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Candorville

Comics and cartoons about parents.

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221. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-18 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-18 Pub. Date: 2014-02-18
Image Number: 107707
Caption: How do I take care of my child, do my work, and STILL make time to do the things I used to do for fun? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. $2. Your problem is you think you can have e'rthang. BUTCHA-CAIN'T! Get over it! In life, you ALWAYS gotta pick two outta three. Is that backed up by any studies? Oh, so you want advice cheap, quick and well-informed?
     
222. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-17 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-17 Pub. Date: 2014-02-17
Image Number: 107706
Caption: I remember I used to have hobbies. I used to collect comics, I used to read, I used to bike, I used to go to the movies … … I played tennis, I played cards, I shot pool, I whittled little Vulcan hand salutes out of driftwood … But once I had a kid, all that changed. I can't remember the last time I did any of that. It's like all I do all day is make sure he doesn't drop dead. Take some time off from that. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
223. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-16 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-16 Pub. Date: 2014-02-16
Image Number: 107114
Caption: Did you ever try on your mom's lipstick when you were little? No way. Oh come on, it's perfectly natural for any kid to imitate his parents. I sometimes pretended I was shaving like my daddy. It's a natural stage of childhood development. There's nothing wrong with it. Well, I never tried on momma's lipstick. Oh. I did try whooping myself for disobeying me, though. Dios mio. Tell you one thing: the next time I told myself not to run out in the street, I listened.
     
224. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-05 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-05 Pub. Date: 2014-02-05
Image Number: 106774
Caption: What's it like havin' a kid, Big L? I'll put it this way, Clyde … You remember how when we were kids, a single drop of water on a little blade of grass would be amazing to you? No, I don’t remember that. Well … now I do.
     
225. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-02-02 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-02-02 Pub. Date: 2014-02-02
Image Number: 106504
Caption: Everyone is starting to say I have a hard time accepting blame. Dr. Noodle. But that's not my fault. They're the ones who for some stupid reason can't get it through their thick heads that I don’t deserve any blame in the first place. Well … if "everyone" thinks you're to blame for something, there's a good chance you are. Y'know ... on second thought I just don't think we're a good match. It's possible your refusal to accept blame was caused by the way your parents raised you. On third thought ... Tell me more ...
     
226. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-28 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-28 Pub. Date: 2014-01-28
Image Number: 106767
Caption: What's your name? You know my name. I'm Tyrone. You're Rosencrantz. No, in your head. What's your name in your head. Not what your parent named you … not what the world calls you. What do YOU call you? Rosencrantz, I don’t get what. NO, THAT'S TAKEN!!!
     
227. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-19 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-19 Pub. Date: 2014-01-19
Image Number: 105925
Caption: 1982. Do you want to see "E.T.," Lemont? Momma says we can't afford it. I could probably see "Porky's" though. Momma says that movie's "really cheap." But when I asked her about it, she like … totally flipped out. So thin I asked her if I could see "Tootsie." After all, I do love Tootsie Rolls, so ... She flipped out about that too. Said somethin' about "cross-dressing" being wrong. What's "cross-dressing"? I assume that has something to do with the civil rights movement. You mom never makes any sense, Lemont. When I'm a grown-up, I may have to have her committed.
     
228. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-23 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-23 Pub. Date: 2013-11-23
Image Number: 104087
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out. (Originally published on 2012-04-14).
     
229. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-22 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-22 Pub. Date: 2013-11-22
Image Number: 104086
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you okay?! I fell athleep on my own! You promithed if I went to thleep on my own, you'd tell me another thtory when I woke up. You were supposed to sleep all night, not five minutes. You didn't thpethify that. (Originally published on 2012-04-13).
     
230. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-21 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-21 Pub. Date: 2013-11-21
Image Number: 104085
Caption: Google told me how to get you to go to sleep. Bwing it on! Experts divaricate on the matter. Mindell advocates progressively shortening the amount of time I remain in your room. Ferber, contrarily, posits closing your door for successively longer periods of time. The AAP postulates allowing you to select your own pajamas and sleep with teddy bears and other transitional objects will ameliorate your odds of success vis-a-vis somnolence. Zzzzzz. Brazelton posits that. I thaid Zzzzzz. (Originally published on 2012-04-12).
     
231. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-20 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-20 Pub. Date: 2013-11-20
Image Number: 104084
Caption: … And even after all that, he's still not tired. By the way … He just told me "I may have an idea for you that's win-win." Where's a two-year-old get something like that? Sometimes it's like a 37-year-old lives inside his head. Anyway, any idea how I can get him to go to sleep? Try calling him at 3am with boring stories about your kid's day. I guess that would be boring, since he already knows how they turn out. Zzzzz. (Originally published on 2012-04-11).
     
232. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-19 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-19 Pub. Date: 2013-11-19
Image Number: 104083
Caption: It's night-night time, buddy. But I don't wanna thleep. We all have to do things we don't want to do. For instance … I don't want to spend four hours every night trying to get my child to go to sleep. But I do it, because I'm supposed to. Well then I may have an idea for you that'th win-win. (Originally published on 2012-04-10).
     
233. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-18 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-18 Pub. Date: 2013-11-18
Image Number: 104082
Caption: Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No. Google. Is it wrong to hypnotize your child? Tap tap ta t - Sigh. Go to sleep. No. Go to sleep. No … (Originally published on 2012-04-09).
     
234. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-02 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-02 Pub. Date: 2013-11-02
Image Number: 103222
Caption: I'm sick of liberals saying we should raise taxes to help pay off the national debt. If the government were a household that spent more than it took in, the parents would do the ONLY THING they could and cut back on unnecessary expenses. Um … They could also look for higher-paying jobs that brought in more revenue. What'd you say? I was on the phone canceling my electricity and my phone. The Starbucks at the End of the World. (Originally published 2012-12-06).
     
235. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-27 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-27 Pub. Date: 2013-10-27
Image Number: 102724
Caption: Daddy? Tew me again what we awe fow Hawoween? This Halloween, daddy's going as Charles W. Chesnutt, who you'll of course recognize as the author of the "Uncle Julius McAdoo" stories from 1899. Uncle Julius was a former slave who overcame an oppressive society with the use of his humor, courage and wit. Also, magic and voodoo. What am I, daddy? You're the ham a slave offered a priestess in order to be able to eat the poisoned grapes, in one of the stories, of course. Don't worry, the snout is a dead giveaway. Daddy? Can I go with Uncle Cwyde fow Hawoween next yeaw?
     
236. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-25 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-25 Pub. Date: 2013-10-25
Image Number: 102930
Caption: Wanna come over and watch C-Span with Lionel and me? No, I … Wait. Wait a second. You and your two-year-old son watch C-Span together? You mean PBS, right? "Sesame Street"? No, I mean C-Span. The channel that shows Congress in action. Why? Just … WHY? Because he's too young to watch "The Walking Dead." I can't make it. I'll be busy forgetting this conversation.
     
237. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-21 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-21 Pub. Date: 2013-10-21
Image Number: 102926
Caption: My son needs speech therapy, but I don’t have the money. Insurance will cover it, but only once he turns three. Should I wait till he's three … … Or should I have him lie about his age and risk teaching him it’s ok to deceive; which'll possibly lead to a career in politics? This end up. Why e'erebody treat "risk" like it a four-letter word? Man up. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
238. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-18 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-18 Pub. Date: 2013-10-18
Image Number: 102722
Caption: Why do I hafta go to thpeeth thewapy? That's why. You have to go to speech therapy because you still have a lisp. Now that you're three, the clinic agreed to take you. What'th a lithp? And I'm not thwee yeawth owd yet. I'm your dad. If I tell you to be three, you do it.
     
239. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-17 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-17 Pub. Date: 2013-10-17
Image Number: 102721
Caption: Son, I'm gonna take you to speech therapy. It'll be fun. I vote no. Lionel, a family is not a democracy. It's more like a medieval feudal system, with your dad at the top of the pyramid, making decisions for the child, who's right below. Below YOU in the pyramid are your bubble-gum and your toys. You get to make the decisions for them. Maybe you'we the one who needth thpeech thewapy. I nevew know what you'we thaying.
     
240. Cartoonist Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-10-15 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-10-15 Pub. Date: 2013-10-15
Image Number: 102719
Caption: Daddy, why do they caw it a buttewfwy? Doth it tathte wike buttew? Um … What? I thed, "why-do-they-caw-it-a-buttewfwy-doth-it-tathte-wike buttew." Um … I'm not sure what you're saying, son. Maybe you have a heawing pwobwem wike Ms. Washidi at day cawe. Ow wite it down fow you, daddy. (Sigh) I ahve no idea what that says, son. Oh man. You'w iwwitewit. too?
     
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