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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about parents.

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141. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-22 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-22 Pub. Date: 2015-09-22
Image Number: 132813
Caption: Come one, little man, eat your Brussels sprouts for daddy. No! If you DO eat your Brussels sprouts, you'll grow big and strong. No! If you DON'T eat your Brussels sprouts, you'll grow up short and puny. No! So what you're saying is positive appeals fail just as often as negative appeals. No!
     
142. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-28 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-28 Pub. Date: 2015-08-28
Image Number: 131717
Caption: Before I forget, yo' momma want you to write her more often. An' before I forget, Double-Cross raisin' your insurance premiums by $100. An' before I forget, Feudalbanc Massacard fraud prevention wanna know if you really bought six tubes of Preparation H. And before I forget, I need to change my passwords more often. I don't even wanna know why you need six tubes.
     
143. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-18 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-18 Pub. Date: 2015-08-18
Image Number: 131275
Caption: I don't see why you wanna buy a house, Big L. Because that's how families build wealth. I want to own something I could leave to my son that'll change his life. Yeh, but then you gotta sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life. I have more faith in my son than that, Clyde. Make sure you write a living will, is all I'm sayin'.
     
144. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-16 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-16 Pub. Date: 2015-08-16
Image Number: 130321
Caption: It all started when my son sat up for the first time. All of a sudden, he didn't need me to prop him up on the couch. And then when he was seven months old, he started crawling. Suddenly he didn't need me to carry him where he wanted to go. Then when he learned to talk at 16 months old, he didn't need me to figure out what would make him happy. He'd tell me. Then when he went to day care at 22 months, he didn't look to me for all his answers. Now he had other grownups to ask. It's like every single day, I become less and less important. Only if you're doing your job right. I was hoping to hold off on the potty training till he was 144 months.
     
145. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-08 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-08 Pub. Date: 2015-08-08
Image Number: 130588
Caption: Have you called your mom every day this week like I suggested? Yes. But I really think I'm doing her a disservice. When you do something every single day, it's not special anymore. It's a chore. I'm pretty sure I heard her sigh last time she answered. Tell me you're not about to say you're ... I'd be doing her a favor if I called her only once or twice a week.
     
146. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-07 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-07 Pub. Date: 2015-08-07
Image Number: 130587
Caption: You really should call your mom every day, Lemont. She was a single mom who spent every free moment with you. You were her life. Dang. When you put it that way, you make me feel like a real jerk for calling twice a week. Well you should. She wiped your nose. She held you, bathed you, changed you, taught you, and loved you when no one else did. Is she paying you? I don't see what that has to do with my being right.
     
147. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-06 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-06 Pub. Date: 2015-08-06
Image Number: 130586
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? Anything but Sesame Street. My don't crazy about it. Sometimes he says "watch Elmo" over and over again for hours until I finally give in and turn it on. If I hear "La la la la la … La la la la … Elmo's world" one more time, I just might throw the tv into the East River. Parent be trippin'. Elmo should be considered a class 2 drug.
     
148. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-11 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-11 Pub. Date: 2015-07-11
Image Number: 129286
Caption: I can't believe your son's almost three, and I've still never met him. When I won custody, my ex agreed not to appeal the decision as long as Lionel's never in your presence. Roxanne doesn't want Lionel to know there are women out there who're much nicer than she it. Yeah, well it's awful that she singled me out. She didn't. Legally, I'm only allowed to date ladies I meet on stuckupharpy.com.
     
149. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-10 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-10 Pub. Date: 2015-07-10
Image Number: 129285
Caption: I've known you were brilliant from the moment I met you, son. I bwilliant fwumma moment you met me. You've always done everything at least a year before you're supposed to. I alwayth done evwything a peath a yeaw befowe I thpth too. Watching you develop is like watching a computer boot up much faster than it ordinarily would. You lotht me on that one.
     
150. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-09 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-09 Pub. Date: 2015-07-09
Image Number: 129284
Caption: Pick another story, son. No! I want beaw! You threw the bear story out the window. It landed in a dumpster, and a mangy dog threw up on it. Do you really want your beloved father to climb into that mess, get bitten by that rabid dog, and possibly get hurt or sick, just to get that book? Yyyaaaaay! That was not an offer.
     
151. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-08 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-08 Pub. Date: 2015-07-08
Image Number: 129283
Caption: Do you know what story you want daddy to read you tonight? Beaw. Daddy can't read you the bear book because you threw it out the window earlier today. Daddy told you, when you throw things away, they're not yours anymore. Thtop it! You can't make consequences go away by saying "stop it." Thtop it!!!
     
152. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-07 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-07 Pub. Date: 2015-07-07
Image Number: 129282
Caption: I love you. … I love you. I loooove you. Come on, little man, you can say it: I love you. Can you say "I love you"? Can you thay "cake"? Cake. Cake. Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake.
     
153. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-30 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-30 Pub. Date: 2015-06-30
Image Number: 129037
Caption: An 11-year-old boy was playing in his yard for 90 minutes after the school bus dropped him off … because his parents were stuck in traffic and couldn't get home to let him in. They were thrown in jail, charged with a felony, and their kids were taken away. When you have for-profit prisons, there's a lot of incentive to fill them by any means necessary. I still say if your son's never had a peanut butter sandwich, go ahead and make him one. If he turns out to have an allergy, they'd probably charge me with attempted murder.
     
154. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-24 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-24 Pub. Date: 2015-06-24
Image Number: 128673
Caption: Studies show that teachers are more likely to harshly punish black students than they are white ones who do the same things. Even black teachers do it. How am I supposed to feel comfortable sending my baby boy out into the world when I know this sort of stuff happens? They done called me a "troublemaker" from day one. Didn't do me no harm. Maybe I'll home-school him til he's got his Ph.D. it was educational. I be in the principal office so much that I learned exactly where he keep his spare house keys.
     
155. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-18 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-18 Pub. Date: 2015-06-18
Image Number: 128379
Caption: How's your son, Lemont? He's great! "He's great"? That's it? I just don't want to be one of those dads who's always going on and on and on about his kid. I don't want people to get sick of hearing about him. That's why I try never to post more than 1 photo of him on Facebook per hour. That's thoughtful.
     
156. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-17 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-17 Pub. Date: 2015-06-17
Image Number: 128378
Caption: Hi, you don't know me, but your son was bullying mine at the playground today and you didn't make him apologize. Who is this? How did you get my phone number? I took a photo of you as you drove off, and uploaded it to Google image search which linked me to your blog. I got your number from your domain name registry. I'm pretty sure that's stalking. Keep letting your gargoyle push my son off the swings with impunity, and you'll find out about stalking.
     
157. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-06 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-06 Pub. Date: 2015-06-06
Image Number: 127780
Caption: Hello, mom, you've reached Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm busy being too permissive with my child, which as you say will lead him to a life of crime. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm done panhandling for his future bail money. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-04-27).
     
158. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-04 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-04 Pub. Date: 2015-06-04
Image Number: 127778
Caption: Would I be a bad father if I just went to sleep and let Lionel jump on his bed all night long? Dr. Noodle. Of course not. There's a slight chance that would lead to a cycle of permissiveness … … And that he'll grow up spoiled and feeling entitled, to the point where he'll become a narcissist and turn to a life of crime. Just kidding. Maybe. Can I see your credentials again? Ph.D. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-05-23).
     
159. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-03 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-03 Pub. Date: 2015-06-03
Image Number: 127777
Caption: Don’t feel bad. It's normal to have these feelings. It doesn’t make you a bad parent as long as you don’t ACT on them. Dr. Noodle. I's normal to resent my own child for refusing to go to sleep till 4 A.M. every single day? Ph.D. Yes. Parents need some time to unwind at the end of the day. It's normal to imagine myself waiting till he does fall asleep, and then blowing a trumpet in his ear? Still normal. Ph. D. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-05-22).
     
160. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-01 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-01 Pub. Date: 2015-06-01
Image Number: 127775
Caption: Daddy was having a nice dream, son. What happened in it? I don’t know. I was awakened by the sound of springs breaking. When I looked at my clock, I saw that it was 3:17 A.M. Do you know what people are supposed to be doing at 3:17 A.M.? Ithn't thith one of the thingth you're thuppothed to tell me when I'm older? (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-05-20).
     
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