Do you know that 15 percent of Americans have reported interrupting a physically intimate moment to answer a cellphone? Shocking. Do you realize what this means? The implications are horrible. 85 percent of people still have rotten reception. You are my curse.
We interrupt this breaking news to bring you breaking news! About half an hour ago, we interrupted "The Price Is Right" to bring you breaking news. An elderly "Price Is Right" fan emerged out of nowhere and began pummeling our news van with rotten eggs. Our newscopter is bringing us video of the lady chasing our van. What is that she's driving, Chuck? I believe that's a Rascal Scooter, Ted.