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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-25 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-25 Pub. Date: 2020-01-25
Image Number: 181369
Caption: Are you sure you want to watch the premiere episode of Star Trek: Picard again? You've already seen it 24 times in the past 24 hours. Perhaps you should go for a walk, feel the warm breeze, bask in the sun … talk to other people … or maybe just take a shower ... never should've bought a smart tv. Remaining sedentary can cause high blood pressure, deep vein thrombosis, death ...
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-24 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-24 Pub. Date: 2020-01-24
Image Number: 181368
Caption: Are you sure you want to watch the premiere episode of Star Trek: Picard again? You've already seen it 24 times in the past 24 hours. Perhaps you should go for a walk, feel the warm breeze, bask in the sun … talk to other people … or maybe just take a shower ... never should've bought a smart tv. Remaining sedentary can cause high blood pressure, deep vein thrombosis, death ...
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-10 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-10 Pub. Date: 2019-12-10
Image Number: 180766
Caption: This is Nightly News with Martin Niemoller. First they came for the travelers from Muslim countries … Then they came for the Latino criminals who were here illegally. Then they came for legal immigrants who don't know English. Then they came for the hard-working, decent, productive Latinos who were brought here illegally as kids and know no other country. That's too bad. Hey, I feel like a ham sandwich. Hey wait, you might want to hear the rest of this ...
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-03 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-03 Pub. Date: 2019-12-03
Image Number: 180642
Caption: The average Millennial is now in their thirties. They're starting to get wrinkles. They're starting to go bald. They're starting to be sneered at by a younger generation. Their slang and their insults are appearing in mainstream media. On tv … in newspapers ... in comic strips ... which is basically the kiss of death for their cool. Okay Boomer.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-05 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-05 Pub. Date: 2019-10-05
Image Number: 179730
Caption: Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night Googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-04 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-04 Pub. Date: 2019-10-04
Image Number: 179729
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! My son just started preschool. This sweet, innocent child who's seen nothing but Sesame Street … came home after the first week and started hitting us and yelling You're a bad guy! Good guys hit bad guys! Yes, yes, it's an age-old problem: The corrupting influence of his peers. Might I suggest you wrap your angel in cellophane to protect him from the world? Better yet, launch him into space, where not even the cold virus can ever reach him! He did have the sniffles.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-28 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-28 Pub. Date: 2019-09-28
Image Number: 179622
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old tv shows they're bringing back? The Fugitive, Battlestar Gallactica, Punky Brewster, 90210 … How come nobody's talking about bringing back 227 … A Different World ... Living Single ... Family Matters ... Moesha ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Never mind. I have no problem being that guy.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-20 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-20 Pub. Date: 2019-09-20
Image Number: 179502
Caption: She blew it, Clyde. Who blew what? What are you talking about, Big L? The whole reason I thought about dating Susan was because I thought maybe she and I would be compatible … so I tested her. I asked her out in Klingon, and she didn't have any idea what I said. I blew it. Your standards is too high ... or low ... or something.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-19 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-19 Pub. Date: 2019-09-19
Image Number: 179501
Caption: What'd you want to talk about, Lemont? Susan … How do I say this? Every seven years, the Vulcan male experiences Pon Farr and has to return home to mate, or die. I'll put it another way: Even the most blood-thirsty Klingon warrior eventually needs to find his Parmaqqay. Put it another way. Every incarnation of Doctor Who needs a companion?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-03 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-03 Pub. Date: 2019-09-03
Image Number: 179295
Caption: I'm not afraid of public speaking, Susan. Really? Then how come every CNN asks you to go on air to discuss one of your articles, you come up with some lame excuse not to? I appeared once. I remember … I remember you looked an awful lot like Clyde that day, pretending to be you. Everyone knows the camera adds sunglasses, a goatee and different bone structure. Dios mio.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-13 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-13 Pub. Date: 2019-06-13
Image Number: 178023
Caption: I've narrowed down the list of who I want to write the foreword to my next book, Clyde. The ones that made the cut are Slimeball, Slippery James, Puppet Jones, Lamb the Sham, McMuffin, Fat Jerry, Crazy Nancy, Wacky Jacky, Pencil Neck, Mr. Magoo, Dumb as a Rock, and Mr. Peepers. I would've chosen The Dumbest Man on Television, but he was kind of standoffish when we met. Psycho Joe was surprisingly friendly. In other words, you still upset the President ain't nicknamed you.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-09 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-09 Pub. Date: 2019-06-09
Image Number: 178019
Caption: The year 2039. Beeeep … Beeeep … Beeeep … This is an alert from the emergency broadcast system. This is not a frill. An oxygen dead zone has been detected in your area. Remain indoors, seal all vents, and activate your dwelling's oxygen tank. If you are outdoors without a personal supply of oxygen, proceed to the nearest shelter. If you are at a shelter but have no oxygen insurance, immediately exit the shelter and hold your breath as long as possible. State Tv now returns you to your program, already in progress ... six of the candidates applying to the Chamber of Commerce to be overseer of North America favor an Oxygen for All system. Thanks because they're socialists. Click.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-05 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-05 Pub. Date: 2019-06-05
Image Number: 177954
Caption: Hello, Fox News? This is Lemont Brown with candorville.com. I'm writing an article about the doctored video you aired, and I'm wondering if I could get a copy of it … No, not the one about Planned Parenthood … No, not the one about ACORN … No, not the one about CNN. I want the one about the Congresswoman ... No, the one about the other Congresswoman ... No ...
