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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-19 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-19 Pub. Date: 2017-10-19
Image Number: 163918
Caption: Randy, I heard you're making a killing from your Youtube channel. How can a guy get in on that action? Simple … Just sit down in front of a camera and talk from the heart about something you're passionate about. Just be a genuine human being. People are drawn to that. I see, I see. Just one thing: What if the phrase "genuine human being" makes a guy break out in hives? Plan B: Find out what people are googling and pretend to be an expert on the highest-ranked search term. No we're talking.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-17 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-17 Pub. Date: 2017-09-17
Image Number: 162203
Caption: My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actually an Alternate Reality Version of Your Girlfriend So it's OK Saturdays." In other words, Saturdays are just fun stories about dumb guys who couldn't get away with dumb things. Viewership spikes to about 15 mil for those. Well ... anyway, like I was saying ... I'm just 87 subscribers away from hitting the 100-subscriber mark. Cool ... Hey, can I feature you on an upcoming "Stop Embarrassing Yourself Sunday"?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-03 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-03 Pub. Date: 2017-09-03
Image Number: 161653
Caption: The mummified remains of about 40 Buddhist monks were discovered in China, Mongolia and India. All the mummies were found sitting in the lotus position. Many believe that these monks sat so still, meditated for so long, and slowed their heart rates and body functions so much that they became mummified alive ... and they believe that whether those mummies are 200, 600, or 1,000 years old ... they're still alive. Where'd you hear all that? "Strange Mysteries." It's a Youtube channel. I wrote to them to suggest they do a show on whether playing Xbox for five hours a night is the same things as meditating. I'd hate to accidentally mummify myself. You have been looking a little ashy lately.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-26 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-26 Pub. Date: 2017-08-26
Image Number: 161811
Caption: Hey boss, it's almost closing time. Mind if I knock off early? I do indeed, minion. It's a slippery slope. If I let you off ten minutes early. The next thing you'd know, you'll be asking for eleven free minutes. And the next thing you'd know, yadda yadda yadda, the courts would be forcing me to pay for your third cousin's foreign-born nanny's uncle's appendectomy. You should really cut down on making these slippery slope arguments. If I did that, the next thing you'd know, the courts would be forcing me to buy everyone a turtle.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-19 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-19 Pub. Date: 2017-08-19
Image Number: 161548
Caption: Do you believe in global warming? No, because it snowed last winter. The whole thing's a hoax. Just like the so-called "moon landing." I can't do this. I'm telling you, respecting different opinions triples your dating pool. I'm not that good a swimmer. Maybe a big pool's a bad idea.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-18 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-18 Pub. Date: 2017-08-18
Image Number: 161547
Caption: You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs dies off. This time it's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-01 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-01 Pub. Date: 2017-08-01
Image Number: 161037
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-12 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-12 Pub. Date: 2017-07-12
Image Number: 160227
Caption: You need to settle down, Randy. Take it from someone who spent most of his life as a jet-setting playboy. Ok … who? Are you going to introduce me to him? You've already met him! I'll have you know that I broke my first heart way back in nineteen and twenty-nine when I was a newsie in Brooklyn. Adelaide was an older lass of 16, so ours was a forbidden love. After we finally held hands, the commitment was just too much, so I skipped town and joined the circus. I think you did the right thing, Mort. I've left a long trail of broken hearts, from Brooklyn, to Shady Acres.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-03 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-03 Pub. Date: 2017-07-03
Image Number: 159991
Caption: You're a man of the world, Mort. You've seen things in your time, haven't you? I've seen things that would curl your toes. I've seen dust as tall as mountains sweep across the plains. I've seen a swami mystic turn a dying beggar into a soaring dove on the banks of the Ganges. I've seen Republicans and Democrats work together to pass legislation that moved America forward. You had me until you got to that fairy tale. I've seen a time when houses cost just twice your annual income.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-19 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-19 Pub. Date: 2017-06-19
Image Number: 159400
Caption: Is it true Santa Clause is holding Rudy hostage? Of course not. Where'd you hear such a thing. On Candorville.com. It's a real news site, not a fake news site. Billy, Billy, Billy. There's no such thing as "real news." "Real news" is a fairy tale parents tell their kids so their childhoods will be a little more magical. But Santa, he's real, isn't he? Of course he is. That's why I sell Santa cookies. Do me a favor? Don't tell my mommy I know "real news" is fake. It makes her happy so I'll go along with it.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-09 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-09 Pub. Date: 2017-06-09
Image Number: 158835
