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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-30 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-30 Pub. Date: 2018-07-30
Image Number: 173240
Caption: Dick, when I got to work today, everything in my office had been moved a few inches to the left. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. You should like you're imagining things. Maybe you need to take some time off. I could take over your client list while you're recuperating. Just to help out. No, thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. You're excused. You sure? I could book you a relaxing cruise to Syria. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-25 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-25 Pub. Date: 2018-06-25
Image Number: 172487
Caption: Will explain why you should care about other people, for $$$. Will tacitly agree with you by staying silent while you dehumanize other people for $$$.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-22 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-22 Pub. Date: 2018-06-22
Image Number: 172358
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about the treatment of refugees from Canardville. Mayor Thump never asked them to come here. Their whole town fell into a giant sinkhole. They're right next door. Where were they supposed to go? Who cares? Not here. And I'm tired of people whining about how the mayor put them all in jail and took all their babies away form them. They should've thought of that before they chose to be born in a town that would one day sink into a giant sinkhole.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-20 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-20 Pub. Date: 2018-06-20
Image Number: 172356
Caption: No, thanks. I like to let my reporting speak for itself. I'd rather not come on your show. I wrote 4,000 words about how Kim Jong Un tricked the president into offering him everything he wanted in exchange for nothing. That should be enough. There's no reason for me to appear on CNN just to basically repeat it all ... No, I am not afraid of public speaking. Y'know ... grown people aren't supposed to make chicken noises.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-19 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-19 Pub. Date: 2018-06-19
Image Number: 172355
Caption: twitter™ Twitter.comcandorville. @candorville - I read your article about the North Korea summit. I agree with you, the President didn't exactly make the best deal. He should've at least brought home some brand new heat resistant, gummy-flavored aluminum siding, as seen at tinyurl.com/c4eddh. The advertisers are getting sneakier and sneakier. That would have ensured world peace.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-14 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-14 Pub. Date: 2018-06-14
Image Number: 172215
Caption: Remember Rudy Park, my college roommate? He just tipped me off to breaking news. Some geological disaster across the bridge. Wow. You should totally go cover that. I'm glad you think so, 'cause it wouldn't really be responsible to take a 2-year-old to a geological disaster. Could you watch my boy for a few days? On second thought, that's a boring story. Nobody wants to hear about that. He's almost potty trained. Sorry, I have a ... work ... ish thing.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-06 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-06 Pub. Date: 2018-06-06
Image Number: 172070
Caption: I heard a loud, mysterious boom last night, Tyrone. As have people all over the world, Rosencrantz. Earthquakes where there should be none. Loud booms of unascertained origin. The masses are beginning to wonder if something is wrong with the earth itself. Or ... it could be that when you thought me asleep, you donned ballet shoes, crept to the middle of the alley and began twirling and dancing and accidentally leapt a grand jete into the dumpster ... it could've been that. What a man does in an alley, stays in the alley.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-03 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-03 Pub. Date: 2018-06-03
Image Number: 171757
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... Every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-17 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-17 Pub. Date: 2018-05-17
Image Number: 171504
Caption: You really should've invested in Rudycoin, Clyde. My $100 investment shot up to $10,000 overnight. Did you cash that @#$% in, bruh, or let it ride? I think I cashed it in. Whachoomean you think? I saw my balance was $10k/100k Rudybits, and under it there were two buttons. I chose the one that said Rudycash, which seemed more likely to cash in my earnings than the button that said HODL Rudypower. Stop it. I don't know what any of that mean, other than you gonna lose your whole life savings. Stop hodling on to the 20th century.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-28 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-28 Pub. Date: 2018-04-28
Image Number: 170824
Caption: I told you we should've held on to the cardboard box until the housing market picked back up. Need $ 4 shelter.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-23 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-23 Pub. Date: 2018-04-23
