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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-05 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-05 Pub. Date: 2017-06-05
Image Number: 158825
Caption: To: Lemont Brown. From: UC Berkeley Alumni Association. Hey LB, it's Louis Black. Remember me? We worked at the school paper together. We're putting together a class of '97 Reunion. Hope you can make it. Also, are you in touch with any other '97 grads we should invite? Hi, Louis! I did hear from my college roommate, Kenneth Noh. He called me a couple years ago to invite me to join ISIS with him. Delete delete delete. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Hi, Louis! I am following my other college roommate, Rudy Park, to Russia, where he's meeting with Putin's henchman in order to ... Delete delete delete. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Hi Louis! ... Nah, I don't really know anyone anymore. Send. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-01 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-01 Pub. Date: 2017-06-01
Image Number: 158603
Caption: Departed 2nd Lieutenant Richard Collins III visits Lemont's dream. Why does my murder affect you so personally? You didn't even know me. M. Maybe that's why. You were graduating from a great school … you were commissioned in the army … By all accounts, you were funny, you were brilliant, you were going to be someone consequential. Someone who could've made history. I SHOULD have someday known you. But now I never will.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-02 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-02 Pub. Date: 2017-03-02
Image Number: 155069
Caption: This morning, Lionel asked me how they make cereal and I realized … I had no idea. How am I supposed to keep my baby boy from growing up to be a moron if I can't even answer simple questions? Anyway, I found a video about cereal-making on Youtube and showed it to him. The best brad he'll be able to come up with when he's in school is "My dad can google better than your dad."
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-14 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-14 Pub. Date: 2016-12-14
Image Number: 152112
Caption: Are you ok, mister? I'm fine. Why do you ask? I saw you smack into that pole and crumble like a glacier falling into the sea. Pretty advanced metaphor for your age. We've got great schools in Canada.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-19 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-19 Pub. Date: 2016-11-19
Image Number: 151021
Caption: 1982. Mrs. Cass just taught us about the Big Bang. It's how the universe started, in a big explosion. What exploded? A singularity. Mrs. Cass told us "It's like a zit. You may not know where it came from, but you sure do know when it pops." What's a "zit"? I almost never understand what Mrs. Cass says.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-11 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-11 Pub. Date: 2016-11-11
Image Number: 150716
Caption: 1982. How come you never play Dracula tag with us at school? It's exciting! You start out with one person being "it," then whoever he tags is "it" also. And whoever they tag next is also "it," and so on. Before long, you have a whole yard of dozens of bloodthirsty vampires chasing the one lone survivor. That's scary! Momma says it prepares girls for dating. Don't look at me, I almost never understand what momma says, either.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-23 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-23 Pub. Date: 2016-10-23
Image Number: 149364
Caption: It all started when I spanked my two-year-old son. He was out of control. He was hitting and kicking and spitting. I tried everything. I tried a timeout. I tried redirection. I tried bribery. But when he threw a clock at his baby sister's head, I realized I had to do something drastic. So I swatted him once on the behind. Very lightly. For the rest of the day, he pointed at me and said "You don't hit me. That's bad. You say you're sorry." And I couldn't even argue, because that's exactly what I always told him to tell someone if they hit him. Part of being a parent is becoming comfortable with being a hypocrite. Is two too young for military school?
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-14 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-14 Pub. Date: 2016-09-14
Image Number: 148481
Caption: 1982. I don't buy all the stuff they tell me in Sunday school. But I do think there's a God. You do, Lemont? I believe the universe is an organism. Like my hamster. We call it "God," and we're its constituent parts. And like any hamster, it wants every one of its organs and cells to thrive. Even the tunas? 'Cause we kill them and put them in cans. I didn't say I had it all worked out.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-23 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-23 Pub. Date: 2016-07-23
Image Number: 146144
Caption: But I just wanna show you a magic trick. No. All I need is your favorite color and your first pet's name. No. I'm not giving you anything that'll help you guess my passwords. Ok. Then jus' gimme the name of your favorite high school teacher. Good talk, Clyde.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-29 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-29 Pub. Date: 2016-06-29
Image Number: 145230
Caption: What do you see when you look at that cloud, Susan? I see and old-school Cadillac. Looks like it has a flat. Two flats. And that other cloud looks like it's repossessing it. There's a cloud that looks like a doctor performing a colonoscopy. Maybe we're too old for this game. That cloud looks like a man being audited.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-22 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-22 Pub. Date: 2016-04-22
Image Number: 142116
Caption: Hi, this is Lemont Brown. I'm looking for a good preschool for my son, and you come highly recommended. Yes, he interacts "well" with other kids Yes, he "follows" directions Yes, he's potty "trained." What do you mean you're rejecting my son? Seriously? How could you tell I was using air quotes over the phone? ... Hello? Do not lean on door.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-21 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-21 Pub. Date: 2016-04-21
Image Number: 142115
Caption: I signed my child up for preschool. Say what? You don't have a child, Susan. You don't even want children. You seem to be allergic to them. I know. But I like to prepare for anything. What if, years or decades from now, I change my mind? Waiting lists are way too long for the good preschools. I want "Justin Case" to have the best start in life ... That's the name I put down.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-04 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-04 Pub. Date: 2016-01-04
Image Number: 137375
Caption: 1982. Mrs. Desilettes sent us up to the board two at a time to see who could divide faster. Did you win? I put down the chalk and told her "I refuse to participate in your divisive attempt to pit children against one another.? Dios mio. I told her this was how the arms race started. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-17).
