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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (27 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-08 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-08 Pub. Date: 2019-09-08
Image Number: 179293
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadieshow@gmail.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My best friend chews, loudly, with his mouth open. It embarrasses me every time we eat out. I'm afraid if I point it out, it'll ruin our friendship. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can get the point across without hurting his feelings? - Andrea in Anaheim. Excellent question. Here's what you do ... Next time you eat lunch with your friend, bring a newspaper. Every time he chews with his mouth open, roll up the newspaper and swat him on the nose with it. Then say It works for my poodle. If he laughs instead of pressing charges, you'll know you've got a real friend. *MGMT accepts no responsibility for the possibly horrendous consequences of Sadie Cohen's advice. Use at your own risk.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-14 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-14 Pub. Date: 2019-03-14
Image Number: 176727
Caption: Well, you look down, Lemont. What's wrong? What could possibly be wrong? Today, the White House revoked my press credentials for asking one too many questions about Jared's security clearance … and the Democratic party revoked my press credentials for asking one too many questions about the whole Israel issue ... and Dizzyland revoked my season pass because of that expose I wrote about their horrible hourly pay. I still can't believe so many of their Ricky Mouses and Ronald Ducks are homeless.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-08 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-08 Pub. Date: 2018-04-08
Image Number: 169718
Caption: Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard this computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he's discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up ... there's a way out. His loss is a moral and intellectual void that'll never be filled. Well that's depressing ... and ... now I'm ok.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-25 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-25 Pub. Date: 2018-02-25
Image Number: 168231
Caption: I'm not entirely sure I'm conscious, doc. It occurred to me last night, I am not an individual. I am a colony of 32 trillion individual living cells. Dr. Noodle … each of which lives, breathes, performs tasks, and quite possibly considers itself to be a conscious individual with free will. The thought reminded me of when I was in the army. Each of us was an individual cell focused on an individual task ... but before we knew it, because of the decisions made unbeknownst to any of us grunts ... the body of us, the colony we all comprised ... had marched across Europe, and swum across the Pacific, and liberated half the world ... maybe I prescribed you a little too much Cannabis. You may think you thought that thought, but you're just an antibody reflexively protecting the colony.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-20 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-20 Pub. Date: 2017-02-20
Image Number: 154801
Caption: Well, you look down, Lemont. What's wrong? What could possibly be wrong? Today, the White House revoked my press credentials for asking one too many questions about their secret ties to Russia … and the Democratic party revoked my press credentials for asking one too many times why they're still using the same loser strategists ... and my baby boy revoked my dad credentials for turning off "Octonauts" one too many times. We all have bad days.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-07 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-07 Pub. Date: 2016-02-07
Image Number: 138359
Caption: People who complain about voter ID laws are such liars when they say dirt-poor people can't afford to get ID. How do they get to be drunk all the time? How can they possibly buy their booze if they don't have ID? They hand their money to someone else who does have ID, and say, "Can you buy me a beer?" It happens all the time. And how can they ever cash a check?! They endorse it to someone else, or they go to a check-cashing store. How do they fly on airplanes?! "Dirt-poor people" don't usually buy plane tickets. Well they don't seem to have any trouble showing photo ID to get welfare! A lot of places don't require photo ID to get welfare. You're really not supposed to answer rhetorical questions. Do you know very many "dirt-poor people"?
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-17 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-17 Pub. Date: 2015-11-17
Image Number: 135314
Caption: I know what you 'bout to say, bruh, an' I ain't wanna hear none of that. How could you possibly know what I'm about to say, Clyde? I known you since we was 6 months old, Big L. We done had every conversation we could possibly have. You gonna talk about science fiction. I could tell by the way you almost bouncin' on your toes, all giddy. I always know what you gonna say by the degree of geekiness in your stance. Old friends are the worst. It's a disgusting display, bruh.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-12 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-12 Pub. Date: 2015-10-12
Image Number: 133792
Caption: My son needs speech therapy, but I don't have the money. Insurance will cover it, but only once he turns three. Should I wait till he's three … or should I have him lie about his age and risk teaching him it's ok to deceive: which'll possibly lead to a career in politics? Why e'rebody treat "risk" like it a four-letter word? Man up. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. $2.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-27 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-27 Pub. Date: 2015-07-27
Image Number: 130314
Caption: I'm tired of the media misquoting Donald Trump by playing video of the crazy stuff he says. What? How can they possibly misquote him by showing him talking? It's like how the camera adds ten pounds. It also adds ten degrees of crazy. The sneakiest way to misquote someone is to show them misquoting themselves.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-09 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-09 Pub. Date: 2015-07-09
Image Number: 129284
