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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-17 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-17 Pub. Date: 2018-06-17
Image Number: 172067
Caption: Why're you reading that … thing? Well, because it's interesting. It's a book of political cartoons. We Eat the Poor. Do you have any idea how important political cartoons are? Political cartoons helped bring down King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. And then there's Napoleon ... He was so terrified of cartoonists that he banned them. And when that didn't work, he commissioned cartoons to counterattack his enemies with. Hitler was terrified of cartoons. Nixon put cartoonists on his enemies list. Tyrants all over the world are jailing of killing them. No, I mean why are you reading that flappy think? Don't you have a Kindle or a phone? ... Someone needs to draw a cartoon about you.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-14 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-14 Pub. Date: 2018-06-14
Image Number: 172215
Caption: Remember Rudy Park, my college roommate? He just tipped me off to breaking news. Some geological disaster across the bridge. Wow. You should totally go cover that. I'm glad you think so, 'cause it wouldn't really be responsible to take a 2-year-old to a geological disaster. Could you watch my boy for a few days? On second thought, that's a boring story. Nobody wants to hear about that. He's almost potty trained. Sorry, I have a ... work ... ish thing.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-11 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-11 Pub. Date: 2018-06-11
Image Number: 172212
Caption: There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows got renewed, and now this. It's just my luck.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-05 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-05 Pub. Date: 2018-06-05
Image Number: 172069
Caption: Did you feel the earth shake last night, Rosencrantz? I did, Tyrone. But to be honest, I don't know if I really felt it or if I only now believe I felt it because your query planted the thought in my brain. Nonsense. You are you own person. You thoughts are your own. I could never substitute my will for your own. You're right. I stand corrected.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-01 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-01 Pub. Date: 2018-06-01
Image Number: 171949
Caption: How's your girlfriend's book tour going, Lemont? It's … wait … Why'd you think quotation marks around girlfriend and book tour? We have no evidence I did that. Yeah we do. I've known you since we were six. I know all your inflections. I guess you do. You're very perceptive. Stop that.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-25 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-25 Pub. Date: 2018-05-25
Image Number: 171762
Caption: I can't get anything done at all until I've had my morning coffees. I think I may have a problem The first step is admitting you've got a problem, Susan. I'm proud of you. Not that you know, you can do something about it. You can probably go into rehab for this sort of thing, with all the other junkies and addicts. I just meant I think I'm out of coffee. Junkies isn't politically correct, but if Trump can be blunt, so can I.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-19 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-19 Pub. Date: 2018-05-19
Image Number: 171506
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? The end of hatred. I want to watch the end of terror, the end of war, the end of killing, the end of brutality. The end of people having to live in fear of other people. I want to watch mankind finally decide to just get along with itself. I don't think that be on. Sigh. Just put on Gilligan's Island.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-18 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-18 Pub. Date: 2018-05-18
Image Number: 171505
Caption: Last week, I called NASA to ask why they'd suddenly canceled yet another moon mission Whachoomean another moon mission? You still believe we ever went to the moon? NASA say they erased the original footage so they could reuse the tape for other @#$%. You believe that, bruh? It could happen. I taped over my high school graduation by accident. I know you think highly of yourself, but your graduation wasn't the most important moment in the history of mankind.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-17 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-17 Pub. Date: 2018-05-17
Image Number: 171504
Caption: You really should've invested in Rudycoin, Clyde. My $100 investment shot up to $10,000 overnight. Did you cash that @#$% in, bruh, or let it ride? I think I cashed it in. Whachoomean you think? I saw my balance was $10k/100k Rudybits, and under it there were two buttons. I chose the one that said Rudycash, which seemed more likely to cash in my earnings than the button that said HODL Rudypower. Stop it. I don't know what any of that mean, other than you gonna lose your whole life savings. Stop hodling on to the 20th century.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-15 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-15 Pub. Date: 2018-05-15
Image Number: 171502
Caption: So … Clyde and I were playing basketball when all of a sudden four other guys showed up and asked if they could join in. So we started choosing up teams, and all of a sudden I got all nervous and anxious. I'm a grown man. I have a son. A career. But all of a sudden I was right back in second grade hoping I wouldn't be the last to be picked. Is that why Clyde asked me how my emergency vasectomy went? I had to think of some reason to get out of there.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-07 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-07 Pub. Date: 2018-05-07
Image Number: 171289