Image Number: 170819
Caption: Starbucks HQ. Can I help you? I'm Lemont Brown, with Candorville.com. I have an appointment to interview your CEO about how one of your stores had two black men arrested for doing what white people do all the time. Are you sure you don't have an appointment with our black COO? She's the on our PR guys say should handle this. I'm sure. Oh, I'm also gonna ask him about the other store that didn't let the black guy use the bathroom 'cause he's black. I really think you should speak with our black COO.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-16 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-16 Pub. Date: 2018-04-16
Image Number: 170574
Caption: 2016. Trump's not going to win. Not worried about him. That's why you should worry about him!!! What do you mean? Every time an impossible candidate wins, it's because people didn't worry about him. No one worried about Nixon. Nixon was a has-been. No one worried about Reagan. Reagan was a joke. Barack Obama ... he was nobody. 2018. No way President Trump can survive all these scandals. Thanks, you've just doomed us all.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-04 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-04 Pub. Date: 2018-04-04
Image Number: 170150
Caption: Because of Donald Trump, I'm taking my son and I'm moving to New Zealand. Canada, bruh. Erebody always say they movin' to Canada if someone they don't like be president. Trump's a bully. The whole world knows it. One day he's going to threaten the wrong country, and then it'll be Armageddon. You overreactin', bruh, for real. Maybe. Anyway New Zealand should be far enough from the nuclear fallout.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-31 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-31 Pub. Date: 2018-03-31
Image Number: 169890
Caption: Sure, there are probably aliens. But why would they want to come here? The answer's obvious. How many of us tune in to insipid reality shows like The Bachelor and Real Housewives? If there's on thing we should all be able to agree on, it's that world history's been a bit melodramatic. We can't be the only species enthralled by the eternal question: What the @#$% is going on over there?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-06 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-06 Pub. Date: 2018-03-06
Image Number: 169164
Caption: I think people just talk too much about Donald Trump. Maybe if we all just ignore hi, he'll go away. I know what you mean, Susan. I've had this lump on my (censored) for about three years now. At first I was worried about it, and it seemed to get bigger and bigger. But a few months ago I started ignoring it, and now I have no idea whether it's even still there. Dios mio, Lemont ... You should really go get that checked. No way! If I don't know about it, it can't hurt me.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-20 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-20 Pub. Date: 2018-02-20
Image Number: 168661
Caption: Let me ask you, Mr. Dogg, are you sexually active? I ain't get no complaints. But I don't mean to brag. Plus we don't really know each other like that, so you should mind your business. What? What?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-13 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-13 Pub. Date: 2018-02-13
Image Number: 168414
Caption: 1982. Did you get Superman for your birthday. Sort of. I should've been more specific. Momma gave me a video called Abar: The First Black Superman. Instead of fighting Lex Luthor, Abar the first black Superman fights housing discrimination. You should ask your momma to exchange it. I did. She said When it comes to black superheroes, it's slim pickings, whatever that means.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-10 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-10 Pub. Date: 2018-01-10
Image Number: 167091
Caption: Did you see that Dave Chappelle special? I turned it off after he started getting political. Politics has no place in comedy. Not in sitcoms, not in comic strips, not in stand-up routines. Except for Donald Trump. Best insult-comic ever. That guy's hilarious. It's all starting to makes sense. He should've picked Andrew Dice Clay for VP, though.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-23 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-23 Pub. Date: 2017-12-23
Image Number: 166288
Caption: Nice day out, isn't it? No. No? But the sun is shining. A warm breeze is gently carrying the scent of sunflowers and baking bread through the air. The sparrows are chirping. What do you mean, no? I mean no as in don't bother me widdat @#%$. You grown, bruh. You should be able to tell if this a nice day on your own. If you don't like small talk, just say so!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-06 should 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-06 Pub. Date: 2017-12-06
Image Number: 165705
Caption: Of course they gon' kill net neutrality, Big L. So what we won't be able to visit any site we want to online anymore. Nothin' good last forever, bruh. It's like that old Doctor Zeus book said … Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. I don't think Doctor Seuss meant we should apply that to our freedom. Freedom just an illusion, bruh, like parking tickets.
     
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