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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-20 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-20 Pub. Date: 2020-01-20
Image Number: 181364
Caption: In 2003, the White House had spent an entire year cherry-picking intelligence and lying to get their war. After 17 years of continuous war, all it takes to start a war is a president saying believe me. Yeh, but the President changed his mind about It, right? So it's all good. The bar being lowered this much is not all good. you still talking?
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-19 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-19 Pub. Date: 2020-01-19
Image Number: 181257
Caption: My 3-year-old asked me how many dimensions we live in. Can you believe that, Clyde? Believe what? What I just said. You wasn't listening neither? Of course I was. I don't know, bruh. If I been listening to somethin', I don't need to ask people 'bout it later. No, What I just said was an answer. I don't know. What did you just say was an answer? That's ... sigh ... Let me start over. My little boy asked if we live in three dimensions. I said We live in three special dimensions, but there's a fourth dimension we live in called time. The fourth dimension called time what? They don't get along? At what point in the fourth dimension did you decide to just mess with me?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-13 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-13 Pub. Date: 2020-01-13
Image Number: 181258
Caption: That article you wrote about how we got to the brink of war with Iran was fake news! How so? You wrote it all started in 1953 when out CIA overthrew Iran's democratically elected leader and installed a dictator. That's preposterous! How so? Everyone knows history didn't even start in Iran until 1979.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-12 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-12 Pub. Date: 2020-01-12
Image Number: 181111
Caption: I've lost all respect for the Dumbocrats. How could they impeach a president for investigating corruption?! That's not what they impeached him for. They impeached Mr. Trump for trying to get a foreign country to investigate the guy who just happened to be Mr. Trump's rival in the next election. Nonsense. Donald Trump is an intrepid investigator of corruption! That's why he was so concerned! He's concerned about corruption? At the age of three, he started helping his dad hide income. He went on to cheat charities, defraud students, use laundered money in his casino ... and that's just for starters. Intrepid investigators often go deep under cover. And aren't a lot of his friends corrupt oligarch types? The ones who aren't in jail or dictators, I mean.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-31 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-31 Pub. Date: 2019-12-31
Image Number: 181016
Caption: You know how else we've come full circle since the 1920s? … White supremacists. In the 19-teens, we elected Woodrow Wilson, the most racist president of the 20th century. Between that, and all the black WWII veterans, black writers, black musicians, and the black middle class that was starting to boom ... white supremacists said it was time to make America hate again. Maybe they just needed to be understood.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-28 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-28 Pub. Date: 2019-12-28
Image Number: 180959
Caption: Tyrone, I get the feeling the new year will either be very food or very bad. But nothing in between. We are at a crossroads, my friend. No, we are not. What we are at is an inflection point. What? That's the same thing I just said. Nonsense! My portentous cogitation had far more syllables. That's not ... sigh ... things are not off to a good start. Not true. What is happening is, we are apperceiving a foreboding embarkation.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-22 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-22 Pub. Date: 2019-12-22
Image Number: 180854
Caption: Big L, you seen a doctor yet 'bout that heart attack you had? I didn't have a heart attack, Clyde. All I had was pain in my arm, between my shoulder blades, in my hest, jaw and upper abdomen. Plus I was dizzy, fatigued and had heartburn. That could've been anything, and anyway, I took care of it myself. I started biking, gave up red meat, etc ... just incase. Anyway, I don't have health insurance. I earn too much for Medicaid ad too little to pay the Obamacare premiums. I got a solution for you, bruh ... Ok ... as long as it doesn't involve identity theft, fake IDs and possible jail time. Hm ... well, then I got a different solution for you ... As long as it doesn't involve sneaking into another country. Well ... then I got a different solution ...
