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Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons

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121. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-07-14 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-07-14 Pub. Date: 2008-07-14
Image Number: 91244
Caption: The Obama camp ponders potential running mates. We need to reach out to Hillary's supporters. Yes, we need a woman One with a strong personality. Well, there is one outspoken female who would represent big change. Say no more, I'm sold! A press conference is called. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce the next Vice President of the United States ... Drooly Julie! HOT DIGGITY DAWG! I'm gonna get it on in th' White House! I mean, it would be an honor to serve the people. Drooly hits the campaign trail. My fellow Americans, as your Vice President, I will fight for hare laborers, raise many a flag, engage in hands-on diplomacy, and coax forth great GUSHERS of hope! HURRAH! Let Drool Rule. Clap! Clap! But the oppo research quickly kicks in. Senator Obama, were you aware that your running mate was once caught in a flagrante delicto with five airline pilots on a baggage carousel? Or that she directed a film called "The Bulges of Madison County"? Not again! To be continued? ...
     
122. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 92344
Caption: Slowpoke. Chris Matthews. NAD DEFENDER. Here's how political commentator Chris Matthews described Hillary Clinton's endorsers: Aren't you appalled at the willingness of these people to become CASTRATOS in the EUNUCH CHORUS? Matthews as clearly referring to a recent study published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Our models indicate that, it a WOMAN became President, all the nation's nads would spontaneously detach from their owners! A. B. Some say that the 150 million sets of cojones would be cryogenically frozen by Wiccans and held hostage to Hillary's agenda. I will release 10,000 family jewels for each of my health care proposals that is enacted! Now THAT'S political capital! Those eager to redeem their manhood could earn bollock redemption points by singing in a EUNUCH CHOIR. Our bits were taken by Hil-lary and now we sound like Ged-dy Lee! Hit those high notes, Chris! HRUMPH! Seems plausible to me!
     
123. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2008-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2008-01-01 Pub. Date: 2008-01-01
Image Number: 92346
Caption: Slowpoke. Democrats are at each other's throats over the Presidential candidates. War-mongering triangulator! Overhyped health care demagogue! Obama. Hillary. As the race drags on, the DNC decides to unite the party with a medical miracle. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you ... Oballary! Now THAT'S change! Oballary's ability to simultaneously eat waffles WHILE giving stump speeches in small town diners allows it to cover twice as many campaign stops as usual. GMORF! Lemme tell you about hope. The Oballary campaign quickly wins over the prized Siamese twin and sci-fi nerd vote. Finally! Somebody who represents us! McCain is a Cylon! Republican strategists are stymied. It'd be the first female and black President! But it's also white and male! With decades of combined experience! What'll we do? Not to be outdone, McCain exhumes Ronald Reagan's head to win over wary wingnuts! Don't worry ... He's plenty conservative! You tell 'em, Ronnie!
     
124. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2007-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2007-01-01 Pub. Date: 2007-01-01
Image Number: 92340
Caption: Slowpoke. Factoid Fun. This week: spotlight on John Edward's hair! Brought to you by … Smart Bombs TM. Breakfast Cereal. Smart Bombs. "Treat your cranium to depleted uranium!" From the "What's more wasteful?" dept. … The number of John Edwards' haircuts it takes to equal one Iraq war is 1.05 billion and counting. That's one haircut a week for the next 20 million years! The average human head has 100,000 hairs. This means John Edwards has fewer hairs than the number of people who have died in Darfur! Cross-section of Edwards' scalp. Genocide. If John Edwards' hair had been President for the past few years, the country would be in BETTER SHAPE THAN IT IS NOW! Should we escalate in Iraq, sir? I'll take your silence as a "no." You know, we could fire U.S. attorneys who don't abuse their power. Er - or not. Tip o' the pen to Scott J.
     
125. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2007-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2007-01-01 Pub. Date: 2007-01-01
Image Number: 92347
Caption: Slowpoke. Are you PETRAEUSLY CORRECT? The Senate recently passed a resolution condemning an advertisement that dared to criticize General Petraeus. Confused about what you can and can't say about members of the military? I'm Professor Perkins, and I'm here to help! DO question the patriotism of a triple-amputee Vietnam vet, as the GOP did in attack ads against Sen. Max Cleland. Max Cleland claims he has the courage to lead ... But he's really Osama's best ho! DON'T dare point out that Gen. Petraeus has poppy seeds stuck in his teeth from his breakfast bagel. We're making progress in Anbar! DO mock John Kerry's wounds from Vietnam by passing out "Purple Heart Band-aids" at the Republican National Convention. Kerry got a widdle boo-boo! Snort! DON'T drop a newspaper featuring a photo of Petraeus on the floor. If you do, you must kiss it! I am SO sorry! DO dismiss the soldiers who wrote an op-ed in the New York Times that contradicted Petraeus' claims.* It was a liberal plot. Whatever you do, DON'T draw the general as Bush's leg-humping lapdog! Gen. Poodlus. Down, boy! This is a big no-no! Pfut. Congressional testimony. *Two of whom are now dead.
     
126. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2007-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2007-01-01 Pub. Date: 2007-01-01
Image Number: 92681
Caption: Slowpoke. Visit the George W. Bush Presidential Library. Construction cost: Only $500 million - Less than two days of war in Iraq! Be greeted by friendly, Ivy League-educated cowboys! Polyurethane cows. George W. Bush Presidential Library/Dude Ranch. Democrat Entrance. Astroturf. Underground Torture Chamber How-DEE! Come on in! Harvard MBA. View rare photos! Bill Murray in Stripes. Condoleezza Rice tutors the President in foreign policy. Post with life-sized replicas of the President in his youth! The Cheerleader-in-Chief! '70s Playboy. National Guard (the AWOL Years) See ... The actual show turkey he presented the troops in Iraq for Thanksgiving! Kids! Try to top the President's Donkey Kong score in this interactive exhibit! High Score 87913 POTUS 43. We're sorry ... The Iraq Victory Room isn't open yet. Under Construction Indefinitely.
     
127. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 86613
Caption: Slowpoke. Spreadin' the Manure. True: The White House has instructed the Dept. of Agriculture to work praise of Bush's foreign policy into speeches. Actual talking point. Agriculture is the heart and soul of a nation, and its importance should not be underestimated in the Iraqi's efforts to build a strong, self-sustaining democracy. Here are some other possible segueways ... When addressing sheep farmers: We all know there's nothing tastier than a rack of lamb. ... And speaking of Iraq, the President has a clear strategy for victory! Sheep produces of Okiedokie County. When addressing cattle ranchers: The fat veins in a well-marbled slice of beef remind me of rivers ... like the Euphrates and Tigris in Iraq - where, incidentally, the President has a clear strategy for victory! Caution: Try not to get too carried away. When I think of fruits and vegetables, I think of sprouting freedom in the Middle East ... Of land where spuds have replaced scuds ... Of dangling carrots of democracy ... Of the strong moral fiber of our President, who has a clear strategy for victory! Now, back to avocado prices ... Produce growers of Wahoochie County.
     
128. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92678
Caption: Slowpoke. Welcome back, class, to politics 101 with Professor Perkins. Today we'll be discussing the phrase "THE BLAME AMERICA FIRST CROWD." We find it stems from a certain bogus assumption. Rowe's Conflationary Law: Bush = America. America = Bush. In fact, the two are total opposites! America. Open Government. Civil Liberties. Human Rights. Talent Rewarded. National Parks. Checks and Balances. Opportunity for All. Freedom of Press. Scientific Achievement. Separation of Church and State. Bush. Secret Government. Illegal Spying. Torture. Cronies Rewarded. Destroying National Parks. All-Powerful Executive Branch. Opportunity for Already Well-Off. Intimidation of Press. Rejection of Science. Merging of Church and State. Therefore, when a Bush supporter says you hate America, it's proof that you love America! "Blaming America First" = Criticizing the Bush Administration. = Criticizing the Opposite of America. = Supporting America.
     
129. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2006-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2006-01-01 Pub. Date: 2006-01-01
Image Number: 92682
Caption: Slowpoke. So … We've spent $339 billion so far on a war justified by trumped-up intelligence that has killed 2,826 Americans and probably hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, made Iraq radioactive with depleted uranium, and caused civil war - only to make terrorism worse. Heck, we may as well have spent that money on ... Wake me u before you go go! Six copies of "Michael Bolton Sings Wham!" for every person on Earth. (Note: May incite jihad.) Installing solid gold Cheney as new moon of Mars. Okay ... 339 billion says the chicken comes to me first. A stupid drunken bet with Putin. Oh my! A giant but made of 339 billion dollars. Our hypothesis that it burns was correct! A giant butt made of 339 billion dollars set on fire.
     
130. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92657
Caption: Slowpoke. "Whenever the people are well-informed, they can be trusted with their own government." -Thomas Jefferson. A new political ad appears on TV. John Kerry once had sex with a funnel cake. I know, because I was there. Funnel Cake Lovers for Truth. Despite evidence proving it false, the media run with it. I think the issue is not so much whether Kerry engaged in coitus with a cake, but whether dessert intercourse affects one's ability to be President. Id say it does, Bob. Crox News. Cheney: "All your babies will die" if Kerry is elected. At the Republican convention, small funnel cakes are decorated with icing bikinis are passed out as a joke. Better keep this away from John Kerry! Haw! Haw! In the end, millions of swing voters are swayed. I may be unemployed, and Bush ain't doin' much about it, bit I'll be damned if I vote for some donut-porker! Cake porker, dear.
     
131. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92658
Caption: Slowpoke. The Oval Office. Sigh. … Look at all this bad news. At this rate, I'll lose the election. AWOL. NO WMDS IN IRAQ. JOBLESS RECOVERY. KERRY LEADS BUSH IN POLLS. How can I make all this frowny-talk go away? Excuse me, Mr. President - It sounds like you need GAY-BAN TM! Guaranteed to make that political dirt disappear! Gay-Ban? How does it work? Just spray it at your next press conference - you'll see! GAY-BAN. Warning: Toxic Ideology. Shortly ... Mr. President! Can you explain why you did community service in 1972? Mr. President! What's your plan now that you've retracted your prediction of 2.6 million new jobs? Gay Ban, do your thing! PSHHT! Koff! And so ... You were right! Gay-Ban works like a charm! Nation Divided Over Gay Marriage. Election to Hinge on Gay Issue. Culture War. Constitution to Change. But of course! It's from the makes of Race-Bait TM!
     
132. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92663
Caption: Slowpoke. August 2001 - after receiving a warning about Al Qaeda's plans to attack the U.S., the President sprang into action with a series of preventive measures. Take THAT, Osama! Thwak! The Golf Ball Defense Shield. The President immediately set out to protect the Ridgewood Country Club in Waco, Texas by creating a zone of flying golf balls which could brain dangerous interlopers. Aggressive Brush-Clearing. By getting tough with the brush on his Crawford ranch, the President struck fear into the hearts of terrorists. Are you watching, evildoers? This COULD be your nappy beards! Rrrr. WHACK! Crackdown on Armadillos. The President deployed his Scottish terrier Barney to chase armadillos which, according to the White House, may have been Al Qaeda operatives. These armadillos hate freedom. Yap! And lastly, the ... Strategic Ass-Sitting Program. Yawn! I think it's time for operation Enduring Naptime.
     
133. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92664
Caption: Slowpoke. Hey, Republicans! Got your Bush-Cheney bumper sticker, but want to add your own personal touch? Bush-Cheney. Then check out our fabulous new line of right-wing swag! We've got a wide range of stickers … HONK if you don’t read newspapers. Jesus live mercury poisoning. Tolerance: It's worth crushing. FREE KEN LAY. We pit the ERROR in fighting TERROR! BOOB on BOARD. Ignorance is Bliss. Want to outdo that neighbor with the Kerry sign in her yard? Get one of our giant illuminated billboards powered by its very own mini coal fired plant! With luck, all of the by-products will blow into her yard. Just like the northeastern U.S.! Bush Cheney. Or display our newest item: the all-American inflatable FREEDOM PIG! Make sure the entire neighborhood knows what you really stand for! Halliburton. Bechtel. Enron. Monsanto. Chevron.
     
134. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92665
Caption: Slowpoke. This is Drooly Julie live at the Republican National Convention in New York, where I'm dispensing condoms and the latest news! Here are today's highlight. Screw abstinence - Take one! "The keynote speaker tonight was Moe Manley, African-American Iraq war veteran, Olympic gold medalist, and flag factory founder. What can I say? I'm just your typical Republican. "Meanwhile, hundreds of TV cameras sought out the black in the crowd, including '70s funk icon Celestial Steve." Huh? Don't look at ME! I'm doin' funky election coverage for VH1, dig? "Earlier today I spoke with Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson." So ... You're here for the hot Republican sex? We're here to support the President because he's like, the President. Yeah. BIMBOS FOR BUSH. "I also spoke with a campaign chair about the choice of New York City." People say you're exploiting 9-11 victims for political gain. Pishtosh! We appreciate their contribution! That's why we're awarding them Bush-Cheney "Pioneer" belt buckles posthumously! Protesters' voices have been muted, however, since being relegated to a small cave in Canada's Nunavut Territory. LIVE Kugluktuk, Canada. B-B-Bush lies!
     
135. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2004-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2004-01-01 Pub. Date: 2004-01-01
Image Number: 92667
Caption: Slowpoke. It's Spongy the encephalopathic politicow. With the aid of her press secretary, Spongy launches the first-ever bovine bid for President. MOOOOOO … Spongy says: "Pay no mind to my hideous, brainwasting disease. We must end all regulation of industry!" Downed Cows for a Better U.S. We (heart) Spongiform. Much of the electorate is unfazed by Spongy's non-human status. She might not be the brightest, but she surrounds herself with smart people! She seems like an honest everycow, and that's what matters. I like beef, so I like Spongy. Spongy shoots up dramatically in the polls with a surprise visit to troops in Iraq. Army. Hooray! Yay, Spongy! Coming soon: The debates! This country needs health care reform now! Moooo ... Mooo .. Moooo ... Spongy's opponent may be articulate, but he's too angry and impassioned. I'll take gentle mooing any day. I agree. Spongy wins, hands down!
     
136. Cartoonist Jen Sorensen  Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons 2003-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Jen Sorensen
Comic/Cartoon: Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2003-01-01 Pub. Date: 2003-01-01
Image Number: 92656
Caption: Slowpoke. If the President were a school teacher. So I say we skip grammar today … Saddamy, are you chewing gum again? No. I don’t believe you. Look in my mouth - there's no gum. 2+4=7. Have you prayed today? Kimmy I.J. Hmm … Well, I don’t SEE any gum, but I know you've got some! Do not! Do too! Today's Lesson: Abstinence is FUN! POP! FOOMP! I.J. Saddamy H. Hey, tech! I'M chewing gum, and I'm not going to stop! Whatever, Kimmy. Don't bother me while I'm stealing Saddamy's lunch! Mmm ... Roast beef! Chew chew. Kimmy I.J. Saddamy H.
     
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