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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-17 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-17 Pub. Date: 2017-09-17
Image Number: 162145
Caption: Want to catch up on "Game of Thrones"? What I wanna watch that for? TV supposed to be an escape. Huh? It's a show set in some medieval world called "Westeros" where they've got knights and dragons and magic. How's that not an "escape"? They got any black people on Westeros? Of course they do. A whole bunch of them ... Well, a couple. What is they on the show? They knights? They kings? Queens? They ride dragons? They make magic happen? Um ... well ... not ex -- You see they work for the one who rides ... and you know one of them isn't a knight, but he's a soldier. Not everything has to be about race, you know. They slaves, ain't they? No. They started as slaves, then, am I right? Wanna watch "Westworld"?
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-13 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-13 Pub. Date: 2017-09-13
Image Number: 162599
Caption: Remember that argument we had a couple weeks ago, Lemont? Well … I forgive you. Forgiveness is a great thing. But do you ever get the feeling some people use "I forgive you" as a torpedo? It's the ultimate sneaky weapon. It can appear magnanimous while at the same time being very condescending. Bless your heart. See?! You're doing it again!!
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-25 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-25 Pub. Date: 2017-08-25
Image Number: 161804
Caption: I detest those Nazis and KKK and white supremacists who marched on Charlottesville. You do? That's great. I'm surprised. I mean, you were a tea partier, you hate immigration, you've fought to make it harder for minorities to vote, you complain all the time about gays and Muslims and atheists ... You're right, they do have some good points. But still ... all that violence and the Anti-Semitism and the tattoos and the torches. I detest all of that stuff. Never look a political awakening in the mouth. Maybe "detest" is too strong a word.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-14 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-14 Pub. Date: 2017-08-14
Image Number: 161531
Caption: Remember when we were kids, we used to talk about all the places we wanted to visit? Yeah. Well … I'm halfway through my list, and I've realized something. Some of the countries I wanted to visit don't exist anymore. You know what that mean, Lemont? It means you're very, very old, Susan. You ever realize you've said something out loud that you didn't mean to say out loud? It means someday our country won't be h ... Wait, what?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-08 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-08 Pub. Date: 2017-08-08
Image Number: 161292
Caption: Looks like the Affordable Care Act is here to stay. That's right … sucker. What? Everyone know the ACA was a Republican idea. We came up with it as an alternative to single-payer health care. We knew the only way to make the left embrace it was for the right to attack it. You hate us so much that if we attack it, you cling to it like it's your dear old momma. We even let it be "saved" at the last minute, just to seal your love affair with it. Yeah, right. Like this was all part of some "master plan." McCain hammed it up a little at the end, but it was a nice touch.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-05 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-05 Pub. Date: 2017-08-05
Image Number: 161035
Caption: You know what I love more than almost anything in this world, Clyde? … French fries. They're like a tragic, ill-fated romance. No matter how bad they are for me, I just can't stay away. Can I have some of your fries, Clyde? Sorry, bruh, my fries be monogamous.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-31 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-31 Pub. Date: 2017-07-31
Image Number: 161030
Caption: Dick, I stepped out for two minutes to find a spoon, and when I returned, my chicken soup smelled a lot like Ex-Lax. The laxative. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Anyway, if, for any reason, you're unable to give that big presentation today, I could totally step in for you. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. I didn't eat it. You look thirsty. Let me bring you some tea.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-26 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-26 Pub. Date: 2017-07-26
Image Number: 160759
Caption: Wait … did you say someone is bullying my song? Yeh, but I took care of that while you was gone. I taught little bruh to man up an' overcome it exactly the way you did back when we was kids an' a bully was clownin' you. You taught him to stand toe-to-toe with the bully, look him in the eye, and deliver a stirring speech that won his respect? What? That ain't even close to what happened. Well that's how I remember it. You also 'member Sinbad playing a genie ins some '90s movie, but that ain't never happened neither. Yes it did!!!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-25 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-25 Pub. Date: 2017-07-25
Image Number: 160758
Caption: Thanks for watching my boy while I was in Russia, Clyde. Ain't nothin', bruh. What'd you guys do? Oh, you know … watched some Sesame Street … Wreaked havoc, ran a epic hustle, inadvertently pitted the cartel against the yazuka … What did you do?! Whatever y'all do, don't take him to the Cobra Lounge, he ain't allowed there no more.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-24 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-24 Pub. Date: 2017-07-24
Image Number: 160757
Caption: I'm glad you're not mad at me, Lemont. Why would I be mad at you, Susan? You didn't make me accuse my girlfriend of cheating on me just because she had an innocent dinner with some other guy. Sure, you sent me the video and warned me it was too painful to watch, so I sprung it on her sight-unseen and it turned out to be nothing ... and sure, you forgot to tell me they didn't leave together or exchange numbers ... And sure, you almost single-handedly wrecked one of the best things to ever happen to me in my life ... Well, I'm just glad you're no mad, old buddy. And sure ...
