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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about parents.

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341. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-08 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-08 Pub. Date: 2011-02-08
Image Number: 57039
Caption: Before I hear opening statements, I want to make an opening statement of my own … No judge wants to preside over a child custody hearing. They're spiteful and rife with negative campaigning. Parents act like politicians, attacking their opponent's character instead of making a case for themselves. I will not stand for that in my courtroom. @#$%&#!!! There goes our whole case! You may proceed.
     
342. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-01-19 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-01-19 Pub. Date: 2011-01-19
Image Number: 56435
Caption: 2010. Violent language and imagery in Hollywood and video games are responsible for the increased violence among our youth! Words and images have meaning and consequences! Nonsense. It's the lazy parents' fault, and theirs alone. 2011. Right wing leaders who use violent language and imagery against their opponents are responsible for political violence! Words and images have meaning and consequences! Nonsense. It's the crazed gunman's fault, and his alone.
     
343. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-10 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-10 Pub. Date: 2010-12-10
Image Number: 55014
Caption: Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. I've thought about you from time to time, these past 16 years, Lemont. I've wondered if you're happy. How's your life going? Court will come to order … the case of "Impoverished Black Father Who Has No Chance to Win Custody From the Filthy-rich White Mother of his Child" can ... Um ... seriously? Mr. Brown, is this really how your lawyer filed your case? My life's going fine. Might I suggest you represent yourself?
     
344. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-26 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-26 Pub. Date: 2010-11-26
Image Number: 54483
Caption: You don't remember any of that? Not a thing. I've completely blocked out my childhood. You don't remember waiting by the phone every weekend, hoping your dad would call? Nope. You don't remember being home alone for hours until your mom got back from work? Uh uh. But you DO remember betting me we'd have a black president before we'd have a woman president. I believe you owe me 50 packs of Bubblicious.
     
345. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-09 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-09 Pub. Date: 2010-11-09
Image Number: 53957
Caption: What's causing my depression? Well, for one, my evil ex-fiancee, who I'm suing for custody. Let's explore exactly how she's mean to you. … and my deadbeat lawyer who's disappeared without a trace just when I need him. Let's explore how he ABANDONED you. ... And my boss won't give me a raise. I'm broke and Roxanne's got old money ... how can I compete with that in court? Let's explore your boss' heartless decision. ... And you had me committed to a sanitarium, so now the judge'll think I'm nuts. It doesn't help to point fingers.
     
346. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-04 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-04 Pub. Date: 2010-11-04
Image Number: 53693
Caption: Hello, you've reached "The Law Guy." Hi, Little Billy? I’m calling to find out the status of my custody battle against Roxanne. May I speak with your Uncle Loafer? This is Loafer. No it isn't. I know the difference between the voice of a grown-up and the voice of a six-year-do. I am a grown-up. In fact, you've interrupted me doing my taxes, or watching "Price is Right," or some other boring @#$%. I'm starting to think I should've picked the second cheapest law firm. I am my Uncle and you cannot prove otherwise.
     
347. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-08-04 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-08-04 Pub. Date: 2010-08-04
Image Number: 50406
Caption: You may not know this about me: as a small child, I was in "Little Lawyerscout Troop #231." I earned a "will not betray my clients" merit badge. I'll never text Lemont and lie to him so he'll give up his custody fight with you. Do your worst. GROWLLLL. I'll need my cell phone and a new pair of pants.
     
348. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-08-03 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-08-03 Pub. Date: 2010-08-03
Image Number: 50405
Caption: Let me get this straight: you think any court would recognize you're the more stable parent. Check. … So you want me to text Lemont, MY CLIENT, that it's pointless to fight you for custody of Lionel. Check. … Or you'll eat me alive. Check. What you may not know is, I know karate, ninjutsu, and several other Japanese words.
     
349. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-01 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-01 Pub. Date: 2009-11-01
Image Number: 40338
Caption: Why am I so unhappy? I'm successful. I have great friends … I should be the happiest woman in the world. I mean, yeah, I'm seeing a guy who's controlling and manipulative, but I should at least be happy he's exciting. And no matter how hard I work, my parents are more proud of my sisters. But I should just be grateful they're still alive. No wonder you're unhappy. You're full of "should." "SHOULD"!!! Oh, then I shouldn't have done that. My bad.
     
350. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-02 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-02 Pub. Date: 2009-09-02
Image Number: 37999
Caption: Wait. Whachoo mean you lost the one chick who "could've" made you happy? Roxanne never made you happy. I'm not talking about Roxanne, I'm talking about … um … Who's "um"? I mean, I hate to break it to you, but you ain't lost much. People with one-syllable names like "um" are stupid. E'rebody know that. The are? ... CLYDE? Yeh, that's why they parents gave 'em names they could remember.
     
351. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-10 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-10 Pub. Date: 2009-08-10
Image Number: 37212
Caption: I'm back! How're you doing, Roxanne? How's Lionel? What nerve! While you were on vacation for a month, I had to raise Lionel all on my own. (a) I don't think he was RAISED in a month, and (b) I wasn't on vacation. I was held prisoner in an Iranian dungeon. Don't quibble. IT WAS ALL OVER THE NEWS!
     
352. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-08 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-08 Pub. Date: 2009-07-08
Image Number: 35970
Caption: Michael Jackson visits Lemont's dream. Ever heard of parents selling their innocent little boy's soul to the devil? Heh. Yeah. "Reaper." Now that was a TV show. Of course, since I loved that show, it got canceled. I've got a pretty bad track record when it comes to my favorite show getting-- Hello! Dead superstar here shedding light on his inner demons! Can we please focus?
     
353. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-10 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-10 Pub. Date: 2009-06-10
Image Number: 35001
Caption: You haven't given me anything to persuade a court Lionel would be better off in your custody. Here's how the judge'll see it. Roxanne's rich, you're poor. She's White, you're Black. She's the mother, you're just the father. (sigh) I didn't want to tell you this, but... Wait, I'm forgetting one... Roxanne is a vampire. SNAP. Thank you. She's sane. You're not.
     
354. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-09 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-09 Pub. Date: 2009-06-09
Image Number: 35000
Caption: The Law Guy. This morning… To win custody of Lionel, we'll have to convince the judge Roxanne's an unfit mother. Is she broke? Does she live in a pitiful hovel in a bad part of town? Does she hang around any unsavory people? Yes! All of the above! Good, good. Wait, were you asking about me, or Roxanne? Crumple. Crumple. Ok. Plan B. Has she been spotted with Al-Qaida?
     
355. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-18 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-18 Pub. Date: 2009-05-18
Image Number: 33640
Caption: Hello Momma, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm an awful son who always forgets Mother's Day. Please leave a guilt trip after the tone, and I'll get back to you when I've become a better man. Beep.
     
356. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-23 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-23 Pub. Date: 2009-04-23
Image Number: 31770
Caption: The Law Guy. So, you're suing your fiancee for custody of your illegitimate son. Lionel's not "illegitimate." "Illegitimate" means "not in accordance with accepted standards or rules." Nearly 40% of kids are now born out of wedlock. That makes it pretty "accepted" if you ask me. No wonder you've got relationship problems. You're contentious. I disagree.
     
357. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-22 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-22 Pub. Date: 2009-04-22
Image Number: 31769
Caption: Anyway, I should go, Susan. I'm talking with a lawyer. I'm suing Roxanne for custody of Lionel. Yeah, really … The lawyer? An ad on Gregs-List.org. …Well he looks legit enough. He's got degrees, a leather chair, glasses… …And it doesn't seem to faze him when people talk about him like he's not even there. That's a sign of character. Y'know, you say "dios mio" A LOT. Zzzzz.
     
358. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-19 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-19 Pub. Date: 2009-03-19
Image Number: 30976
Caption: You don't have to tell me these lies to break Roxanne and me up. I was gonna leave her anyway. Say what? Soon as I got that promotion, I knew I had a chance at last. I went to a lawyer… I'm here to sue for custody. I KNEW IT! GET MY LYING WIFE ON THE PHONE!!! ...And then I went to a different lawyer.
     
359. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-08 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-08 Pub. Date: 2009-03-08
Image Number: 30452
Caption: Wow. You're not doing so well, Roxanne. What do you mean? I feel fine. No, on my blog. 20% of my readers think I should dump you and sue you for custody of Lionel. Twen-- huh?! 15% think I should flee to Mexico and change my name. 80% think I should send a cyborg back through time to make sure your parents never meet. You ran a poll about me on your blog, and those were the options you gave? And wait... ...That's 115%. They REALLY don't like you.
     
360. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-27 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-27 Pub. Date: 2009-02-27
Image Number: 30264
Caption: "All by himself, my dad sent the Dubois vampires straight to hell… "…and rescued the innocents. Oh, thank you! "It was glorious, until…" I hated my brothers. They snored. Pshhht! I'd have seen that coming a mile away. Bruh… You're MARRYING one of them.
     
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