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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about parenthood .

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1. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-01 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-01 Pub. Date: 2018-09-01
Image Number: 173793
Caption: Do you think it's weird I keep everything my son has ever made? What we talkin' 'bout keepin', bruh? Well … I have everything he's ever drawn. Normal. I have a tiny bag with the clipping from his first haircut. Normal. I have a tinier bag with his first booger. Lemme borrow your phone right quick so I can block you on Facebook.
     
2. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-24 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-24 Pub. Date: 2018-05-24
Image Number: 171761
Caption: You know what I like best about being a dad? When my little boy curls up in my lap and falls asleep. I hold him tight and know he feels war and safe, and I feel like I can protect him from anything. Even from time. Because as long as he lives, he'll be able to close his eyes and remember this feeling and be two years old again ... hopefully without the wetting himself part. It's important to know when you stop talking.
     
3. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-22 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-22 Pub. Date: 2018-05-22
Image Number: 171759
Caption: Son, daddy needs to go night-night. Want to help me go night-night? Ok, I'll help you. Thank you. If you climb under your covers and stay very very still and very very quiet … it'll make me go to sleep, like magic. Only you can do that for daddy, Lionel. That makes you important. I can't help you. If I do, you'll never learn to thleep on your own. If you need daddy, he'll be over here curled up in the fetal position.
     
4. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-15 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-15 Pub. Date: 2018-04-15
Image Number: 170118
Caption: See all these millions of people, son? Anything they've earned, you can earn too. Anything they've built, you can build too. Anything they've inherited … anything they've earned, you can earn too. Daddy? Why you always not finishing sentences?
     
5. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-10 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-10 Pub. Date: 2018-04-10
Image Number: 170410
Caption: You know why I don't own a gun, Susan? I have a kid. And kids die from accidental gunshots about once every other day. I could live with it if someone else hurt my Lionel. But I could never live with it if I'm the one who hurt him. But I've got buckets of self-defense rocks beneath all our furniture. Dio mio. When I caught Lionel juggling them, I knew I'd made the right decision.
     
6. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-17 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-17 Pub. Date: 2018-03-17
Image Number: 169398
Caption: Whachoomean little man with his momma? I thought you had full custody. An' I thought you said she an evil vampire. Lionel's been asking to visit his mom for a while now. I don't want to deny him that, even if the court says I can. Besides, people are different things to different people. Just 'cause she's evil toward me, that doesn't mean she's evil toward him. Didn't you say she once tried to have you assassinated? That was just a misunderstanding.
     
7. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-14 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-14 Pub. Date: 2018-02-14
Image Number: 168415
Caption: Daddy? Can I thee Bwack Panthew? No, son, you can't see Black Panther. There'll be lots of people doing not-nice things in that movie. I don't want you seeing all that fighting. But ith onwy make-beweave fighting, not weaw fighting. Do you need me to ecthpwain the diffwenth? No, son, I don't need you to explain the difference. Are you thure? You theem to.
     
8. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-10 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-10 Pub. Date: 2018-02-10
Image Number: 168185
Caption: Can Lionel come to my house and play? No. Why not, Lemont? First of all, it's Mister Brown to you. Second of all, it's 'cause last time he did, he came home calling me Lemont. What have your parents taught you about respecting your elders, Malcolm? That's Mister Malcolm to you, Lemont.
     
9. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-09 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-09 Pub. Date: 2018-02-09
Image Number: 168184
Caption: Daddy, why did the moon go away? Well, it's simple, son. You know about the sun? Uh huh. And the earth? Uh huh. Just as earth orbits the sun, the moon orbits the earth. When it's on our side of the planet, we can see it, but when it dips below the horizon, or when there's a total lunar eclipse or cloud cover, we can't. The moon's sleeping. Oh.
     
10. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-07 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-07 Pub. Date: 2018-02-07
Image Number: 168182
Caption: Have you ever lost time, Susan? Sure. Everyone zones out sometimes. Cool, cool. But hey, have you ever, like, dropped your kid off at preschool, gone home, sat on the couch, and then after what feels like just five minutes, your alarm goes off telling you six hours have passed and it's time to go pick him up already? That's the kind of lost time I'm talking about. Reason number 398 why I'll never have children. I'm pretty sure I was abducted by aliens yesterday, is what I'm saying.
     
11. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-18 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-18 Pub. Date: 2017-10-18
Image Number: 163904
Caption: Sometimes I think "baby brain" is a real thing, Susan. Ever since I won custody of my son, I've been forgetting things. I've forgotten what I had for breakfast … I've forgotten whether I took a shower today … I can't believe you're blaming forgetting my birthday on your two-year-old kid. What are we talking about?
     
12. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-07 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-07 Pub. Date: 2017-10-07
Image Number: 163375
Caption: You know the best part of having a child, Clyde? Less frustration. Maybe we won't cure death in my lifetime. Maybe I'll never be rich. Maybe I'll never walk on Mars. But there's a chance my son will live forever. Maybe my son will strike it rich. Maybe my son will someday set foot on another world. Maybe my son will have a friend who pays back the $2 he owes him. Maybe you so won't be passive-aggressive.
     
13. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-27 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-27 Pub. Date: 2017-09-27
Image Number: 163099
Caption: Guess what daddy heard on the radio today, son? I heard that an English settler named Clarence Hornswaggler stole the recipe for popcorn from Native Americans. It was an early example of cultural appropriation, and we don't encourage that sort of thing in this house. I thtill want popcorn fow dinnew. (Sigh), ok, let's try this: No popcorn for dinner because I said so.
     
14. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-22 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-22 Pub. Date: 2017-09-22
Image Number: 162852
Caption: Even after all these years, momma still won't tell me who my father is. All I know is, she met him when she was a waitress at a casino in Vegas, back in the seventies. I feel like she owes it to me to tell me. Your mom gave you life, raised you all by herself, worked from sunup to sundown to give you everything you needed ... Yeah, she really does "owe" you something. Glad you agree.
     
15. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-20 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162850
Caption: All children go through a crisis when they first realize their parents aren't perfect. Tell me about it. Dr. Noodle. After Lionel calmed down, I convinced him I wasn't purposely trying to kill the neighbor by selling him a microwave that might cause cancer ... or at least I thought I did. That night, flashing lights and a siren woke me from a deep slumber. I looked out the window ad say the police and the coroner were at the neighbor's apartment. It's a good idea to hide the phone for the duration of the crisis. Scribble scrib - Lionel later told be he'd called anonymously, using the name "Daniel Tiger," so I wouldn't get locked up. He's so smart.
     
16. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-19 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-19 Pub. Date: 2017-09-19
Image Number: 162849
Caption: When my little boy got home from day care and found out I'd sold the microwave, he started sobbing. Dr. Noodle. He asked who bought it. I said "a neighbor." He whimpered and blubbered "But I don't want the neighbor to have it! I want us to have it!" M.A ... I tried to make him feel better by telling him it's best not to have one anyway, because all microwaves leak radiation and that can cause cancer ... and that's when your son accused you of trying to murder your neighbor? I never realized how horrible a person I was until my son started asking questions.
     
17. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-15 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-15 Pub. Date: 2017-06-15
Image Number: 159154
Caption: Clyde picks up Lemont's son Lionel from daycare. How do I make Brixton not be a buller? Hold on … lemme call your daddy … It's ringin'. Day care. Hello? Yo, Big L, some bully beefin' wit' little man. What you want me to tell 'im to do? The plane crashed at the North Pole! We were rescued by insurgent elves but now they're holding us hostage until the dictator Santa Clause agrees to a ceasefire and two weeks' paid vacation! Send help! got it. Later, bruh. Boop. Your daddy want you to shout a lot of nonsense so the bully think you crazy. I happen to concur.
     
18. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-12 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-12 Pub. Date: 2017-05-12
Image Number: 157811
Caption: Remember how when we were kids, we'd be out playing for hours, by ourselves? Remember that construction site across the street? I used to hide behind the mounds of dirt and pretend I was Luke Skywalker hiding from sandpeople. I used to climb on the bulldozer and pretend it was an Imperial Walker. I still think you should let your little boy have a little more freedom. And let him get crushed by bulldozers? Are you insane?
     
19. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-04 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-04 Pub. Date: 2017-05-04
Image Number: 157548
Caption: I think you're just jealous, Clyde. Of what? Of me. Because I have a child. A little guy who looks up to me and loves me to death. A little guy I get to teach, and care for, and laugh and play with, and read stories to. A little guy I get to lead on a journey. Deep down, you wish you had what I have, Clyde. Admit it. I'll say it once mo' again: I ain't babysittin' for you tonight.
     
20. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-03 parenthood 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-03 Pub. Date: 2017-05-03
Image Number: 157547
Caption: Why erebody always say "think of the children"? How'd that get all flipped 'round? When we was kids, no matter what crazy, deranged #@$% we saw, our mommas said "don't mind that, that's grown folk's business." When they all of a sudden decide that grown folks have to all be "Mister Rogers" instead of kids havin' to mind they business? It's apparent you're not a parent. You tell one more "dad joke" an' I won't be held responsible for my actions.
     
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