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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-21 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-21 Pub. Date: 2018-02-21
Image Number: 168668
Caption: How can you be so heartless?! I have half a mind to tweet about this! Pardon? A bus full of tiny orphan broke down down the hill. It was on the news. Yet you didn't offer them any food. How would this look for your café if you totally ignored them in their time of need? If you'd like to prepare some tuna croissants, I'd be more than happy to haul them down there for you. Not falling for it.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-20 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-20 Pub. Date: 2018-02-20
Image Number: 168667
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, we discuss one topic: Starman, the mannequin Elon musk launched into space in a car. Speaking of Musk … the year was 1973. Unbeknownst to the world, NASA sent one final Apollo mission, to broker a peace treaty with the aliens Apollo 17 had stumbled upon. Those aliens were muskier than a herd of yaks, and I told them so! They took offense, and I told them it's not my fault you're so thin-skinned! So that's why we haven't been back in fifty years. How was I to know they'd consider that racist?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-18 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 168052
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre cam along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiver exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe I'd be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year -- wait this whole thing is confidential right?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-11 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167765
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-10 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-10 Pub. Date: 2018-02-10
Image Number: 168191
Caption: In my day, they didn't give free lunches to poor children in school. If your parents couldn't afford to feed you, you went without. When you saw rich kids and their fancy sandwiches, you didn't expect the government to level the playing field for you. You pushed them down in the mud and stole those sandwiches on your own! I think I read about you in The Hunger Games.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-04 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-04 Pub. Date: 2018-02-04
Image Number: 167390
Caption: I've been thinking about how out of control things have gotten, minion. This won't end well. This is a land of immigrants. But the republic elected a leader who says things like "Why are we having all these people from censored countries come here?" … A president who says we need more people form countries like Norway. Who said "Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out." ... A guy who said some of the white supremacists with torches in Charlottesville were very fine people." A guy who tweeted an image during his campaign that suggested the vast majority of white murder victims are killed by black people, when in reality they're mostly killed by white people. A guy who shouts about every single instance of Muslim terrorism, but was totally silent when the DOJ charged a white supremacist with terrorism ... but he's good on taxes for the 1%, so it evens out ... Get back to work, lackey, my gold coins won't polish themselves. Wait ... you were serious about that?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-02 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-02 Pub. Date: 2018-02-02
Image Number: 167933
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Marie Antoinette. Specifically, we'll talk about how, when the peasants of France were dying from bread shortages, she said … Let them eat one-time $1000 bonuses, so they wont notice that the aristocrats have all pocketed Louis XVI's massive tax cuts and are laying off peasants left and right. Pretty sure she's paraphrasing. I feel like cake, for some reason.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-27 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-27 Pub. Date: 2017-12-27
Image Number: 166541
Caption: Where were you the last few days, little buddy? San Francisco. I heard new robot security guards were harassing the homeless to keep them from sleeping on city streets. So I went out there hoping to be recruited by any time-traveler who came back in time to lead a resistance cell. I knew it was a long-shot. But I'd have kicked myself if I didn't go and the time-traveler did show up. Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-25 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-25 Pub. Date: 2017-12-25
Image Number: 166539
Caption: Boss? There was a scrawny pigeon taped to my bedroom window this morning. A post-it note stuck to its back said "Sincerely, Armstrong." So it wasn't a dream! Last night, as I slumbered in my bed, I was visited by three spirits. They took me on a tour of Christmases past, present, and future. I used the tips future-me gave me to tell past-me to save money so present-me can buy the right obscure stocks, so future-me can reap huge dividends in 2047. Very. Bad. Man. The ghosts said something about my not appreciating you. So I swung by and left you a Christmas dinner, to pacify them.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-22 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-22 Pub. Date: 2017-12-22
Image Number: 166299
Caption: Welcome to Ask Sadie. You're on, Vancouver. What's your problem? I met this really cool guy who makes my toes go numb … but I'd already been talking to another guy. The thing is, I want them both. Is that selfish? Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I went to the Sizzler salad bar. I wanted both the ranch dressing and the vinaigrette. So what I did was, I poured both of them all over my lettuce at the same time. Metaphor. No, just two. Wait ... what?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-17 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-17 Pub. Date: 2017-12-17
