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Rudy Park

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-18 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-18 Pub. Date: 2017-10-18
Image Number: 163917
Caption: I can watch tv anywhere I bet that blows your mind. Why's that, loser? Tap tap tap tap. Because in your day, a televisions was a 5-ton steam-powered machine. You had to crank a handle to make it run … and "running" meant a curtain would open and two old-timey people in the box would act out a silent tv show. Wait ... are you trying to insult me ... or are you getting your history from Youtube again? "Buck-Naked Historian" has 5 million subscribers, so it must be accurate.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-12 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-12 Pub. Date: 2017-10-12
Image Number: 163643
Caption: All right, you may tell me about your internet startup idea. It's revolutionary. You know how the only way to tell if you stink is to sniff your armpit? Continue … and you know how embarrassing it is when people you know catch you sniffing your own armpit? Continue ... and you know how apps like "Uber" let you summon total strangers to drive by and provide you a service? Stop right there.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-02 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-02 Pub. Date: 2017-10-02
Image Number: 163382
Caption: Breaking news! But first, parents may wish to have their children leave the room. Children all gone? Ok, here's the breaking news … This just in: I have to advice parents to have their kids leave the room before I can report on what the president said. Breaking news!!!!! Someone's have a breakdown. That's not normal, people!!!
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-24 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-24 Pub. Date: 2017-09-24
Image Number: 162444
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Groupeé? You can call me "Booster." Dr. Noodle. Hey, who was that who just left your office? Was that that historian I saw on TV? Herodotus Jenkins? I can't say. He's the best. He come here this time every week? I can't say. And who's that out in the waiting room? Is that Brock Manly of "Fast & Furious 12" fame? I can't say. What brings you here? I heard you treat all the famous people. I just thought it might be nice to know the rich and famous are as messed up as me. This is a space for discussing you, not other people. I hear you, I hear you. What'd Brock Manly say when you told him that?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-13 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-13 Pub. Date: 2017-09-13
Image Number: 162611
Caption: I've never had a real date, because they always refuse to sign the Dutch contract. "The Dutch Contract"? Most relationships fail because of money. Because one party starts to see the other party as a piggy bank. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask prospective dates to sear under oath that they'll always go Dutch on everything. Maybe it's the title people object to. A lot of conservatives can't stand anything that sounds European. Yeah. That must be it.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-09-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-09-01 Pub. Date: 2017-09-01
Image Number: 162103
Caption: Why do you keep asking people if they've ever sued anyone for libel? Well, someone libeled me. I'm a Starfleet captain in "Star Trek Online." Someone playing a Ferengi merchant had that Ferengi call my captain "incompetent." right in front of my whole crew. My whole crew quit. My captain went into a downward shame-spiral. He started drinking, stopped shaving, and now he's captaining a garbage scow out of Sherman's planet. Suing a fake person's real person for defaming a real person's fake person. You just might make legal history. My captain hired a lawyer, but I'm not sure the lawyer is being played by a lawyer.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-29 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-29 Pub. Date: 2017-08-29
Image Number: 162100
Caption: Hey boss, have you ever sued someone for slander or libel? Of course I have, minion. Many times. In fact, what day is it? Is it Tuesday? I usually reserve Tuesdays for suing people who leave bad Yelp reviews of my café. Or is it Wednesday? On Wednesdays, I like to stand on the corner and mutter "big toe" over and over again to crowds and then sue anyone who calls me "crazy". Or is today Thursday? I have a lawyer on retainer, and I like to get my money's worth. Plus, everyone needs a hobby. That's crazy! ... Cool. "Crazy-cool," I mean.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-22 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-22 Pub. Date: 2017-08-22
Image Number: 161807
Caption: Charlottesville changed everything, Randy. How so, little buddy? It's totally changed how I argue with people online. For the last few years, insults like "beta" and "cuck" and "SJW" and "virtue-signaller" were trending, so I used them all the time. But I just read that racists just like those who rallied in Charlottesville are the ones who invented those terms to control discourse and make opposing bigotry seem lame. It's going to be a lot harder to win debates without making cogent arguments if I can't use those terms anymore. We all have to make sacrifices.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-14 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-14 Pub. Date: 2017-08-14
Image Number: 161543
Caption: If there were one place on earth you'd never visit, where would that be, Randy? Easy: That would be McMurdo Station, Antarctica, little buddy. Nothing encourages hot snuggling more than being marooned in an icy wasteland. That would be a total waste of my skills of seduction. No challenge. I'd never visit the Mariana Trench. People don't live anywhere near there, and it's the deepest spot in the ocean ... so there'd be no wifi and not even satellite internet could reach it. We should have our own travel show.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-13 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-13 Pub. Date: 2017-08-13
Image Number: 160983
Caption: What was it you wanted to talk about, minion? There's a guy from Immigration and Customs Enforcement out front, boss. Oh, that. ICE said someone would stop by to thank me for tipping them off to all the illegals who were hanging out at Muhammad's Bean Pie Shack. What? Why would you do that? Because I'm a patriot. In times like this, every patriot must do his duty. If we have good reason to suspect a bean pie shack is a gathering place for people who shouldn't be here, it's our solemn duty to report it, so it'll get shut down. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with how you've been looking for ways to boost our bean pie sales, would it? Coincidence. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, minion. Oh, and go tell ICE I have another tip for them. Very bad man.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-10 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161300
Caption: I just read an article at Candorville.com that shows Americans are less likely than other people to travel to another country. Tap tap tap tap tap. Clearly they're talking about the younger generations. In my day, we were well-traveled. Many of us visited France, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Italy, the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, Germany, the Philippines, Japan, the Solomon Islands, Palau Islands, China, Korea, Formosa, Egypt, Vietnam, Lebanon, Cuba, Thailand, Cambodia ... I think the article means travel for non-military reasons. What's the difference?! Travel is travel!
