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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-15 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-15 Pub. Date: 2019-09-15
Image Number: 179422
Caption: Hello? Hi. Could I start you with some coffee? No thanks, that might make me too excited, and I'm in a presidential debate in a few hours. I'm Patsy Milquetoast, 23rd person on the Democratic debate stage. Who? Don't you remember me from the last debate? I'm the one who took a bold stand against boldness. I thought that was that John Delaney guy, who kept saying we can't do big things. I thought John was being too confrontational when he said all that. You can't beat someone by confronting them. Um ... I hope my saying that didn't offend you ... not that there'd be anything wrong with you being offended.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-19 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-19 Pub. Date: 2019-08-19
Image Number: 179093
Caption: Hi Mrs. Cass. It's Lemont Brown, your pupil from Baldwin kindergarten class of 1980. I'm writing my memoir, and I'm hoping you can check your records and confirm that I'm remembering an incident from back then correctly. That time I led the class in a rebellion against naptime ... Do your files show that I shouted You have nothing to lose but your blankies? Oh, you don't? ... So I guess you were lying when you said it would go down on my permanent record ... Yes ma'am, I have been waiting 40 years to do that.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-08 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-08 Pub. Date: 2019-08-08
Image Number: 178909
Caption: Remember how I said ICE detained that 18-year-old American citizen for nearly a month? He said when they finally let him go, he'd lost over 20 pounds because food was scarce in the camp. Detainees have said the older kids often give their rations to the little ones to keep them from crying because the crying angers the guards. What country is this?! Careful, if they think you don't know, they might come for you.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-31 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-31 Pub. Date: 2019-07-31
Image Number: 178783
Caption: What's your question for Ask Sadie? Are America's best days behind us? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in grade school when the schoolmarm told little Jebediah Thistlewood to pull up his knickers. The next day, Jebediah's pa came to school and said In my day, a man was free enough to wear his trousers 'round his ankles if he wanted to. This used to be one humdinger of a country. I still have no idea what he was talking about. I don't even remember what I asked you.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-02 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-02 Pub. Date: 2019-07-02
Image Number: 178391
Caption: Remember how the whole country spent the last couple weeks debating whether the centers where we stick migrants are technically concentration camps? Of course. Why? Why? … Because that's not normal. When you find yourself saying the way we torture toddlers and infants isn't as bad as the way Nazis tortured them ... I think you've got a problem.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-09 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-09 Pub. Date: 2019-04-09
Image Number: 177114
Caption: Remember Principal Pervee, from high school? I ran into him the other day. I'd forgotten all about that guy. Didn't he use to walk up behind you and sniff your hair? And didn't he use to rest his hands on your hips when he talked to you? Yeah. He wasn't the only man to do that, so I used to just sort of shrug it off, like it was to be expected. Back then, we didn't really see how wrong it was. Didn't you once accidentally spill a whole bag of sugar into old Pervee's gas tank?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-01 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-01 Pub. Date: 2019-04-01
Image Number: 177040
Caption: Which nursery rhymes did your mom sing you? All the classics, Big L. She sange to "Getcho @#$ to bed right now," she sang me "Don't You Let Me Catch You Out Your Room." An' she sang one that was passed down for hundreds of years: "Shutcho @#$ Ip, I Gotta Get Up Early." Remember when you used to ask me why I never wanted to sleep over at your place? My favorite was "I'm Sorry Baby, Momma's Just Tired."
