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1. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-11-10 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-11-10 |
| Image Number: |
180290 |
| Caption: |
Welcome back to CNM. We've got major news to tell you about: The sky is falling. To tell you about it, we're going live to Denver and our very own Mary Popmedia. Mary, tell the viewers what's happening. I'm standing downtown. As you can see, the horizon is quite overcast, the air brisk, the masses beginning to huddle. And here it comes. The year's first snowflake! Temperatures falling, frozen rain, sleet, ice road, more snow, possible blinding flurries, slippery deadly madness and possible death! The news channels love the first storm of the year. I want to caution viewers not to panic.
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2. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-20 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-20 |
| Image Number: |
177708 |
| Caption: |
Rudy, have a seat. I need a word with you. Uh oh. Whenever you use that tone of voice, it means bad news is coming. Are you firing me? Don't panic. Have a seat. Dead man walking!
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3. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-09-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-09-30 |
| Image Number: |
174105 |
| Caption: |
Distraught. Let's hear it. I met this girl last night and she gave me her number. Awesome. So? I texted her. And? I haven't heard back. Hold on. Remain calm. How long has it been? Panic!!! Oh, never mind. I texted to the wrong number. Generation I -- for impatient!! Exhale.
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4. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-06-13 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-06-13 |
| Image Number: |
172242 |
| Caption: |
Armstrong told me to get all our regulars to show up. What for, you miserable dork? Tap tap tap tap tap. I'm not supposed to tell people what a horrible calamity's about to strike. He said not to panic anyone if I care about them … Well played, cretin. I just texted what I told you to the guy who audited me.
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5. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-06-09 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-06-09 |
| Image Number: |
172100 |
| Caption: |
What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.
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6. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-04-19 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-04-19 |
| Image Number: |
170595 |
| Caption: |
The March Kaiser Family Foundation study showed that 59% of Americans now favor Medicare-for-all. That's almost 60%! When asked if they'd favor it if people were still allowed to buy private supplemental insurance, the number skyrocketed to 75%. This ruins everything. I was used to calling it a leftist position. But if most people want it, isn't it now the centrist position? Don't panic, little buddy. Political labels are about mockery, not accuracy. That sounds awfully leftist of you.
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7. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-09-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-09-18 |
| Image Number: |
162860 |
| Caption: |
I'm panicking. You know how the Andromeda galaxy is supposed to collide with our Milky Way in billions of years? What are you talking about, little buddy? I just learned that there's an awful lot of ionized hydrogen from Andromeda's halo that's already touching the ionized hydrogen from our galaxy's halo. I'm not following. It's like when you're in your 30s and your hand brushes against a girl's had for the very first time. HOJ. I see. Why didn't you just say ... wait ... your thirties? ... and you panic because you're still years away from being ready.
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8. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-08-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-08-04 |
| Image Number: |
161040 |
| Caption: |
Don't be alarmed. I'm not falling for it, loser. You can't make Sadie Cohen worry about nothing by uttering three dumb words. It's probably nothing. Those three won't work either! Nobody panic. Two words won't work either! Munch mun -
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9. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-07-15 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-07-15 |
| Image Number: |
145832 |
| Caption: |
"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in 1863 when Grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field at Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General Lee, and the rest is history. Um ... Ok ... |
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10. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-09-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-09-01 |
| Image Number: |
131968 |
| Caption: |
That Chinese stock market crash really wrecked our own market. Did you lose big when the market tanked? On the contrary. Let's say a café owner accidentally sold 12 50% stakes in his café to 12 different people. Let's say he knew it was just a matter of time before that misunderstanding landed him in jail ... unless those investors panicked and sold back the stock at an absurdly low price to the cafe owner ... and let's say the cafe owner had a few corrupt officials in China who owed him a massive favor. Wait ... you're not saying that you are responsible for the global stock market crash ... That's right. I'm not saying it. |
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11. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-08-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-08-30 |
| Image Number: |
131015 |
| Caption: |
What as it you wanted to talk about, minion? Beep. The carbon monoxide detector is beeping every five seconds. Beep. Oh, that. Nothing (beep) to worry about. It was a second-hand unit I found in the dumpster behind Arby's. Beep. What? Why would you do that? Beep. The town council passed a law mandating the placement of (beep) CO² detectors. Beep. They (beep) didn't say they had to be new CO² detectors. I'm 25% sure it's beeping because the battery backup needs to be replaced. Nothing to worry about. Beep. Beep. But what if you're wrong? Shouldn't we maybe evacuate the (beep) cafe and call 911? Are you crazy? Beep. That would just panic everyone (beep) for no good reason and cost me hundreds of dollars in lost sales. Beep. I'm telling you, all it needs is new batteries. Go down to the basement and fetch some. Beep. Also, while you're down (beep) there, bring up my emergency oxygen mask. For no reason in particular. Beep. Very bad man. Beep. |
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12. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-08-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-08-04 |
| Image Number: |
130659 |
| Caption: |
Want to go see "Ant-Man," little buddy? NO WAY!!! My whole life, I've had this recurring nightmare where I shrink and shrink and shrink … until finally I'm too small to press buttons on a keyboard, or post to social media, or operate a remote control. If I start to panic in the theater, will you hold me? I don't want to see "Ant-Man." |
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13. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-06-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-06-01 |
| Image Number: |
127844 |
| Caption: |
Don't be alarmed. I'm not falling for it, loser. You can't make Sadie Cohen worry about nothing just by uttering three dumb words. It's probably nothing. Those three won't work either! Nobody panic. Two words won't work either! Munch mun - |
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14. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-10-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-10-18 |
| Image Number: |
117702 |
| Caption: |
I'm not going to vote because there aren't any televised debates. What? Debates are pretty much the only good thing about election season. You get to watch the politicians hate each other in person. And you get to watch the panic in their eyes when they mess up an answer and realize they've just ruined their entire political career. If they're not gonna bother entertaining me, why should I bother giving them my vote? I love casting ballots. Any opportunity to flex is worthwhile. |
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15. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-10-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-10-17 |
| Image Number: |
117701 |
| Caption: |
I'll have a pumpkin smoothie with the "Experimental Ebola Vaccine" boost. We don’t have any "Experimental Ebola Vaccine" boost. All you need to do to not catch Ebola is not swap bodily fluids with someone who's infected. Can you put that in a boost? The panic is spreading faster than the disease. |
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