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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about parents.

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181. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-30 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-30 Pub. Date: 2014-11-30
Image Number: 118798
Caption: Sometimes I wish my mom and all my ancestors had decided to have kids much later in life. What? Why? A few years ago, I read that a Harvard research team discovered a way to reverse the aging process in mice. That could lead to a cure for aging - a cure for death itself - just a few decades from now. If just my last ten generations of ancestors had waited till their forties to have kids, I wouldn't have been born till the year 2080, or so. If they'd each just kept it zipped for two measly decades, it's possible I'd get to be immortal. My own ancestors have condemned me to death. How thoughtless of them. Oh no ... I already have a son ... I've perpetuated the cycle of violence.
     
182. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-29 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-29 Pub. Date: 2014-11-29
Image Number: 119349
Caption: I didn’t realize there was so much awful stuff on TV until I had a kid. Uh oh, here they go … People love they sex an' violence on TV until they have a kid … then all of a sudden they think it's TV's job to raise they kids for 'em. NYPD Blue used to show butt-nekkit people on TV at PRIME TIME. But people like you ruined that. Yeah, now you only have 500 other places to see that sort of thing. You been peekin' at my bookmarks? What? What?
     
183. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-19 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-19 Pub. Date: 2014-11-19
Image Number: 118794
Caption: My baby boy's a genius. Whenever he gets hold of my iPhone, with just a few swipes he manages to delete all my photos and contacts. It would take me at least ten times as long to wreak as much havoc as he does in three seconds. Parents will be proud of anything. Yesterday, he launched my Wells Fraggo app and closed all my accounts without even looking.
     
184. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-23 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-23 Pub. Date: 2014-10-23
Image Number: 117917
Caption: I have a two-year-old. How do I make sure he never chooses to fight in our country's endless war? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. $2. What's that? I wrote your boy a prescription. "Take one six-pack of coke, a bag of Doritos an' a Happy Meal daily." Army fatigues don't come in XXXXL. He'll get diabetes by 18. All treatments have side effects.
     
185. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-21 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-21 Pub. Date: 2014-10-21
Image Number: 117915
Caption: My son. My brilliant son. When I look at you … … I see works of art that'll inspire millions. I see the cure for cancer. I see peace on Earth. I see the gleaming spires of our first Martian colonies. I see all the wondrous things you have the potential to bring forth, my son. No pressure, though. Gee, thankth, daddy.
     
186. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-17 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-17 Pub. Date: 2014-10-17
Image Number: 117633
Caption: So what happened when you took Lionel to visit his mom? I don't know. For some reason, I never remember what happens with her. What? If I were a superhero, my power would be forgetting bad experiences. Dios mio. I wonder if I can sell "Forget-Man" to Hollywood. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-25).
     
187. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
188. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-21 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-21 Pub. Date: 2014-08-21
Image Number: 115242
Caption: Robin Williams visits Lemont's dream. One of my favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. I always knew that. You'd combine classy and dirty jokes, wisdom and erudition and throw them at us so fast and from so many different directions … ... it was like you were a new dad trying to get his baby to laugh and think at the same time. Are you trying to say I made you laugh so hard you ... yourself? Let's keep this clean.
     
189. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-12 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-12 Pub. Date: 2014-08-12
Image Number: 114926
Caption: Dating's so much harder now that I have a child, Susan. I'm not just looking for someone who'll make ME happy. I'm looking for someone who'll be good for my SON, too. That pressure makes most of my dates end in miserable failure. Your dates have always ended in miserable failure, Lemont. Well, I've always known I'd someday be a father.
     
190. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-11 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-11 Pub. Date: 2014-08-11
Image Number: 114925
Caption: I had a date last night, but all I could think of was getting back home to tuck in my boy. What's wrong with me, Susan? My mom was a single parent, and I always wished I had my dad, too. Shouldn’t I be trying to find a new mom for my son? What are YOU doing for the next 18 years or so? WASHING MY HAIR!!!
     
191. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-05 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-05 Pub. Date: 2014-08-05
Image Number: 114618
Caption: Momma, I just want to thank you for always being there for me, no matter what I needed to talk about. When I needed to talk about girls, you were there. When I needed to know why God let bad things happen, you were there. You've always been there for anything ... ... EXCEPT when I want to talk about my dad. No, momma, that doesn't sound like static, it sounds more like you hissing "gwaaoowaaoo." Click. (Originally published on 2012-03-02).
     
192. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-04 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-04 Pub. Date: 2014-08-04
Image Number: 114617
Caption: Hi, momma, it's me. How are you … No, it's not the paperboy, it's ME. So I've been meaning to ask you about my da … Yes, of COURSE I "sound familiar." It's ME. Momma, I called just last week! So this guilt trip is totally … (sigh) Yes, I'm sure I have the right number. A-Train. (Originally published on 2012-03-01).
     
193. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-02 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-02 Pub. Date: 2014-08-02
Image Number: 114485
Caption: See this, son? It's the rooftop where your daddy and his friends hang out. What a view. I wanna thee! Well, ok … just don’t tell your mother I held you on my shoulders 30 stories above the street. Ok. Women are strange about that sort of thing. I know, I wathn't bown yethterday.
     
194. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-27 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-27 Pub. Date: 2014-07-27
Image Number: 113450
Caption: How's your boy? Lionel's amazing! I put his little shoe on him and was about to tie it … … when all of a sudden he reached down with his tiny, pudgy little hands and tied them himself. Can you believe that?! He's only two years old - most kids can't tie their shoes until they're at least five! He's so advanced! At this rate, by time he's ten, my boy won't need me for anything!
     
195. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-06 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-06 Pub. Date: 2014-06-06
Image Number: 112091
Caption: Lionel's been asking me about that big bug ever since he saw me pound it 42 times with my shoe. How would YOU teach a two-year-old about DEATH, Clyde? You come to the right place, Big L. I just what to know what NOT to do. You'll need a muppet and a shovel.
     
196. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-04 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-04 Pub. Date: 2014-06-04
Image Number: 112089
Caption: You wanna see X-Men? Seen it. Godzilla? Seen it. Captain America? Seen it. When you have a tiny kid you're always the last to see anything. I ain't seen that.
     
197. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-28 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-28 Pub. Date: 2014-05-28
Image Number: 111791
Caption: When are you going to teach your son about death? Never. If your toenail falls off, have you died? If you lose a foot to a grizzly bear, have you died? If a wild kangaroo rips off both your arms, have you died? If you can survive without parts of your body, who's to say you don't survive without the whole body? You can't just avoid having hard talks with your son. I don't want him to survive dying and then call me a liar.
     
198. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-26 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-26 Pub. Date: 2014-05-26
Image Number: 111789
Caption: My son slept all night ling, Clyde. First time ever. Usually I can't get any uninterrupted sleep because he's always getting up. But last night, he didn’t even make a sound. … So I ended up staying up all night to make sure he wasn't dead.
     
199. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-21 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-21 Pub. Date: 2014-05-21
Image Number: 111556
Caption: I'm gonna call momma and see how she's doing. Tell yo momma C-Dog say "how they hangin'." Hey, momma. How're you doing? Clyde says hi. YOU'RE STILL HANGING AROUND WITH THAT DISRESPECTFUL, NEFARIOUS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, JHERI-CURLED LITTLE GOON?! Tell you momma she all wrong about me. I ain't had no Jheri curl since 1987.
     
200. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-25 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-25 Pub. Date: 2014-04-25
Image Number: 110447
Caption: Hey, do you know what time it is? Yeah. It's time for your parents to teach you some manners. When you address a grown-up stranger, it's polite to call him "sir," not "hey." You're creating an unequal power dynamic that will damage my self-esteem. … I'm telling. Sometimes I miss the 20th century.
     
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