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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (39 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-07 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-07 Pub. Date: 2017-11-07
Image Number: 164650
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about how the president's chief of staff, John Kelly, said Robert E. Lee was an "honorable man." So what if Robert E. Lee was a cruel, slave-beating, family separating white supremacist traitor who even kidnapped free black Pennsylvanians and brought them to the south as property? John Kelly's right, we can't judge people from back then by what people today think is right and wrong. Y'know, a lot of people thought it was wrong "back then." That's why there was a war. I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-27 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-27 Pub. Date: 2017-09-27
Image Number: 163099
Caption: Guess what daddy heard on the radio today, son? I heard that an English settler named Clarence Hornswaggler stole the recipe for popcorn from Native Americans. It was an early example of cultural appropriation, and we don't encourage that sort of thing in this house. I thtill want popcorn fow dinnew. (Sigh), ok, let's try this: No popcorn for dinner because I said so.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-26 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-26 Pub. Date: 2017-09-26
Image Number: 163098
Caption: Did you hear me on the radio today, Clyde? The whole world heard you, Big L. You said eretime anyone mentions the new Star Trek show Discovery … and army of mindless drones reply "The Orville look more like Star Trek than Star Trek do." Yeah, but I was making a larger point about how the internet encourages groupthink. You just mad the group don't think like you.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-08 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-08 Pub. Date: 2017-09-08
Image Number: 162346
Caption: Dick Fink, come in here for a second, will you? Ok, Ms. Garcia. The CEO called me into his office today to ask why our nemesis, McMahon, Tate, Stephens and Evans, called him for a reference. He was furious. Almost fired me. Apparently someone sent them my resume, and said the best time to call would be 3 a.m. Do you know anything about this? No. But I'll prevaricate ... I mean, investigate ... this thoroughly.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-19 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-19 Pub. Date: 2015-09-19
Image Number: 132519
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you won't be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "thank you" at the sound of the beep. Beep.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-20 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-20 Pub. Date: 2015-07-20
Image Number: 129956
Caption: Guess what happened to me today. You discovered you were adopted? A long-lost twin sister you never knew about contacted you because she needs a kidney? Donald Trump tried to have you deported? You only get this literal when you've had a bad day. People should say what they mean.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-08 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-08 Pub. Date: 2015-07-08
Image Number: 129283
Caption: Do you know what story you want daddy to read you tonight? Beaw. Daddy can't read you the bear book because you threw it out the window earlier today. Daddy told you, when you throw things away, they're not yours anymore. Thtop it! You can't make consequences go away by saying "stop it." Thtop it!!!
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-30 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-30 Pub. Date: 2015-04-30
Image Number: 126133
Caption: Dick Fink, come in here for a second, will you? Ok, Ms. Garcia. The CEO called me into his office today to ask why our nemesis, McMahon, Tate, Stephens and Evans, called him for a reference. He was furious. Almost fired me. Apparently someone sent them my resume, and said the best time to call would be 3 a.m. Do you know anything about this? No. But I'll prevaricate ... I mean, investigate ... this thoroughly.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-22 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-22 Pub. Date: 2015-01-22
Image Number: 121834
Caption: Out of curiosity, why do you ask if I know where C-Dog was earlier today? $1000 in small, Cheeto-dust covered bills was left at the altar this morning, with a note that said "use this to help victims of gun violence." That doesn't sound like C-Dog. "This definitely ain't from a hardcore G like C-Dog. Sincerely, C-Dog." I know nothing. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-04).
