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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about parents.

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261. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-11-27 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-11-27 Pub. Date: 2012-11-27
Image Number: 90358
Caption: Hi, momma. I'm sorry I didn’t come over for thanksgiving. The custody arrangement is really strict. I'm not allowed to take Lionel out of the state … … Or out of the county. Or out of the city. Or out of the neighborhood. But other than that, we can go anywhere. Do Not Lean On Door. ... Between 7th and 8th streets. ... Hello? Do Not Lean On Door.
     
262. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-27 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-27 Pub. Date: 2012-10-27
Image Number: 88840
Caption: Will listen to you talk about the "funny thing" your kid said for $.
     
263. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-11 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-11 Pub. Date: 2012-10-11
Image Number: 88328
Caption: Where your kid at, Big L? I thought you was bringing him over to watch TV. He was tired so I put him to sleep in your bedroom. Oh. Another stereotype bites the dust. Thug 4 Life. Say, does Lionel know how to snoop through closets and report people to police? Another stereotype bites the dust. Thug 4 Life. Why do you ask? Just making conversation. Another stereotype bites the dust. Thug 4 Life.
     
264. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-09-04 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-09-04 Pub. Date: 2012-09-04
Image Number: 87120
Caption: You did what? Took Lionel to his first town hall meeting. He's only two, but it's never too early to teach him he's a member of society and everyone values his opinions. He asked if the President would consider replacing the "bald eagle" as the national mascot. People with kids ... He made a great, 18-minute long case for "Big Bird."
     
265. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-12 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-12 Pub. Date: 2012-08-12
Image Number: 84692
Caption: Case #17700503-F Lionel Brown. Compiled by Federal Agent Eugene O. Murphy. 2:17 am - Refuses to stop bouncing even after father warns him this will do down on his permanent record. Almost potty trained. Muppet.
     
266. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-09 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-09 Pub. Date: 2012-08-09
Image Number: 85362
Caption: Every parent goes through this, Lemont. When a child surpasses the parent at math, that parent feels obsolete. Dumb. Useless. Pathetic. Old. Fraudulent. Disgraceful. I was gonna say I felt proud of my kid. Oh. Never mind, then. M.A.
     
267. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-07 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-07 Pub. Date: 2012-08-07
Image Number: 85360
Caption: Lionel's some kind of prodigy. He's only two and he's already multiplying and dividing. He asked me "What's five divided by seven," and I realized … I forgot how to do that. Admitting I didn’t know would've wrecked his image of me. So I said "Pancakes" and pretended to fall asleep.
     
268. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-27 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-27 Pub. Date: 2012-07-27
Image Number: 84531
Caption: I hate to admit it, but sometimes I can't stand talking to my kid. Dr. Noodle. Sometimes I'm actually bored, 'cause all we talk about is happy kid stuff. Lately I've been calling my creditors in the middle of the night and asking them to lower my APR … ... Just to have some adult recrimination. Totally normal. Ph.D.
     
269. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-26 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-26 Pub. Date: 2012-07-26
Image Number: 84530
Caption: Why won't you go to sleep. Cuth I don’t want to. That's circular reasoning, son. It's one of the most common logical fallacies. And every time a child utters a logical fallacy, a Muppet dies a horrible death. Are you thtill talking?
     
270. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-29 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-29 Pub. Date: 2012-06-29
Image Number: 82892
Caption: Dear Voter: As you know, there have been almost no incidents of voter fraud in the state. In response, we have purged tens of thousands of suspicious voters, such as yourself, from voter rolls. To be reinstated, you must schedule a hearing to provide us with a valid ID, birth certificate, and third grade report card. If you're a 93-year-old minority without a birth certificate, simply have a parent verify your citizenship.
     
271. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-09 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-09 Pub. Date: 2012-06-09
Image Number: 81662
Caption: What do you mean Lionel already bought your Father's Day gift? He's two, Lemont. He doesn’t have any money. I know he'd be sad about that … So I used his college fund to get myself the complete Doctor Who DVD set. You're very thoughtful. You have to put the children first.
     
272. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-06 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-06 Pub. Date: 2012-06-06
Image Number: 81659
Caption: If I ask you to pick up Lionel from day care while I am at the job agency … Time. … Will that end in disaster? Time. How could you ask that? We best friends. Sorry, Clyde. I forgive you. … Who's Lionel? Time.
     
273. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-25 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-25 Pub. Date: 2012-05-25
Image Number: 81181
Caption: So what happened when you took Lionel to visit his mom? I don't know. For some reason, I never remember what happens with her. What? If I were a superhero, my power would be forgetting bad experiences. Dios mio. I wonder if I can sell "Forget-Man" to Hollywood.
     
274. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-16 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-16 Pub. Date: 2012-05-16
Image Number: 80977
Caption: So how's Lionel? No, I don’t think I should take him to Roxanne's. After all, I sued to share custody 50-50, because I was raised by a single mom and I know how important a mom is to a son. Not my fault the court gave me sole custody. Um … Ok. I resent your insinuation that I'm doing something wrong.
     
275. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-14 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-14 Pub. Date: 2012-05-14
Image Number: 80981
Caption: … And then, on his way out the door, the father turned and said … " … I would think you'd offer a discount of at least 10% … " … So even broke people could honor him by buying the book." I don’t think thith ith "Where da Wild Things Are."
     
276. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-17 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-17 Pub. Date: 2012-04-17
Image Number: 79548
Caption: People keep coming to my Facebook page to have conversations with each other. … What? Every time I turn on the Facebook, there are people talking about Lord knows what. WHY ARE THEY ON MY FACEBOOK? That's just your news stream, momma. WHAT? WHAT IS THAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Want me to stop the world so you can catch up? Does this mean someone's been on my computer machine?
     
277. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-14 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-14 Pub. Date: 2012-04-14
Image Number: 79199
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out.
     
278. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-13 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-13 Pub. Date: 2012-04-13
Image Number: 79198
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you okay?! I fell athleep on my own! You promithed if I went to thleep on my own, you'd tell me another thtory when I woke up. You were supposed to sleep all night, not five minutes. You didn't thpethify that.
     
279. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-12 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-12 Pub. Date: 2012-04-12
Image Number: 79197
Caption: Google told me how to get you to go to sleep. Bwing it on! Experts divaricate on the matter. Mindell advocates progressively shortening the amount of time I remain in your room. Ferber, contrarily, posits closing your door for successively longer periods of time. The AAP postulates allowing you to select your own pajamas and sleep with teddy bears and other transitional objects will ameliorate your odds of success vis-a-vis somnolence. Zzzzzz. Brazelton posits that. I thaid Zzzzzz.
     
280. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-11 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-11 Pub. Date: 2012-04-11
Image Number: 79196
Caption: … And even after all that, he's still not tired. By the way … He just told me "I may have an idea for you that's win-win." Where's a two-year-old get something like that? Sometimes it's like a 37-year-old lives inside his head. Anyway, any idea how I can get him to go to sleep? Try calling him at 3am with boring stories about your kid's day. I guess that would be boring, since he already knows how they turn out. Zzzzz.
     
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