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-08-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-08-01 Pub. Date: 2017-08-01
Image Number: 161037
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-24 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-24 Pub. Date: 2017-07-24
Image Number: 160763
Caption: All you young people keep whining about the country being "divided." You don't know what "divided" is. Grandmother Cohen was a general in the Union army. Her sister was a Confederate general. They didn't let women fight in the Civil War. Of course not. But as luck would have it, Great Grandmother Cohen was the best fake-beard-maker in the land. Nobody ever dared ask "Stonewall Jackson" why "he" often wore his hair in a bun. The history books always leave out the best parts.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-07-16 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-07-16 Pub. Date: 2017-07-16
Image Number: 159829
Caption: Remember how you advised me to get a dangerous hobby to build up my self-esteem and impress people? Well, all the dangerous hobbies were already taken. You wrestle alligators … Armstrong skis down a pile of his money … Without a helmet. Even that ancient hag Sadie has a dangerous hobby. Every year, in violation of both common sense and local fire safety ordinances, the old lady lights all the candles on her birthday cake. I heard that!!! Fun fact: The 20th century was one of the most brutal in history. I witnessed most of it. And I took notes!! I've taken up "Sadie-taunting." You'd be better off with the alligators.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-13 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-13 Pub. Date: 2017-06-13
Image Number: 159164
Caption: People see me as a heartless, miserly man whose pursuit of money leaves him with no room for personal relationships. It's taken me a long time to cultivate that image, Randy. But sometimes, when I'm home alone in the cold of the night, I long to feel a warm, comforting body beside me. That's why I've started warming my life-size doll made of $20 bills in the microwave. Is that weird? To each his own.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-06-03 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-06-03 Pub. Date: 2017-06-03
Image Number: 158617
Caption: Vancouver, you're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Would you people please stop saying you're "moving to Canada"? We Canadians pride ourselves on not being the United States. We can't keep doing that if half the United States moves up here. That's it ... We're coming next Tuesday. We'll be moving in right next door to you and playing loud music at all hours. If you think America will abide being told what to do, you don't understand America. If you move to Canada, Canada's moving to the North Pole.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-15 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-15 Pub. Date: 2017-05-15
Image Number: 158088
Caption: I heard oil companies just discovered huge reservoirs of oil way under the ground, all around our town. But they can't get at it because President Obama declared the whole region a national monument before he left. Why would he do that? Doesn't he know we use oil to make plastic, and that my Playstation is totally made of plastic? What happens of I ever need to buy a fourth Playstation 4? He's endangering my supply just to save a bunch of trees and mountains and waterfalls and endangered bearicorns. Until recently, people thought the bearicorn was a myth, and ... wait, you have three Playstations?
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-11 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-11 Pub. Date: 2017-05-11
Image Number: 157822
Caption: One of the worst things about dementia is that it's hard to treat, because it makes people uncomfortable to even speculate someone has it. Even if that person shows clear signs of paranoia, delusions of grandeur, the forgetting of facts, irritability, destructive behavior, inappropriate sexual behavior ... such as grabbing other people's whatsits without even waiting ... I'm not talking about anyone in particular. Good, because that would make me awfully uncomfortable.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-10 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-10 Pub. Date: 2017-05-10
Image Number: 157821
Caption: President Trump raised a good point: "Why was there a civil war anyway?" Slavery. Yes, but why couldn't Lincoln have just sat down with the slave states and made a bigly tremendous deal? Problem solved. What are you babbling about? What sort of "deal" would the south have accepted other than "you get to keep enslaving people"? What if Lincoln had told them they could keep their slavery as long as it was voluntary? The loser never even tried that. You are deliberately pushing my buttons!
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-08 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-08 Pub. Date: 2017-05-08
Image Number: 157819
Caption: How's it going in there, little buddy? You've got twelve people out here waiting to use the loo. Of course I do. How come nobody ever has to use the bathroom until I'm in it? I'm in here for five minutes, and all of a sudden the whole country has to go. You've been in there for almost an hour. They can wait!!!
     
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