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-12 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-12 Pub. Date: 2019-03-12
Image Number: 176725
Caption: My son asked me what my favorite number is. I thought Who has a favorite number? Then I remembered, I did. When I was a kid, I loved the number eight, because it reminded me of infinity. Nuh-uh, Big L. You tol' me you loved it 'cause it was the only number that reminded you of food. You sure? i remember being a much more profound kid.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-19 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-19 Pub. Date: 2018-12-19
Image Number: 175481
Caption: We were respectable in those days, Rosencrantz. Which days, Tyrone? Those Halcyon days when we were finally on our own, still young and full of promise ... before the world picked us up and whittled away our options like we were pieces of driftwood. I think it was the period between October third, 1991, and October fifth, 1991. I remember that. (This cartoon was previously published on 2016-10-27)
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-18 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-18 Pub. Date: 2018-08-18
Image Number: 173504
Caption: 1982. Why do you like me, Lemont? Because you believe me. When I told the class that Meadowlark Lemon gave me a Harlem Globetrotters basketball and bought me ice cream, they all laughed. But you didn't. That's why you're my best friend. I can tell you anything, Susan. Why, I remember telling you that I ran into Sulu from Star Trek, and he told me I looked familiar, and he gave me a pat on the head. I don't remember you saying any of that nonsense. I also like you because you're a very good listener.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-24 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-24 Pub. Date: 2018-05-24
Image Number: 171761
Caption: You know what I like best about being a dad? When my little boy curls up in my lap and falls asleep. I hold him tight and know he feels war and safe, and I feel like I can protect him from anything. Even from time. Because as long as he lives, he'll be able to close his eyes and remember this feeling and be two years old again ... hopefully without the wetting himself part. It's important to know when you stop talking.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-20 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-20 Pub. Date: 2018-03-20
Image Number: 169627
Caption: I'm starting to feel like nothing really matters anymore. Dr. Noodle. I remember just ten years ago, I'd spend hours online arguing with random strangers about important things. M.D. We all seemed to take plenty of time back then to listen to each others' points. We'd research our counter-arguments and present them. Sometimes we'd actually change each others' minds. I see. So when you tweeted all that last night, how did people respond? Some said I was being a snowflake, other said that was fake news.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-19 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-19 Pub. Date: 2018-03-19
Image Number: 169626
Caption: I was listening to the radio this morning. They were talking about the Great Recession. Remember how Congress regulated the financial industry after the Great Recession to help ensure it wouldn't happen again? It's worked for almost eight whole years, so now Congress figures Well, that's enough of that. On the bright side, the recovery was so slow that I still have nothing to lose when the Great Recession II happens.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-30 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-30 Pub. Date: 2018-01-30
Image Number: 167918
Caption: Did you know there's a Youtube video of the last surviving eyewitness to the Abraham Lincoln assassination? Samuel Seymour. He was 95 years old. And he clearly remembered what he saw when he was just five years old. I still think your son'll forget seeing you fall in that manhole. I just hope he forgets all that stuff I shouted.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-14 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-14 Pub. Date: 2017-10-14
Image Number: 163633
Caption: When I was four, Rosencrantz, I was convinced the world only existed when I was looking at it. A blank expanse of nothingness lurked beyond every corner, until I rounded it and my mind brought another vista into being. Imagine my shock and my jealousy when, decades later, the scientist Robert Lanza proposed the very same idea, to great acclaim. But then I remembered that Robert Lanza didn't exist until I conjured him from the ether, so the acclaim belongs to me after all. Wouldn't it belong to whoever conjured you?
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-04 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-04 Pub. Date: 2017-10-04
Image Number: 163372
Caption: Susan, remember when that hurricane decimated Puerto Rico? Remember how the president immediately sent the Navy, lobbied Congress for an emergency funding bill, made it easy for refugees to reach the mainland, and moved heaven and earth to restore power to the island's hospitals? Wait ... are you being sarcastic? And remember how the media covered it just as much as they did Houston?
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-29 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-29 Pub. Date: 2017-08-29
Image Number: 162088
Caption: I read that article you wrote about how DC bringing Joss Whedon to "lighten up" the Justice League movie is endemic of America's refusal to confront harsh realities. How could you, Lemont? What, you don’t agree? Remember how upset America got when Batman V. Superman didn't have enough jokes amidst all the carnage? No, I mean how could you write anything about the philandering cad after his wife published an article about how he cheated on her for 15 years! Don't say anything if you know what's good for you. I think this is a debate I can win.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-15 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-15 Pub. Date: 2017-08-15
Image Number: 161532
Caption: Guess what? My iPhone 7 just started slowing down. Just a month or so before the iPhone 8 comes out. Remember when my iPhone 6 started slowing down? That was just about a month or so before the iphone 7 came out. You know … Apple lawyers can hear erethang you sayin' through Siri, bruh. *I am not necessarily implying any trickery or intentional wrongdoing on the part of Apple. I wasn't never here.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-14 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-14 Pub. Date: 2017-08-14
Image Number: 161531
Caption: Remember when we were kids, we used to talk about all the places we wanted to visit? Yeah. Well … I'm halfway through my list, and I've realized something. Some of the countries I wanted to visit don't exist anymore. You know what that mean, Lemont? It means you're very, very old, Susan. You ever realize you've said something out loud that you didn't mean to say out loud? It means someday our country won't be h ... Wait, what?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-10 remember when 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161294
Caption: You remember the other day, when I said we're behind a lot of other countries in a lot of areas? Well, I wrote an article about that for Candorville.com. Within 15 minutes, I counted over 3,000 replies that included a variant of the phrase "If you don't like it here, go someplace else." So I did a little more research, and then posted an article about how we're far behind a lot of other countries in "going someplace else." ... That's when I found out we're number one in the amount of angry comments posted in all-caps. I been out of the state once. That was weird.
     
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