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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-05 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-05 Pub. Date: 2017-12-05
Image Number: 165716
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. Weepy in Wisconsin, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java.net cybercafe. I just read the most beautiful poem ever. It's called On Children, by Kahlil Gibran. I have two babies myself, and after reading that, I just can't stop weeping. When your babies are teenagers they'll wreck your car, steal your watch, and be ashamed to be seen with you. There. Have you stopped crying yet, loser? Still crying. Different reason. You're welcome. Next caller!
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-12 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-12 Pub. Date: 2017-11-12
Image Number: 164319
Caption: Hi, Rudy. What the -- ?! Don't rush me, Uncle Mort. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web. $12.50. What'd I say? You asked how last night's date went. You wanted to know If we hit it off … If we had a goodnight kiss … if there'll be a second date … If we went for long walks on the beach ... If we're getting serious ... if I've met her parents ... if I've thought of how to propose ... if she's said yes ... if we've moved in together ... if we've discussed giving you grand-nieces and nephews ... All I said was "Hi, Rudy." Family can always red between the lines. What the -- ?! I am not looking too thin! What the -- ?! Take that back, I am not getting wrinkles.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-29 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-29 Pub. Date: 2017-10-29
Image Number: 163866
Caption: I recently read "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up." It's changed my life, minion. Pay attention. May involve me. The reason a lot of us never have a truly clean house is, we settle. Settlers. Pilgrims. Turkey. Our clothes, for instance. Out closets are full of stuff we're just ok with. What should we do is take everything out, lay it all on the bed, go through it ... and anything we have to think about keeping, we toss. Floss. The only things you should keep in your closet are the ones that immediately fill you with joy. Almond Joy. Joy Behar. The human mind is much like a closet. To be truly happy, we must eliminate any unnecessary thoughts that don't bring us joy. I meditate every morning to ensure all my thoughts are profitable. It's important to focus. My next car might be a yellow Ford Focus.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-07 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-07 Pub. Date: 2017-10-07
Image Number: 163387
Caption: The Ask Sadie Show. Actual answers to actual reader questions. Dear Sadie, When you were a teenager, did your parents tell you you were too young to date? How did you deal with that? - Frustrated with Dad. Never! In my day, there were no "teen-agers." You were either big enough to run the machinery, or small enough to be used as a pipe-cleaner in the machinery.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-01 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-01 Pub. Date: 2017-10-01
Image Number: 162744
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident surly lass answers actual reader questions sent to rudy@rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My husband forgot my birthday. There was no cake, no trip, no party, no nice little gift, no card, no "happy birthday" whispered in my ear … NOTHING. How do I let him know how deeply that hurt me? - Hurt in Harford. Excellent question. It reminds me of the time I hunted down a wild boar in the Serengeti in 1951. Decades earlier, when I was but a young lass, nobody remembered my birthday, or so I thought. that night, dear old Grandmother Cohen surprised me with a loaf of bread topped with a flaming licorice stick. Just as I blew out the licorice, it happened: A young wild boar came out of nowhere, darted across our shack, grabbed my loaf in its slobbery may and escaped into the dark, stormy night. I tracked that boar for twenty years across seven continents before I finally caught him. Speaking of which, it's time for my daily ham sandwich. Anyway, what were we talking about? Ask Sadie, baby!
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-25 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-25 Pub. Date: 2017-09-25
Image Number: 163103
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Hillary Clinton's book, "What Happened." It reminds me of the very first political memoir I ever read. The year was 1921. Warren G. Harding had just pantsed the Democrat James M. Cox. After emerging form the woods, loser Cox was ready to reflect. He traveled by donkey from town to town to hawk his book: "That Which Occurred." When she's gone, all these little details will be lost to history. This is almost as good as her show about Grover Cleveland's third nipple.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-22 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-22 Pub. Date: 2017-08-22
Image Number: 161807
Caption: Charlottesville changed everything, Randy. How so, little buddy? It's totally changed how I argue with people online. For the last few years, insults like "beta" and "cuck" and "SJW" and "virtue-signaller" were trending, so I used them all the time. But I just read that racists just like those who rallied in Charlottesville are the ones who invented those terms to control discourse and make opposing bigotry seem lame. It's going to be a lot harder to win debates without making cogent arguments if I can't use those terms anymore. We all have to make sacrifices.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-17 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161546
Caption: A few years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie Show, our resident octogenarian* asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. *(give or take a decade). Dear Sadie, You could try taking a trip to the Sahara Desert. Not only would it be an adventure, but you'd be the perfect person to catalog all the changes it's undergone. After all, you're probably the last person alive who remembers it when it was still a lush, ancient swamp. Happy Crisis, Anderson W. Stockton, CA. If you'd like, I could show you what it felt like when the tectonic plates collided. Advise Sadie at asksadieshow@gmail.com
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-10 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161300
Caption: I just read an article at Candorville.com that shows Americans are less likely than other people to travel to another country. Tap tap tap tap tap. Clearly they're talking about the younger generations. In my day, we were well-traveled. Many of us visited France, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Italy, the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, Germany, the Philippines, Japan, the Solomon Islands, Palau Islands, China, Korea, Formosa, Egypt, Vietnam, Lebanon, Cuba, Thailand, Cambodia ... I think the article means travel for non-military reasons. What's the difference?! Travel is travel!
