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Candorville

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-27 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-27 Pub. Date: 2017-08-27
Image Number: 161361
Caption: Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble … Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-08 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-08 Pub. Date: 2017-08-08
Image Number: 161292
Caption: Looks like the Affordable Care Act is here to stay. That's right … sucker. What? Everyone know the ACA was a Republican idea. We came up with it as an alternative to single-payer health care. We knew the only way to make the left embrace it was for the right to attack it. You hate us so much that if we attack it, you cling to it like it's your dear old momma. We even let it be "saved" at the last minute, just to seal your love affair with it. Yeah, right. Like this was all part of some "master plan." McCain hammed it up a little at the end, but it was a nice touch.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-23 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-23 Pub. Date: 2017-06-23
Image Number: 159392
Caption: This just in … Russia has persuaded its ally, the Dictator Santa Claus, to call for a ceasefire. In response, rebel elves have released their hostages and … Click … If passes, millions stand to lose their health insurance. Click … White supremacist activity is on the rise. A years-old report about how they were planning to infiltrate law enforcement is getting ... Click ... Won't you be my neighbor? It's Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, a land of make-believe ...
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-09 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-09 Pub. Date: 2017-05-09
Image Number: 157808
Caption: I'm pretty sure my appendix just ruptured. Don't you want to call an ambulance. No, I opted for the silver Obamacare plan. That means if I call an ambulance, I won't be charged thousands of dollars for it. If that happens, I won't be able to keep saying "Obamacare's done nothing for me" with a clear conscience. Now's not the time to think about politics. Spoken just like a -ouch- ... statist.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-10 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-10 Pub. Date: 2017-04-10
Image Number: 156718
Caption: 1982. My momma said her friend Linda has breast cancer. How's she know? Planned Parenthood told her so. Which is weird. What does cancer have to do with parenthood? They do lots of things there. My mom goes there. That's how they found out she had high blood pleasure. Although I'm not sure why they all acted like that was a bad thing. Grownups never make any sense to me either.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-01 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-01 Pub. Date: 2017-04-01
Image Number: 156202
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? The "Independent Woman's Forum" gave Vice President Mike Pence a "Working for Women" award. He voted against the Lilly Ledbetter equal pay bill … he led the fight to defund Planned Parenthood … he tried to redefine rape so that only women who were "forcibly" raped could have a choice ... So I interviewed the IWF and asked them "Isn't it 100% backwards to give him a 'Working for Women' award?" And what did they say? They gave me a "Mansplainer of the Year" award.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-29 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-29 Pub. Date: 2017-03-29
Image Number: 156199
Caption: If I had kids, I wouldn't want them having to take care of me when I'm old, Lemont. I know what you mean. I used to think that too, until I had a kid. I get a lot of joy taking care of him. Being the one he can depend on. Who am I to deny him the same joy? Taking care of me in my old age may be a great honor for him. A child is not a retirement plan. He is in a society that's not rotten to its core!
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-17 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-17 Pub. Date: 2017-01-17
Image Number: 153405
Caption: Ok … so here's what happened after Vancouver opened her door. Keep in mind, it'd been a year of longing anticipation. I'd had a year to rehearse what I would say and do once we met each other again. "I would stun her with my friendly smile, and melt her with my bedroom eyes ... I would approach her with a confident swagger and embrace her with loving arms ... I would whisper something charming she'd always remember." Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-05 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-05 Pub. Date: 2016-12-05
Image Number: 151813
Caption: What ever happened with you and Sasha? Not a thing. Two years ago. But when she wrote to you on Facebook after 14 years, you were so thrilled. Yeah. We ended up talking all day and all night for months, made plans for the future, designed matching tattoos ... but then it turned out she was married with five kids, so that was that. I heard she's now divorced and living in another state. Are you sure "that was that"? Have you ever wondered what's the best way to change a subject?
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-13 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-13 Pub. Date: 2016-11-13
Image Number: 150252
Caption: Your suggestion didn't work, Susan. Thinking about baseball should have worked. Did you do it right? What do you mean? Did you think of the boring, repetitive parts? I tried. I thought about the batter swinging the bat around in the on-deck circle … the runners going around and around the diamond ... the batters swinging and almost always missing ... but instead of distracting me, it relaxed me. It wasn't boring, Susan. It was rhythmic. Baseball is a Zen-like experience that puts you into a trance. It frees the mind and makes it easier ... not harder ... for your mind to wander where you don't want it to go ... so it didn't stop me from wondering who's going to run for president in 2020. Ok, plan B: Try doing long division in your head.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-18 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-18 Pub. Date: 2016-08-18
Image Number: 147388
Caption: Susan's out of town next week. Momma's got plans. My old boss is going to be on a fishing trip. My mailman is going to be eloping in Vegas. The corner hobo is going to be out of town at a convention. Ok, now I'm feelin' a little less honored that you asked me to watch yo' son for you. Just don't tattoo him like you did my goldfish.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-25 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-25 Pub. Date: 2016-04-25
Image Number: 142409
Caption: You have any plans today, Clyde? Nah dawg, that ain't how it go. The C-Dog dont make plans, Big L. You make a plan, you spend all day tryin' to make that plan happen. An' you fail to capitalize on the dozens of random opportunities that come outta no place ereday. Plans is for the lazy. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-14).
