. Date: 2014-10-24
Image Number: 117918
Caption: You know what made World War II "great" aside from "good" and "evil" being clearly defined? It ended. It was like a novel with a shocking beginning, a perilous middle and a climactic, definitive ending. Today's war's like a tired soap opera the network keeps on the air as long as it's earning them money.
     
45. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-30 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-30 Pub. Date: 2014-09-30
Image Number: 117057
Caption: Do you remember the first thing that happened today? I woke up. I suppose that the first thing that happened today. Like the day only starts when you wake up. Narcissist. Shhhh. I'm trying to end the day. Spare change? (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-30).
     
46. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-20 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-20 Pub. Date: 2014-05-20
Image Number: 111555
Caption: You're with WHAT? "Jehovah's Alibi." Wit' all the terrible things happening in the world today … … You may be wonderin' if a higher power know you done some o' that. … An you may be wonderin' how you can blame that higher power for the stuff you done did. Tell me more. Kevin, give a copy of the I-Ain't-Seen-Nothin' Tower.
     
47. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-10 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-10 Pub. Date: 2014-05-10
Image Number: 111022
Caption: The suit-animals tossed me $85 in coins today, Rosencrantz. They gave you $84.50. So? Do you assume that makes you better? Do you not have even a flicker of doubt about that whole system of self-worth measurement? Suppose it had come down against you, with ME getting 50 cents more? It could easily have happened ... ... And by your system, that'd make you inferior. Shouldn't you be shining my shoes?
     
48. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-14 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-14 Pub. Date: 2014-04-14
Image Number: 110106
Caption: You have any plans today, Clyde? Nah dawg, that ain't how it go. The C-Dog don’t make plans, Big L. You make a plan, you spend all day tryin' to make that plan happen. … An' you fail to capitalize on the dozens of random opportunities that come outta no place ereday. Plans is for the lazy.
     
49. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-19 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-19 Pub. Date: 2014-02-19
Image Number: 107708
Caption: I haven't finished reading a novel since my son was born. Taking care of him leaves me no time for any of my old hobbies. So I'm coming up with new hobbies he and I can do together. That makes sense. Today's hobby is going to be "Hide and Seek." I'll take about an hour to find him just so he'll think he's doing a great job hiding. How long does it take you to read a chapter in a novel? I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
50. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-04 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-04 Pub. Date: 2014-02-04
Image Number: 106773
Caption: What are your symptoms, Mr. Dogg? Emptiness, hollowness … Lack of appetite … Loss of interest in stuff I used to like … … An jus' today I felt somethin' I ain't never felt before. I actually … well … this is completely confidential, right? Yes. I … I actually cared what someone thought of me. We'll run some tests.
     
51. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-24 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-24 Pub. Date: 2014-01-24
Image Number: 106502
Caption: Today … Clyde, you know how Governor Thugman's office had the world's busiest bridge shut down for petty political revenge? I've been investigating that for my blog, trying to find out who gave him the idea in the first place. The callousness of it … the stupidity of it ... keeps leading me back to one possibility, Clyde. I was as shocked as you to learn my homie "Big Oatmeal" went an' gave him advice behind my back. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. Way to take responsibility, Clyde.
     
52. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-23 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-23 Pub. Date: 2014-01-23
Image Number: 106501
Caption: This is Lemont Brown with candorville.com, calling to confirm my interview with Governor Thugman today. No, I'm not gonna endorse him for 2016 … … I'm gonna ask why he misuses public accommodations to exact revenge on political opponents. That's odd … the subway system just shut down. Hello? ... Hello?
     
53. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-21 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-21 Pub. Date: 2013-12-21
Image Number: 105215
Caption: Feudalbanc Massacard, this is Ryan speaking. My statement shows $300 of charges for kangaroo shampoo in some far off country I never heard of. … And coincidentally, I got a letter today advertising your "fraud prevention services" for $15 a month. I see. So you'd like to know how to sign up for protection? I'd like to know if you think I was born YESterday. I recorded you saying "yes," you're signed up, have a nice day, bye.
     
54. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-19 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-19 Pub. Date: 2013-12-19
Image Number: 105213
Caption: Fuedalbank Massacard, Ryan Berbicara. How may I bantuan you? Uhm … huh? I'm sorry, I can't understand you. Can you transfer me to someone in America? What makes you berpikit I'm not in America. Nice weather we're mengalami, huh? Not a single cyclone today. Not falling for it.
     
55. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-06 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-06 Pub. Date: 2013-10-06
Image Number: 101948
Caption: Hello, you've reached Wells Fraggo Bank. Ryan speaking. How may I hinder you today? I have a question. I need to transfer money from my savings to my checking … … But when I try, it tells me I've exceeded the maximum number of online transfers for the month. You guys never told me there was any maximum number of online transfers. It says if I transfer money, I may or may not be hit with an excess transaction fee. But it doesn't tell me what that fee is. So my question is: what else are you guys not telling me? I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I was busy processing your excess phone call fee.
     
56. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-05 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-05 Pub. Date: 2013-09-05
Image Number: 101090
Caption: Anything interesting going on with the labor unions? The what? The unions. Oh. Yeah. Of course. Mainstream Media. Union Carbide is a subsidiary of DOW Chemical. Guess what their stock price is today? No, I mean what's going on with worker safety, wages, etc. I'm not familiar with that corporation.
     
57. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-21 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-21 Pub. Date: 2013-08-21
Image Number: 100553
Caption: Can I use your computer when you done, Big L? No, Clyde. Thug 4 Life. With just a few clicks, you'd have access to my journal, my bank account, my photos and my browser history. Or you could download a virus or do something illegal and I'd get blamed for it. When have I ever don anything like that today? Forget it.
     
58. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-10 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-10 Pub. Date: 2013-08-10
Image Number: 100036
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you wont be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "Thank You" at the sound of the beep. BEEP.
     
59. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-04 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-04 Pub. Date: 2013-05-04
Image Number: 96491
Caption: The suit-animals tossed me $85 in coins today, Rosencrantz. They gave you $84.50. So? Do you assume that makes you better? Do you not have even a flicker of doubt about that whole system of self-worth measurement? Suppose it had come down against you, with me getting 50 cents more? It could've easily happened ... ... And by your system, that'd make you inferior. Shouldn't you be shining my shoes? (Originally published 2011-07-30).
     
60. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-02-15 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-02-15 Pub. Date: 2013-02-15
Image Number: 93314
Caption: Clyde! How's your day? That depend. Is you askin' cuz you really wanna know? … Or is you askin' just so you can say "cool … " … And then have an excuse to tell me about your day? Cool! Guess what happened to me today? Nice try, brotha, bit I invented that move.
     
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