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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-13 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-13 Pub. Date: 2018-01-13
Image Number: 167094
Caption: I had a dream. I dreamt that in 2020, "The Rock" runs for president as an independent. The Republicans nominate Trump again. Democrats are so overconfident that they nominate the corpse of Woodrow Wilson. And while we're all distracted, Congress quietly eliminates elections altogether and they appoint an immortal A.I. as the chairman and CEO of the American Corporate Empire, LLC. I think I like Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech better. I'd tell you the rest, but you might as well just watch "The Matrix."
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-10 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-10 Pub. Date: 2018-01-10
Image Number: 167091
Caption: Did you see that Dave Chappelle special? I turned it off after he started getting political. Politics has no place in comedy. Not in sitcoms, not in comic strips, not in stand-up routines. Except for Donald Trump. Best insult-comic ever. That guy's hilarious. It's all starting to makes sense. He should've picked Andrew Dice Clay for VP, though.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-01 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-01 Pub. Date: 2018-01-01
Image Number: 166779
Caption: I published my new book, Clyde. It's all about how I met my girlfriend and how Trump became president. It's called "Canada or Bust!" … Available right now from my website, from Amazon, and from a bookstore near you. Bruh … is we havin' a conversation, or is you tryna sell me somethin'? I would never try to sell my own friends something Clyde. That'd be tacky. Is that your book right there in your hands with the title pointed at my face?
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-13 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-13 Pub. Date: 2017-11-13
Image Number: 164870
Caption: The ultra right wing's frantic warnings saved this country from an ANTIFA apocalypse back on November 4th. (Sigh) No, they didn't. ANTIFA was going to try and overthrow the Trump government by violently taking over every street corner in America. (Sigh) No. They weren't. Right. That's 'cause they must've found out we were on to them. I personally showed up with my rifles just in case they tried anything, and that's why none of them tried anything. We stopped it. You're welcome. You didn't stop anyth -- ... They were never going to overthr -- (Sigh) ... Oh, never mind. Show some respect, you're talking to a veteran of November the fourth.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-08 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-08 Pub. Date: 2017-11-08
Image Number: 164651
Caption: What do you mean you're not shocked that the president's chief of staff is glorifying the confederacy? Google the third stanza of the "Star-Spangled Banner," bruh. "No refuge could save the hireling and slave from the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave ... " Whachoocall a country that sing "freedom" songs 'bout how it killed runaway slaves who was fighting with the British to get they freedom? Google is so divisive.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-07 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-07 Pub. Date: 2017-11-07
Image Number: 164650
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about how the president's chief of staff, John Kelly, said Robert E. Lee was an "honorable man." So what if Robert E. Lee was a cruel, slave-beating, family separating white supremacist traitor who even kidnapped free black Pennsylvanians and brought them to the south as property? John Kelly's right, we can't judge people from back then by what people today think is right and wrong. Y'know, a lot of people thought it was wrong "back then." That's why there was a war. I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-06 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-06 Pub. Date: 2017-11-06
Image Number: 164649
Caption: The president's chief of staff, General John Kelly, was right: the Civil War happened 'cause the country did not compromise. Say what? Maybe they should've tried … oh, I don't know … splitting the difference and saying black people were worth 3/5ths of a person. Or maybe they should've admitted a slave state for every new free state admitted or maybe Lincoln should've just offered to limit slavery's expansion instead of ending it. Or maybe they should've passed some sort of "Fugitive Slave Act." I hate "Sarcasm Monday"! I'm glad the White House is filled with people who really know your history.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-05 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-05 Pub. Date: 2017-11-05
Image Number: 163961
Caption: I find it funny how you libs get all triggered every time the president implies Puerto Rican hurricane victims are lazy … or every time he praises white supremacists, or every time he "attacks" the first amendment, or every time he personally insults people. Don't you people know the president is trolling you? He's just pressing your buttons for fun and you fall for it every single time. It's as if none of you have ever debated anyone online. Online, you don't win by being right ... you win by making the other guy seem like he cares more than you do about any given topic. Caring is absolute proof of snowflaky weakness. If what the other guy cares about is common decency, you get extra points. That's the most absurd thing I've -- ... um ... whatever. Too late, snowflake.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-30 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-30 Pub. Date: 2017-10-30
Image Number: 164415
Caption: North Korea sent a desperate letter to the western world last week. They urged the west to rein in Trump. They seemed to feel like they're backed into a corner, they're hurt, and they're about to be attacked. And you know what they say about backing a wounded animal into a corner. They say "corner that punk. Show it who boss." They say "don't do it."