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-09 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-09 Pub. Date: 2016-03-09
Image Number: 140180
Caption: I demand the right to fire Dick Fink, sir. He's incompetent, he's a snake, and I'm pretty sure he's the one who put that family of skunks in my desk. I'm still not sure I buy the skunks, Garcia which reminds me, did you ever complete that course on personal hygiene? Don't change the subject. Dick Fink wants my job, sir. He's been trying to ruin me ... for years. I'm not imagining this. I know ... I sound paranoid. But that's all part of his secret plan. Take the rest of the day off, Garcia.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-24 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-24 Pub. Date: 2016-01-24
Image Number: 137727
Caption: I told my wife all about us, Jenny, and she left me. That means we can finally be together, like we wanted. All the things we dreamed about over Facebook can finally come true. We can finally take that long walk along the beach make love under the night sky on a bed of roses ... dress like big teddy bears and mud-wrestle ... All the beautiful things that we alone dared to dream are finally about to happen, Jenny. No ... this isn't Robert ... No ... this isn't Sam ... Jenny, are you joking with m -- No, this isn't Randy ...
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-13 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-13 Pub. Date: 2016-01-13
Image Number: 137665
Caption: Behold! I have a plan for you. What? Who that? I am the Lord they God. And I have a plan for you, my child. Well what is it? I was just about to get to that. Clyde, I command thee to go forth and spread I ain't got all night. Hurry up. Never mind, bruh. I lost interest. That's ok, somehow I've lost my train of thought anyway.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-20 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-20 Pub. Date: 2015-11-20
Image Number: 135317
Caption: I hope you don't mind if I don't spend this Thanksgiving with you and Clyde. That book agent I've been seeing wants to take me to Paris. Of course not. Why would I mind that we're not going to spend Thanksgiving together for the first time since we were six? Why would I mind that you're letting this perfect stranger come along and wreck our entire tradition? I don't mind at all. He is pretty perfect, now that you mention it.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-18 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-18 Pub. Date: 2015-11-18
Image Number: 135315
Caption: Whachoo gon' do for Thanksgiving, Big L? Visit momma. Lionel's almost three, and she hasn't seen him in months. She's going to be so surprised when I show up with my boy, a turkey dinner and flowers. She ain't know you comin'? What if she ain't there? Well, then me missing Thanksgiving would be HER fault ... and the only logical thing for Lionel and me to do would be to camp out at the theater and wait 'till "Star Wars" opens. I see what game you runnin' bruh. You ain't slick.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-18 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-18 Pub. Date: 2015-02-18
Image Number: 123053
Caption: What ever happened with you and Sasha? Not a thing. But when she wrote to you on Facebook after 14 years, you were so thrilled. Yeah. We ended up talking all day and all night for months, made plans for the future, designed matching tattoos But then it turned out she was married with five kids, so that was that. I heard she's now divorced and living in another sate. Are you sure "that was that"? Have you ever wondered what's the best way to change a subject?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-17 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-17 Pub. Date: 2015-02-17
Image Number: 123052
Caption: The Koch Brothers are filthy rich billionaires. They plan on spending $1 billion on the upcoming elections. I can't even afford to buy a new car, let alone a new Congress. It all makes me feel so hopeless. But then I think back to the Middle Ages. Sure there was Feudalism. But there was also jousting, and damsels, and knights. So Feudalism's not all bad. Plus, modern Feudalism is almost 92% guaranteed to not include the plague. PhD. Well, there's that.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-09 plan 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-09 Pub. Date: 2015-01-09
Image Number: 121080
Caption: I'm pretty sure my appendix just ruptured. Don't you want to call an ambulance? No, I opted for the silver Obamacare plan. That means if I call an ambulance, I won't be charged thousands of dollars for it. If that happens, I won't be able to keep saying "Obamacare's done nothing for me" with a clear conscience. Now's not the time to think about politics. Spoken just like a - ouch - ... statist.
     
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