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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

Comics and cartoons about slowpokes.

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1. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2015-12-28 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-12-28 Pub. Date: 2015-12-28
Image Number: 137271
Caption: Have you noticed? The size of some food packaging had been quietly shrinking over recent years. Half-gallon (64 oz) of OJ - Now only 59 oz! 8 oz of Hummus now 7 oz. Soup. 15 oz - weak! How will they cut corners next? Cheerio holes will grow larger ... And we'll get the "Swiss Everything" fad. Hole Wheat. Swiss Bread. Mom's Microwavables. Swiss Meatloaf. Three Musketeers bars will be subtly downsized ... 2 Musketeers. And big, crappy toys will be embedded in ice cream. Vinyl Gnome. Perhaps saddest of all, honeybears will slowly be dismembered. Honey. Honey. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-11-01).
     
2. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2009-12-14 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-12-24 Pub. Date: 2009-12-14
Image Number: 90478
Caption: Slowpoke. If we policed the U.S. the way we do in Afghanistan. A M.A.L.E.* Predator drone locks onto a set of coordinates. Target confirmed: 219 Butterfield Lane, Cincinnati Ohio. Somewhere in Nevada: We have the murder suspect engaged. Firing in 15 seconds. Roger. Slightly south of Cincinnati: Cinna-Bun. DOOSH! JC Pennee. Searz. Forest Pines Mall. Meet Santa Today 4-6 P.M. Is there a problem? Just a little collateral damage. Let's try that again. Then I've got a drug lord spotted at a wedding in Pittsburgh. *Medium Altitude Long Endurance (Actual terminology!) (previousl published on 2009-12-14)
     
3. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-06-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-06-01 Pub. Date: 2012-06-01
Image Number: 86621
Caption: Slowpoke. Consumer Comix Presents LET THEM EAT SLIME. Hi there! I'm here from the meat industry to discuss our filler product made from connective tissue and scraps treated with ammonia. Some call it "pink slime." We prefer "lean beef trimmings."* *Actual term. Don't think of it as incredibly low-grade cow-related by-product. Think of it a "what's for lunch" - if you're eating USDA SCHOOL LUNCHES, that is! They're about to buy 7 million pounds of the stuff, God bless 'em! Don't worry! A George Bush Sr. - appointed USDA officer - and former president of the National Cattlemen's Association - once deem it safe. So relax ... And get our new cookbook! The Institute For Increasingly Abstract Notions of Meat presents The Scrappy Chef. Cooking With "Pink Gold." Your family will love these classic dishes from Tendon Tacos to Ligament Lasagna to my personal favorite, Grandma's Ammonia-Treated Meat-Like Balls! Mmm-mmm!
     
4. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-06-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-06-01 Pub. Date: 2012-06-01
Image Number: 86649
Caption: Slowpoke. The O'Reilly Method. Bill O'Reilly had this to say about law student Sandra Fluke, who testified before Congress about her friend needing birth control for ovarian cysts. So let me get this straight, Ms. Fluke You want me to give you my hard earned money so you can have sex. Since O'Reilly is so concerned about paying for birth control, we at Slowpoke helpfully offer a cheaper alternative. For just $9.95, you can own an audio-recording of O'Reilly's sexual advances, as found in the harassment lawsuit filed against him by a female employee.* O'Reilly's Juiciest Phone Sex Bits. As ready by Henry Kissinger. Works faster than a cold shower ... Almost instantly! I Vonce received a message Een a cabana een Bali, and ze little brown voman vas amazed at ze size of my penis. You should buy a vibrator and name eet. I can show you how to use eet. Who needs an aspirin between the knees when you have this? ... Den I vould take ze other hand vith ze falafel thing and I'd put it on your ... AAGH! That does it! I'm never shtupping again! WARNING: Money saved on contraception may be offset by money spent on therapy. * www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/o reilly.
     
5. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-02-27 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-02-27 Pub. Date: 2012-02-27
Image Number: 89017
Caption: Slowpoke. Pundit retraining. Some pundits have a blithe attitude toward decimation of many jobs. These workers need retraining to compete in the 21st century! Creative destruction! Woo! We at slowpoke envision an America in which these windbags find themselves having to start over. Hmm ... need another glowing adjective for Steve Jobs ... Pack up! You've been downsized! Alas, a lifetime of carefully-cultivated abilities goes down the toilet. I've got great skills in platitude creation, with an emphasis on repeating myself. Employment agency. I'm sorry, sir. You've become obsolete. The sudden loss of identity proves difficult. Seafood. Let me tell you something a rickshaw driver in Bangalore taught me about the dynamism of the internet. Um, I asked for the tilapia, not the trout.
     
6. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-02-20 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-02-20 Pub. Date: 2012-02-20
Image Number: 89016
Caption: Slowpoke. RNC insiders discuss voter dissatisfaction with the Republican presidential candidates. What we need is Romney's 1% economics plus Santorum's church lady routine, in an appealing package But how? Two months later. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce a new candidate genetically-engineered from the DNA of Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, Hank Williams Jr. and a Woolly Mammoth: Buck Hunter! No fat chicks. Tv ads are quickly released. Pow! Condom launcher. 99%. I love lassoin' up Occupy Wall Street protesters and usin' condoms for target practice! The GOP base is ecstatic. I could have a beer with Buck! I mean, he's some sort of mutant hybrid, but he's one of us! Next week: Scandal - Buck made using stem cells!
     
7. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-02-07 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-02-07 Pub. Date: 2012-02-07
Image Number: 89015
Caption: Slowpoke. Hello there. We at the Susan G. Komen foundation would like to apologize for our recent wardrobe malfunction. Waffling for the Cure. "We were innocently doing out fundraising dance when our right breast just popped on out!" Ka-boing! Anti-choice. Please understand that this slip had nothing to do with politics, even though our board is totally stacked with right-leaning boobs. "We at the Komen foundation only care about saving women's lives - so that they can continue to do what they do best ... be man-serving baby boxes." There are millions of us hungry men needing dinner!
     
8. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-01-31 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-01-31 Pub. Date: 2012-01-31
Image Number: 89014
Caption: Slowpoke. Politics 101 with Professor P. Today's lesson: "It's the system, stupid." People who don't get the Occupy Wall Street movement accuse protesters of "hating the rich." You got a problem with success? We are the 99%. These people turn criticism of a political system into a personal attack. No, I just think you should pay a higher tax rate than your secretary. hater! Let's try an exercise in thinking like them! I don't want my child playing with this lead paint-covered toy from China. We should regulate these products better! Oh, so you hate Chinese people! See how easy it is? Okay class, now you try it! "Babies should not be fed to zoo crocodiles." What do you have against reptiles? Very good!
     
9. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-01-24 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-01-24 Pub. Date: 2012-01-24
Image Number: 89013
Caption: Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope presents: Consumer Nudism. "naked" branding is all the rage these days, with lots of products celebrating back-to-nature minimalism. "Barefoot" running shoes. Naked fruit juice. North Face "better than naked" jacket. Soon naked pets become fashionable. The music industry jumps on board ... Beethoven's 5th naked Performed as God intended by the London Philharmonic. And everyone wants a car from Flintstone Motorworks ... "Feel the road." Yabba dabba neo-primitivism! There's all-nude birthing, for a truly natural experience. Less-is-more menus: Urban Lunchster Cafe. Regular grilled cheese ... $6. Naked grilled cheese ... $10. Just the Velveeta!
     
10. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-01-17 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-01-17 Pub. Date: 2012-01-17
Image Number: 89012
Caption: Slowpoke. Romney straps worker to roof of campaign bus. Breaking: Mitt Romney was spotted hauling a blue collar laborer on top of his campaign bus on the recent drive from New Hampshire to South Carolina. Conservative. Businessman. Leader. Romney. Believe in America. Romney says he wanted to bring "an ordinary American" with him on the campaign trail, but did not have room inside the vehicle. I have a large family, you know. It was either him or Tagg! Diner. Somewhere in Pennsylvania, the worker reportedly soiled himself, and Romney responded. Get me the @#*! offa here! Sploosh! Don't worry! At Bain, we specialized in hosing employees! Romney flatly denies accusations that he's hopelessly out of touch and heartless. Help! That's just the politics of envy. Like so many complainers, this guy's getting a free ride!
     
11. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-01-02 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-01-02 Pub. Date: 2012-01-02
Image Number: 89011
Caption: Slowpoke. 2012: A Mad Lib Odyssey. (Presidential candidate) will commit a gaffe during a campaign stop at a deep-fried (dessert) eatery in (rust belt state). Someone who refuses whipped cream on fried fudge is clearly out of touch with the people! (Rabidly anti-gay political figure) will be caught in a (luxury automobile) with a male escort named (beloved tv action hero). I don't know how I wound up in that car, but I do know marriage equals one man and one woman! You will intimately get to know the life story of an Olympic athlete who was run over by a (large farm equipment) at age three, and overcame a harrowing addiction to (animal tranquilizer) to become a champion at (sport you haven't thought about since the last Olympics). Wheaties. Hammer throw champ. After a brutal election cycle dominated by wildly inaccurate attack ads from (shadowy superpac), (conventional wisdom spewer) will declare "the system worked." No problems here!
     
12. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-01-01 Pub. Date: 2012-01-01
Image Number: 86594
Caption: Slowpoke. What's wrong, Mr. P? I can't decide which I identify with: The nostalgic, timeless aura of Coke, or the energetic, youth-oriented themes of Pepsi. Santa Clause or Beyonce? That is the question. You could go the spiritual route with this tea. It promises "the enlightenment of a thousand tea-betan monks." I'm afraid I prefer my beverages dharma-free. Buddha Brand Tea. Now sox more Zen! From the makers of Sno-Koans. Surely there must be SOME marketing niche you fall into. I am simply too complex to be pigeonholed. Manly Man Fancy pear halves. Rowdy Lesbian brand cupcakes. Upwardly Mobile mustard. Sale Items. Er ... On second thought, I stand corrected. Repressed Suit-Wearing Pointy-Headed Man Cheese.
     
13. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-01-01 Pub. Date: 2012-01-01
Image Number: 86595
Caption: Slowpoke. The Color of Welfare. From listening to people like Newt, you'd never know that more whites receive food stamps than blacks. The African-American community should demand paychecks and not be satisfied with food stamps. (Actual quote.) Funny how republicans don't seem to single out the rural whites getting "handouts." You folks need to stop collecting other people's money and get a job! Things would be certainly be different if they did. There would have been more bombings in Oklahoma City, but Timothy McVeigh stopped to collect his welfare check! Ron Paul looks like a scrawny backwoods METHHEAD!* Crox News. *based on statements made about blacks my Ron Paul's newsletter and Brent Bozell. And what's with all the poor hicks owning HUGE TRUCKS? It's time to get these Dodge Ram-driving welfare kings off the government teat! Crox News.
     
14. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2012-01-01 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-01-01 Pub. Date: 2012-01-01
Image Number: 86647
Caption: Slowpoke. The Fallopitarian Church is OUTRAGED that its hospitals and universities are required to insure employees' prostates. The prostate is the DEVIL'S GLAND! This is an attack on religious freedom! But many of their employees see things differently. College of the Holy Ova. I'm not a Falloptarian - I just work here! Are you sure my insurance won't cover a doctor visit for my cantaloupe-sized prostate? SATAN! Pundits try to turn the dispute into an election-year wedge issue. Why is Obama trying to RAM prostates down the throats of the faithful? Prostate-GATE. Obama holds a special "Prostate of the Union" address to defend the policy. When churches enter the public world of business, they have to follow the same rules as everybody else! That's what someone with a prostate WOULD say! Turn off this filth.
     
15. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-12-27 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-12-27 Pub. Date: 2011-12-27
Image Number: 89010
Caption: Slowpoke. Makin' It with Mitt. Hi there! I'm Mitt Romney, and I'm a highly successful guy! You too can follow my inspiring, all-American path if you don't listen to that Soviet-style cheese-rationer Obama! You see, Obama wants to redistribute wealth. That is absolutely not what we did at my leveraged-buyout firm! Bain Capital. Executives. Savings from laid-off workers. we hoovered wealth. Very different. Obama also wants to punish effort. Why, in the 13 years since I've retired from Bain and continued to collect tens of millions, it's taken a lot of effort to keep track of it all! Foom! Money button. Yes, Obama opposed a merit-based society. How dare he think my sons don't merit their $100 million trust.* *True!
     
16. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-12-20 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-12-20 Pub. Date: 2011-12-20
Image Number: 89009
Caption: Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope presents: The Rise and Fall of the Goatee. In the beginning there was a goat. Soon adopting the look: Satan! Worn by European bards and artists, the goatee acquires Bohemian cachet. Forsooth! 1950s Beatniks and hepcats. Dig! 1990s: Goatee reaches cultural apex during grunge years. Soundgarden. Era of decline: In late 1990s, frat boys adopt grunge-lite trappings. Keg's dry already, brau? Loss of semiotic potency continues with wide mainstream adoption. Pseudo-cable guys ... Joe the plumber ... Subtle but there. 2011: Goatee hits new low with pepper spray cop.
     
17. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-12-20 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-12-20 Pub. Date: 2011-12-20
Image Number: 89018
Caption: Slowpoke. Mr. & Mrs. Perkins Go Gift Shopping 2011. It's going to be hard to top the Englebert Humperdinck retrospective we got for Auntie Perkins last year. Let's go in here! The 1% Chef. The 1% Chef. The only kitchen products not made in China. Look! Here's a saucepan hand-forged by rustic peasant women in Provence! $4,000. Das egg. And a $500 egg separator made from decommissioned German tanks! The Data Mine Electronics. All products now embedded with carrier IQ spyware! As seen on your Smartphone. Acme Biometrics. How about this place? I find their customer service a bit intrusive. The Holiday Minimalist. "It's the thought that counts." This year, give a conceptual gift: an empty box. Gift. Gift. Let's just go with fruitcake!
     
18. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-12-13 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-12-13 Pub. Date: 2011-12-13
Image Number: 89008
Caption: Slowpoke. Laziness Craziness. It's a common insult among critics of the Occupy movement: Get a job! Duh! We need jobs. How high does unemployment need to be before these people stop scapegoating? Seems like there are more and more lazy people every day! Tsk! Next they'll be yelling at veterans ... Get a limb! ?! Iraq war vet - please help. If anything, they seem a bit lazy in the put-down department. There's really only one response to such a poor intellectual work ethic: Get a job! good jobs now! Get a clue!
     
19. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-11-30 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-11-30 Pub. Date: 2011-11-30
Image Number: 89007
Caption: Slowpoke. Starve the Beast. Hey, American consumers! Did you know your hard-earned dollars are funding corporate waste? They are? CEOs now make 343 times the average worker. Doesn't sound very lean, mean, and efficient to me! Drawn to scale. CEO toe. Worker. Expense accounts! Private jets! First-class travel! High-priced motivational speakers! Corporate retreats! All of it thick slabs of pork paid for by you! Funny how I don't bump into any schoolteachers here ... Time to trim the fat, don't you think? As I like to say, I don't want to abolish bloated, corrupt corporations ... I just want to shrink them down to the size where I can drown them in the bathtub.
     
20. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2011-11-28 slowpoke 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-11-28 Pub. Date: 2011-11-28
Image Number: 89611
Caption: Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope. This week: Winter hat semiotics. Ladies! This season it's all about grandpa's old-school trapper hat! If you want to kick it up a notch, be the first in your 'hood to rock massive flappage! Baby's got flap! There's also the DIY, hand-knit approach. this hat says "screw the man!" Tip: For that extra homemade look. keep ball of yarn attached to hat. If you must be cutesy and wear a hat with animal ears, at least try to make it something unorthodox. Bear ears: bo-ring! Fennec Fox of the Sahara Desert: A conversation-starter. Some theorists believe the Mohawk ski hat, occasionally seen on snow-boarding youth, represents the definitive death of punk. London, 1977. Utah, 2011.
     
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