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Candorville

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41. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-21 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-21 Pub. Date: 2015-10-21
Image Number: 133800
Caption: Sometimes I think "baby brain" is a real thing, Susan. Ever since I won custody of my son, I've been forgetting things. I've forgotten what I had for breakfast … I've forgotten whether I took a shower today … I can't believe you're blaming forgetting my birthday on your two-year-old kid. What are we talking about?
     
42. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-19 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-19 Pub. Date: 2015-09-19
Image Number: 132519
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you won't be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "thank you" at the sound of the beep. Beep.
     
43. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-26 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-26 Pub. Date: 2015-08-26
Image Number: 131715
Caption: Can I use your computer when you done, Big L. No, Clyde. With just a few clicks, you'd have access to my journal, my bank account, my photos and my browser history. Or you could download a virus or do something illegal and I'd get blamed for it. When have I ever done anything like that today? Forget it.
     
44. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-23 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-23 Pub. Date: 2015-08-23
Image Number: 130939
Caption: You smell really good today, Susan … not that you don't usually smell good … not that I go around sniffing you or anything … not that I purposely avoid smelling you. You know what? I'm going to just start today over again.
     
45. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-20 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-20 Pub. Date: 2015-07-20
Image Number: 129956
Caption: Guess what happened to me today. You discovered you were adopted? A long-lost twin sister you never knew about contacted you because she needs a kidney? Donald Trump tried to have you deported? You only get this literal when you've had a bad day. People should say what they mean.
     
46. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-08 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-08 Pub. Date: 2015-07-08
Image Number: 129283
Caption: Do you know what story you want daddy to read you tonight? Beaw. Daddy can't read you the bear book because you threw it out the window earlier today. Daddy told you, when you throw things away, they're not yours anymore. Thtop it! You can't make consequences go away by saying "stop it." Thtop it!!!
     
47. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-19 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-19 Pub. Date: 2015-06-19
Image Number: 128380
Caption: Tyrone, what day is it today? Is it Friday? It feels like a Friday. Spare change. I refuse to answer such a destructive question. Why must we always know the exact year, month, day, hour, minute and second? A person who obsesses over such minutiae becomes acutely aware of the moments of his life slipping away like sand through an hourglass. I refuse to pour the ocean of my life into little cups and then waste all my time counting them. It's ok to just admit when you don't know something.
     
48. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-17 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-17 Pub. Date: 2015-06-17
Image Number: 128378
Caption: Hi, you don't know me, but your son was bullying mine at the playground today and you didn't make him apologize. Who is this? How did you get my phone number? I took a photo of you as you drove off, and uploaded it to Google image search which linked me to your blog. I got your number from your domain name registry. I'm pretty sure that's stalking. Keep letting your gargoyle push my son off the swings with impunity, and you'll find out about stalking.
     
49. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-01 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-01 Pub. Date: 2015-05-01
Image Number: 126134
Caption: Hey Lemont, feel like catching the "Avengers" movie later today? … Yeah, I'll get the popcorn. … Sure, I'll be fine with seeing it in 3-D. … Yeah, I promise not to heckle the movie. … No, I won't be embarrassed if you dress up as Captain America. … What the -- It's dark in there. How would you even know if I roll my eyes when they win against all odds? (Sigh) ok, I promise.
     
50. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-30 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-30 Pub. Date: 2015-04-30
Image Number: 126133
Caption: Dick Fink, come in here for a second, will you? Ok, Ms. Garcia. The CEO called me into his office today to ask why our nemesis, McMahon, Tate, Stephens and Evans, called him for a reference. He was furious. Almost fired me. Apparently someone sent them my resume, and said the best time to call would be 3 a.m. Do you know anything about this? No. But I'll prevaricate ... I mean, investigate ... this thoroughly.
     
51. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-19 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-19 Pub. Date: 2015-04-19
Image Number: 125204
Caption: Nobody's proper anymore. Dr. Noodle. What ever happened to the good old days, when gentlemen were gentlemen? Men never spit in public. Men never had tattoos unless they were pirates. And ladies were ladies. You never would've caught Queen Victoria twerking on Instagram. Sometimes I feel like I was born 150 years too late. That's a common affliction. "Guy-who-would-never-have-been-a-slave-150-years-ago-itis." There are 30 million slaved today, y'know.
     
52. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-07 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-07 Pub. Date: 2015-04-07
Image Number: 125199
Caption: Dick, I stepped out for two minutes to find a spoon, and when I returned, my chicken soup smelled a lot like Ex-Lax. The laxative. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. Anyway, if for ANY reason you're unable to give that big presentation today, I could totally step in for you. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. I didn't eat it. You look thirsty. Let me bring you some tea.
     
53. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-22 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-22 Pub. Date: 2015-01-22
Image Number: 121834
Caption: Out of curiosity, why do you ask if I know where C-Dog was earlier today? $1000 in small, Cheeto-dust covered bills was left at the altar this morning, with a note that said "use this to help victims of gun violence." That doesn't sound like C-Dog. "This definitely ain't from a hardcore G like C-Dog. Sincerely, C-Dog." I know nothing. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-04).
     
54. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-04 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-04 Pub. Date: 2014-11-04
Image Number: 118496
Caption: I tried to vote today, but I didn’t have ID because someone stole my wallet last week. I showed them my temporary driver's license, but that wasn't good enough. I showed them my passport, but it's expired, so that wasn't good enough. So I tried to hire an "illegal" immigrant to vote on my behalf, but it turns out that's not as easy as the voter-ID people say it is.
     
55. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-24 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-24 Pub. Date: 2014-10-24
Image Number: 117918
Caption: You know what made World War II "great" aside from "good" and "evil" being clearly defined? It ended. It was like a novel with a shocking beginning, a perilous middle and a climactic, definitive ending. Today's war's like a tired soap opera the network keeps on the air as long as it's earning them money.
     
56. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-30 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-30 Pub. Date: 2014-09-30
Image Number: 117057
Caption: Do you remember the first thing that happened today? I woke up. I suppose that the first thing that happened today. Like the day only starts when you wake up. Narcissist. Shhhh. I'm trying to end the day. Spare change? (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-30).
     
57. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-20 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-20 Pub. Date: 2014-05-20
Image Number: 111555
Caption: You're with WHAT? "Jehovah's Alibi." Wit' all the terrible things happening in the world today … … You may be wonderin' if a higher power know you done some o' that. … An you may be wonderin' how you can blame that higher power for the stuff you done did. Tell me more. Kevin, give a copy of the I-Ain't-Seen-Nothin' Tower.
     
58. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-10 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-10 Pub. Date: 2014-05-10
Image Number: 111022
Caption: The suit-animals tossed me $85 in coins today, Rosencrantz. They gave you $84.50. So? Do you assume that makes you better? Do you not have even a flicker of doubt about that whole system of self-worth measurement? Suppose it had come down against you, with ME getting 50 cents more? It could easily have happened ... ... And by your system, that'd make you inferior. Shouldn't you be shining my shoes?
     
59. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-14 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-14 Pub. Date: 2014-04-14
Image Number: 110106
Caption: You have any plans today, Clyde? Nah dawg, that ain't how it go. The C-Dog don’t make plans, Big L. You make a plan, you spend all day tryin' to make that plan happen. … An' you fail to capitalize on the dozens of random opportunities that come outta no place ereday. Plans is for the lazy.
     
60. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-19 today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-19 Pub. Date: 2014-02-19
Image Number: 107708
Caption: I haven't finished reading a novel since my son was born. Taking care of him leaves me no time for any of my old hobbies. So I'm coming up with new hobbies he and I can do together. That makes sense. Today's hobby is going to be "Hide and Seek." I'll take about an hour to find him just so he'll think he's doing a great job hiding. How long does it take you to read a chapter in a novel? I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
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