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-04 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-04 Pub. Date: 2014-11-04
Image Number: 118496
Caption: I tried to vote today, but I didn’t have ID because someone stole my wallet last week. I showed them my temporary driver's license, but that wasn't good enough. I showed them my passport, but it's expired, so that wasn't good enough. So I tried to hire an "illegal" immigrant to vote on my behalf, but it turns out that's not as easy as the voter-ID people say it is.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-21 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-21 Pub. Date: 2013-12-21
Image Number: 105215
Caption: Feudalbanc Massacard, this is Ryan speaking. My statement shows $300 of charges for kangaroo shampoo in some far off country I never heard of. … And coincidentally, I got a letter today advertising your "fraud prevention services" for $15 a month. I see. So you'd like to know how to sign up for protection? I'd like to know if you think I was born YESterday. I recorded you saying "yes," you're signed up, have a nice day, bye.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-06 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-06 Pub. Date: 2013-10-06
Image Number: 101948
Caption: Hello, you've reached Wells Fraggo Bank. Ryan speaking. How may I hinder you today? I have a question. I need to transfer money from my savings to my checking … … But when I try, it tells me I've exceeded the maximum number of online transfers for the month. You guys never told me there was any maximum number of online transfers. It says if I transfer money, I may or may not be hit with an excess transaction fee. But it doesn't tell me what that fee is. So my question is: what else are you guys not telling me? I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I was busy processing your excess phone call fee.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-10 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-10 Pub. Date: 2013-08-10
Image Number: 100036
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you wont be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "Thank You" at the sound of the beep. BEEP.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-02-15 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-02-15 Pub. Date: 2013-02-15
Image Number: 93314
Caption: Clyde! How's your day? That depend. Is you askin' cuz you really wanna know? … Or is you askin' just so you can say "cool … " … And then have an excuse to tell me about your day? Cool! Guess what happened to me today? Nice try, brotha, bit I invented that move.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-04 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-04 Pub. Date: 2013-01-04
Image Number: 91702
Caption: Out of curiosity, why do you ask if I know where C-dog was earlier today? $1000 in small, Cheeto-dust covered bills was left at the altar this morning, with a note that said "Use this to help victims of gun violence." That doesn't sound like C-dog. "This definitely ain't from a hardcore G like C-dog." Sincerely, C-dog." I know nothing.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-26 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-26 Pub. Date: 2011-11-26
Image Number: 73212
Caption: Clyde! Thank God I reached you. I'm supposed to pick up Lionel today, but the paper just sent me to report on a war zone. I tried calling Roxanne to tell her I'd pick him up next week, but she's not answering. She's probably already outside with Lionel waiting for me. You're my best friend in the world, I know I can count on you: I need you to go to my apartment, put on my hat and coat, then go to Roxanne's house, pretend to be me, and pick up Lionel. You missed me, fool! At the sound of the beep, go 'head an' leave a message. Beep. I said beeeep.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-22 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-22 Pub. Date: 2011-11-22
Image Number: 73208
Caption: Where you been, Big L? Well … Roxanne said … … "You may have won custody of Lionel, but you didn’t win custody of his stuff." So I was out buying a crib, a playpen, all sorts of things. I'm picking up Lionel after work today. Cool. What he do for a living? What? What?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-04 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-04 Pub. Date: 2011-09-04
Image Number: 64822
Caption: Couples Sessions Today. Dr. Noodle. I"ve been thinking about how you said men are nonverbal communicators. So, lately I've paying to Ebenezer's body language. Go on. His silence, his distance, his late nights at the office, all forced me to realize I cannot fulfill his needs. In opening the door to leave, he let in the light that illuminated all the roaches in our relationahip. Last week, I paused at the door before leaving with the kids, the dog and my luggage. His refusal to even look away from his baseball game so say goodbye told me he was hurting, and couldn't bear to watch. Ebenezer's courage in reaching out to me in nonverbally has made me fall in love with him all over again. Pate, please get me tix for tonight's game. Yes, Ben ... we can get back together. Wait ... we broke up?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-03 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-03 Pub. Date: 2011-04-03
Image Number: 59018
Caption: Kelly called. She told me she was finally ready to be with me. She asked me to marry her. I told her "No, you've hurt me too much." and I hung up and swore I'd never answer another phone call from her again. She called dozens of times after that. I answered every time. She told me she was sorry for hurting me all year, and said she can't live without me. She was so in love with me. It broke down the wall I'd built around my heart, and I fell back in love with her. I told her I would consider marrying her if she could go six months without breaking my heart again. Then she didn't return any of my calls for two whole months. I swore I would NEVER, EVER answer another phone call from that woman again! Good! Today, she e-mailed me. I answered that because it wasn't a phone call. Fascinating.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-08-08 say today 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-08-08 Pub. Date: 2010-08-08
Image Number: 50410
Caption: My mom and dad used to point out a person's ethnicity for no reason. Every joke or story would start with that. Like "So this one Korean dude asked me for the time at the bus stop today." Or "So this one Mexican cat told me there's a sale on records down on Broadway." What did ethnicity have to do with anything? It's like they tossed in random, unhelpful observations ... ... because they didn't really have anything interesting or insightful to say. You don't think it's insightful of me to point out that you always change the subject? That's so random!
     
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