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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-26 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-26 Pub. Date: 2017-11-26
Image Number: 165350
Caption: Women and men are coming forward and exposing all the powerful guys who've sexually harassed them. Its making me feel awfully worried and guilty. Dr. Noodle. Why? I'm worried that at any moment, a victim is going to come forward and ruin my life. That's natural. Think about it this way, though. If whoever it is you abused does come forward, you'll have a chance to come clean and clear your conscience. Huh? I've never abused anyone. I'm confused. I've already lost "House of Cards." This seems to be so pervasive, I could lose everything I spend my life watching. What'll I lose next, "Walking Dead"? "Man in the High Castle"? ... If they take "Big Bang Theory" my life'll pretty much be over. Just curious: Have you ever heard the phrases "get a life" and "it's not about you"? Hence the guilt.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-24 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-24 Pub. Date: 2017-11-24
Image Number: 165151
Caption: You look like Big Bird. Excuse me? No I don't. And didn't your mom ever tell you not to talk to strangers? You're not a stranger. You're Big Bird. I've been watching you all my life. I. Am. Not. Big Bird. Sing "Riding a Tricycle," Big Bird. I'm not going to ask twice. It's my day off, kid.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-19 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-19 Pub. Date: 2017-11-19
Image Number: 164467
Caption: Great-looking hair, made easy. Just dye. We now return to our program. How much time do I have to save the kitten, bring Timmy his inhaler, and defuse the nuclear bomb? You have a lot less time than you did before you started that sentence. We'll be back after these messages ... I'm rally psyched Little Tyrant Pizza's bringing the flavor with its new pecan guacamole dipping sauce! A guy, a beach, a skateboard. A girl bouncing in slow motion. And these corn chips that have nothing to do with any of that. Buy them. Six other commercials that go on so long that you don't remember what show you're watching. Going back to Netflixing everything. And now back to our show ... What were we doing? Defusing something or other, I think.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-18 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-18 Pub. Date: 2017-11-18
Image Number: 164875
Caption: What up witcha girl Siri, bruh? What do you mean? I was mindin' my business, watchin' "Gilligan's Island." All of a sudden cops bust down my door an' demand to know what I done to my "little buddy." The rookie cop kept screamin' "Drop the coconut." Oh yeah. I forgot to mention Apple's Siri sometimes calls the police if it thinks the voices from the tv told it to call 911. I ain't even had no coconut.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-10 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-10 Pub. Date: 2017-11-10
Image Number: 164653
Caption: 1982. When I grow up, I want to be a single dad, Lemont. You mean "single mom"? Are you kidding? Compare "Alice" or "Gloria" or "One Day at a Time" with "Diff'rent Strokes" or "Silver Spoons." Single moms all struggle for long hours in dead-end, low-wage jobs. But single dads are all millionaires who don't seem to need jobs at all. My goal in life is to prove tv wrong, is what I'm saying. Fred Sanford's a single dad and he's always having heart attacks.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-09 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-09 Pub. Date: 2017-11-09
Image Number: 164652
Caption: 1982. Do you think there's still gonna be mean people in the 21st century, Lemont? Nah. People are getting nicer all the time. Momma and I watched "Roots" back when I was just a little kid. It was about the olden days. A lot of people in those times were clearly very, very mean. But just the other day, I was playing in the park with my Fonzie action figure when some strange man told me "go back where you came from." How was that nice? Well, I went home, and there was a brand new cake there. I don't know how that man knew, but I wish I could thank him.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-27 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-27 Pub. Date: 2017-10-27
Image Number: 164151
Caption: I wish I could visit the alternate universe were the Kennedy brothers had never been assassinated. In that universe, we never escalated in Vietnam, Nixon was never president, we never ended the Apollo program … I was born on the moon, Carter and Reagan were never presidents, so Iran never turned out to be what it is and we never helped create all these terrorists ... and "Chappelle's Show" never went off the air. You really need to let that go, Lemont.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-12 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-12 Pub. Date: 2017-10-12
Image Number: 163631
Caption: You know what else is good? "Matlock." What the … ? What is you … Listen, bruh, don't nobody watch no old corny white-haired country lawyer in 1990s Atlanta … playin' a ukulele in his light gray suit and "findin' the real killer" e'ry week … for someone who doesn't watch the show, you sure know a lot about it. Osmosis. I got all that from osmosis an' you can't prove otherwise.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-11 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-11 Pub. Date: 2017-10-11
Image Number: 163630
Caption: Bruh, you gotta stop writing about "Star Track Discovery." Don't nobody like it. Get over it. "Trek." And it's a great show! It's just a vocal minority online that keep coming up with ridiculous reasons to hate it. They decided long before they ever saw it was gonna be horrible, and now they just don't want to be wrong. It's textbook case of confirmation bias! I knew you wasn't gonna make no sense, an' I was right.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-26 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-26 Pub. Date: 2017-09-26
Image Number: 163098
Caption: Did you hear me on the radio today, Clyde? The whole world heard you, Big L. You said eretime anyone mentions the new Star Trek show Discovery … and army of mindless drones reply "The Orville look more like Star Trek than Star Trek do." Yeah, but I was making a larger point about how the internet encourages groupthink. You just mad the group don't think like you.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-23 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-23 Pub. Date: 2017-09-23
