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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-06 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-06 Pub. Date: 2017-10-06
Image Number: 163386
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-05 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163385
Caption: Do you remember your early childhood, Randy? Of course, little buddy. I come from a long line of Randies who have photographic memories. It's an evolutionary trait that enabled early Randies to survive despite being connoisseurs of the female form. "Evolution"? Doesn't that mean some of them didn't make it? Overly long stares lead to nothing but trouble.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-08 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-08 Pub. Date: 2017-09-08
Image Number: 162352
Caption: Shoe me the latest news on artificial intelligence. Loading … "For the Love of Benji." What? No. I didn't ask for some dog movie. Cancel. Canceling. Show me news about artificial intelligence. Loading … "Benji's Very Own Christmas Story." No! I want to hear what's going on with A.I.! Loading: "Lassie's Great Adventure."
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-07 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-07 Pub. Date: 2017-09-07
Image Number: 162351
Caption: Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-21 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-21 Pub. Date: 2017-08-21
Image Number: 161806
Caption: I'll have a triple-vanilla white mocha and a powdered donut. Also, a Tiki torch. A Tiki torch? Home Depot refused to sell me one for some reason. Then they said "get out." Why would they do that? I don't know. Probably because I was wearing my sheet. But I thought "better safe than sorry." Oh ... Wait, what? At the Charlottesville Klan rally, those guys didn't wear theirs, and plenty of them lost their jobs 'cause of that. Get out.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-11 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-11 Pub. Date: 2017-08-11
Image Number: 161301
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? The White House just fired me, and … Excellent question. It reminds me of the year 1950. I was baby-sitting some little snot-nosed four-year-old in Queens, NY. The little orange-haired tyke was pretending his teddy bear, "Rosebud," was his employee. After a while, he got bored and asked me if Rosebud would cry if he stopped playing with him. I said "Who cares?! He's just a toy! He has not feelings! When you're bored of him, just fire him! You don't owe him any loyalty!" I accept no responsibility for anything that may or may not have stemmed from that! Wait ... What? Back up ...
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-03 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-03 Pub. Date: 2017-08-03
Image Number: 161039
Caption: Hi, this is Donald Trump. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. I'm calling to tell you I'm running for president. Ok. Have a good time. What do you mean "have a good time"? Is that supposed to be some sort of backhanded insult? Are you not taking me seriously? Well guess what, idiot, the feeling is entirely mutual. House of Java Cybercafe. Wait ... what? What just happened? Play dumb if you want, loser. It's probably why you're not as rich as I am.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-29 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-29 Pub. Date: 2017-07-29
Image Number: 160768
Caption: I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech online university. Seriously? Nobody's going to go to a psychologist who's got a diploma from some random online college. And psychologists have to have a whole arsenal of treatments. They can't just use reverse psychology for everything. So what you're reverse-saying is, I'll be sought-after and highly effective. No, that's ... ok, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-23 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-23 Pub. Date: 2017-07-23
Image Number: 160100
Caption: Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. and can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going. And can you substitute ginseng for macadamia nut, ostrich-swear for turkey tears, ginseng for praline, and pumpernickel for the bagel?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-28 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-28 Pub. Date: 2017-05-28
Image Number: 157937
Caption: Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't so bad. Just tell them you were being sarcastic. Ok. Oh no! Now they're saying I'm being defensive and must have something to hide! Say the media took you out of context. Ok. Oh no!
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-07 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-07 Pub. Date: 2017-05-07
Image Number: 157127
Caption: I've traveled back through time to warn: The aliens are here. Open Mike Night Presents Future Guy. They hitched rides in on Halley's Comet every time it's near. Living nanites masquerading as technology … depending on the gullibility of you and me. 200,000 years of riding horses and buggies ... and suddenly we're 3-D printing tools and cars and trees? They're everywhere, just biding time to finish their big plan. They're in your phones, your watch, your cars, and they are nearly done. The brain ... the AI ... will arrive ... in 2061. (July 28th to be exact ... that, my crew is a natural fact). I'm warning you this way 'cause it's the only way, you see. For some reason, they get confused by rhymes and poetry. In short, I've come to warn you, evolution's happening. You want your kids to survive it? Teach them how to rap ... pening. That was close. Odd ... my phone lit up for no reason, and then went back to sleep.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-06 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-06 Pub. Date: 2017-05-06
Image Number: 157563
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-11 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-11 Pub. Date: 2017-04-11
Image Number: 156747
Caption: It turns out celiac disease is thousands of years old. Yet I still never heard about "gluten" till recently. What do you think that means, Randy? It obviously means big wheat has some explaining to do. They must've altered the grains. I don't know. Maybe it's because our environment has gotten cleaner. So since our antibodies haven't had to work as hard, they've gotten weaker. HOJ. If there's one thing you'd know about, little buddy, it's atrophy. We should have our own science show.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-30 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-30 Pub. Date: 2017-03-30
Image Number: 156206
Caption: I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-19 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-19 Pub. Date: 2017-03-19
Image Number: 155188
Caption: I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electrical outlet panels and they're all taken. I couldn't plug in Heisenberg. You owe Heisenberg and me $9.75 for wasting a trip down here. There's an outlet in the john.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-18 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-18 Pub. Date: 2017-03-18
Image Number: 155669
Caption: Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there, I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go. Of course I'm not. What's that beeping? I hear beeping in there. You're mistaken. What you probably heard is a big truck backing up a few blocks away. I've backed up. I've put on my motorcycle helmet. I'm getting a running start. But I'm almost at the next level! ... I mean I'm almost done.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-06 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-06 Pub. Date: 2017-03-06
Image Number: 155391
Caption: I'm thinking of becoming a radical alt-right internet sensation. Ok, that's it. You can't just go along with every new trend there is. Some people are painters. Some are musicians. Some compose symphonies. My innate talent is sensing incoming trend waves and surfing their peaks and troughs as with the grace of a dolphin. Being a lemming is not a talent, little buddy. And I'm not sure dolphins "surf." Hold on ... trend wave incoming! It involves ... corduroy ... No, wait ... pancakes.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-27 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-27 Pub. Date: 2017-02-27
Image Number: 155084
Caption: I was supposed to speak at Berkeley about my new book on male-female relations. What do you mean "supposed to"? A few students protested, and before we knew it, radical outside agitators from the Anti-Lovin' Brigade started throwing Molotov cocktails. Then everyone blamed the students, and Berkeley fell sixteen notches on the Princeton Review's list of party schools. I'm surprised you let some "brigade" shut down your speech, Randy. The cute brigadier's eyes and mine met across a burning quad ... Less surprised, now.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-23 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-23 Pub. Date: 2017-02-23
Image Number: 154816
Caption: Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-16 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-16 Pub. Date: 2017-02-16
Image Number: 154553
Caption: You know, replacing Rudy with a robot isn't going to go over well with us customers. Why not? Some customers come in just to see what he'll say next. Some come in 'cause he makes them feel better about themselves. And some of us come in because we actually like the little guy. Well you'll all be happy to hear I'm not replacing him. That was just a scurrilous rumor. Something's different about you. Exterminate!
     
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