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-27 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-27 Pub. Date: 2017-10-27
Image Number: 164151
Caption: I wish I could visit the alternate universe were the Kennedy brothers had never been assassinated. In that universe, we never escalated in Vietnam, Nixon was never president, we never ended the Apollo program … I was born on the moon, Carter and Reagan were never presidents, so Iran never turned out to be what it is and we never helped create all these terrorists ... and "Chappelle's Show" never went off the air. You really need to let that go, Lemont.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-22 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-22 Pub. Date: 2017-10-22
Image Number: 163428
Caption: Dear "Journalist," your latest article is highly offensive and fake. You attacked those of us who accuse black NFL players of being "ungrateful" when they protest state-sanctioned racism. You said WE were the ungrateful ones. You wrote "You should be grateful to the 'ungrateful black protestors' throughout history, who've always reminded us what this country is supposed to stand for. 'Ungrateful' protestors like Martin Luther King, Jr ... Like Muhammad Ali ... and like Crispus Attucks, the 'ungrateful' black guy whose 'ungrateful' protest in Boston led to him becoming the first man to die in the Revolutionary War." You've totally exaggerated the worth of those so-called "protestors." I'm supposed to think they're heroes just because they got SHOT? First of all, sir, Muhammad Ali never got sh -- Wait ... Donald Trump? Is this you? Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. I like people who weren't shot.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-10 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-10 Pub. Date: 2017-10-10
Image Number: 163629
Caption: The rest of the president's press pool left Puerto Rico, but I decided to stay and help. They needed people who could drive trucks to help deliver supplies to the survivors. I didn't know you knew how to drive a big rig, Lemont. What's to know? Huh? That reminds me: Did you know a pallet of 10,000 baby wipes makes a good flotation device if you find yourself in the ocean? What? What did you do to their truck?! It's inspiring how fast people, even in the midst of devastation, can all pitch in to buy one man a plane ticket home.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-09 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-09 Pub. Date: 2017-10-09
Image Number: 163628
Caption: I was part of the press pool covering the president's visit to Puerto Rico. I covered the whole thing. The part where he gave his own response an A+ … the part where he threw supplies as if they were prizes at desperate survivors … the part where he told Puerto Ricans they were costing us a lot of money ... the part where he said it wasn't a "real" catastrophe like Hurricane Katrina ... the part where he said that finger the crowd used must be the Puerto Rican equivalent of a "thumbs-up" ... How come the article you wrote about it was called "Nailed It."?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-04 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-04 Pub. Date: 2017-10-04
Image Number: 163372
Caption: Susan, remember when that hurricane decimated Puerto Rico? Remember how the president immediately sent the Navy, lobbied Congress for an emergency funding bill, made it easy for refugees to reach the mainland, and moved heaven and earth to restore power to the island's hospitals? Wait ... are you being sarcastic? And remember how the media covered it just as much as they did Houston?
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-03 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-03 Pub. Date: 2017-10-03
Image Number: 163371
Caption: I wonder why people didn't seem to care as much about the devastation in Puerto Rico as they did about Houston. You serious, bruh? How old you is, six? Seven? Is you even potty trained yet? Or was you asleep the last two years when the country elected a white supremacist for president? It's not always about race. Sometimes it's just about laziness. Five. I think you five.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-25 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-25 Pub. Date: 2017-09-25
Image Number: 163097
Caption: Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my entire life being a journalist. Why bother? History just repeats itself anyway. Dr. Noodle. I just started reading a political memoir I heard about on the radio this morning. M.A. The Democrat James M. Cox wrote it after he lost the election of 1920 to Harding. It's called "That Which Occurred." He also blamed his loss on Bernie Sanders. I hope I can be as sharp as Bernie at his age.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-10 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-10 Pub. Date: 2017-09-10
Image Number: 161858
Caption: My uncle keeps sending me crazy, paranoid conspiracy theories he hears on Youtube. Dr. Noodle. It all started a few years ago when he sent me an email about how the victims of the Hindenburg crash were all crisis actors. These same victims died on the Titanic! He wrote. Then he told me President Obama was setting up Femur Camps, where he'd be letting the Illuminati harvest our femur bones for voodoo incantations to turn all our frogs into insomniacs. When I asked him why on earth would anyone want to do that? he said I had been brainwashed by the cabal that runs both the fake news and the pepperoni industries. So I replied why would they waste their time brainwashing me? What would they gain from that? Does your uncle have a hobby? Get him to refer uncle!!! $$$$$$$ ... because it's possible that you're his hobby. He said they've brainwashed me into thinking there's nothing to gain from brainwashing me.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-31 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-31 Pub. Date: 2017-08-31
Image Number: 162090
Caption: I got into a Twitter feud wit @joanwalsh. @davidshuster asked her and @joyannreid to apologize for using the term "alt left." I backed him up. When they and @govhowarddean used the term against progressives, they helped validate it. And that helps @realdonaldtrump neutralize the toxicity of the term "alt right" ... which makes it harder to fight white supremacy. I think I won. I'm going to give @govhowarddean a piece of my mind too. Are you @trying to @change-the-subject because you're @losing the @argument about @josswhedon's @divorce? It's just @joss. And I'm @changing-the-subject because it's @none-of-our-business.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-27 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161361
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-24 president 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-24 Pub. Date: 2017-08-24
Image Number: 161803
Caption: Hey Susan, did you get that evite from Clyde? Which one? The evite to his birthday party where he wrote "in lieu of gifts, bring a shovel and wear your work pants"? No. The evite to his housewarming party at his underground bunker? No. I've been ignoring his evites for months now. Ever since Trump won, they've been getting more and more cynical. I'm talking about his evite to watch the upcoming race war on his tv.
     
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