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Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons

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Result page:     (16 images)


1. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-25 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 156369
Caption: Form 1040. Department of the Treasury. Internal Revenue Service. U.S. Individual Income Tax Return. 2016. OMB No. 1545-0074. IRS Use only - Keep your greasy fingers off this space. For the year Jan. 1 - Dec. 31, 2016 (And thank God THAT's over!). 2016 ending. 20. See separate instructions. Your Name (Phonetic Spelling). Your Name Used on Dating Service (Attach Recent Photograph). Your Social Security Number. Your gang or mob name (Ex: Louise Pepperoniface, etc) Your Travel Name (Do Not Use Mohammed). Your Other Social Security Number. Address of Your House Before Foreclosure. Crappy apt. you moved to. Bass Ale! How about a cold one right now? (adv.) City, State or Exit from Jersey Turnpike (if you have foreign address, go there and wait for instructions.) Presidential Election Campaign. Checking Here Will Not Make a Damn Bit of Difference. You. Whatshername. Instructions: Drop Dead. Except for Canada, Canada still OK. Eh? Filing Status. Or Fling Status. (It is later than you think.) 1. Single (in the Republican sense of the word). 2. Married Filing Jointly (include all arguments). 3. Married Filing Separately (include sex of partner if you remember). 4. Head of Household (are you the person who sits with head in hands and wonders how you are going to feed all these mistakes, er dependents?) Enter names of dependents. Write small. 5. Qualifying widower. Enter golf handicap. Exemptions. See Publication EXX "Exemption to Exemptions to Exemptions". If more than four exemptions, or if some exemptions have four legs check here. 6a. Yourself. (That's right, you, stupid. If you are not yourself, who did you claim to be?). b. Spouse (or anyone who thinks they should be) (That's a funny word. "spouse") c. Dependents: 1 First name. Nom de plume or AKAs. Phonetic Social Security Number. Last known address? Does this dependent follow instructions? (See instructions). Boxes checked. No. of children who had live-in girlfriends/boyfriends. Had their divorced spouses living with you. You asked to leave but they had no place to go. Add numbers on lines above. (OK to use fingers). d. Total number of exemptions claimed (Round up to nearest 3/5's). Income. Attach forms here. Attach a couple of Andy J's while you're at it, to speed processing. Your ad here! Read by millions! Contact IRS Media. Helpful Hint. We are not going to give you any helpful hints. 7 Wages, salaries, tips, bottle deposits, bribes, free lunches, coins found in couch cushions. 8a Taxable interest. Attach Schedule B. If you don't understand, go to plan B. b. Tax-exempt interest. Much more interesting, isn't it? 9a Ordinary dividends. Nothing special, just Joe the Dividend. b Qualified dividends. Big Whoop. Trump's Rich Friends. 10. Taxable Refunds. Bank error in your favor. Pass GO, collect 200. 11. Alimony received (if that bum ever paid up). 12. Business Income or (loss). Use Schedule EZ come, EZ go. 13. Capital gain of (loss). Include your share of the national debt. 14. Other gains or (losses). Check box if you are just making stuff up. 15a. IRA distributions. b. Amount you had with Lehman. 16a. Pensions and annuities. b Amount with State of Illinois. 17. Rental real estate, royalties, partnerships (Use Schedule X to report missing partner). 18. Farm Income or (loss), Attach Schedule F (Do not include the funny farm). 19. Unemployment compensation (Amazing isn't it? You get taxed on this, too). 20a. Social Security benefits b. Taxable amount. 21. Other Income. (Bake sales, washing cars, baby-sitting, bingo games, don't hide anything). 22. This is your total income. Unless you are General Electric. If so write zero. Adjusted Gross Income. Remember you can file this form electronically, using your computer, and really mess things up. 23 Educator expenses (Spankings, noogies, butt-kicking). 24 Certain business expenses that you as a mere nobody have no business knowing about. Just keep moving. 25 Health savings account deduction. (May make you sick.) 26 Moving expenses. (See instructions). 27 Instruction tax. 28 Self-employment tax. 29 Self-enjoyment tax. 30 Penalty for early withdrawal (One-half of self-enjoyment tax). 31a Alimony paid. Rat out spouse's SSAN. 32 USSR tax (Useless Social Security Recipients). 33 Student loan interest (Do not include English majors). 34 Lack of interest in being a student. 35. Add up lines one to a million, divide by twice the total sum of your weight in Chinese running shoes. If greater than one-half of total something, go forth and multiply. 36. This is your adjusted gross income (Adjusted? We mean disgusted.) Now we can go to page two, tra-la. Last thought: Any money or thing of worth laying around? Better send it in. Just in case. Hey, you never know. Cat. No. 11320B. Form 1040 (2016).
     
2. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-11 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-11 Pub. Date: 2017-03-11
Image Number: 155631
Caption: Naked Lady Marines Meet the Enemy. Scares away ISIS … Me!
     
3. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-01-07 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-01-07 Pub. Date: 2017-01-07
Image Number: 153269
Caption: Shot with My iPhone8.
     
4. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-11-10 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-11-10 Pub. Date: 2015-11-10
Image Number: 135166
Caption: Selfies.
     
5. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-10-22 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-10-22 Pub. Date: 2015-10-22
Image Number: 134323
Caption: Mr. Assad Visits Mr. Putin With Some Pictures from Back Home.
     
6. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-04-22 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-04-22 Pub. Date: 2015-04-22
Image Number: 126764
Caption: All is Forgiven in New York City. A-Rod Back in the Stadium, Anthony Weiner Back on the TV. A-Rod. You want mustard on that? Anthony's Weinters as seen on the TV!
     
7. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-04-07 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-04-07 Pub. Date: 2014-04-07
Image Number: 109987
Caption: Baseball Selfies. Here I am arriving safely at first after a game-changing line drive. Here I am making an unbelievable catch, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. Here I am making an incredible call reflecting a quick eye and flawless judgment.
     
8. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-02-12 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-02-12 Pub. Date: 2014-02-12
Image Number: 107616
Caption: Rand Paul's Other Job. Psst Feelthy peectures? M. Metro.
     
9. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2014-01-22 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2014-01-22 Pub. Date: 2014-01-22
Image Number: 106721
Caption: UN Members See Horrific Photos Smuggled Out of Syria. These pictures prove that Assad used torture and murder! What? We can no longer say we didn't know about war crimes. This is serious. Look! Please! I'm eating.
     
10. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-06-12 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-06-12 Pub. Date: 2013-06-12
Image Number: 98135
Caption: Orwell 1984 (crossed out) 2013. I thought I was writing fiction 1984. Winston Smith Auloises.
     
11. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-06-10 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-06-10 Pub. Date: 2013-06-10
Image Number: 98110
Caption: Listening In to America. So I'm like whaddya mean he goes like whaddyameant whaddyameant, so I'm like, you know, and he's like no, I mean, what are you sayin'? So I go, like, lissen, I'm just sayin', you know? So, he's like yeah ok, so then he goes, ok, like, I mean yeah, and he's like ok, so let's get together, and I'm like, whaddyamean together? So he goes let's keep it like just us, so then I go you mean like um, you know, a secret? And he goes, yeah ... Hah? Hah? Hear that? Secrets! CIA.
     
12. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2013-06-09 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2013-06-09 Pub. Date: 2013-06-09
Image Number: 98095
Caption: USPS. A Message from the Post Office. If you send an email or make a phone call, the government knows it. The CIA knows it. The NSA knows it. The Department of Defense knows it. The FBI knows it. They share the information with other government agencies ... Even Federal Express and DHL and UPS keep records of where their letters are sent. On the other hand ... ... If you send a first class letter ... Nobody knows anything. You can keep it or copy it or destroy it yourself. In complete privacy. So ... That'll be forty-six cents, please.
     
13. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-09-18 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-09-18 Pub. Date: 2012-09-18
Image Number: 87679
Caption: Naughty Magazines Smuggled into the UK form France and Italy. Well, I don't know wot anyone expects, Christ, the French, and the Eye-talians! Completely degenerate. Not like us. Oooh Stop hoggin' that repulsive disgusting publication. Say no more. I blame the government. Oi! Closer. So that's Wills there, issit? On the right? Can we have a look back here? I wonder wot my mum would say ... No you can't! My god! We have to protect women from yourselfs!
     
14. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-08-16 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-08-16 Pub. Date: 2012-08-16
Image Number: 86582
Caption: Voting in Pennsylvania. Why do we have to show photo identification? Dammit! We're Republicans! Notice. Voters must show photo I.D.
     
15. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2012-02-26 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2012-02-26 Pub. Date: 2012-02-26
Image Number: 77024
Caption: Rupert Murdoch Taking Personal Charge of the New Sunday Sun. 'At's right, dear, cover your norks a bit After all, it is Sunday Lord, do I have to think of everything? Make up.
     
16. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2011-03-30 photograph 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2011-03-30 Pub. Date: 2011-03-30
Image Number: 59240
Caption: Photo op. Tea Party. Do it! Do it! Govt. shut down. Yes! Do it!
     
Result page:     (16 images)