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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about please and pleasing.

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-30 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-30 Pub. Date: 2017-09-30
Image Number: 163102
Caption: Dear Lemon Brown: Unfortunately, we at Equifax must inform you that hackers breached our security weeks ago. Your social security number, address, credit history, and pants size may have been compromised. It appears the only personal information of yours that wasn't compromised was your signature. To sign up for our credit monitoring service, please sign here.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-09 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-09 Pub. Date: 2017-08-09
Image Number: 161293
Caption: We're behind a lot of other countries in health care, social mobility, internet service, cellphone service, education … income equality, infrastructure, high-speed trains, voting, democratic representation, linguistic diversity, life expectancy, religious diversity, please, press freedom, child well-being, happiness, sleep, literacy, leisure, retirement security, gender equality, minimum wage, homicide rates, prosperity, the cost of food ... Other than military spending and the number of people we throw in prison, we're behind in almost everything ... so why do people still chant "we're number one!" All the time? Where we is on math?
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-11 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-11 Pub. Date: 2017-07-11
Image Number: 160220
Caption: Meanwhile, on Divided Airlines flight 86 out of Moscow … Excuse me, please. Aren't you American journalist? Yes, I am. How's you know? Fearless leader told me … I mean, I recognize you from tv. You say me debate Sean Hannity? No. I once saw Trump press conference. You asked him why would KKK support him so much. Then we have goon pick you up by underpants and hurl you out window. Divided Airlines. Thanks. It took me a year to successfully repress that memory. You welcome. Was big thing in Russia. I bought t-shirt with freeze-frame of it.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-29 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-29 Pub. Date: 2017-05-29
Image Number: 158600
Caption: Please store your personal electronics. Can we take them back out yet? No. How 'bout now? No. How 'bout now? No. Can't you people go twenty minutes without staring into your beeping rectangles? No!
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-14 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-14 Pub. Date: 2017-04-14
Image Number: 156722
Caption: I don't see why you're mad at Clyde. 'Cause he said I look like I'm about to have a heart attack. What do you mean? He saw some Youtube video about the warning signs, and now he thinks he's a doctor. Just because I haven't been able to catch my breath all day, my jaw, arm, and back hurt, and my stomach is all in knots ... doesn't mean I'm having a heart attack. you've reached 911. Please hold. It's probably just gas.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-24 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-24 Pub. Date: 2017-03-24
Image Number: 155917
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Radio Hour. "Lemont" in Candorville, you're on. Yeah. I'm moving to Canada to be with a woman I love. I don't mean right now, I mean maybe next month. Or six months from now. Or maybe next year. Anyway, I'm definitely going. Maybe. Please don't tell me you want to know if you're moving too fast. Of course not. I want to know if I should consider wondering if I'm moving too fast. A Train.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-17 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-17 Pub. Date: 2017-02-17
Image Number: 154536
Caption: Son, please go to sleep. Please? Not till you thing me a thong. Lionel, I just sang you a bunch of songs. I sand you "Spock Had a Little Lamb," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Vulcan," "Hush Little Yoda," and "The Wheels on the Tardis." But you thang them in the wong order. Now you hafta thart over.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-09 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-09 Pub. Date: 2016-10-09
Image Number: 148825
Caption: Hello, you've reached Candorville county. This is Ryan 2.0. How may I hinder you? My son was mistakenly enrolled in Medicaid. I need him off that. Please listen carefully as our options may have changed. To discuss Medicaid eligibility, say "two." To report fraud, say "three." To report child or elder abuse, say "four." Two. To obtain a business license, say "five." "Two." To dispute a county tax lien or inquire about your property tax bill, say "six." "Two." To make a child support payment, say "seven." To send an inmate a care package, say "eight." "Two." I said TWO! TWO! TWO! TWO! Just put an actual person on the phone! That option is invalid. To purchase coroner gift shop merchandise, say "nine."
