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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-17 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-17 Pub. Date: 2017-10-17
Image Number: 163916
Caption: I can't believe blade runner 2049 flopped so hard, Randy. I can, little buddy. It was amazing. It was beautifully done. But it was fifteen thousand hours long. At the 2.5 hour mark, your eye starts to wander. You start thinking about other movies. You think maybe you rushed into this one and you're just settling. Are we still talking about movies? You think of sneaking into a different one.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-11 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163642
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-08 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-08 Pub. Date: 2017-10-08
Image Number: 162958
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? Boss, you called me in at 2a.m. to clean out the gutters. We don't have any gutters. Of course we don't have any gutters. I'm confused. When I ordered you to clean out the gutters, it was clearly implied that you're first supposed to install them. Am I supposed to do all your thinking for you, Rudy? This is very disappointing. This will impact your next weekly performance review. Anyway, you'd better get to it. How do you expect the cafe's rooftop garden to properly drain without gutters? We don't have a rooftop garden. Very bad man. How do you expect to placate the green-freaks once we install the oil wells without a rooftop garden.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-02 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-02 Pub. Date: 2017-10-02
Image Number: 163382
Caption: Breaking news! But first, parents may wish to have their children leave the room. Children all gone? Ok, here's the breaking news … This just in: I have to advice parents to have their kids leave the room before I can report on what the president said. Breaking news!!!!! Someone's have a breakdown. That's not normal, people!!!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-29 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-29 Pub. Date: 2017-09-29
Image Number: 163107
Caption: Hello, this is Congress. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'd like to talk to you about Bernie Sanders' expanded Medicare for All plan. Oh, lovely. Before we start … totally unrelated question … How do you feel about the terms "Socialism," "government-run" and "death panels"? Do those scare you to death? House of Java Cybercafe. Not really. Hold on ... What about "Boo!" Isn't that a term of endearment now?
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-28 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-28 Pub. Date: 2017-09-28
Image Number: 163106
Caption: I really hope Medicare for all passes, little buddy. If it passes, no one will be forced to stay in a bad marriage just for the health insurance. There'll be million of men re-entering the dating scene. The competition will help me keep my skills honed. Of course, all the extra women on the scene might negate the challenge ... Maybe I should give this more thought. I'm worried that if it passes, I'll be able to get checked, and they'll remove my pulsating mole. Throbby? But you love Throbby.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-26 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-26 Pub. Date: 2017-09-26
Image Number: 163104
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie show. You're on caller. What's your problem? The Orville. Don't get me started. Orville Redenbacher stole his popping-corn recipe from Grandma Cohen. But … "but she stole it from Clarence Hornswaggler descendant of the guy who stole it from the Native Americans," Yeah everyone knows that story; it's fake news. No, I meant "The Orville," that "Star-Trek" type show by Seth McFarlane. What's that have to do with popcorn? Call back when you're not so confused. Next caller!
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-25 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-25 Pub. Date: 2017-09-25
Image Number: 163103
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Hillary Clinton's book, "What Happened." It reminds me of the very first political memoir I ever read. The year was 1921. Warren G. Harding had just pantsed the Democrat James M. Cox. After emerging form the woods, loser Cox was ready to reflect. He traveled by donkey from town to town to hawk his book: "That Which Occurred." When she's gone, all these little details will be lost to history. This is almost as good as her show about Grover Cleveland's third nipple.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-24 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162444
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Groupeé? You can call me "Booster." Dr. Noodle. Hey, who was that who just left your office? Was that that historian I saw on TV? Herodotus Jenkins? I can't say. He's the best. He come here this time every week? I can't say. And who's that out in the waiting room? Is that Brock Manly of "Fast & Furious 12" fame? I can't say. What brings you here? I heard you treat all the famous people. I just thought it might be nice to know the rich and famous are as messed up as me. This is a space for discussing you, not other people. I hear you, I hear you. What'd Brock Manly say when you told him that?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-04 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-04 Pub. Date: 2017-09-04
Image Number: 162348
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Hurricanes. We just suffered through the first "once-every-500-years" hurricane since the last "once-every-500-years" hurricane that happened just 12 years ago. My heart goes out to everyone who lost someone or something. And it also goes out to hurricanes like Harvey and Katrina, because this means war. Mother nature picked on the wrong species. Not sure who's worse: Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un, or Sadie Cohen. Wait ... she has a heart?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-19 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-19 Pub. Date: 2017-08-19