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-03 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-03 Pub. Date: 2019-12-03
Image Number: 180642
Caption: The average Millennial is now in their thirties. They're starting to get wrinkles. They're starting to go bald. They're starting to be sneered at by a younger generation. Their slang and their insults are appearing in mainstream media. On tv … in newspapers ... in comic strips ... which is basically the kiss of death for their cool. Okay Boomer.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-01 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-01 Pub. Date: 2019-12-01
Image Number: 180584
Caption: I saw that article you wrote about how California should do a public takeover of that PG&E utility company … just because they seem to keep starting massive wildfires. And to stop that they keep turning off power for millions of people. Yeah. The state's publicly-owned utilities like SMUD and Silicon Valley Power don't seem to get themselves into these predicaments. Maybe that's because they don't spend their money on lobbyists, fancy dinners, huge salaries, or dividend payments. Yeah, but Venezuela. Um ... What? That's the universally recognized trump card for any conversation. So declared by the International Association of Weaselly Arguments. I don't recognize their authority. Venezuela.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-05 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-05 Pub. Date: 2019-11-05
Image Number: 180233
Caption: When my little boy got home from day care and found out I'd sold the microwave, he started sobbing. He asked who bought it. I said A neighbor. He whimpered and blubbered But I don't want the neighbor to have it! I want us to have it! … I tried to make him feel better by telling him it's best not to have one anyway, because all microwaves leak radiation and that can cause cancer ... and that's when you son accused you of trying to murder your neighbor? I never realized how horrible a person I was until my son started asking questions.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-20 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-20 Pub. Date: 2019-10-20
Image Number: 179913
Caption: You already finished your bucket list, Clyde? That's right. But … you're only midway through life. Read the last item on that list. Make it midway through life. Wait … there are only two other items on here. Get it started, and Let it ride. E'rething else just details, bruh. the truth of the story lies in the details. - Paul Auster. The strength of the alibi likes in the lack of details - C-Dog.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-12 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-12 Pub. Date: 2019-10-12
Image Number: 179809
Caption: I told you we should start accepting Paypal. Spare change? Spare™ change?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-10 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-10 Pub. Date: 2019-10-10
Image Number: 179807
Caption: Lately I've been thinking about quitting the agency and starting a Folklorico dance group. Say what? Remember how much I loved being in Ensables Ballet Folklorico back in college? Yeah. I was really good at it, too. And I don't think I've ever felt as happy as I did on stage. Maybe this is just your midlife crisis talking. Mumblety - three is NOT midlife anymore!!! If you say so.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-09 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-09 Pub. Date: 2019-10-09
Image Number: 179806
Caption: I'm using reader feedback to perfect a book I'm writing called Lemont's Axioms of the Internet. Ooh. Tell me more. I posted my first axiom on my site and waited for the comments. What's the axiom? Lemont's first axiom: People who start a reply with actually almost always go on to write something that's utter nonsense. Actually, I think that's very observant of you, Lemont. 89 percent of my readers wrote exactly the same thing.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-04 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-04 Pub. Date: 2019-10-04
Image Number: 179729
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! My son just started preschool. This sweet, innocent child who's seen nothing but Sesame Street … came home after the first week and started hitting us and yelling You're a bad guy! Good guys hit bad guys! Yes, yes, it's an age-old problem: The corrupting influence of his peers. Might I suggest you wrap your angel in cellophane to protect him from the world? Better yet, launch him into space, where not even the cold virus can ever reach him! He did have the sniffles.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-27 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-27 Pub. Date: 2019-09-27
Image Number: 179621
Caption: I left the Chronicle years ago to start my own site. But now they want me to collaborate with them on a story. The questions is: Do you think you'd be moving backward? What're you talkin -- I didn't ask if you though I'd be moving backward. Are you wearing earbuds? Um ... Do you often imagine people are wearing earbuds?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-15 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-15 Pub. Date: 2019-09-15
Image Number: 179422
Caption: Hello? Hi. Could I start you with some coffee? No thanks, that might make me too excited, and I'm in a presidential debate in a few hours. I'm Patsy Milquetoast, 23rd person on the Democratic debate stage. Who? Don't you remember me from the last debate? I'm the one who took a bold stand against boldness. I thought that was that John Delaney guy, who kept saying we can't do big things. I thought John was being too confrontational when he said all that. You can't beat someone by confronting them. Um ... I hope my saying that didn't offend you ... not that there'd be anything wrong with you being offended.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-04 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-04 Pub. Date: 2019-09-04
Image Number: 179296
Caption: I got a left sock, a. kidney bean an' a bootleg video of … never mind. Wait … A bootleg video of what? You can't just start a sentence like that and not finish it. It's a video some brotha given' a career day speech to kids in the Monroe High auditorium. Bruh was reeeal nervous. I was not nerv -- I mean, it wasn't me. I ain't never seen nobody projectile vomit they entire lunch before.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-07 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-07 Pub. Date: 2019-08-07
Image Number: 178908
Caption: Then there's Peter Sean Brown, an American citizen with the same name as an immigrant. He had proper ID, but still the government held him for weeks and almost deported him to Jamaica. Then it occurred to me … I've always wanted to travel more. Do you think when my time comes, they'd deport me to Paris if I start speaking with a French accent? Mon dieu.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-19 start 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-19 Pub. Date: 2019-06-19
Image Number: 178162
Caption: I read the President's going to start keeping migrant kids at Fort Sill … one of the concentration camps where we kept Japanese Americans during World War II. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Santayana. It's one of the most-repeated quotes ever ... which means all of mankind probably needs to see a ... what do you call a memory-doctor? I forget.
     
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