Image Number: 165604
Caption: Do you know why I love Star Trek, minion? We called me in at 2am to talk about this? It's because it's a lefty-liberal utopia. They've eliminated scarcity. There's all the food and shelter anyone could ever want, so there's no more need for capitalism. They flat-out say there's no such concept as money in their society. And yet we've seen them buy things. With money. Plenty of times. It's absolute proof that people never truly have to live up to the ideals they espouse, and that's always been an inspiration to me. Now get back out there and remember, the customer is always right!* Service with a smile.* Providing a quality product is its own reward.* You're a very good man.*
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-10 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-10 Pub. Date: 2017-12-10
Image Number: 165382
Caption: Youtube reviews make me feel old, Randy. Well … they're always full of whining, nitpicky, smug people complaining that the film or tv show wasn’t easy enough to follow. Reviewers complain that characters actions "don't make sense," as if they unaware that people often don't make sense. Or that a scene wasn't "necessary," as if establishing character doesn't matter. They complain that the plot was "confused," but when I was growing up, that just meant the viewer wasn't paying enough attention. It's as if a lot of reviewers want everything spelled out for them so they don't have to actually figure anything out for themselves. Yeah ... definitely sounding old there, my friend. I wish these dumb reviewers would stay off my list of Youtube recommendations.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-06 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-06 Pub. Date: 2017-12-06
Image Number: 165717
Caption: Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-27 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-27 Pub. Date: 2017-11-27
Image Number: 165440
Caption: Where've you been all weekend, Randy? Tibet. Women are coming out of the woodwork to exact justice on men who sexually harassed them years or decades ago. I wanted to know if I owe anyone an apology. So I climbed the tallest mountain and asked a monk to help me meditate, so I could retrieve crystal-clear memories of every time I ever flirted with a woman. Turns out the monk had to resign because he's sexually harassed someone. What the -- ... wait ... No, I'm actually not surprised anymore.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-25 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-25 Pub. Date: 2017-11-25
Image Number: 165181
Caption: Randy? What kind of frat parties do you think they had in ancient Rome? I mean, they wore togas every day. That's easy, little buddy. They'd wear an Akkadian loincloth. The Akkadians were just as ancient as the Romans as the Romans are to us. You seem to know a lot about them. That's because the Randy lineage traces its roots back to the Akkadians. Randush "The Rock" Taylor was a popular loincloth model back then. I can trace my family back to Cleveland.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-24 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-24 Pub. Date: 2017-11-24
Image Number: 165180
Caption: Minion, I'm ordering you not to talk about alternate histories with the customers. No more "what if feudalism never happened" nonsense. If people start thinking things could've been different, they'll soon start thinking things could've been better. Which could lead to them thinking things can still get better. This "gap between rich and poor" thing is working out in my favor. I don't want your talk of alternate pasts to accidentally create any alternate futures. Very bad man.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-22 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-22 Pub. Date: 2017-11-22
Image Number: 165178
Caption: Disney's trying to buy Fox. If they did that, then all of Marvel's best heroes would be in the MCU. It would be horrible! The whole Marvel cinematic universe is one big story told by dozens of movies. This would, like, triple the amount of movies I'd have to watch! I'd have to watch every X-Men spinoff to make sure I got every reference made in any Thor or Avengers movie, for instance. HOJ. Your definition of "have to" and my definition of "have to" are very different. I'd have to see them all in 3-D. I'd have to get a second job to afford that.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-13 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-13 Pub. Date: 2017-11-13
Image Number: 164882
Caption: What do you mean "give Rudy a minute"? He's doing something very delicate. Like what? He's trying to help Sadie find her old childhood friends online. He found lots of them. They're still alive! But the news is both good and bad, and he's not sure how to break it to her gently. They're ... um ... in a Facebook group called "Sadie-Survivors Support Group." What th -- I said tell me the bad news first, cretin.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-08 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-08 Pub. Date: 2017-11-08
Image Number: 164675
Caption: What can I get you, Uncle Mort? An answer. How many countries are we at war with right now? One? … No wait … Two? No wait … Seven? … No wait … oh yeah. The answer is none. If none of them are "declared." Then none of them count as "wars." It's in the Constitution. That's not what the Constitution means!!!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-02 them 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-02 Pub. Date: 2017-11-02
Image Number: 164424
Caption: Minion, it's come to my attention you've been talking about science to the customers. This will not do. My perusal of our customers' social media posts indicated that a growing number of them believe the earth is flat and science is lame. I don't want you saying anything that might insult the beliefs of this growing minority group. "Dumb" is not a minority. "Dumb" is a slur now, Rudy. The P.C. term is "Dingbat-American."
     
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