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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-17 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-17 Pub. Date: 2018-09-17
Image Number: 174072
Caption: What ever happened to that book you was writing? I don't want to talk about it, Clyde. Nineteen months of secret interviews, rigorous fact-checking, dozens of clandestine 2a.m. meetings in a parking garage with over 25 deep throats … and just before my book comes out, fifteen dozen other books come out with the same !@#$ information. Run for Your Lives! An inside look at the kookiest White House in history got shelved. I ain't sure I don't want to talk about it mean what you think it mean, bruh.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-14 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-14 Pub. Date: 2018-09-14
Image Number: 173986
Caption: Whachoo gone an' canceled cable for, bruh? It's too expensive and I didn't watch most of the channels. I can see all my favorite shows on Netflix and Hulu for a fraction of the cost. That's selfish. Think of the ramifications. Think of the cable workers who gonna lose they job if erebody cut cable. Wait ... how did you know I canceled cable? (A) I don't know what you implying. An' (2) I don't even know how to tap somebody line to secretly share they cable.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-13 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-13 Pub. Date: 2018-09-13
Image Number: 173985
Caption: Lemont … I've been thinking about your theory that The Eye of Africa is actually the lost city of Atlantis. I checked it out on Google Earth. Not only is it exactly as Plato described it, but all the sand in the Sahara to its west looks like it was pushed toward Atlantis by some ancient cataclysm. And that could've been the impassable barrier of mud he mentioned that cut voyagers off from the sea. Problem is, the whole thing is 485 meters above sea level. Details.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-10 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-10 Pub. Date: 2018-09-10
Image Number: 173982
Caption: Did you know they've probably found the advanced, lost city of Atlantis, Susan? They found it decades ago in the Sahara Desert. They call it The Eye of Africa. It fits almost every description Plato wrote: Equidistant, concentric rings of land and what probably used to be water ... mountains to the north showing evidence of ancient rivers, etc. You'd think an army of archeologists would've gone there by now to explore ... but nope. Nothing. I still don't think it's true that They don't want to admit Africa ever created anything. Do you have any idea how many people insist aliens must've built the pyramids.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-08 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-08 Pub. Date: 2018-09-08
Image Number: 173884
Caption: I think I've figured out why my hair's growing more slowly. You're getting old? It's because I haven't been getting enough vitamin D. I can reverse it if I just add more D to my diet. More dumplings, more deviled eggs, more danishes, more donuts, more daiquiris ... Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, Lemont. If there were a god, it would. Now's her change to prove herself.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-03 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-03 Pub. Date: 2018-09-03
Image Number: 173879
Caption: I been thinkin' 'bout John McCain, bruh. How the whole country got together to worship him when he died. When he got captured, he tool it like nobody else alive prolly coulda taken it. Can't take that away from him. But he was wrong about a lot. He supported wars, invasions an' arms sales that got a lot of people slaughtered ... but then, so did America. An' that's why people love him. 'Cause if he still cool, that mean the rest of us still cool too. I think it was because of his sense of humor.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-01 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-01 Pub. Date: 2018-09-01
Image Number: 173793
Caption: Do you think it's weird I keep everything my son has ever made? What we talkin' 'bout keepin', bruh? Well … I have everything he's ever drawn. Normal. I have a tiny bag with the clipping from his first haircut. Normal. I have a tinier bag with his first booger. Lemme borrow your phone right quick so I can block you on Facebook.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-30 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-30 Pub. Date: 2018-08-30
Image Number: 173791
Caption: I can't get anything done at all until I've had my morning coffees. I think I may have a problem. The first step is admitting you've got a problem, Susan. I'm proud of you. Now that you know, you can do something about it. You can probably go into rehab for this sort of thing, with all the other junkies and addicts. I just meant I think I'm out of coffee. Junkies isn't politically correct, but if Trump can be blunt, so can I.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-26 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-26 Pub. Date: 2018-08-26
Image Number: 173498
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Nothing. That's the problem. I'm not troubled or preoccupied or traumatized by anything. I'm satisfied with where I am in life. I'm single, but I'm good with that. I crave new things, but all my apps keep upgrading themselves every week, so I feel fulfilled. I can't think of a single thing I'm unhappy about. And that makes me sad ... because you're afraid this means you aren't introspective enough? Nah. I've never even thought about whether I'm introspective enough.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-22 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-22 Pub. Date: 2018-08-22
Image Number: 173656
Caption: A voice from somewhere deep in the air duct system told me to be still, and to listen for the cries of a child, for it would lead me to a refugee whose story must be told. So I did. I stilled my mind … and it led me to wonder if I'd paid the gas bill, if I was missing an Amazon delivery, and if that cretin Gary226 had admitted defeat yet in our Facebook argument. Dios mio. Then I stilled my mind again ...