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-24 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-24 Pub. Date: 2015-10-24
Image Number: 133803
Caption: I can't remember how to divide, Clyde. Say what? Long division. I don't remember how to do it. I got an "A" in calculus back in high school. I got a "4" on the AP test. But let 20 years go by, and all of a sudden I have no idea how to even begin to divide 4,852.8 by 297.492. It take most people more than 20 years to forget how to use a calculator, bruh. You might wanna get y'self checked out.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-30 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-30 Pub. Date: 2015-06-30
Image Number: 129037
Caption: An 11-year-old boy was playing in his yard for 90 minutes after the school bus dropped him off because his parents were stuck in traffic and couldn't get home to let him in. They were thrown in jail, charged with a felony, and their kids were taken away. When you have for-profit prisons, there's a lot of incentive to fill them by any means necessary. I still say if your son's never had a peanut butter sandwich, go ahead and make him one. If he turns out to have an allergy, they'd probably charge me with attempted murder.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-24 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-24 Pub. Date: 2015-06-24
Image Number: 128673
Caption: Studies show that teachers are more likely to harshly punish black students than they are white ones who do the same things. Even black teachers do it. How am I supposed to feel comfortable sending my baby boy out into the world when I know this sort of stuff happens? They done called me a "troublemaker" from day one. Didn't do me no harm. Maybe I'll home-school him til he's got his Ph.D. it was educational. I be in the principal office so much that I learned exactly where he keep his spare house keys.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-10 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-10 Pub. Date: 2015-06-10
Image Number: 128069
Caption: What do you think of The X-Files coming back, Clyde? You gonna watch it? Nah, bruh, there was a time an' place for that spit, an' this ain't it no more. Back then, trenchcoats was cool. That was before Columbine. Back then, secret government conspiracies was just fiction. That was before Edward Snowman. Back then, you had a high-top fade and parachute pants. Now you ain't got no hair an' you make regular pants look like parachute pants. I've only gained 30 pounds!
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-29 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-29 Pub. Date: 2015-01-29
Image Number: 121964
Caption: This morning, Lionel asked me how they make cereal, and I realized I had no idea. How am I supposed to keep my baby boy from growing up to be a moron if I can't even answer simple questions? Anyway, I found a video about cereal-making on YouTube and showed it to him. The best brag hell be able to come up with when he's in school is "my dad can google better than your dad."
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-02 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-02 Pub. Date: 2015-01-02
Image Number: 120835
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? Some astronomer just updated the Drake Equation with new data. Interstellar. Turns out there are millions, maybe even billions, of earthlike planets in our galaxy. The Milky Way's probably teeming with life! But not anywhere near us. The rest of the galaxy is jumping! But we're off in the corner, all by ourselves, in the one part of the galaxy that's empty. It's high school all over again. Interstellar.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-31 school 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-31 Pub. Date: 2014-12-31
Image Number: 120839
Caption: Ok, let's do the math, Big L. Yeh, you loan me about $2 every other day. But that ain't the whole story. Who watch your baby boy for you when you workn'? Who kept you from gettin' butt-whupped all through school? At minimum wage, baby-watchin' fees woulda come to $15,000 by now. 12 years of bootyguard fees woulda run you a quarter million dollars. You sure you really want us to start payin' what we owe each other? Stop making sense!!!
     
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