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Candorville

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Result page:    2  3  4  5  Next  (93 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-08 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-08 Pub. Date: 2017-09-08
Image Number: 162346
Caption: Dick Fink, come in here for a second, will you? Ok, Ms. Garcia. The CEO called me into his office today to ask why our nemesis, McMahon, Tate, Stephens and Evans, called him for a reference. He was furious. Almost fired me. Apparently someone sent them my resume, and said the best time to call would be 3 a.m. Do you know anything about this? No. But I'll prevaricate ... I mean, investigate ... this thoroughly.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-16 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-16 Pub. Date: 2017-07-16
Image Number: 159772
Caption: Cool shirt. You gonna watch the new Star Trek tv show? No way! It's a horrible show and it's going to fail! What? Why? All the angriest people on the internet agree with me. It looks to much like J.J. Abrams' J.J. - Trek nonsense … It's a scam to distract from CBS suing fan film creators ... O ... K ... it looks too advanced to be a prequel, the bridge is on the bottom of the saucer and not the top, the Klingons look stupid ... O ... K ... I guess I can ... There are too many minorities on it ... it's on CBS All Access instead of on broadcast or Netflix ... Wait ... What?! I shouldn't have to pay $6 month and watch it where they want me to watch it. They should give it to me how I want it! Didn't you just get all racist for a second? It should be free. It shouldn't force "diversity" down my throat. I should be able to see it on the channel I want to see it on. There! Right there! You just did it again!
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-25 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-25 Pub. Date: 2017-06-25
Image Number: 158877
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-30 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-30 Pub. Date: 2017-05-30
Image Number: 158601
Caption: Zzzzz. Excuse me, sir, how do I get to the Metro? Zzhuh? We're on a plane. Who are you? Second Lieutenant Richard Collins III, sir. On my way to my graduation. Um … we need to talk, Lt. Collings. How did I get here?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-28 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-28 Pub. Date: 2017-05-28
Image Number: 157865
Caption: Sometimes I think you don't really like my mother. When I told you she's coming to stay with us for a month … you didn't say anything for five whole seconds. And then all you said was "ok." It would've been nice if you'd been enthusiastic and happy, and talked about all the fun things we'll do with her, and about how grateful you are she wants to spend time with us. I just don't relish the thought have having two people in our house who judge my every word. There you go with the five seconds again. You're such a jerk. Being single is underrated.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-23 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-23 Pub. Date: 2017-05-23
Image Number: 158341
Caption: Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-05 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-05 Pub. Date: 2017-03-05
Image Number: 154597
Caption: I just read that Bill Gates is set to become the world's first trillionaire by the year 2042. Which proves this is the greatest country on earth. Where else could one person amass more hundred dollar bills than there are people on earth? You know what I think? I think we should confiscate everything anyone earns over $1 billion and redistribute it. You what? It's only fair, when you think about it. Our billionaires became billionaires by automating and outsourcing and doing all sorts of things that put millions of Americans out of work. Redistributing the excess would give all those people a decent basic income, so they would never have to starve and die just because millionaires wanted to be billionaires. I'm practicing for April Fools. How'd I do? I didn't buy it for a second. Color-blinded.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-30 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-30 Pub. Date: 2017-01-30
Image Number: 153971
Caption: This just in: President Trump has forbidden federal agencies from revealing information to the pub … Click … Toxic waste from an unknown source in neighboring Canardville may have leached into the Candorville reservoir, so do not … Click … May be an indication that the sun has exploded, but we won't detect it visually for another 8 minutes and 20 seconds. Click ... Gilligaaaan, the Skipper tooo ... the millionaire ... Mun mun mun -
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-23 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-23 Pub. Date: 2016-08-23
Image Number: 147663
Caption: I met this awesome guy. I think he may be "the one." We talked for hours and never ran out of things to say. He was so interested in what I think, what I do, what I want out of life We talked about that for hours and hours. Cool. What does he think, do and want out of life? Beats me. I'm sure we'll get around to that once he calls me for a second date. Dios mio.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-21 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-21 Pub. Date: 2016-05-21
Image Number: 143337
Caption: I took Lionel to his second baseball game the other day. We hadn't been to a Candorville Chokers game in two years. Back then, two Choker dogs, cokes and fries cost me $38. Last night it cost me $48. Back then, all the players were like 10 years younger than I was. But now they are all like 15 years younger. Having a kid speeds up the aging process. Baseball still around?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-24 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-24 Pub. Date: 2016-04-24