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-20 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-20 Pub. Date: 2018-08-20
Image Number: 173654
Caption: Susan … Did you just check your watch? Whaaaat? Noooo. 'Course not. I'm telling you about how I tried to interview a tiny child in one of the President's baby-refugee jails … and you're checking your watch. Well just how long do you expect someone to be able to stay outraged about something like that? Forever. That's too tiring! How tired do you think those babies' parents are?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-19 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-19 Pub. Date: 2018-08-19
Image Number: 173372
Caption: It all started when … hired me to … they flew me to … to meet the CEO. Dr. Noodle. I was so excited. I'd never been to … before. They took me to a reception for their biggest clients. There was wine and cheese and an awesome … best I've ever … That's when they brought out the 900-pound ... and the albatross. They all started ... around them. They stripped off all their clothes, and beneath them they were all wearing robes made of actual living ... Look, there's abiding by a nondisclosure agreement, and then there's paranoia. I think they may have bugged my ...
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-13 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-13 Pub. Date: 2018-08-13
Image Number: 173499
Caption: So … Anderson Cooper distracted the guards while I snuck into the air duct to cover the real story. The architect who gave me the blueprints marked a path that'd take me to the refugees Mayor Thump had imprisoned … but I seemed to have made a wrong turn. Psst! You there ... Are you a refugee? Don't think so. My daddy said I'm on vacation.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-03 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-03 Pub. Date: 2018-08-03
Image Number: 173244
Caption: Rosencrantz, I think there was a diversion yesterday, and we let it slip away unexplored. Will eat for food. Speak for yourself, Tyrone. I seized the opportunity. I exploited it for all it was worth. For the first time in days, I experienced laughter. I experienced joy. I experienced satisfaction. Not directly, I mean. I saw another man experience it. But that's just the same, when you think about it. I'm jealous. That's something at least.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-02 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-02 Pub. Date: 2018-08-02
Image Number: 173243
Caption: Do you ever wonder whether you ever wonder? Stop it. I once thought I thought, but now I'm not sure I think I think. Stop it. I'm just saying, how do we know our thoughts are our own and not placed in our heads by a higher power? Aren't you the least bit curious about the curiosity known as curiosity? Stop it.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-27 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-27 Pub. Date: 2018-07-27
Image Number: 173091
Caption: What are you thinking about, daddy? Life as a refugee, son. If our government ever turned fascist, no journalist would be safe. If I had to take you and flee … would I have any idea where proper checkpoints were to get into Canada? Or would I just head north and try to get in anywhere I could? And how would I feel if they grabbed you and put you in jail and mistreated you because I didn't save our lives properly? Oh. I thought you were thinking about jelly beans.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-24 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-24 Pub. Date: 2018-07-24
Image Number: 173088
Caption: Can you tell me the rest of your story about the refugee jail next week, Lemont? Next week? Next week? This is an important story and America doesn't even care anymore. I know what it is. Every single day the President says something crazy that distracts us from the crazy thing he did or said the previous day. You've been trained. I don't know what you mean. Admit it: You were thinking baby jails are so last month.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-20 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-20 Pub. Date: 2018-07-20
Image Number: 172929
Caption: Wait, hold that thought. Guess what happened to me at work today, Lemont … Hey … I was just getting to the really strange part. I know. I just need a break to process what you've already told me. I'm starting to think that actually means I'd rather talk about me. Let me process that too.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-16 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-16 Pub. Date: 2018-07-16
Image Number: 172925
Caption: You think my latest story's going to get me in trouble? Candorville.com. Exclusive! Journalist who may or may not be me breaks into Mayor Thump's top-secret refugee prison, exposes horrid conditions. Nah, I think you'll be fine. Cops pulled me over three times today. Coincidence. I was on skates.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-08 think 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-08 Pub. Date: 2018-07-08
Image Number: 172486
Caption: Hello, you've reached Feudalbanc Massacard. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? Hi Ryan. I'm looking at my statement and I see a $598.210 charge from House of Java Café. I'd like to dispute that charge … No, I don't have a receipt. I only bought a cookie so I could use the bathroom without risking them calling the cops on me ... because I was in a hurry to get into that bathroom, so I didn't have time to wait for a receipt ... What do you mean you can't help me? So what if I don't have a receipt? Think about it Ryan, who would ever spend $598,210 in a cafe?! That's not even humanly possible! ... No, I don't have a sick, perverted coffee bean fetish. Let me talk to your supervisor, Ryan. Ok, hold on, please. (Click) Hello, this is Mohinder. How can I mohinder you? I know it's you, Ryan.
     
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