Caption: What are those things? What things? Oh, they look like Tomahawk missiles. What?! Are they going to us, or from us?! Oh, from us, definitely. Oh, cool, then, bored now, can I have ear phones.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-24 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-24 Pub. Date: 2017-05-24
Image Number: 158354
Caption: We don't suspect you of helping Russia blackmail the president. It's your college roommate, Rudy Park. He's the mole. Ithee. Thn hwcm imn hur? You and I go way back, Lemont. Of all the journalists I've monitored, you're by far my favorite. Mmble. Huh? I said "Untie me and let me go, you fascist, jack-booted thug!" Anyway, you've heard of "Deep Throat," right? Well ... first thing we need to do is come up with a good code name for me.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-21 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-21 Pub. Date: 2017-05-21
Image Number: 157666
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident surly lass answers actual reader questions sent to rudy@rudypark.com, and posts answers to www.rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My husband keeps leaving his stuff all over the place and expecting me to pick up after him. How do I get through to him that this isn't the 1950s? - Angry in Anaheim. What is wrong with you?! He doesn't "expect you" to clean up after him! He doesn't care whether you leave his boxers on the coffee table or not. You are the one who cares. You are the only one who cares if things get picked up or not. He would only start caring at the point where the pile gets high enough to block his view of the tv. It's as if you've never even heard of the male species. Ask Sadie, baby!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-11 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-11 Pub. Date: 2017-05-11
Image Number: 157822
Caption: One of the worst things about dementia is that it's hard to treat, because it makes people uncomfortable to even speculate someone has it. Even if that person shows clear signs of paranoia, delusions of grandeur, the forgetting of facts, irritability, destructive behavior, inappropriate sexual behavior ... such as grabbing other people's whatsits without even waiting ... I'm not talking about anyone in particular. Good, because that would make me awfully uncomfortable.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-26 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-26 Pub. Date: 2017-04-26
Image Number: 157298
Caption: Hey boss, it's almost closing time. Mind if I knock off early? I do indeed, minion. It's a slipper slope. If I let you off ten minutes early, next thing we know you'll be asking for eleven free minutes. Then people will catch wind of it and be asking for time off all over the place. Meanwhile, North Koreans don't ask for time off. They'll be outproducing us. It'll be the end of America. Boss ... are you AirBnB-ing my house again while I'm at work? You can leave here at 5pm and not a minute sooner.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-11 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-11 Pub. Date: 2017-04-11
Image Number: 156747
Caption: It turns out celiac disease is thousands of years old. Yet I still never heard about "gluten" till recently. What do you think that means, Randy? It obviously means big wheat has some explaining to do. They must've altered the grains. I don't know. Maybe it's because our environment has gotten cleaner. So since our antibodies haven't had to work as hard, they've gotten weaker. HOJ. If there's one thing you'd know about, little buddy, it's atrophy. We should have our own science show.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-05 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-05 Pub. Date: 2017-04-05
Image Number: 156485
Caption: I heard Chelsea Clinton is considering running for the Senate in 2020. Holy Moes-es! The last thing Democrats need is to run another corporate Democrat anti-progressive stooge who's trading off a famous name! You're being too hard on Chelsea. I'm sure she's highly ... wait ... did you say "holy moses" or "holy moes-es?" I've never believed in the bible. But I do believe in The Three Stooges. Chelsea won a lifetime achievement award for ... whatever it is she did.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-25 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 155930
Caption: We never went to the moon. The Youtube evidence is conclusive. Not the Van Allen thing again." "Van Allen." It is absolutely impossible for human beings to traverse the Van Allen radiation belt. Explain how the Apollo astronauts passed through that radiation belt without either dying or hulking out. They were exposed to a cat-scan's worth of radiation. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-17 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-17 Pub. Date: 2017-03-17
Image Number: 155668
Caption: You are not allowed to join the army, little buddy. You don't want me getting hurt in war? I just don't think someone who's never won an arm-wrestling match in his life has any business taking on terrorists. For your information, you're looking at the World Lightweight Champion of Thumb Wrestling, fourteen years running. Not at all the same thing. And my mom said playing video games would never take me anywhere.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-04 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-04 Pub. Date: 2017-03-04
Image Number: 155089
Caption: I was just watching a Youtube video called "How a Lack of Bird Poop Proved the Big Bang." It wan about how removing all sources of interference from a huge radiation detector led to the discovery of cosmic background radiation. They'd removed everything that might've been messing up the readings, and the last thing they removed was bird droppings. Then they knew the signals were real, and from space. I'm gonna have to watch that for myself, I'm not sure you've got all the details right. I was disappointed. I thought Youtube was finally gonna expose the great pigeon conspiracy.
     
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