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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-22 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-22 Pub. Date: 2018-02-22
Image Number: 168669
Caption: Your nephew had a big date last night, Mort. It's about time. Back in my day, I went out with a different cutie patootie every fortnight. At my age, it's all about living vicariously through the younguns. Which means when he's going through a drought, so am I. She said I could call her again once we've colonized Mars! I haven't experienced a drought this long since the Dust Bowl back in nineteen-and-thirty.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-21 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-21 Pub. Date: 2018-02-21
Image Number: 168668
Caption: How can you be so heartless?! I have half a mind to tweet about this! Pardon? A bus full of tiny orphan broke down down the hill. It was on the news. Yet you didn't offer them any food. How would this look for your café if you totally ignored them in their time of need? If you'd like to prepare some tuna croissants, I'd be more than happy to haul them down there for you. Not falling for it.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-18 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 168052
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre cam along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiver exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe I'd be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year -- wait this whole thing is confidential right?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-13 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-13 Pub. Date: 2018-02-13
Image Number: 168442
Caption: You wanted to see me, boss? It's come to my attention Youtube demonetizes your videos … and that you're considering asking our patrons to subscribe to your channel so you'll meet the new Youtube threshold for monetization. Obviously, I cannot allow you to do this minion. Soliciting favors from patrons is highly unethical. Wait ... all I did was make a note of the idea on my phone. How did you know I was considering it? That's beside the point.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-12 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-12 Pub. Date: 2018-02-12
Image Number: 168441
Caption: Youtube just made it impossible for me to earn a living from my channel! How so? It used to be you needed 10,000 views of your videos, and then they'd start running ads on your channel. Now you need 4,000 hours of watch-time and 1,000 subscribers! It took me a year to get 10,000 views, and then the bottom drops out! I'm missing out on $400/year now, according to Social Blade. Have you ever heard something that you just know would've made zero sense if you'd heard it ten years ago? First Facebook changed the algorithms, now this!
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-09 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-09 Pub. Date: 2018-02-09
Image Number: 168190
Caption: Can I have another free cookie for my cat? Sure. Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three cookies? You sure this is for your cat? Can you also sprinkle a little tuna on it?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-07 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-07 Pub. Date: 2018-02-07
Image Number: 168188
Caption: Boss, North Korea's dictator just tweeted that he's considering launching nuclear missiles. He released a map of targets. The map shows that every part of the country will either be destroyed or irradiated. Except for this café. There are like 80 people out there with sleeping bags already. Did you rename the scones Survival Biscuits as I instructed? And did you know six-year-old geniuses will hack a head of state's Twitter account in return for a single bag of Doritos? Very bad man.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-05 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-05 Pub. Date: 2018-02-05
Image Number: 168186
Caption: I have this really bad itch on my ne … What? I said … I have this really embarrassing itch on my nethers … Speak up, I can't hear you. I said, I have this really embarrassing itch on my nether regions, and wondered if you've ever had that too. I'd keep it down if I were you. Thanks a lot. Thirteen people have already tweeted it.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-04 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-04 Pub. Date: 2018-02-04
Image Number: 167390
Caption: I've been thinking about how out of control things have gotten, minion. This won't end well. This is a land of immigrants. But the republic elected a leader who says things like "Why are we having all these people from censored countries come here?" … A president who says we need more people form countries like Norway. Who said "Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out." ... A guy who said some of the white supremacists with torches in Charlottesville were very fine people." A guy who tweeted an image during his campaign that suggested the vast majority of white murder victims are killed by black people, when in reality they're mostly killed by white people. A guy who shouts about every single instance of Muslim terrorism, but was totally silent when the DOJ charged a white supremacist with terrorism ... but he's good on taxes for the 1%, so it evens out ... Get back to work, lackey, my gold coins won't polish themselves. Wait ... you were serious about that?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-03 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-03 Pub. Date: 2018-02-03
Image Number: 167934
