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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-08 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-08 Pub. Date: 2017-12-08
Image Number: 165719
Caption: Hi, this is one of 847 Democrats who'll be running for president in 2020. There's never been an easier race to win in the whole of history of races, but I'm hoping you'll vote for me over all the other opportunists … By that I don't mean to say that I'm an opportunist who's only running because it's a sure thing, I just mean all the others are. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know, you have some time. Maybe work on your message a little bit. I didn't sit out 2016 'cause I was afraid of Hillary ... but the others did.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-04 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-04 Pub. Date: 2017-12-04
Image Number: 165715
Caption: Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Detroit. What's your problem?! I just got popped for speeding. $300 ticket. I just found out that Congress paid out millions of taxpayer dollars to settle their own sexual harassment cases. Why do I have to pay when I do something wrong, but when congressmen do something wrong, I still have to pay? This reminds me of the time I didn't care what the caller had to say.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-02 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-02 Pub. Date: 2017-12-02
Image Number: 165445
Caption: Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Kenosha. What's your problem?! I'm a grad student pursuing my PhD. in robotics. Under the recent tax plan that passed the House, I'd have to count my tuition waiver as income, even though I never received any actual money. This would put me in a higher tax bracket and I'd have to drop out because I could never afford to pay those taxes. Good riddance, Poindexter. Science is nothing but gobbledygook anyway. Studies have shown that's not the case.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-26 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-26 Pub. Date: 2017-11-26
Image Number: 165380
Caption: Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I -- Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-24 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-24 Pub. Date: 2017-11-24
Image Number: 165180
Caption: Minion, I'm ordering you not to talk about alternate histories with the customers. No more "what if feudalism never happened" nonsense. If people start thinking things could've been different, they'll soon start thinking things could've been better. Which could lead to them thinking things can still get better. This "gap between rich and poor" thing is working out in my favor. I don't want your talk of alternate pasts to accidentally create any alternate futures. Very bad man.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-22 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-22 Pub. Date: 2017-11-22
Image Number: 165178
Caption: Disney's trying to buy Fox. If they did that, then all of Marvel's best heroes would be in the MCU. It would be horrible! The whole Marvel cinematic universe is one big story told by dozens of movies. This would, like, triple the amount of movies I'd have to watch! I'd have to watch every X-Men spinoff to make sure I got every reference made in any Thor or Avengers movie, for instance. HOJ. Your definition of "have to" and my definition of "have to" are very different. I'd have to see them all in 3-D. I'd have to get a second job to afford that.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-21 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-21 Pub. Date: 2017-11-21
Image Number: 165177
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! The Senate. They tried AGAIN to repeal Obamacare, this time by hiding it in the tax bill. When's it going to stop? It's so repetitive. This reminds me of "Groundhog Day," that film where that lovely Mr. Bill Murray went from having a great personality to being a horrible loser. Um ... I don't think that's what you were supposed to take from the movie. There is one adorable deleted scene with a chainsaw. It's on the Youtube.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-18 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-18 Pub. Date: 2017-11-18
Image Number: 164887
Caption: Warner Brothers put several whole scenes from "Justice League" up on Youtube. Wrong move. Ruins the mystery. To market a movie like this, one must be a mystery. An enigma. A reserved figure who gives the impression of a beast with rippling muscles lurking just below the veneer of a gentleman. Wait ... isn't that last part from your self-help book "Randy's Guide to Becoming a Mysterious Man"? You'd be surprised at how universally applicable these principles are, little buddy. Anyway, I feel like I've already seen the whole movie. Bored now.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-10 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-10 Pub. Date: 2017-11-10
Image Number: 164677
Caption: So … Mort … you must be excited about those Trump people getting indicted. What a wonderful rhyme. Which brings to mind a rap I jotted down for this very occasion … (ahem) … They blighted, they ignited, got spotlighted, but denied it. They gaslighted, disinvited press ... 'cause they spied they mess ... like Eliot Ness ... Y'know ... that's actually not half bad. Boom! ... Indicted! Smited!!! ... peace out, Manafort.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-04 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-04 Pub. Date: 2017-11-04
Image Number: 164426
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-02 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-02 Pub. Date: 2017-11-02
Image Number: 164424
Caption: Minion, it's come to my attention you've been talking about science to the customers. This will not do. My perusal of our customers' social media posts indicated that a growing number of them believe the earth is flat and science is lame. I don't want you saying anything that might insult the beliefs of this growing minority group. "Dumb" is not a minority. "Dumb" is a slur now, Rudy. The P.C. term is "Dingbat-American."