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-04 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-04 Pub. Date: 2019-06-04
Image Number: 177953
Caption: I can't wait to watch Star Trek: Picard. The teaser trailer made it pretty clear the show heavily involves the destruction of Romulus from J.J. Abrams 2009 film. That's going to tick off all the Abrams-haters who've been whining ever since 2009. I. Cannot. Wait. I thought Star Trek was all about a future where people aren't petty anymore. I'm all for eradicating pettiness after I get this last dig in.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-16 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-16 Pub. Date: 2019-05-16
Image Number: 177623
Caption: This just in: Because of us, one million species are on the brink of extinction. The food chain will collapse … Click … Measles outbreak. Scientists believe the virus has mutated, and evolved, and is now calling people to see if they're home. Click … Chocked to discover the beloved puppet may have been posting on white supremacist discussion forums ... Click ... Gillicaaaaan, the Skipper tooooo ... the millionaaaaire ... and his wiiiiiiiife ...
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-14 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-14 Pub. Date: 2019-05-14
Image Number: 177621
Caption: Clyde … didn't I ask you not to turn the channel? I didn't turn it … an' then after I finished not-turning it, I turned it. If people want a brotha to keep not-turnin'-the-channel, then next time y'all should specify that. Turn it back!!! I did … an' then I turned it away again.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-04 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-04 Pub. Date: 2019-05-04
Image Number: 177388
Caption: Where you been last couple days, Big L? The Star Trek Discovery season finale was incredible. It made me really want a Captain Pike spin-off. So naturally, I've been in every discussion forum and all over social media trying to motivate everyone on earth to sign the CBS, give us a pre-TOS Star Trek series w/ Captain Pike. Struggle is pointless. petition on Change.org. Naturally don't meant what you think it mean. How do you say please in Hindi?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-24 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-24 Pub. Date: 2019-04-24
Image Number: 177325
Caption: I interviewed President Trump the other day. He still really believes he only lost the popular vote because there were up to 5 million illegal votes … even though there's zero evidence of that. It didn't make sense 'til yesterday. Remember that line from the Seinfeld rerun we saw last night? A lie is not a lie if you believe it. America elected George Costanza president.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-10 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-10 Pub. Date: 2019-04-10
Image Number: 177115
Caption: Remember Oleg, from junior high? I remember thinking even back then, I hate that guy. He'd run his fingers through girls' hair … rub their necks … kiss them all hello on the lips … I remember you used to say Sitcoms make very special episodes about guys like that. That's how I know anyone saying We didn't know it was wrong back then is full of it. Not everyone watched as much tv as you, Lemont.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-27 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-27 Pub. Date: 2019-03-27
Image Number: 176941
Caption: Lemont, I don't think millions of people watch Star Trek: Discovery. Parrot Analytics found Discovery had 24,859,094 average demand expressions per week. Other shows with those numbers had between 4 and 7 million viewers per episode, according to Nielsen Ratings. Parrot Analytics? You can't refute something just by questioning it in a skeptical tone. I can't? Stop that?
     
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