Caption: Pick another story, son. No! I want beaw! You threw the bear story out the window. It landed in a dumpster, and a mangy dog threw up on it. Do you really want your beloved father to climb into that mess, get bitten by that rabid dog, and possibly get hurt or sick, just to get that book? Yyyaaaaay! That was not an offer.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-11 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-11 Pub. Date: 2015-06-11
Image Number: 128070
Caption: What's wrong? I'm reading "Abaddon's Gate." That Melba Koh is getting away with everything. Who's "Melba Koh"? She's like a lot of people. She thinks the world owes her respect … even though she's never done anything worthy of respect … even though she's completely self-centered. I hate characters who think everything's about them. Then why are you reading it? 'Cause the more I hate her, the more I know I can't possibly be like her. So it's all about you?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-26 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-26 Pub. Date: 2015-04-26
Image Number: 125568
Caption: Anyone who thinks we ever really went to the moon is a complete idiot. Youtube has tons of videos on this. Humans couldn't possibly have survived a trip through the Van Allen Radiation Belt. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. According to Dr. Van Allen himself, the notion that radiation should've killed those astronauts is "nonsense." Well how come we can't see the astronauts' footprints? That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. Other countries have snapped pictures of the landing sites, and just a few years ago the lunar reconnaissance orbiter took photos of the footprints. There were no stars in the old films. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. The exposure settings were calibrated to get good shots of the extremely bright lunar surface. They couldn't do that and capture the relatively dim stars at the same time. You moon-landing-ists have an answer for everything. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Thousands of people could never keep a secret that big for 46 years! That's what they want you to think.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-04 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-04 Pub. Date: 2015-03-04
Image Number: 123664
Caption: I don’t believe in past lives. But I have memories of things I couldn’t possibly have done. One of my most vivid memories is of sitting along the banks of the Nile River, begging for alms from passing sheep herders. Hmmm … One of MY most vivid memories is of being a wealthy sheep herder, and having all my sheep kick up mud onto a beggar. Just because I thought it'd be funny. Coincidence, I'm sure. But that may explain why I've never like being covered in mud. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-03-20).
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-21 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-21 Pub. Date: 2013-10-21
Image Number: 102926
Caption: My son needs speech therapy, but I don’t have the money. Insurance will cover it, but only once he turns three. Should I wait till he's three … … Or should I have him lie about his age and risk teaching him it’s ok to deceive; which'll possibly lead to a career in politics? This end up. Why e'erebody treat "risk" like it a four-letter word? Man up. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-29 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-29 Pub. Date: 2013-05-29
Image Number: 97401
Caption: The guys watch "The Maury Show." Maury, I can't possibly be the daddy. We was only together that one time. An' it was the first time for both of us. E'rebody know you cant make a baby if it your first time. What that tell you, Maury? What that tell you? ... That they need better sex ed classes. Thug 4 Life.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-20 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-20 Pub. Date: 2013-03-20
Image Number: 94736
Caption: I don’t believe in past lives. But I have memories of things I couldn’t possibly have done. One of my most vivid memories is of sitting along the banks of the Nile River, begging for alms from passing sheep herders. Hmmm … One of MY most vivid memories is of being a wealthy sheep herder, and having all my sheep kick up mud onto a beggar. Just because I thought it'd be funny. Coincidence, I'm sure. But that may explain why I've never like being covered in mud.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-14 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-14 Pub. Date: 2012-01-14
Image Number: 75073
Caption: Your ex is filthy rich. Very old money. Possibly billions. Well can't she give you child support? Every time I try to ask her, I just can't get the words out, and end up walking away fast. Either I have too much pride, or … That's it. But I haven't even gotten into my theory about her being a master hypnotist. Dios mio.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-09 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-09 Pub. Date: 2011-05-09
Image Number: 60777
Caption: Wha --? Who's there? The harbinger of your doom. I am the angel of death incarnate, the runner of empires, my very name makes you cower like a dog. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. I am … Osama Bin Laden. Did you just steal a line from Obi Wan Kenobi? I've never even heard of Star Wars, you swine!
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-21 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-21 Pub. Date: 2009-07-21
Image Number: 36428
Caption: Are you sure I don't need to be trained for this? Settle down civilian. We'll free your journalist from that Iranian hellhole in time for Letterman. I'm highly trained in all forms of martial arts. Aikido. Ninjutsu. Tango. I can field strip a stinger missile in 2.35 minutes. I can blend in to any surrounding. What could possibly go wrong? Beep. Hold on a sec. What do you mean "Am I sure I should be texting?" Tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-07 possibly 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-07 Pub. Date: 2009-05-07
Image Number: 32173
Caption: In an alternate reality, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. Sorry, boss, I can't possibly read this depressing news in an excited tone. I'd feel like a heel. Yer a good man, Brown. You got principles. But what the people want is excitement, see? I don't know, boss. I got another story for ya to read, then. The headline: "Miracle Cure for Principles Found! It's Called Getting Fired!" President Obama says "It's better not to point fingers" and pardons the Japanese war criminals who tortured our boys! Now that takes moxie!
     
Result page:    2  Next  (27 images)