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Candorville

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Result page:     (19 images)


1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-20 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-20 Pub. Date: 2017-10-20
Image Number: 163906
Caption: We're not done mourning the last mass shooting, so it's inappropriate to talk about gun control. It's too soon. Seriously? We're averaging almost one mass shooting per day. When exactly will it be appropriate to talk about it? I believe there's and opening between 11:58pm and 11:58 and 22 seconds.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-16 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-16 Pub. Date: 2017-10-16
Image Number: 163902
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? In just the first 75 days of the year, we had 273 mass shootings. That's almost one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-31 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-31 Pub. Date: 2016-07-31
Image Number: 145874
Caption: Hello, Mr. Dogg. My hingoa is "Richie." I am calling from illustrious Tonga Tech Alumni Association. You achieved your degree at our online university. Got my doctorate, fool. Get it right. We would like for to extend to you the invitation to now pursue your double doctorate. For a low low price of only $150 U.S. dollars per day you can take your Tonga Tech educationals to the ultimate level in only six weeks. Whatchyall got in your extra-doctorate program, bruh? C-Dog time is valuable. I ain't got six weeks for you, not unless your curriculum is bangin'. We've got very many programs of some sort that will allow you to call yourself "Double Doctor." ... such as a doctorate in real estate management, taught by cardboard cutout of Donald Trump. Lemme think about it. "Double Doctor Dogg" got a ring to it.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-08 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-08 Pub. Date: 2016-07-08
Image Number: 145506
Caption: … so then they offered me a raise. But it wasn't as much of a raise as I deserved. That's when I reminded them I've personally brought in 72% of our major clients … and that most of those clients have asked to work only with me … so they added $50k per year to their offer. I found a $20 bill in my couch the other day.
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-23 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-23 Pub. Date: 2015-10-23
Image Number: 133802
Caption: We're not done mourning the last mass shooting, so it's inappropriate to talk about gun control. It's too soon. Time. Seriously, we're averaging more than one mass shooting per day. When exactly will it be appropriate to talk about it? I believe there's an opening between 11:58pm and 11:58pm ad 22 seconds.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-19 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-19 Pub. Date: 2015-10-19
Image Number: 133798
Caption: Do you have any idea how many mass shootings we've had in America this year? According to the Washington Post, in just the first 274 days of the year, we had 294 mass shootings. That's more than one per day. There are more mass shootings than there are days in the baseball season. You know what that means, don't you? It mean mass shootings is America new national pastime. Stop stealing my lines.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-23 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-23 Pub. Date: 2015-06-23
Image Number: 128672
Caption: Hobbler Day Care. Saul Crusher speaking. Yeah, I'm Lemont Brown. Lionel's dad … Yeah, two-year-old Lionel. He told me you said he was "bad" because he didn't want to go to sleep at nap time. When you tell a kid so early in his life that he's "bad," it affects how he sees himself. I don't pay you $500 per week to ruin my baby boy's self-esteem. When I say "you're a bad caregiver," how does that feel? Imagine if you were only two. Do not lean on door.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-18 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-18 Pub. Date: 2015-06-18
Image Number: 128379
Caption: How's your son, Lemont? He's great! "He's great"? That's it? I just don't want to be one of those dads who's always going on and on and on about his kid. I don't want people to get sick of hearing about him. That's why I try never to post more than 1 photo of him on Facebook per hour. That's thoughtful.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-29 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-29 Pub. Date: 2015-03-29
Image Number: 124250
Caption: I saw this video brothas be postin' on Facebook. It show three country brothas sittin' on they porch. The first brotha ask the other two, "If you goin' 80 miles per hour, how long does it take you to go 80 miles?" Them other two grown-#*$ men sit there an' think real hard about it. One of them sure it'd take eight hours. The other one more optimistic. He say it might take six. Then eight-hour brotha say he want the formula so he can get his calculations right. Do the question for you is, given all them variables, how long would it take three brothas to decide to make us all look bad on Facebook? Probably less than eight hours.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-14 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-14 Pub. Date: 2014-09-14
Image Number: 115705