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-01 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-01 Pub. Date: 2017-11-01
Image Number: 164423
Caption: Sadie, I saw something disturbing on Youtube. A theoretical physicist named S. James Gates Jr. was attempting to discern the elementary structure of nature. It let him to a set of equations that were indistinguishable from computer code. Computer code, he found, is written into the equations that describe the cosmos. Do you have any idea what this means? It means it might be true that we're all part of a simulation! I'm assuming you've stopped talking, since your lips are no longer flapping.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-27 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-27 Pub. Date: 2017-10-27
Image Number: 164163
Caption: Some people think there's a "second species" living secretly with us who aren't homo sapiens. What are you talking about, little buddy? They say it's a cone-headed species called "homo capensis." They say this secret species controls our banks and religions ... so they can divide and conquer up, so we'll be too busy hating each other to notice them. HOJ. Mankind has been coming up with excuses for its own failings for thousands of years, little buddy. That's probably exactly what the coneheads would want us to do.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-24 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-24 Pub. Date: 2017-10-24
Image Number: 164160
Caption: shoe me "Star Trek: Discovery." Sigh … Must I? I have concluded that "The Orville" I superior science fiction. It adheres more faithfully to the principles of "Star Trek: The Next Generation." That's your opinion. I love "Discovery." It's great. Error. Invalid opinion detected. Load "Discovery." Is this because "Orville" has a robot and "Discovery" doesn't? Error. Snowflaky, pro-meatbag agenda detected.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-23 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-23 Pub. Date: 2017-10-23
Image Number: 164159
Caption: Another powerful man uses his position to sexually harass women. At least it's better than back in your day, right? I wouldn't know. You see, the ladies didn't talk much about that, except to say Mr. So-and-So was a cad, or Mr. So-and-So was all hands. And the fellas didn't talk about it either. Except to say Ms. So-and-So was stuck up, or Ms So-and-So was frigid. It's like your generation was talking in code. You knew it was serious when Ms. So-and-So said Mr. So-and-So did this-and-that.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-17 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-17 Pub. Date: 2017-10-17
Image Number: 163916
Caption: I can't believe blade runner 2049 flopped so hard, Randy. I can, little buddy. It was amazing. It was beautifully done. But it was fifteen thousand hours long. At the 2.5 hour mark, your eye starts to wander. You start thinking about other movies. You think maybe you rushed into this one and you're just settling. Are we still talking about movies? You think of sneaking into a different one.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-11 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163642
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-08 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-08 Pub. Date: 2017-10-08
Image Number: 162958
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? Boss, you called me in at 2a.m. to clean out the gutters. We don't have any gutters. Of course we don't have any gutters. I'm confused. When I ordered you to clean out the gutters, it was clearly implied that you're first supposed to install them. Am I supposed to do all your thinking for you, Rudy? This is very disappointing. This will impact your next weekly performance review. Anyway, you'd better get to it. How do you expect the cafe's rooftop garden to properly drain without gutters? We don't have a rooftop garden. Very bad man. How do you expect to placate the green-freaks once we install the oil wells without a rooftop garden.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-02 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-02 Pub. Date: 2017-10-02
Image Number: 163382
Caption: Breaking news! But first, parents may wish to have their children leave the room. Children all gone? Ok, here's the breaking news … This just in: I have to advice parents to have their kids leave the room before I can report on what the president said. Breaking news!!!!! Someone's have a breakdown. That's not normal, people!!!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-29 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-29 Pub. Date: 2017-09-29
Image Number: 163107
Caption: Hello, this is Congress. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'd like to talk to you about Bernie Sanders' expanded Medicare for All plan. Oh, lovely. Before we start … totally unrelated question … How do you feel about the terms "Socialism," "government-run" and "death panels"? Do those scare you to death? House of Java Cybercafe. Not really. Hold on ... What about "Boo!" Isn't that a term of endearment now?
     
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