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-09 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161299
Caption: I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column? I don't know, I only read the first sentence.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-22 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-22 Pub. Date: 2017-07-22
Image Number: 160524
Caption: You know why most political comic strips are leftist? Wait … is that your own observation, or did you overhear it somewhere? I'm shocked, Randy. Haven't you heard of morphic resonance? If a few members of a species learn something, then pretty soon it's inbred knowledge in the rest of the species. As proof: I don't even recall reading about morphic resonance. I just know about it. Obviously because someone else read about it. So I think you'll agree, first-person observation is highly overrated. I'm pretty sure you meant "inborn" knowledge, not "inbred." See? You're "pretty sure" because morphic resonance. More proof.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-09 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-09 Pub. Date: 2017-07-09
Image Number: 159560
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Hello handsome Sadie, It's Timona here greeting you from Kiev, Ukraine. Yeah we are in great political turmoil right now, but I will let you in on a secret since we are old friends. Now is the best time for to invest in the Ukraine real estate. In 2005, for inspect, a 71 sq. meter abode sold for $7,500 US Dollars. Today it sell for at only $1,100 US Dollars. Lovely school for to nearby, as well as charming Mall within walking distance with has all the conveniences. Keep this amazing opportunity quiet. I only tell YOU because of that time we made that amazing connection. You friend, Timona. Click here for to house buy. Excellent questions. I get letters like this all the time ever since I publicly announced my email address. It reminds me of the time I hired a 17-year-old nerd to track down a spammer's true IP address, name, birthdate, physical address, and bank account number ... and shipped the spammer two tons of manure purchased with his entire life savings. It cost me a vinyl record, a Mountain Dew and a crate of Cheetos, but it was worth it. Ask Sadie a question (but be careful) at asksadie@rudypark.com.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-11 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-11 Pub. Date: 2017-06-11
Image Number: 158456
Caption: Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading you-stuff? I thought it was just for posting me-stuff. I'm sorry, man. I feel horrible. As you should ... Anyway, you still working as a roadie for Hootie and the Blowfish?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-21 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-21 Pub. Date: 2017-05-21
Image Number: 157666
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident surly lass answers actual reader questions sent to rudy@rudypark.com, and posts answers to www.rudypark.com. Dear Sadie, My husband keeps leaving his stuff all over the place and expecting me to pick up after him. How do I get through to him that this isn't the 1950s? - Angry in Anaheim. What is wrong with you?! He doesn't "expect you" to clean up after him! He doesn't care whether you leave his boxers on the coffee table or not. You are the one who cares. You are the only one who cares if things get picked up or not. He would only start caring at the point where the pile gets high enough to block his view of the tv. It's as if you've never even heard of the male species. Ask Sadie, baby!
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-03 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-03 Pub. Date: 2017-05-03
Image Number: 157560
Caption: Did you read that AP interview with Donald Trump? I did not. Well, it gave me a brilliant idea. I stayed up for a week perfecting it. It's a "Trump Generator" for interviews. You ask it questions, and it gives you answers that are completely nonsensical gibberish punctuated by words like "tremendous." That's going to save the media a lot of time. It's a "bigly-answers-for-stupid-fake-questions-dot-com."
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-01 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-01 Pub. Date: 2017-05-01
Image Number: 157558
Caption: Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I an accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord of firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date by mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-29 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-29 Pub. Date: 2017-04-29
Image Number: 157301
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? How do I tell my wife I'm not who she thinks I am? Excellent questions. It reminds me of the time I palled around with a homely lady back in the '50s. She was one heck of a dancer, but she was secretive guarded. The more I pried into her secrets, the more paranoid she grew. "Somebody's spying on me," she said. "It could be anyone." ... I read that in her diary. If you ask me, that Jo McCarthy was a real basket case. Um ... What did I call you about?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-13 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-13 Pub. Date: 2017-04-13
Image Number: 156749
Caption: Boss, does my workers' compensation package cover early onset eye wrinkles? Of course. That's covered, along with gray hair, receding hairline, aches in your joints … all the usual sign of aging. It's all covered by your workers' compensation. For each affliction, you're supposed to compensate me, your boss, in the amount of $10 per week. I really should've read the fine print on my contract. You didn't? There was a $10 not-reading-the-fine-print clause in there.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-02 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-02 Pub. Date: 2017-04-02
Image Number: 155501
Caption: I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's all part of my best-selling "MAN-ual" series.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-02 reader 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-02 Pub. Date: 2017-03-02
Image Number: 155087
Caption: Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Meanie, You should admit that it's a little late to worry about your "midlife crisis." We all know you dealt with that a while ago ... by having a wild fling with a dinosaur. Which is probably the real reason they went extinct. - Evelyn W. Seattle, WA. P.S. Be nice to Rudy!! I'd like to point out two things: (1) I am part Tyrannosaurus Rex, and (2) You included your return address. Advise Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
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