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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-27 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-27 Pub. Date: 2020-01-27
Image Number: 181480
Caption: That the last time I go to see a movie with you, Big L. How you gonna watch Bad Boys for Life an' stay quiet the whole !@#$ time? How you not gonna yell Watch out for that thing! even once, bruh? How you not gonna get up an' high-five people an what-not? You got no joy in you at all. Sorry my polite behavior embarrassed you. Too little too late.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-26 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-26 Pub. Date: 2020-01-26
Image Number: 181363
Caption: The other day, my boy asked me if we could paint our toenails green. I said Sure, why not? without even thinking twice about it, and I painted his nails. Later that night, it occurred to me that in my day, that would've been unheard of, if I'd asked my pop to paint my toenails, he'd have accused me of being gay. And then it occurred to me, even the notion that it's an accusation is ancient history now. If someone said my boy was gay, I'd be like Ok. And? And then it occurred to me, there are millions of people in this country who still can't say And then it occurred to them, because they're all still stuck in the past. So did you paint your nails green too? @#$% no.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-25 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-25 Pub. Date: 2020-01-25
Image Number: 181369
Caption: Are you sure you want to watch the premiere episode of Star Trek: Picard again? You've already seen it 24 times in the past 24 hours. Perhaps you should go for a walk, feel the warm breeze, bask in the sun … talk to other people … or maybe just take a shower ... never should've bought a smart tv. Remaining sedentary can cause high blood pressure, deep vein thrombosis, death ...
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-24 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-24 Pub. Date: 2020-01-24
Image Number: 181368
Caption: Are you sure you want to watch the premiere episode of Star Trek: Picard again? You've already seen it 24 times in the past 24 hours. Perhaps you should go for a walk, feel the warm breeze, bask in the sun … talk to other people … or maybe just take a shower ... never should've bought a smart tv. Remaining sedentary can cause high blood pressure, deep vein thrombosis, death ...
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-23 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-23 Pub. Date: 2020-01-23
Image Number: 181367
Caption: Bottom line, Brown: We want you back. How would Deputy Editor of the Opinion Sports Politics Business Calendar Section sound? Say what? The Candorville Chronicle. It's nothing … we've laid off a few people consolidated a few sections … Here's the exciting part: We would pay you very generously in stock options from my nephew's lemonade stand startup.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-22 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-22 Pub. Date: 2020-01-22
Image Number: 181366
Caption: Yesterday, someone asked me if I wanted to Go for a ride, and I told her it's more accurate to say Go on a ride. Dr. Noodle. I told her On a ride is passive, for use when someone else is giving you the ride. But later, I looked it up and couldn't find such a rule. Am I one of those people who confuse their own personal preferences for rules? I can't stand people like that. I'm pretty sure it's Take a ride. That's only used when you want the ride to sound mysterious.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-21 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-21 Pub. Date: 2020-01-21
Image Number: 181365
Caption: … then he cried What happens now? So I opened the trunk, leaned over him, and said The ball's in your court. Pardon me, I couldn't help overhearing. The ball's in your court makes no sense. People don't play on separate courts. They play on the same court. How would you like to go for a ride? On a ride would be more accurate.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-19 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-19 Pub. Date: 2020-01-19
Image Number: 181257
Caption: My 3-year-old asked me how many dimensions we live in. Can you believe that, Clyde? Believe what? What I just said. You wasn't listening neither? Of course I was. I don't know, bruh. If I been listening to somethin', I don't need to ask people 'bout it later. No, What I just said was an answer. I don't know. What did you just say was an answer? That's ... sigh ... Let me start over. My little boy asked if we live in three dimensions. I said We live in three special dimensions, but there's a fourth dimension we live in called time. The fourth dimension called time what? They don't get along? At what point in the fourth dimension did you decide to just mess with me?