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-18 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-18 Pub. Date: 2017-07-18
Image Number: 160502
Caption: I'm so glad I caught you before you left town, Vancouver. So am I, Candorville. But why'd you want to meet here? Why not in the city? I wanted to see where you live. I wanted to meet your little boy. I wanted to show you this video a friend of mine sent me of you cheating on me with some muscle-bound oaf, and I didn't want the horrible memory of me dumping you to taint my city. Also, I wanted a caramel-kiwi mocha, and the only cafe that makes it is out here. Wait ... Back up?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-07 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-07 Pub. Date: 2017-07-07
Image Number: 159983
Caption: Ok Ace … I'm coming out. I'll stop pushing you away. I promise I won't let my fear or anything else get in the way of whatever it is you wanted to talk about. Marry me. Susan Ometeotl Garcia, will you m … Marry me. Dios mio! That's Lemont's girlfriend! With some other guy! You're trying my patience.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-15 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-15 Pub. Date: 2017-06-15
Image Number: 159154
Caption: Clyde picks up Lemont's son Lionel from daycare. How do I make Brixton not be a buller? Hold on … lemme call your daddy … It's ringin'. Day care. Hello? Yo, Big L, some bully beefin' wit' little man. What you want me to tell 'im to do? The plane crashed at the North Pole! We were rescued by insurgent elves but now they're holding us hostage until the dictator Santa Clause agrees to a ceasefire and two weeks' paid vacation! Send help! got it. Later, bruh. Boop. Your daddy want you to shout a lot of nonsense so the bully think you crazy. I happen to concur.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-18 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-18 Pub. Date: 2017-05-18
Image Number: 158079
Caption: I had a weird dream last night. Some blond chick showed up, and then our earth crashed into another earth. Weird, no? That's funny. I dreamt that DC Comics' "Harbinger" showed up and warned me about some huge calamity. She's blond … and when she did that in the comics, all the parallel earths ended up collapsing into one. With my luck, I'll end up like Psycho Pirate at the end of "Crisis on Infinite Earths." ... You were supposed to laugh. Never go full-geek, Lemont.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-17 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-17 Pub. Date: 2017-05-17
Image Number: 158078
Caption: I had a dream last night, Clyde. Want to hear about it? Not sure. Last time you told me 'bout one of your dreams, it was some sci-fi nonsense 'bout you travelin' back in time to save Abraham Lincoln. This one wasn't about time travel, it was about how Trump keeps firing everyone who says they have info on his Russia scandal. Well ... ok. Go. A woman named Harbinger traveled through time and across the multiverse to collect a team of awesome journalists who could uncover the truth. Stop.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-16 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-16 Pub. Date: 2017-05-16
Image Number: 158077
Caption: Lemont, we have need of you. What the -- Color-blinded. I am the harbinger, I'm … Here to warn me about a calamity threatening the entire multiverse. DC Comics' "Crisis on Infinite Earths," 1985. Oh … wait … this must be Earth Prime, where heroes only exist ... Heroes only exist as comic book characters or as dreams. Anyway, why are you in my dream? I was due to testify before Congress about President Trump's Russia ties, but Trump fired me. So I have some free time.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-27 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-27 Pub. Date: 2017-04-27
Image Number: 157287
Caption: Clyde, if something ever happens to me … Don’t worry, bruh. I'll take you kid an' raise him up for you. I'll teach him all he need to know about life. He'll be the baddest two-year-old on the block. Ain't nobody gonna mess with him. I'll also teach him erethang you woulda taught him: I'll make him watch Star Track an' Doctor Boo an' some @#$% like that. Long as he ain't a snitch, we'll be cool. I was just going to say "call Susan."
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-14 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-14 Pub. Date: 2017-04-14
Image Number: 156722
Caption: I don't see why you're mad at Clyde. 'Cause he said I look like I'm about to have a heart attack. What do you mean? He saw some Youtube video about the warning signs, and now he thinks he's a doctor. Just because I haven't been able to catch my breath all day, my jaw, arm, and back hurt, and my stomach is all in knots ... doesn't mean I'm having a heart attack. you've reached 911. Please hold. It's probably just gas.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-23 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-23 Pub. Date: 2017-03-23
Image Number: 155916
Caption: Whachoo gon' move to Canada for, bruh? So what you got some perfect girl up there. That ain't gonna last. Either she gonna get tired of you, or you gonna get tired of her. Or the magic gonna wear off an' you'll find out she ain't "perfect" noway. Only way to keep a perfect relationship perfect is to end it while it still be perfect. That's why your life full of failure, an' my life be full of perfection. Stop making nonsense seem like sense!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-20 some 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-20 Pub. Date: 2017-03-20
Image Number: 155913
Caption: I got a panicky call from Lionel's mother last night. She wanted to see him right that moment. But I told her Lionel was fast asleep, partly 'cause her tone worried me. She had one of those "I'm an evil vampire and I'm going to take your precious child and perform some ritual incantation that'll turn him into an evil blood-sucking vampire just like me" tones. I'm not sure there's really any "tone" like that, Lemont. That's because you've never kept in touch with an ex.
     
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