Image Number: 162853
Caption: If I promise to get you a new book tomorrow, will you go to sleep? Ith that a bwibe? Awe we cowooding? What do you mean "are we colluding?" Where did you hear language like that? Are you listening at my door while I'm watching the news again? You know you're not supposed to do that. If you'we impeached, do I become the new daddy? Go ... to ... sleep.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-17 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-17 Pub. Date: 2017-09-17
Image Number: 162145
Caption: Want to catch up on "Game of Thrones"? What I wanna watch that for? TV supposed to be an escape. Huh? It's a show set in some medieval world called "Westeros" where they've got knights and dragons and magic. How's that not an "escape"? They got any black people on Westeros? Of course they do. A whole bunch of them ... Well, a couple. What is they on the show? They knights? They kings? Queens? They ride dragons? They make magic happen? Um ... well ... not ex -- You see they work for the one who rides ... and you know one of them isn't a knight, but he's a soldier. Not everything has to be about race, you know. They slaves, ain't they? No. They started as slaves, then, am I right? Wanna watch "Westworld"?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-14 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-14 Pub. Date: 2017-09-14
Image Number: 162600
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old sitcoms they're bringing back? "Full House" … "Will & Grace" … "Roseanne" … "Gilmore Girls" … How come nobody's talking about bringing back "227" … "A Different World" ... "Living Single" ... "Family Matters" ... "Moesha" ... "The Cosby Show" ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Wait, wait ... scratch "The Cosby Show."
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-09 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-09 Pub. Date: 2017-09-09
Image Number: 162347
Caption: My son keeps loading 'The Cosby Show' on Hulu. What fo'? Cosby ain't never been funny. He always been boring as @#$% an' I ain't never liked him. Cosby ain't nothin' now, Cosby ain't never been nothin', and I always thought he was creepy. People always try to go back and pretend they were right about someone all along. He ain't never made me laugh. Not even once!
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-26 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-26 Pub. Date: 2017-08-26
Image Number: 161805
Caption: I saw all them tweets you made this mornin' about how both sides need to come together … about how even though both sides have very different views of what our defining principles ought to be, we should respect each other. I was almost with you right till the last tweet, which don't make no sense, bruh. #startrekdiscovery fans + #oldschooltrek fans, stop the madness! is pretty self-explanatory, Clyde. What language is you even speaking?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-24 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-24 Pub. Date: 2017-08-24
Image Number: 161803
Caption: Hey Susan, did you get that evite from Clyde? Which one? The evite to his birthday party where he wrote "in lieu of gifts, bring a shovel and wear your work pants"? No. The evite to his housewarming party at his underground bunker? No. I've been ignoring his evites for months now. Ever since Trump won, they've been getting more and more cynical. I'm talking about his evite to watch the upcoming race war on his tv.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-21 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-21 Pub. Date: 2017-08-21
Image Number: 161800
Caption: You remember that racist KKK/Nazi/White-supremacist rally in Charlottesville? 'Course, bruh. I think I may have really touched all those people I usually argue with online. Ever since that terrorist rally, every time I write that there's nothing wrong with having lots of women and minorities on the new Star Trek show, not a single person has dismissed me as a "cuck" or a "beta" or a "virtue-signaller" or a "social justice warrior." You think maybe because of Charlottesville, all the social injustice warriors have had an awakening? Nah, they probably just on vacation, like Congress.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-17 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161534
Caption: Hello, me, I'm you form the future. I've come back in time to ask you to do a wider variety of activities. Go visit seedy bars in foreign lands and get into misadventures with the locals, become a reality tv star and then run for office. Go live amongst the Aborigines in Australia and when you return, try to smuggle a kangaroo past customs. Anything! Our grandkids are tired of hearing the same five stories over and over again, is that I'm saying. Zzzzz.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-29 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-29 Pub. Date: 2017-07-29
Image Number: 160762
Caption: Hello, you've reached Concast Cable's reconnection department. To answer your question, yes, we can reconnect the tv service you canceled for an additional $85/month. What are you talking about? I didn't ask you any questions. And you called me. Yes, we can be there tomorrow between 8-5. You people are getting desperate. Do not lean on door.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-16 television cartoon 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-16 Pub. Date: 2017-07-16
Image Number: 159772
Caption: Cool shirt. You gonna watch the new Star Trek tv show? No way! It's a horrible show and it's going to fail! What? Why? All the angriest people on the internet agree with me. It looks to much like J.J. Abrams' J.J. - Trek nonsense … It's a scam to distract from CBS suing fan film creators ... O ... K ... it looks too advanced to be a prequel, the bridge is on the bottom of the saucer and not the top, the Klingons look stupid ... O ... K ... I guess I can ... There are too many minorities on it ... it's on CBS All Access instead of on broadcast or Netflix ... Wait ... What?! I shouldn't have to pay $6 month and watch it where they want me to watch it. They should give it to me how I want it! Didn't you just get all racist for a second? It should be free. It shouldn't force "diversity" down my throat. I should be able to see it on the channel I want to see it on. There! Right there! You just did it again!
     
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