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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-10 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-10 Pub. Date: 2017-12-10
Image Number: 165382
Caption: Youtube reviews make me feel old, Randy. Well … they're always full of whining, nitpicky, smug people complaining that the film or tv show wasn’t easy enough to follow. Reviewers complain that characters actions "don't make sense," as if they unaware that people often don't make sense. Or that a scene wasn't "necessary," as if establishing character doesn't matter. They complain that the plot was "confused," but when I was growing up, that just meant the viewer wasn't paying enough attention. It's as if a lot of reviewers want everything spelled out for them so they don't have to actually figure anything out for themselves. Yeah ... definitely sounding old there, my friend. I wish these dumb reviewers would stay off my list of Youtube recommendations.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-06 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-06 Pub. Date: 2017-12-06
Image Number: 165717
Caption: Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-27 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-27 Pub. Date: 2017-11-27
Image Number: 165440
Caption: Where've you been all weekend, Randy? Tibet. Women are coming out of the woodwork to exact justice on men who sexually harassed them years or decades ago. I wanted to know if I owe anyone an apology. So I climbed the tallest mountain and asked a monk to help me meditate, so I could retrieve crystal-clear memories of every time I ever flirted with a woman. Turns out the monk had to resign because he's sexually harassed someone. What the -- ... wait ... No, I'm actually not surprised anymore.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-25 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-25 Pub. Date: 2017-11-25
Image Number: 165181
Caption: Randy? What kind of frat parties do you think they had in ancient Rome? I mean, they wore togas every day. That's easy, little buddy. They'd wear an Akkadian loincloth. The Akkadians were just as ancient as the Romans as the Romans are to us. You seem to know a lot about them. That's because the Randy lineage traces its roots back to the Akkadians. Randush "The Rock" Taylor was a popular loincloth model back then. I can trace my family back to Cleveland.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-24 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-24 Pub. Date: 2017-11-24
Image Number: 165180
Caption: Minion, I'm ordering you not to talk about alternate histories with the customers. No more "what if feudalism never happened" nonsense. If people start thinking things could've been different, they'll soon start thinking things could've been better. Which could lead to them thinking things can still get better. This "gap between rich and poor" thing is working out in my favor. I don't want your talk of alternate pasts to accidentally create any alternate futures. Very bad man.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-22 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-22 Pub. Date: 2017-11-22
Image Number: 165178
Caption: Disney's trying to buy Fox. If they did that, then all of Marvel's best heroes would be in the MCU. It would be horrible! The whole Marvel cinematic universe is one big story told by dozens of movies. This would, like, triple the amount of movies I'd have to watch! I'd have to watch every X-Men spinoff to make sure I got every reference made in any Thor or Avengers movie, for instance. HOJ. Your definition of "have to" and my definition of "have to" are very different. I'd have to see them all in 3-D. I'd have to get a second job to afford that.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-13 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-13 Pub. Date: 2017-11-13
Image Number: 164882
Caption: What do you mean "give Rudy a minute"? He's doing something very delicate. Like what? He's trying to help Sadie find her old childhood friends online. He found lots of them. They're still alive! But the news is both good and bad, and he's not sure how to break it to her gently. They're ... um ... in a Facebook group called "Sadie-Survivors Support Group." What th -- I said tell me the bad news first, cretin.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-08 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-08 Pub. Date: 2017-11-08
Image Number: 164675
Caption: What can I get you, Uncle Mort? An answer. How many countries are we at war with right now? One? … No wait … Two? No wait … Seven? … No wait … oh yeah. The answer is none. If none of them are "declared." Then none of them count as "wars." It's in the Constitution. That's not what the Constitution means!!!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-02 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-02 Pub. Date: 2017-11-02
Image Number: 164424
Caption: Minion, it's come to my attention you've been talking about science to the customers. This will not do. My perusal of our customers' social media posts indicated that a growing number of them believe the earth is flat and science is lame. I don't want you saying anything that might insult the beliefs of this growing minority group. "Dumb" is not a minority. "Dumb" is a slur now, Rudy. The P.C. term is "Dingbat-American."
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-28 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-28 Pub. Date: 2017-10-28
Image Number: 164164
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Batfan" in Dallas, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. My girlfriend is refusing to go see "Justice League" because she things Marvel's take on the genre is the only way to do it. How do I get her to be more open-minded and tolerant? You don't! Just become less open-minded yourself. You can't change other people, you can only seek vengeance upon them. Um ... Do you happen to have Doctor Phil's number?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-27 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-27 Pub. Date: 2017-10-27
Image Number: 164163
Caption: Some people think there's a "second species" living secretly with us who aren't homo sapiens. What are you talking about, little buddy? They say it's a cone-headed species called "homo capensis." They say this secret species controls our banks and religions ... so they can divide and conquer up, so we'll be too busy hating each other to notice them. HOJ. Mankind has been coming up with excuses for its own failings for thousands of years, little buddy. That's probably exactly what the coneheads would want us to do.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-21 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-21 Pub. Date: 2017-10-21
Image Number: 163920
Caption: We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-11 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163642
Caption: Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-08 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-08 Pub. Date: 2017-10-08
Image Number: 162958
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? Boss, you called me in at 2a.m. to clean out the gutters. We don't have any gutters. Of course we don't have any gutters. I'm confused. When I ordered you to clean out the gutters, it was clearly implied that you're first supposed to install them. Am I supposed to do all your thinking for you, Rudy? This is very disappointing. This will impact your next weekly performance review. Anyway, you'd better get to it. How do you expect the cafe's rooftop garden to properly drain without gutters? We don't have a rooftop garden. Very bad man. How do you expect to placate the green-freaks once we install the oil wells without a rooftop garden.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-06 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-06 Pub. Date: 2017-10-06
Image Number: 163386
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-05 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163385
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-22 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-22 Pub. Date: 2017-09-22
Image Number: 162864
Caption: Seriously, boss? I'm no longer allowed to talk about astronomy at work? Why? It's just bad for business. What if I want to get a huge merger approved so I could finally achieve my lifelong dream of having a monopoly of my very own? The government's not exactly science-friendly these days. I don't want them throwing up roadblocks just because my minion aid something that pressed their buttons. Did you know Venus is a dead world because of global warming? Stop that.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-16 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-16 Pub. Date: 2017-09-16
Image Number: 162614
Caption: Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-05 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-05 Pub. Date: 2017-09-05
Image Number: 162349
Caption: Is it just me, or have there been a lot of earthquakes lately? I haven't noticed. How could you not notice earthquakes? We've had about a dozen of them in the last few months, usually at night. That would explain it: Randy "The Rock" Taylor comes from a long line of heavy sleepers. Light-sleeping is for the indecisive. In 1819, Washington Irving based a story on my ancestor Rufus "The Rock" Taylor. But he had to change the title from "Rip Van Rockle" when Rufus demanded royalties. I wake up seventeen times a night.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-03 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-03 Pub. Date: 2017-09-03
Image Number: 161653
Caption: The mummified remains of about 40 Buddhist monks were discovered in China, Mongolia and India. All the mummies were found sitting in the lotus position. Many believe that these monks sat so still, meditated for so long, and slowed their heart rates and body functions so much that they became mummified alive ... and they believe that whether those mummies are 200, 600, or 1,000 years old ... they're still alive. Where'd you hear all that? "Strange Mysteries." It's a Youtube channel. I wrote to them to suggest they do a show on whether playing Xbox for five hours a night is the same things as meditating. I'd hate to accidentally mummify myself. You have been looking a little ashy lately.
     
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