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on caller. What's your problem? Global warming. It's cold outside, and … stop it right there. Open a textbook. Learn the difference between weather and climate, you nincompoop! I can personally attest to our planet having gotten warmer over the last century. How old are you?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-28 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-28 Pub. Date: 2018-01-28
Image Number: 167103
Caption: You've reached Trump. At last! We've finally reached the leader of your blue rock. We come bearing scientific advances. You're so boring. Listen to you. I fail to understand your form of greeting. I-fail-to-understand-your-form-of-greeting … I prefer people who understand, that's all I'll say. We don't need your scientific advances. I don't know where you're from. You're all dangerous, bloodthirsty monsters. Although some of you, I assume, are good people. I say we blow up this geographic area and try another. Go ahead, Rocket-Man, I can blow you up bigger than you can blow us up. Believe me.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-24 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-24 Pub. Date: 2018-01-24
Image Number: 167658
Caption: My people came from a paradise. We were all rich, well-educated homeowners who spoke English. Really? Of course not! It was a censored hole! We were all little censored who escaped, came here, and made this place censored too! Funny thing about censored when you spread it around and give it time, it sprouts roses. I thought you weren't supposed to use censored on flowers 'cause of parasites. All metaphors break down at some point. But you get the idea.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-23 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-23 Pub. Date: 2018-01-23
Image Number: 167657
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Mia Love. Specifically, we'll talk about how this Republican congresswoman of Haitian descent got so upset about President Trump asking why do we need more Haitian immigrants. Where was her outrage back when the president went after Mexicans, or Muslims, or when he stood with the tiki-torch-wielding white supremacist thugs in Charlottesville? Selective outrage is for ninnies! I like a person who's outraged all the time about everything! I'll take your stupid calls now!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-22 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-22 Pub. Date: 2018-01-22
Image Number: 167656
Caption: This week on Youtube, I counted 150,360 comments beneath 178 "Star Trek: Discovery" reviews. That's amazing. Yeah. And 49% of those comments were people saying the show is unwatchable. 1% of the comments are people asking if the show's unwatchable, how come you've been commenting on every episode and you're still here at episode 11? 50% of the comments are praise for the show. 30% of that 50% of the comments is from people pointing out that they used to only be 40%. I'm not sure the math god sanction this usage of numbers.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-20 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-20 Pub. Date: 2018-01-20
Image Number: 167382
Caption: Sadie, I keep hearing all this talk about how the president might be literally insane. It's making me feel anxious. Sometimes I wonder if this is how the British felt when King George III went crazy and lost America. Or is it more like how the Romans felt when Caligula made his horse a senator? That reminds me: Did you get to ride Caligula's horse, or were you too old for that? Before I answer that, let me show you what the Romans did to losers in the old days ...
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-18 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-18 Pub. Date: 2018-01-18
Image Number: 167380
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour, what's your problem?! Jonathan Frakes. I was rewatching old Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes starring Riker, and Stop it right there!!! There was only one thing redeemable about Star Trek, and that was when that lovely Mr. Shatner would tear his shirt, revealing his golden, glistening pectorals. Did this Riker ever do that? I don't think he - Next caller!!
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-17 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-17 Pub. Date: 2018-01-17
Image Number: 167379
Caption: I'm exhausted, Randy. What happened, little buddy? It's my side gig, where I back people up in online arguments for $5 per thread. I got a new client at 3 a.m. last night … morning … whatever. I just spent twelve hours writing things like What a genius comment! Definitely doesn't seem senile to me! Hm. I suspect you'll be able to mile this cash cow for at least three more years. if I have to type fake news! One more time, I'm gonna lose it.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-01-04 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-01-04 Pub. Date: 2018-01-04
Image Number: 166788
Caption: Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-30 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-30 Pub. Date: 2017-12-30
Image Number: 166544
Caption: John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-25 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-25 Pub. Date: 2017-12-25
Image Number: 166539
Caption: Boss? There was a scrawny pigeon taped to my bedroom window this morning. A post-it note stuck to its back said "Sincerely, Armstrong." So it wasn't a dream! Last night, as I slumbered in my bed, I was visited by three spirits. They took me on a tour of Christmases past, present, and future. I used the tips future-me gave me to tell past-me to save money so present-me can buy the right obscure stocks, so future-me can reap huge dividends in 2047. Very. Bad. Man. The ghosts said something about my not appreciating you. So I swung by and left you a Christmas dinner, to pacify them.
     
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