Caption: How do we know we're the first advanced civilization to ever walk the earth? We think fossil records teach us all we need to know about the history of life on earth. But the only creatures to get fossilized were the ones dumb enough to get stuck in the mud. If there was a civilization smart enough to say Hey, don't lie down in that muck pit, you idiot, we'd never even know they existed. If they were so smart, how come they all disappeared? Maybe they saw us coming.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-05 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-05 Pub. Date: 2018-05-05
Image Number: 171057
Caption: Your boy George Berkeley be trippin', Big L. Thinkin' he proved the existence of God. He argued the only thing we can be sure exist is our own minds. But because there got to be things in the universe we ain't ever thought of … that must mean there must be some all-seeing God out there, in whose mind erething exist. Later philosophers poked holes in that theory and what have you done, Clyde? That between my mind an' the big mind in the sky.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-02 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-02 Pub. Date: 2018-05-02
Image Number: 171054
Caption: How long you think it be till unaccountability trickle down to the rest of us? The Democrats got Debbie Wasserman Shultz' people destroying ballots before they can be recounted. That ain't legal. But nothin' happen to them. The president use his office to make money e'reday. That ain't legal. But nothin' happen to him. What did you do, Clyde? Don't matter. That's my point.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-01 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-01 Pub. Date: 2018-05-01
Image Number: 171053
Caption: I think you take Star Trek a little too seriously, Lemont. I do not. I just think that it's a good show. A good show that has fun characters … who happen to be a shining symbol of mankind's ability to overcome our barbarism and selfishness and evolve into the noble and ingenious paragon of animals we're meant to be. I rest my case. I mean ... it's pretty good. Worth checking out.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-25 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-25 Pub. Date: 2018-04-25
Image Number: 170821
Caption: 20 million people have read my article about the raid on Trump's lawyer's office. You must've read it. A lot of them were blown away with the scoop I got. You must've been blown away. I got an anonymous tip, so I drove through the night and hid out in a potted plant right in his office. I saw the whole thing unfold. You must be impressed. It was a very nice article, Lemont. You hated it.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-24 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-24 Pub. Date: 2018-04-24
Image Number: 170820
Caption: Starbucks HQ. The CEO will me with you in five minutes, Mr. Brown. Good. Say, what do you think of your stores in Philly and LA calling cops and security on black guys who ask to use the john? I really can't say, sir. Why don't you wait in the lounge? We've got a vending machine with coffee. No, thanks. Say, where's your restroom? Whachoo in for, freshmeat? Will you stop calling me that.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-23 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-23 Pub. Date: 2018-04-23
Image Number: 170819
Caption: Starbucks HQ. Can I help you? I'm Lemont Brown, with Candorville.com. I have an appointment to interview your CEO about how one of your stores had two black men arrested for doing what white people do all the time. Are you sure you don't have an appointment with our black COO? She's the on our PR guys say should handle this. I'm sure. Oh, I'm also gonna ask him about the other store that didn't let the black guy use the bathroom 'cause he's black. I really think you should speak with our black COO.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-17 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-17 Pub. Date: 2018-04-17
Image Number: 170575
Caption: My assistant, Dick Fink, somehow removed all the glass from my windows and I nearly plummeted to my death. I need to fire him, sir. Don't you think you're being just a tiny bit hysterical, Garcia? You're not sure it was him. And the man has a family to support. Whatever it is, work it out. Does he have something on you, Mr. Fitzhugh? You're always protecting him. Does he know some dirty secret? Of course not. By the way, totally unrelated ... let's whisper when we discuss Fink, ... just for kicks. Yayle. CEO of the Year.2002.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-14 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-14 Pub. Date: 2018-04-14
Image Number: 170414
Caption: Clyde, I've never asked you this before, but … do you own a gun? What? Ain't you seen what happened to that brotha Philando Castile? Shot for telling a cop he has a licensed gun and a permit. John Crawford III … Tamir Rice … the country don't think the second amendment apply to us, Big L ... they think the second amendment's to protect them from us. You didn't answer my question.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-01 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-01 Pub. Date: 2018-04-01
Image Number: 169546
Caption: I made some Kraft mac & cheese the other day. Why you ain't called me, bruh? I'da ate some. That's not the point, Clyde. The point is, it didn't taste anywhere near as delicious as it did when I was a kid. Serves you right. You think maybe they changed the formula? Did they find out something in it was dangerous? Did they do it to save money? The thought kept me up all night. Finally, at 3 a.m., I tweeted Did Kraft change it's formula ... or have I gone crazy ... or is nothing ever as delicious as it was when you were a six-year-old child? You really tryin' hard to find somethin' to be upset about that ain't Trump. I spent all morning taste-testing Froot Loops, KFC, Funyuns, Jell-o pudding pops, etc ... They must've changed their formulas too!
     
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