Caption: This morning while I was having a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, I bit myself three times. Science is a total fraud, Susan. Huh? In the entire history of mankind, how many times have people bitten themselves on the inside of their cheek while they were eating? Probably more times than there are grains of sand on earth.. But when I googled it this morning, how many results showed up for the phrase "total cheek bites, average daily cheek bites per capita, and rate of correlation between cheek bites and fatal infections"? Zero. But when I googled "health benefits of peanut butter," guess how many results turned up? ... That's right, millions. Scientists are in the pocket of big peanut. who eats peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast?
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-23 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-23 Pub. Date: 2014-06-23
Image Number: 112911
Caption: Ever since Newton, we've averaged one school shooting per week. So? Do you know how many kids perish in other ways every week? You don’t see liberals talking about banning cars, light sockets, household cleaners, medicines, fire, swimming pools or flossing. Flossing? Some kids just don't know when to quit.
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-30 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-30 Pub. Date: 2014-04-30
Image Number: 110711
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown: Scientists have discovered that gigantic asteroids strike the Earth much more often than we'd thought. Since 2001, 26 have struck the Earth, each exploding with the power of SEVERAL NUCLEAR BOMBS. Were you aware that your normal renters' insurance does not cover asteroid strikes? Sign here to add asteroid coverage to your policy for just $10 more per month. Mick E. Mouse.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-31 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-31 Pub. Date: 2012-01-31
Image Number: 75825
Caption: How many words per minute can you type? About 90. Jobville Employment Agency. Very good! (Smiley face.) How are you with Microsoft Excel, Java, C++, Python and Objective-C? (Dead smiley face.) How about PDF to ePub conversion? Now you're just making things up!
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-08 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-08 Pub. Date: 2011-10-08
Image Number: 66216
Caption: How exactly would a tax increase on the top 2% kill jobs? It's simple ... Say I own a company with fifty employees and I see a profit of $10 million per year. Say Obama raises my taxes to 50%, and I have to scrape by on only $5 million per year. Are you following so far? Not really. Naturally, I'd lose incentive to work, fire everyone, and hibernate in suspended animation till taxes are low again.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-26 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-26 Pub. Date: 2011-06-26
Image Number: 62378
Caption: You've reached Slummlerd Apartments. How may we hinder you? I'm Lemont Brown, apartment 38. Last week you raised my rent another $40. Today, I got a notice you're charging me a $195 "rental assessment fee." The city charges us an annual fee to assess how much we're allowed to raise your rent. They let us pass the assessment fee on to you. I"m already paying you $1,350! $1,390 this month, if you include the assessment fee. So instead of helping us out in these tough times, you're nickel-and-diming tenants who already pay you thousands per month. Do you know how insulting that is? Are you asking me to assess the situation? NO! NEVER MIND.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-01-09 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-01-09 Pub. Date: 2011-01-09
Image Number: 55837
Caption: I'm sorry, sir, you have to pay at the increased rate. Listen, I signed up for your "all the best" package last year, but then to get the SYFY Channel, I had to sign up for an extra "tier" of service at $5 more per month. That's correct, sir, and we thank you for your gullib ... um ... loyalty. But a rate increase is a rate increase. "All the Best" should mean all the best! Sir, your basic lineup did include all the best. It even included the Sewing Channel. Are you aware I can cancel my cable and get most of what I watch, for much less, from Netflix and online? Or I can start reading books. Now we know you're bluffing.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-07-31 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-07-31 Pub. Date: 2010-07-31
Image Number: 50004
Caption: Beep. Hello, boy. This is your long-lost father. Words can't express how sorry I am that I never called or wrote to you your whole life. I realize now how much I've lost. Please call me back, Son … … And press "1" when asked if you would like to sign up for Feudalbanc Massacard credit protection at only $14.95 per month.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-04-05 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-04-05 Pub. Date: 2010-04-05
Image Number: 45958
Caption: The Candorville Chronicle. Perry White meets with an ACME syndicate salesman. Sorry, we already have a political satirist. Sage Blithely is local! He's funny! Insightful! Relevant! Has his finger on the pulse of our community! … And you pay him $150 grand per year. We can give you a weekly humor column by North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il for $5. An nyoung ha seh ho. You speak Korean? For $150 grand, I'll speak Klingon.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2005-08-31 per 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2005-08-31 Pub. Date: 2005-08-31
Image Number: 11430
Caption: It's a good fit, Reverend Wilfred, You're a man of God. We're the party of God. If we increase our majority in Congress next hear, we can give you half a million tax-payer dollars per year to do with what you want, and all you have to do is remember where it came from......
     
Result page:     (19 images)