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-18 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-18 Pub. Date: 2020-01-18
Image Number: 181263
Caption: Today's Alpha-lesson is Become a vapor. Wherever you are, be it a broom closet or a baseball stadium, carry yourself as if your body fills the entire place. Greet people with your arms out wide. Have a wide stance. A booming laugh. A wide-open smile. Becoming a vapor is the best most legal way to mark your territory.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-04 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-04 Pub. Date: 2020-01-04
Image Number: 181020
Caption: I'm convinces that critics don't know anything and people are petty. What? Why? Most critics hated The Rise of Skywalker. And dozens of Youtubers were bashing it. But it was amazing! So I spent all night checking these people's past comments, and found that most of them loved The Last Jedi. Which means they're probably just butthurt that the new movie reversed a lot of the stuff the last movie did wrong.. That certainly wasn't petty of you. Tonight I'm going to post comments under all of them exposing their bias.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-30 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-30 Pub. Date: 2019-12-30
Image Number: 181015
Caption: Can you believe it's almost the twenties, Clyde? So? So … 100 years later, it's like we've come full circle. Take the stock market … It's soaring. It just keeps going up and up and up. A lot of people have their whole life savings in it. So what? Never mind. This could get depressing. Let's talk about flappers. Was that like Twitters?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-24 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-24 Pub. Date: 2019-12-24
Image Number: 180955
Caption: Have you noticed how divided the people have become, Tyrone? No. I have not. For I have so declared that those who do not share my opinions, my upbringing and my fate are not, in fact, people. They are abominations to be either ignored or vanquished. I disagree. You're lucky I'm not in the vanquishing mood, fiend.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-21 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-21 Pub. Date: 2019-12-21
Image Number: 180860
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. Yeah, how come you haven't said Merry Christmas yet? Oh, that's because I was hoping to provoke everyone who's upset about the so-called War on Christmas to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don't think Christmas is just another chance to play victim can open their gifts in peace. You're welcome, America. Why haven't you played Jingle Bells yet?
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-15 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-15 Pub. Date: 2019-12-15
Image Number: 180764
Caption: I've decided to become a whistleblower. It's the latest thing. I'll report on how the boss called his coffee bean supplier in Ukraine and tried to extort them into announcing that out main competitor, Coffee King, is corrupt. He wanted them to lie and say Coffee King bought radioactive coffee beans from Chernobyl. My whistleblower report will be all over the news. It'll prompt an investigation. Naturally. At which point, the boss's cronies on the city council will deflect attention by demanding to know my identity. I'll finally be famous! So? Nobody would even know your name. That's perfect. We famous people value our privacy.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-09 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-09 Pub. Date: 2019-12-09
Image Number: 180765
Caption: Remember that argument we had a couple weeks ago, Lemont? Well … I forgive you. Forgiveness is a great thing. But do you ever get the feeling some people use I forgive you as a torpedo? It's the ultimate sneaky weapon. It can appear magnanimous while at the same time being very condescending. Bless your heart. See?! You're doing it again!!
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-08 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-08 Pub. Date: 2019-12-08
Image Number: 180640
Caption: Last week, a drunk driver almost ran me off the road. Dr. Noodle. So I tweeted Drunk drivers are the worst. Some guy replied What about violent criminals? He wrote They kill people and take their stuff on purpose. Why are you minimizing violent crime? I replied This is stupid. Then someone else replied that I'm heartless for writing that Caring about violent crime is stupid. I replied with That's not what I said! Have you considered that social media is a waste of time? Someone else replied He's denying it. That's proof he know he got caught.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-01 Pub. Date: 2019-12-01
Image Number: 180584
Caption: I saw that article you wrote about how California should do a public takeover of that PG&E utility company … just because they seem to keep starting massive wildfires. And to stop that they keep turning off power for millions of people. Yeah. The state's publicly-owned utilities like SMUD and Silicon Valley Power don't seem to get themselves into these predicaments. Maybe that's because they don't spend their money on lobbyists, fancy dinners, huge salaries, or dividend payments. Yeah, but Venezuela. Um ... What? That's the universally recognized trump card for any conversation. So declared by the International Association of Weaselly Arguments. I don't recognize their authority. Venezuela.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-25 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-25 Pub. Date: 2019-11-25
Image Number: 180571
Caption: I can't stand it when black people whine about so-called racism. We live in a country where hundreds of thousands of white people died in a civil war to end slavery. How could people still think racism is a big part of this country in light of that history? Well, first of all ... didn't 260,000 of those Americans die trying to keep slavery? Ancient history. Has nothing to do with anything.
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-21 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-21 Pub. Date: 2019-11-21
Image Number: 180467
Caption: The next election may be the last election. Russia hacked election systems in all fifty states last time. All signs point to that being just a trial run. And since one of our parties has spent the last couple decades suppressing votes, half the country has been trained not to care whether elections are fair. I think all votes should count, when they're cast by the right people. I heard that.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-20 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-20 Pub. Date: 2019-11-20
Image Number: 180466
Caption: I think everything went wrong when people decided not to care about the Iran-Contra thing. That's when we decided presidents could do whatever they want and get away with it. Our Democracy has been circling the drain of authoritarianism for the last 32 years. What we're witnessing now is just the big flush. It's a new metaphor I'm trying out. You should keep working on that.
     
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