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Dustin

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1. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-10-19 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-10-19 Pub. Date: 2017-10-19
Image Number: 163806
Caption: The tv plays the whole time you're pumping gas. It was actually entertaining. But they did run two Slim Jim ads. What's that all about? Showing me a commercial while I'm already spending big bucks on gas? Did you buy a Slim Jim? Yes.
     
2. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-10-09 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-10-09 Pub. Date: 2017-10-09
Image Number: 163430
Caption: They hung pictures of skeletons and tombstones in the school cafeteria. I guess that's called Halloween spirit. You've never eaten at my cafeteria … I call it truth in advertising.
     
3. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-10-08 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-10-08 Pub. Date: 2017-10-08
Image Number: 162901
Caption: Sweetheart, why don't you put on your reading glasses? I don't like the way they make me look.
     
4. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-10-01 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-10-01 Pub. Date: 2017-10-01
Image Number: 162686
Caption: What do you think? What is it? They call it a "salmon ladder." The producers of American Ninja Warrior -- It's a show where contestants compete on an extremely demanding obstacle course. Once I master the salmon ladder, the rest will be easy. So what is it? A hybrid chin-up station where you pull the bar off its rungs and keep moving it up to the next set ... until you make it all the way to the top. Get it? I'll be like a salmon swimming upstream. You know, they have to do that to spawn. Thump. So I guess your mother and I shouldn't count on you for grandchildren.
     
5. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-09-24 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162395
Caption: There are always a few girls who are obviously not here to exercise. Totally. The signs are unmistakable. Right -- They have on makeup. They're wearing trendy designer outfits. And most importantly, their favorite piece of gym equipment … is the mirror.
     
6. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-09-15 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-09-15 Pub. Date: 2017-09-15
Image Number: 162400
Caption: Whoa, hey, thanks for taking my call, Helen. It's good to hear from you, Carl. Still enjoying Colorado? Totally … I went to a wedding Saturday and there was a cannabis bar. A cannabis bar? That's um … interesting. They even had a guy in a vest and a bow tie who was the bud tender. I see ... Well, it sounds like they thought of everything. Not quite, Helen. they should've had way more cake.
     
7. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-09-13 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-09-13 Pub. Date: 2017-09-13
Image Number: 162398
Caption: We should paint the baseboards … They look worn. Great idea … How about white, like it is now, just to freshen things up? Okay. So, do we want ivory, moon glow, arctic ice or snowy egret? Um … Do they have white. Our choices for the finish are flat, eggshell, satin, semi-gloss or gloss. On second thought, the scuff marks add character.
     
8. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-08-30 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-08-30 Pub. Date: 2017-08-30
Image Number: 161862
Caption: Youtube keeps asking me if I want to try a paid subscription. Why would anybody do that? There are no ads with a subscriptions, so it saves time. If people were worried about wasting time, they wouldn't be on Youtube.
     
9. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-08-27 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161362
Caption: Breep breep. You know, I read that in South Korea they're working on a horn that makes the sound of a quacking duck. Seriously? A quacking duck? Researchers found that ordinary car horns contribute too much environmental noise, especially in congested cities. So, after a lot of experimenting, they determined the best sound is that of a quacking duck. You have got to be kidding ... I mean, if they really wanted to help ... They'd develop a horn that yells at the guy in front of you, "put your phone down - the light's green now!"
     
10. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-08-15 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-08-15 Pub. Date: 2017-08-15
Image Number: 161364
Caption: Back to school sale!! How can they justify profiting off of kids' suffering?!
     
11. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-08-14 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-08-14 Pub. Date: 2017-08-14
Image Number: 161363
Caption: Cool. It says here they have casual Fridays. I don't think I've ever worked anywhere that has casual Fridays. I don't think you've ever worked anywhere long enough to find out.
     
12. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-08-10 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161122
Caption: How was your first day driving an ice cream truck? Terrible. They deducted all the ice cream I ate from my pay. Oh. So, what did you end up with? A stomachache.
     
13. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-08-07 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-08-07 Pub. Date: 2017-08-07
Image Number: 161119
Caption: Dippers Ice Cream Parlor. We've been in this line so long, they should call my sundae a mundae.
     
14. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-07-30 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-07-30 Pub. Date: 2017-07-30
Image Number: 160304
Caption: I love these home makeover shows. Totally. The transformations are unbelievable. They start with an uninspired, seemingly hopeless project … and with a whole lot of hard work and dedication, transform it into a total success. I've seen this show. I love their tagline -- So, mom, "Do you have the guts to take on a fixer upper?" She had you, didn't she?
     
15. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-07-11 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-07-11 Pub. Date: 2017-07-11
Image Number: 160040
Caption: I'm buying underwear online. Okay. What do you think of these bikini briefs for me? Absolutely not. You don't think they're kind of -- Nope. I just want to point out these are Amazon's choice for me. Amazon doesn't have to share a room with you.
     
16. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-07-10 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-07-10 Pub. Date: 2017-07-10
Image Number: 160039
Caption: I'm buying underwear online. Amazon's choice for me is bikini briefs. Too much information. What does "Amazon's choice" mean, anyway? It's a thing where they suggest products. Amazon has an opinion about my underwear? I don't know whether to be flattered or worried ... I'd go with worried.
     
17. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-06-25 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-06-25 Pub. Date: 2017-06-25
Image Number: 158878
Caption: I can't believe you wore that shirt to Home Depot. What's wrong with this shirt. The Home Depot. It's orange, Ed. Everyone's going to think you work here. Home Depot people wear aprons, Helen -- orange aprons. Excuse me. Where would I find your pickaxes? Oh ... I don't work here. I just wore an orange shirt today. Hey, can you tell me where you reciprocating saws are? I have no idea. I don't work here. This is a shirt, not an apron. Later. Ed? I've been looking all over the store. Where are you? I got fed up with everyone assuming I work here ... so I started making up locations for whatever obscure item they asked me about. There must be a half-dozen furious customers looking for me, Helen. What if you run into one of them? I know -- So I'm hiding out in the employee break room until the store closes.
     
18. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-06-22 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-06-22 Pub. Date: 2017-06-22
Image Number: 159214
Caption: Maybe I could be a professional golfer. Seriously, Dustin? Think about it -- they travel the world playing golf for a living. You'd never qualify for a tour card. Winning a single tournament pays millions. On your best day you can't break 90. They have a four-day workweek. Maybe you could be a professional golfer.
     
19. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-06-21 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-06-21 Pub. Date: 2017-06-21
Image Number: 159213
Caption: Hi, sweetheart … Ed, are you okay? It's late. Oh, I'm fine. You know how we always wonder about those airport signs that say "no joking" with security? Yes. We wondered if they ever enforce that rule. Exactly. So, it turns out they do, and I'll be a little late for dinner. I'm told the strip search won't take more than a half an hour. Security.
     
20. Cartoonist Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-06-11 they 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-06-11 Pub. Date: 2017-06-11
Image Number: 158399
Caption: Why does every rate increase notice begin with "in order to serve you better"? I'm on hold with these people to find out exactly what that means. You're wasting your time. Great. A recording … how convenient. Now I'm being asked to key in my sixteen-digit account number, "in order to serve me better." Bip bip boop blip bleep boop boop. Thank you for holding. May I have your account number? Seriously? I just keyed in all sixteen digits and now you're asking for it again?! And by the way, I listened to all of your menu options and they have not recently changed. How can I provide you with excellent customer service today? Do you have a time machine?
     
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