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-27 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-27 Pub. Date: 2016-09-27
Image Number: 149026
Caption: Ahem. All gates. Ahem. Don't rush me, please. Ahem! @#*! … Well this isn't my shoe.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-26 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-26 Pub. Date: 2016-09-26
Image Number: 149025
Caption: Step in to the machine please, sir. Ted Striker Memorial Airport. Candorville/Canardville. Isn't that the machine that shows me naked? You don't have to go through it. I can have Agent Crotchgrabber pat you down instead. Just make sure this doesn't end up on the internet. No promises.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-24 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-24 Pub. Date: 2016-09-24
Image Number: 148766
Caption: Hello, creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Paying 30% interest on the bus ticket you helped me buy 20 years ago is more important to me than survival. So I can't come to the phone right now, because I'm busy bundling all my cash to send to you instead of using it to feed my child, pay my rent and keep my lights on. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm done making money appear out of thin air. Beep.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-17 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-17 Pub. Date: 2016-08-17
Image Number: 147387
Caption: Hi, momma, how are you? I need to go overseas for a week. Wanna watch your grandson? … Oh … a cruise? Who with? Aunt Alta Faye? Aunt Laverne? Aunt Julie? Please tell me "the mailman" is a long-lost aunt. Is it possible when I person says, "I'm packing 50 Shades of Gray," she's talking about hats? ... Please say yes.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-11 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-11 Pub. Date: 2016-08-11
Image Number: 147068
Caption: Hello, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because my son and I are busy building a fort out of sofa cushions. Please leave a message and I'll call you back when I'm a grown-up again. Beep.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-28 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-28 Pub. Date: 2016-06-28
Image Number: 145229
Caption: You've reached Senator Marionette's office. To ask a question, press or say "one" now. "One." If your question is "where do I send a campaign donation," press or say "one" now. If your question is about why I block all attempts at gun control even after enormous massacres, please hang up now. Not falling for it.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-14 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-14 Pub. Date: 2016-05-14
Image Number: 143026
Caption: Hello, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because the caller ID says "blocked ID," and I'm annoyed with the fact that you know who I am, but I don’t know who you are. Please leave a message and I'll call you back when I feel like talking to someone who like to have other people at a disadvantage. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-03-01).
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-25 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-25 Pub. Date: 2016-01-25
Image Number: 138295
Caption: The Double Date. Ace, this is Lemont, my best friend. Hey, buddy. Suzy's told me all about you. Pleased to meet you.* *So you're the guy she friend-zoned. Sucks to be you. Lemont, this is Ace Peerless. Hey.* *In a year, I'll still be her best friend, and you'll be history. This is gonna be fun.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-16 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-16 Pub. Date: 2016-01-16
Image Number: 137668
Caption: Hello, mom, you've reached Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out on a date with a girl other than the one you keep trying to set me up with. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as she's broken my heart and I'm ready to come to my senses.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-31 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-31 Pub. Date: 2015-12-31
Image Number: 137116
Caption: This C-Dog. Whachoo want, fool? Clyde, it's me, Lemont. I just wanna say thanks for watching Lionel for me tonight. Just an FYI: I'm potty training him, so please don't put a diaper on him till bedtime. Also, he's refusing to use the potty, so he may jump up and run around the house in mid-poop. Why you ain't tell me all this BEFORE I agreed to watch him?! No reason.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-19 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-19 Pub. Date: 2015-12-19
Image Number: 136535
Caption: … So he tried to sneak out a note that said "Please help me," but I caught him. Excuse me … I couldn't help but overhear. A note can't "say" anything. As awkward as it may sound, the correct word isn't "said," it's "read." What would you like your tombstone to read? Perfect!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-21 please 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-21 Pub. Date: 2015-11-21
Image Number: 135318
Caption: Hello, presidential candidate. You've reached the home of Lemont Brown prior to January, 2016. I can't come to the phone right now because the election is a whole year away. And I can only wade through self-serving, misleading ads for about nine months before I start to just tune it all out and say forget all of you. At the sound of the beep, please hang up and call back in February. Beep. Click!
     
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