Image Number: 161548
Caption: Do you believe in global warming? No, because it snowed last winter. The whole thing's a hoax. Just like the so-called "moon landing." I can't do this. I'm telling you, respecting different opinions triples your dating pool. I'm not that good a swimmer. Maybe a big pool's a bad idea.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-18 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-18 Pub. Date: 2017-08-18
Image Number: 161547
Caption: You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs dies off. This time it's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-16 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-16 Pub. Date: 2017-08-16
Image Number: 161545
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I met this woman. I fell madly in love with her, but just yesterday, I found out she believes the world is flat … Should I let that break us up? That depends, brother. Would you be happy not knowing whether she was into you because you're a great guy ... or because she thinks you're the mountain-master who pushes mountains up from the ground as she drives toward them, and sucks them back under as she drives away? Did I mention she's hot?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-13 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160983
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? There's a guy from Immigration and Customs Enforcement out front, boss. Oh, that. ICE said someone would stop by to thank me for tipping them off to all the illegals who were hanging out at Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack. What? Why would you do that? Because I'm a patriot. In times like this, every patriot must do his duty. If we have good reason to suspect a bean pie shack is a gathering place for people who shouldn't be here, it's our solemn duty to report it, so it'll get shut down. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with how you've been looking for ways to boost our bean pie sales, would it? Coincidence. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, minion. Oh, and go tell ICE I have another tip for them. Very bad man.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-12 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-12 Pub. Date: 2017-08-12
Image Number: 161302
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? Global warming. Stop yer snivelling! You should be grateful! But … No more pretending not to hate your friend's ugly cardigan sweaters. No more lumbago or arthritis acting up every time there's a cold spell. We could walk around in the buff year-round and still be toasty. The benefits are endless! But it's so hot! HOJ.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-06 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-06 Pub. Date: 2017-08-06
Image Number: 160628
Caption: Do you remember your first kiss? There was snow on the ground. There was snow everywhere. The grown-ups were all out. My father, Rocky, was out hunting with the other fellas. The scent of willow, or maybe white sage, woke me from my peaceful slumber. I turned to see from whence it came. That's when I saw her, kneeling beside a crackling flame, her eyes and her smile aglow with dancing ribbons of amber light. Our eyes met. I strode toward her. In silence, I sat beside her. I looked deep into her eyes. She looked deeper into mine. She grunted melodically, and I leaned in ... "Grunted"? I lightly brushed my lips against hers, and then pounded my chest to claim her as my own. I meant your first kiss in this life. We donned our lion furs and rode into the snowy night on the back of a mastodon to ask the volcano for permission to get busy, as was our clan's custom.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-03 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-03 Pub. Date: 2017-08-03
Image Number: 161039
Caption: Hi, this is Donald Trump. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'm calling to tell you I'm running for president. Ok. Have a good time. What do you mean "have a good time"? Is that supposed to be some sort of backhanded insult? Are you not taking me seriously? Well guess what, idiot, the feeling is entirely mutual. House of Java Cybercafe. Wait ... what? What just happened? Play dumb if you want, loser. It's probably why you're not as rich as I am.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-01 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-01 Pub. Date: 2017-08-01
Image Number: 161037
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-30 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-30 Pub. Date: 2017-07-30
Image Number: 160373
Caption: When mom got sick this day lat year, we knew it weren't the flu. Open Mike Night presents MAGA man. We were just glad that we were here: The land of red … white … blue. Where soon she'd be just right as rain, 'cause we were votin' Trump. Make America Great Again. We knew that soon, there'd be no pain, 'cause 'bamacare'd be dumped. We found out what it was. Cancer ... but guess what, folks, she's fine. I knew Trumpcare would be the answer. "MAGA!" ... he weren't lyin'. I'd like to thank Mr. Trump, the Republican part an' nottobama for saving my momma. Dude ... you still have Obamacare. Obamacare saved your momma. Yeah, right. That's fake news, MAGA! Make it stop.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-23 this 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-23 Pub. Date: 2017-07-23
Image Number: 160100
Caption: Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. and can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going. And can you substitute ginseng for macadamia nut, ostrich-swear for turkey tears, ginseng for praline, and pumpernickel for the bagel?
     
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