Image Number: 141854
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump to warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system, they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-05 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-05 Pub. Date: 2016-04-05
Image Number: 141502
Caption: Have you tried giving up coffee cold turkey. Once. It was December 25th, 1991. It had rained that morning and dew glistened on the flowers a passerby was carrying. A dog barked seven times. A distant siren wailed for 43 seconds. The ceiling light bulb flickered every 257.9 seconds for seven hours. I take it that day didn't go very well. My dog scratched itself for exactly 5 and minutes before falling asleep.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-23 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-23 Pub. Date: 2015-10-23
Image Number: 133802
Caption: We're not done mourning the last mass shooting, so it's inappropriate to talk about gun control. It's too soon. Time. Seriously, we're averaging more than one mass shooting per day. When exactly will it be appropriate to talk about it? I believe there's an opening between 11:58pm and 11:58pm ad 22 seconds.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-16 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-16 Pub. Date: 2015-10-16
Image Number: 133796
Caption: Wanna come over and watch C-Span with Lionel and me? No, I wait. Wait a second You and your two-year-old son watch C-Span together? You mean PBS, right? "Sesame Street"? No, I mean C-Span. The channel that shows Congress in action. Why? Just Why? Because he's too young to watch "The Walking Dead." I can't make it. I'll be busy forgetting this conversation.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-06 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-06 Pub. Date: 2015-09-06
Image Number: 131719
Caption: I want two things from our next president. First, I want him to be America's greatest cheerleader. I want him to constantly say that America is "exceptional." I don't want him focusing on "police brutality" and all the other things that make us look bad. I want him to make sure the whole world knows that the USA is the best place to live that there's ever been, in the whole history of mankind. What's the second thing you want? I want him to do something about all the foreigners who're so desperate to come live here that they can't wait a few measly decades to do it legally. Exoneration Nation. But ... I thought you wanted him to make America seem like it's the only place worth living. Not in an invitationy way ... more as a "nanny-nanny-na-na."
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-02 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-02 Pub. Date: 2015-09-02
Image Number: 131900
Caption: Arms were the worst invention in the history of life, Clyde. If we didn't have arms, we would never even think to grab things that aren't ours. Look, bruh. I'ma tell you this one more time: I ain't took your wallet. Lips were the second worst. Lips lead to lies. They also lead to butt-whoopin's.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-18 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-18 Pub. Date: 2015-07-18
Image Number: 129549
Caption: Guess what happened on my date the other day, Lemont. You had a date? I'm so happy for you. Soon you'll have a second date, and a third, and then it'll be a full-blown relationship, complete with hand-holding, imagining what your kids will look like, and awful fights. Then you'll get tired of him and concoct a reason to discard him like a used Kleenex. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Some people can know you too well.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-19 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-19 Pub. Date: 2015-06-19
Image Number: 128380
Caption: Tyrone, what day is it today? Is it Friday? It feels like a Friday. Spare change. I refuse to answer such a destructive question. Why must we always know the exact year, month, day, hour, minute and second? A person who obsesses over such minutiae becomes acutely aware of the moments of his life slipping away like sand through an hourglass. I refuse to pour the ocean of my life into little cups and then waste all my time counting them. It's ok to just admit when you don't know something.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-05 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-05 Pub. Date: 2015-05-05
Image Number: 126506
Caption: Dear Lemont I got yo stuff. Gimme $2 in unmarked bills or you never see it again. First of all, my stuff is worth more than $2. Have you seen your stuff? Second: Where did you get a typewriter that types in cut-out newspaper letters? That's not important right now. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013/04/16).
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-30 second 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-30 Pub. Date: 2015-04-30
Image Number: 126133
Caption: Dick Fink, come in here for a second, will you? Ok, Ms. Garcia. The CEO called me into his office today to ask why our nemesis, McMahon, Tate, Stephens and Evans, called him for a reference. He was furious. Almost fired me. Apparently someone sent them my resume, and said the best time to call would be 3 a.m. Do you know anything about this? No. But I'll prevaricate ... I mean, investigate ... this thoroughly.
     
Result page:    2  3  4  5  Next  (93 images)